Warning: Very Mild Language

ANXIETY || VIRGIL

My throat felt constricted, my lungs on the brink of collapsing, and my vision went foggy.

Breathe, I told myself, just breathe.

There was a knock on my door, adrenaline rushed through my veins as my breath remained rapid, yet slowing down.

"What?" I snapped immediately, wanting to know what the others thought was so important.

"Relax, my chemical mood-swings. I just wanted to tell you that Thomas is planning on recording in a few and wants us all there." Roman sounded full of himself, as always, and I knew he didn't want to be there.

"Alright, whatever." I replied, throwing a glare at the door. I was perfectly fine being by myself, what could Thomas possibly want with me?

Whatever his reasoning was, I'm sure it was important in his head, even if it wasn't in mine.

Maybe I just won't show up, today, I'm just not feeling it.

Actually, I already tried that, it didn't work.

So, that was how I found myself re-applying my eye shadow in my only mirror I owned, which was small and compact so I would only be forced to look at a small portion of myself.

I don't know why I tried to look nice, I really don't care. Yes, that was a lie.

I'm Anxiety, of course I care. I care about every little thing that is completely out of my control, including what is.

My hair. My clothes. Everything I say and do. It's essential that I don't look ridiculous. That's Princey's job.

Seriously, could that guy be anymore full of himself?

On second thought, maybe all of them could use an ego check. Well, maybe not Patton, he's pretty chill. He's got the right amount of doubt and the right amount of self-confidence.

Logan though, God he was damn near Roman level of egotistical. Thinking he was so smart...

Wait, I should back up. Now I'm sounding like I think I'm the shit- yeah, of course I curse, I don't know if it dawned on you, but I'm not the friendliest trait- which I'm not.

I'm the exact opposite. I'm the thing everyone hates, and what everyone wants to get rid of. Yeah, I got that confident facade, but that's not me.

Because I ruin absolutely everything. Ask anyone, I'm a destroyer, I'll take any happy thought you have and make you wish you never thought of it. Yup, that's me, nice to meet you.

I didn't notice that all my thinking had made me apply more makeup than usual, and all my eyeshadow was even blacker than normal.

It was, actually, kind of nice. Really represented how I was feeling- almost kind of who I was, a vast, empty void of nothingness.

But what would everyone else think of it? Maybe this was a mistake, no scratch that, it is a mistake. I need to fix it, I need to fix it right n-

Shoot, what time is it?

No. No, no, no. It's time for the recording session. I can't go like this, it's wrong, everything is wrong, I ruined it, I ruined it so much.

Another knock, another jolt through my body.

"Anxiety, let's go." It was Roman again, and that made a scowl appear on my face. Maybe I did look fine, after all, who was I trying to impress?

Everyone. That's who.

--

I open the door, shutting it behind me before stalking past Princey, who was of course checking his hair in the hall mirror. Told you, he's totally full of himself.

"Hey! Don't leave me behind!" Mr. Narcissistic shouted from behind me.

"Walk faster, then." I threw him a glare as he strode next to me.

"Well aren't you just a ray of sunshine, today." He said sarcastically, rolling his eyes at my remark.

This is what I'm talking about, they always blow me off. Whatever, it just means I'm not a burden, at least that I know of.

They treat me like nothing, therefore I am.

--

After recording, everyone began to talk at once, complimenting each other about how great they did, reliving past jokes.

Now was a good time to fade out.

In a matter of seconds, I was back in my room, a bottle of water in my hand- where I got it, I must've blanked out because I don't know.

With the door locked behind me, I allowed myself to relax, as best as I could.

I crashed onto my bed, wrapping a blanket around myself and getting lost in its warmth

Before I knew it, I was asleep.

--

Fog. It was everywhere, in my eyes, in my head, anywhere I could think of it.

The wind that roared around me nearly blocked out the sounds that were coming from me.

It felt like I was choking, suffocating amongst all this cloud-like fog.

Like I was lost at sea, but there was no water, only fog. Only me. I gasped for the breath that my lungs were begging for. Nothing. Just nothing.

I think I'm on the ground, although it could just be another cloud, I'm not sure. Either way, it's softness- or maybe I was just too light-headed and everything felt soft- didn't help me. I was still choking, drowning, falling into the void, whatever you want to call it.

Bottom line? I'm screwed.

At least, that's what I think when my vision goes black and the wind is so loud that I could feel it shaking everything around me. My lungs begin to fill with even more smoke and I'm drowning again.

Somehow, the wind gets louder, and louder, and louder until everything goes numb.

Now it was just dark, cold, and lonely