"Would you look at that?" Nico exclaimed in the middle of the mall we were in, startling a few passersby and making me stiffen at his sudden, erratic behavior.

"Look at what?" I whispered.

"Look at that!" He exclaimed again and a startled laugh bubbled out of me when he went forward and plastered his face against a shop window. A pet shop window that showcased plenty of cats lounging around in their fluffy little beds with beady little eyes.

Nico looked so animatedly excited. I found it extremely hard right then to see him as the Grumpy Nico I was so used to being around. Who also loves cats, I realized in stunned awe.

"You love cats." I neared him until our shoulders knocked together. Nico was practically vibrating with excitement. "Why didn't you ever tell me that?"

All of a sudden, a menacing, pretty frightening glare was turned on me and I pressed the palm of my hand against my lips to stifle the laughter.

"You make fun of me, Rhodes, and I'll make you regret it."

"I wasn't making fun of you!" I complained although I was still laughing somewhat.

He scowled at me. "Stop. Laughing. At. Me."

"I'm sorry!" I sobered up, grinned, and nudged my head towards the three cats that had turned their heads towards us. "But look at them, they're so cute!"

Like I expected, Nico's scowl instantly dissolved and he kneeled down to the cats before him, cooing at them from the other side of the window. It was a pretty adorable and totally un-Nico-like sight.

"I've already got three back at home." He told me conversationally. "My father hates them, but if it ever came down to choosing between him or my cats, I would rather kill my father and replace him with another cat."

"Nico."

"What?" He gave me a mock innocent look. "Cats always, and I mean always, come first, Alice."

I shook my head at him as he got up begrudgingly and we started walking again. I don't even know how we'd found ourselves here. All I remembered was Nico grabbing me by the arm just as our last class for the day ended, muttering something incoherent under his breath, and then he'd dragged me out of campus and into the busy, bustling city streets. I hadn't complained and gone along since going back to my dorm was the last thing I wanted to do right then. I still couldn't wipe off the image of Brooke leaving for good from my head.

"I think I should've told you this before," I started, nudging his arm gently with my own. "But...look at this."

I switched open my phone and showed him a picture of Gem that I'd taken earlier at Ryder's house and saved as my wallpaper.

Nico stopped abruptly. "Whose kitten is this!"

"Mine." I smiled at him.

"You told me you've never had a pet before." He narrowed his eyes at me. A lady walked around us, giving us a nasty look for standing right in the middle of everyone's way. "You said you were never allowed to keep a pet at your house because your mother hates you."

I felt my cheeks flaming up. "I never said that."

"What, that your mother hates you?"

"She doesn't." I switched off my phone and pocketed it. "Also, that's Gem. She was a...gift from someone."

"From whom?" He raised a brow, crossing his arms in an almost knowing gesture.

"Um."

"Yeah? The same someone who was there with you at the hospital? The one who gave me those impeccable murder-eyes just for embracing you?" Nico looked like he was trying hard not to look so smug.

I cleared my throat, face heating up even further.

"Spit it out, Rhodes." He scoffed. "You look like a tomato, for fuck's sake."

I followed him as he started walking and tried to look for an excusable reason.

"That was Ryder," I said, opting for the truth because I didn't want to lie about it. He'd given me Gem and I didn't want to hide that. "And he wasn't giving you the murder eyes."

"I know when I see murder-eyes, Alice. I give them out on a daily basis."

"Nico--"

"What is he then? Your new boyfriend? Soren's replacement?" His curiosity quickly morphed into hilarity. "Wait, he was Soren's replacement back at that family dinner of yours, wasn't he?"

I sputtered around as Nico burst out cackling. Someone must've taken pity on me since Nico's phone started ringing right that instant. He took it out, sobering up, and groaned just after looking at the screen. "It's my dad."

I thought I'd finally got a reprieve from the awful discussion we'd just been having, but the universe must've been playing the cruelest of tricks on me since I heard someone calling out my name from behind.

"Alice! Is that you?"

Both Nico and I turned around at the same time and I felt the blood draining out of me, leaving me with a detached, sort of bewildered feeling. I had to be stuck in a nightmare. I must be.

"Alyssa," I murmured through a cotton-numbed mouth.

Alyssa grinned, waved at me from a few feet away, and following her from behind was Michael. Michael was here. He was here.

Nico's phone chimed again though he kept standing beside me, curious. "Is that your sister?" He asked me in a whisper. "Why the fuck are you both almost named the same?"

I couldn't reply to him because my tongue felt like lead and I didn't even think my heart was working properly. Because suddenly I had a very hard time breathing steadily.

Alyssa finally stopped in front of me, eyes darting from Nico and to me, and her smile widened.

"Hey," she said to me before reaching for me and enveloping me in a big, tight hug. I felt my heart rate spiking before I hesitantly hugged her back, refusing to look at him. To look at Michael. Not yet.

"Hey, I'm Alice's sister." She smiled at Nico.

Nico eyed her hand, I eyed him in hesitation, before he sighed and shook it. "I'm Nico. Alice's friend, I suppose."

I nudged him with my elbow, staring at the phone in his hand and hoping he'd get the clue. He did, thankfully, nodding slowly. "I should go. Family calls." And then he gave me a rather uncertain, confused look--almost as if he could see the dread clawing inside me--the fear that held me so still and tongue-tied. "I'll see you back at campus, Alice."

I forced myself to nod, to smile at him, which must've come out too strained for him since he frowned.

Eventually, though, Nico walked away.

"A new friend?" Michael asked, taking a discreet step towards the spot Nico had just been standing on. "Never seen him before."

I swallowed heavily, eyes wide.

"Yeah," Alyssa said, looking confused.

I don't bring my friends home anymore, I wanted to tell her. I never really did.

"No, he's just...someone from class." I said, then asked, "What are you doing here, though? I thought you said you'd be visiting in a few weeks?"

Alyssa shared a glance with Michael and my stomach pitched in on itself. It was an awful feeling. Like an invisible heaviness was pulling me down.

"I was worried." She said, gaze softening even more as she pulled the ends of her long coat closer against herself. "Michael got a few days off from work so we thought we should visit you sooner. I was just about to call you actually."

No, I wanted to shake my head at her--ask her to leave because I hadn't prepared myself for this. I'd thought I had weeks before even thinking about this, about standing before my sister and her fiance. I thought I had time before I'd have to be near Michael again.

"You all right?" It was Michael who touched my arm, a stroke of his fingers that seemed innocent enough but I felt it linger more than it should've.

Bile rose up my throat. "Yeah," I said, blinking and trying to unclench my jaw. "I was just...surprised."

"Are you sure?" Alyssa looked worried. "I know I should've told you but I thought it'd be a nice surprise."

I nodded and I moved in to hug her again, just so she'd stop looking so worried and also because I needed to step away from Michael. I needed to breathe before Alyssa saw me freaking out.

"I'm glad you're here," I told her.

I wasn't really sure if I meant it.

•••••

"What do you think about this one?" Alyssa asked me, showing me a flowy beige dress from one of the shop displays.

"It's pretty," I said, then looked around anxiously. A few people walked around and past us, looking through all the branded clothes and asking for help from the salespersons. None of them included Michael though. I didn't know where he'd gone. I didn't know whether to be relieved or terrified about it.

"Where's Michael?" I asked--noticed that I was biting my thumbnail before abruptly letting go of it, and wiping my palm on my jeans.

Alyssa looked at me from the dresses, and then around us. "I think he's gone to get us drinks."

"Drinks?" I don't know why I had this sudden flashback of being drunk, shit drunk at that bar Nico and I had gone to, where I'd had my drink spiked by none other than Santiago himself.

We weren't in a bar though. Just a shopping mall.

"Smoothies." Alyssa clarified before handing me one of the dresses she'd selected.

Alyssa and I always had a thing for shopping, especially doing it together. We used to do it all the time back when things had been fine between us. They still were to Alyssa. She didn't know how much I had fucked up.

"Alyssa," I spoke quietly. "I need to talk to you."

"Gosh, Alice, this color would look so good on you!" She hadn't seemed to hear me. Maybe I'd said it too quietly. "Would you please try this one on? It'd look incredible on you."

I took the short pale pink dress from her and stared down at it.

"What's it for?"

Alyssa looked up at me. "The double date. You said yes to it, didn't you?"

I had. I had?

"You and Michael, and...Soren and I?" I asked her, mouth suddenly dry. I didn't think any of this could've gotten any worse.

Alyssa nodded.

I nodded back at her, wide-eyed and clueless.

"Alice. What's going on?" She turned away from the clothing rack, facing me fully with all her concerned attention directed at me. I almost nearly flinched from it. "You've been all strange since I showed up. Actually, even before that. Did something happen? That incident at the hospital? You told me you were fine."

"I am."

"Have I done something then?"

I couldn't do it just then. Hear her speak like that, think that whatever I was hiding from her--because I could see that she knew I was hiding something from her--was somehow her fault. It wasn't. God, she didn't even know how wrong she was.

And maybe she'd hate me forever. Wouldn't she? She'd blame me and she wouldn't be wrong. I'd maybe...lose my sister.

But I needed to tell her. I needed to before I ruined all that was left for her to smile about.

"Alyssa," I said, throat squeezing with dread, with regret. I was so, so scared. I could feel it--feel my heart racing in fear of what was to follow. I didn't want to say it, didn't want to tell her any of it because I didn't like to remember that time. I didn't want to think of Michael. But I was also scared of making her look at me with hatred in her eyes. "Alyssa, there's something that happened between--"

"Found your favorite smoothie, babe." Michael appeared out of nowhere, sidling beside Alyssa before pressing a kiss in her hair. His eyes found mine and there was something in his gaze. Something that held me frozen in my place.

"Alice." His voice found my ears, jaw slightly ticking but I didn't think anyone apart from me noticed it. "I bought one for you too."

I took it from him, belatedly realizing that my fingers were shaking a little.

There was a tiny furrow between Alyssa's eyebrows as she looked from me to Michael. I could see her about to ask. I could, but then there was this sudden awful wave of fear, gut-wrenching fear washing over me and I couldn't do it, didn't want to say anything to her in front of Michael.

Just the thought made my gut recoil. Because Michael would say something to her, and she'd believe him because she really loved him, and I couldn't--wouldn't be able to blame her. Because I wasn't even her real sister. Because I'd be the reason to take her happiness from her.

"Choose one yet?" Michael asked, breaking the tense silence.

Alyssa blinked and looked over at the clothes slung over her arm. "Oh. Yeah. Actually, I can't decide between these three."

Michael hummed and stepped closer. I moved away and my eyes desperately searched around for a restroom. All I saw was the changing rooms and even that at that point seemed like a good enough escape.

"I'll...um...see if this fits." I motioned for one of the changing rooms, holding up the dress Alyssa had handed me earlier.

She nodded. "Yeah, me too. I can't really buy all three of these."

"I'll buy them all for you if you really want, babe." Michael wrapped his free arm around her waist and placed another kiss on the top of her head.

My stomach knotted as I watched them, and I forced myself to look away, to forget forget forget. Nodding to no one in particular, I turned around and headed towards the changing rooms.

I heard Alyssa's faint laugh behind me and heat full of utter shame flooded my face. I pushed past one of the stalls and closed it behind me, breathing hard and fast as paranoia and dread grew inside me.

What am I doing? What am I supposed to do? How will I even--

There was a soft, accidental thud against the closed stall door before it pushed open and Michael stepped inside.

I froze.

He came inside and closed the door shut behind him, pausing for a second--two--eyes steadily on me all the while before flicking the lock on the door.

"What...what are you doing?" I asked him, horrified. "Alyssa."

"She's in one of the changing stalls on the other end of the shop, Alice." He said, words calm and careful as he stepped towards me. "Why don't you tell me what you were talking to her about before I showed up with the drinks?"

I shook my head, hands finding the wall behind me as I backed away. My heart raced and I pathetically looked for a way out. There wasn't. There wasn't a way out except for the door that was behind Michael. The door he'd locked just seconds ago.

The four compact walls of the room seemed to be closing in on me.

"Get out of here." I gritted out, hands fisting behind my back as they trembled. I almost flinched at how fearful my voice sounded.

Michael didn't seem to care as his eyes, familiar dark eyes, clouded over with an emotion too recoiling for me--too awfully familiar. I didn't, I found myself thinking almost hysterically, I didn't want to remember.

I didn't want to remember why Michael scared me so much.

"You were going to tell her, weren't you?" His voice lowered, deepening with anger and something else. Something that felt like hot fingers around my throat squeezing in warning. "About me. About us."

I shook my head again as he neared.

"I d-didn't."

"But you were about to."

I squeezed my eyes shut as his face loomed so close to my own, hands coming up and pressing flat to the wall on either side of my head. He's too close, my brain seemed to yell at me. Shouted at me for being so stupid because I should've locked the door. Why hadn't I locked the door?

"Fucking look at me when I'm talking to you." He snarled as he grabbed my jaw, jerking my head up and my eyes snapped open. I could see the satisfied gleam in his eyes when he must've seen the fear in my eyes.

I could've pushed him away. I knew I could've, deep down. Maybe it wouldn't have been so easy but I could've.

I didn't though. Because I knew this. I'd been here before. If I stayed quiet and if I stayed silent, it would all finish off soon. It would go away fast if I stayed quiet.

"I didn't think you were that stupid, Alice." He spat out, the charmed look on his face that he always directed on everyone around him gone now, replaced by a monster. An evil human being. "You think anyone's gonna believe you? Are you forgetting that it was you who started this?"

His touch was cold, awful, too harsh. You're trapped once again, a voice inside my head whispered to me.

I couldn't move.

"I d-didn't want this." A meek whisper left my lips.

"Yet you still kissed me that first time."

"I was drunk." I made a futile attempt at pulling myself free from his grasp but he only held me tighter, fingers lowering and digging into my throat until it felt like my skin would bruise, until he held my head firm against the wall.

"No, you weren't."

"I was..." I gasped out, eyes widening. "Drunk."

"No. You weren't." He snarled lowly, hair falling from its slicked-back position as he leaned in--so close that I could've felt his breath on my lips. I dug my hands painfully behind my back, eyes stinging in the horror of it all. "All those times I fucked you, you were sober. Not even a little bit of alcohol in you. Remember?"

He tapped my temple thrice with two fingers and I winced at each impact.

"As long as you remember, Alice. You keep your mouth shut and I won't have to tell your sister and your mother and your entire fucking family how you begged me to fuck you all those times. Understood?"

I trembled and nodded, and it was like ants crawling up every inch of my skin, clawing their way inside, eating me up. It was hollowing and it was painful. It was so painful to remember.

It had been years, years, years--so long--since Michael had threatened me like this. I'd thought it had stopped. I'd thought I was safe. But I remembered it all almost like it had happened just yesterday.

The fingers around my throat tightened, just a fraction away from completely stopping my airflow and the tiniest of whimpers left my lips. Michael jerked my head up again painfully. I felt his lips nearing my own, and since I couldn't close my eyes, I looked away. Away from him. Away from everything.

My hands were tied. Ropes cutting my skin. And I couldn't, couldn't, couldn't move.

I closed my eyes briefly, shutting them, reveling in the darkness, before forcing them to open again.

Michael's lips hovered over my own.

"I can do it all again anytime, Alice." He murmured and the grieving sickness in my chest only grew. "If you're still so desperate to have my attention, all you have to do is ask."

I stayed silent. Trembling. Choking with fear that held me paralyzed. There wasn't a way out.

Michael laughed softly, humorlessly, before pulling away. Finally pulling away and letting go of me.

"Will see you and your boyfriend at that double date, yeah?" He smiled, that charming smile falling on his lips once again--one that was reserved for my sister--one that had made me make that awful mistake in the first place all those years ago.

I nodded when he kept standing there looking at me, waiting for an answer.

He scoffed and adjusted his clothes, fixing his disheveled hair, before unlocking the door and stepping outside from the stall.

And I stood there for I don't know how long, staring at the door and absolutely nothing at the same time.

After what felt like forever, because even those slow agonizing minutes felt like forever, I pulled my hands out from behind my back, unconsciously checking for restraints, but deep down knowing there weren't any there.

Michael hadn't tied me up. No one had. There were no chains. No restraints. Yet there were deep red crescent marks on my left wrist, where I must've dug my fingers of my right hand into, and I knew they were all my doing.

I looked up at the plain white ceiling, at the cracks and fissures, and wiped my face. And then I had to rub it off again because the tears wouldn't just stop. I slid down on the floor and hung my head between my knees until it didn't feel so hard to breathe and until my fingers came out dry when I scrubbed my cheeks again.

I picked up the pale pink dress that I must've dropped on the floor and left the stall. Neither Alyssa nor Michael were in sight.

My phone chimed. I took it out and it took me three tries to open the text message.

Alyssa: in the men's section, helping Michael pick out a few shirts. buy that pink dress pls!

I switched my phone off and headed for the counter. The lady behind the cash register looked up at me with a polite smile.

"I would like to buy this," I told her, giving her the dress in my shaking hands.

"Excuse me." Someone said from behind me.

I stiffened in surprise, turned around fast and took a step back when I saw a shop employee standing behind me, carrying a folded piece of paper in her hands.

"Were you just in that changing stall?"

I looked over at the stall I'd just been in and then at her hand pointing at it. I nodded, afraid.

"Someone came by and asked me to hand this over to you. It was a boy? Said you knew him by the name Santi." She added, reaching out with the folded paper in her hand.

I took it from her slowly as everything seemed to go numb inside me.

I opened the paper once the employee left and swallowed, rubbing my cheek almost absentmindedly.

Then I read the words scribbled on it.

Trapped with all your secrets behind a closed stall door, Alice. How long before your sister's heart breaks?