I thought I'd mentioned this earlier, but I didn't because I'm airheaded that way. This book contains a few pretty dark themes that may be triggering for some. So please be aware of that. I am so sorry for not mentioning this sooner. Let me just go back and add the warning in.

Anyhoo, enjoy the chapter and let me know how much you liked/disliked it :)!!

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The sky had gone completely dark by the time Ryder and I left the quiet and peace of the park and the snow.

It had also grown a little too cold by then and the jacket and sweatshirt I was wearing seemed to be trying its hardest to warm me up--and failing. My teeth were starting to chatter.

I grinned, sniffled, and looked up at the sky. The snowfall had lessened just a little but not entirely. I was almost certain I'd already caught myself a cold and a runny nose. Paired with a dull concussion headache, I was well and truly fucked. But it was snowing and Ryder was here and he'd watched the entire pretty sunset with me and I was quite possibly the happiest I'd been in weeks.

I stole a small glance at him as we walked side by side before looking down at my shoes as they sunk in snow-speckled grass. A small, content smile formed on my lips.

It was also when I caught a sparkle of light from my peripheral view, and tipped my head up to look at the night sky properly, that a loud gasp left my lips.

Ryder didn't seem to notice it--he didn't see it, so I came to an abrupt halt, eyes wide as I unconsciously grabbed his arm. "Ryder, look!"

I felt him tense so suddenly as he stopped alongside me.

"What?"

"Up there," I whispered in awe, sidling near him until our arms brushed against each other. "A shooting star!"

It was the tiniest of stars but so bright and lively and pretty, running across the vast darkness of the sky and stealing my breath away. I had never in my entire life seen a shooting star before.

Ryder looked up, then at me, and then back at the sky. I couldn't help but look at him then--because I couldn't ever help but look at him when he was so near me--and nearly grinned at the bewildered frown on his face.

That, sadly, also meant that when I looked back up at the sky, the shooting star had already winked out. I didn't let that dampen the sheer bout of happiness I felt right then though.

"Quick." I gave his arm a gentle tug. "We've got to make a wish."

Ryder let out an aggrieved sigh and the frown left from his face. "I am not making any wishes on a star of all stupid things, Alice."

I tugged on his arm again, grinning because I'd never really thought I'd be finding it amusing to mess with Ryder of all people.

"Oh, but we have to! I think it's considered bad luck if you don't make a wish when you see a shooting star."

He stared at me incredulously and a bubble of laughter escaped my lips.

"Are you going to demand I make snow angels with you next?" He asked.

"Yes."

He narrowed his eyes at me before giving his arm a sharp pull--which, since I was still holding on to it, accidentally managed to pull me along until I quite literally stumbled into him. The blue in his eyes glinted sharply and I had a feeling there was nothing accidental about what he'd just done.

"We should totally make snow angels," I whispered to him.

He pinched the fabric of my right glove and pulled it up until it was covering the chilled, bare skin of my wrist.

"We're going back to the penthouse now." He stated.

"Aw, really?" I rubbed the tip of my nose as it tingled.

"Yes," he said. "No one really fed that cat of yours, as far as I can remember."

The grin slipped from my lips and I gasped in horror. "Really? Oh my God, I didn't know that. Gem's all alone at your house. Oh, but I thought--"

As I rambled in pure and utter concern, because my baby cat hadn't been fed for God knows how long and I hadn't even thought about it once, I tried to walk a little faster so that we could reach Ryder's penthouse quicker. And when I looked back at him because he wasn't trying to hurry like I was, I couldn't not notice the smug relief on his face.

•••••

I did make a wish on the star, albeit a little late.

I wished for the kind of happiness that fixed everything. And I wished for a way to fix all the sad broken pieces I'd shattered in my life.

I wished for my dad and my violin--I just didn't know I'd wished for it because it was something I wasn't supposed to have--a wish deep in my heart, left unsaid and untrue.

I didn't think of it when I prayed for the wish. I didn't even think of saying it to the star.

Because it was just a wish.

One of the stars up in the sky winked out and maybe that was an answer in itself.

•••••

Both of the fridge magnets the old lady back at that trinkets shop had given me went on the refrigerator in Ryder's penthouse.

Two magnets. A stack of books and a butterfly.

The magnets on the fridge and the sunflowers in the case seemed to be the only splash of color in the whole kitchen.

"Butterflies are pretty," I mused. "But they scare me."

Ryder didn't bother looking at me or responding to me as he walked around the kitchen marble counter, slowly, carefully, before leaning down just a little and pushing the surface of the counter from below. At least that's what it looked like he was doing until he pulled out a dark object from somewhere below the counter and placed it on it.

A gun. He had pulled out a gun from below the kitchen counter.

"Why did you buy a magnet of it then?" He asked me and scowled before leaning down once again, pulling out two identical silver blades from the back of his boots.

I stared at him, my back halfway pressed against the refrigerator. "Um."

There was a sharp beat of silence before he looked up, his eyes finding mine.

"That is a good question." I swallowed, glancing down at the weapons laid before him and then back at him.

He looked confused. He had no right to look confused. "I don't understand you sometimes."

And I never understand you, I wanted to say. But Gem started purring for my attention right then and I was more than glad to be away from the kitchen counters and all the dangerous hidden compartments they carried.

Later when the food delivery guy showed up (because why would I cook when I have a private chef over most days), and after Ryder told me to take my pills--thrice--after which I finally agreed and took them, the exhaustion of the previous few days finally started to kick in.

Gem followed me to the guestroom and I was almost dead to the world, lying on the incredibly soft bed, inhaling against the freshly laundered bedsheets when my phone buzzed with a reminder.

I'd forgotten to call Alyssa and it was almost midnight. I scrambled up on the bed and video called her.

All in all, it wasn't a normal Christmas Eve. There were no Christmas lights or decorations around the penthouse, and neither was there a giant Christmas tree (Andy always said the bigger the Christmas tree, the happier the holiday would be). I didn't know if it was because Ryder didn't celebrate Christmas or because he didn't like to blend in his house with colorful Christmas lights.

I had a feeling it was the latter. Though I didn't ask him. Because for once, even though I didn't have my bustling family around, it was just...peaceful.

And warm. And safe.

After I was done with the video call, I tugged off Ryder's jacket which I still hadn't taken off, and pulled it closer to my chest. I pulled one of the soft pillows towards me and pressed my face into it.

Everything was warm inside me, and it was still snowing. I looked over at the window and sighed into my pillow.

"Merry Christmas," I mumbled into the pillow before falling asleep.

•••••

"Alice."

I looked up so fast that the load of newly bought textbooks in my hands threatened to fall all around the dormitory hallway. I fumbled around in haste and only managed to drop one thick book before protecting the rest in the cradle of my arms.

"Soren!" I breathed out in a rush, frozen at my spot, before giving him a small, trembling mess of a smile.

He smiled back, almost as hesitant as mine, and I wondered why he was standing in front of my dorm room. Had he been waiting for me? Was he here to talk? Apologize? He's already apologized before, I reminded myself.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him with a much more genuine smile this time as I managed to pick up the book from the carpeted floor and walk towards him.

He stuffed his hands in his jean jacket pockets and shrugged, blond locks falling over his forehead. "Just waiting out here. Uh...Brooke. For Brooke."

The smile fell from my lips as I stared at him and then at my closed room door.

"Brooke's in there?" I asked him quietly, worriedly, and my heart picked up its pace.

He nodded cautiously. He looked wary--wary of me before he spoke, "She's collecting the few of her things she left here."

I blinked in surprise, not knowing how to absorb what he'd just said. I looked back at the door and felt my heartbeat skipping in fear. Dread. So many questions.

Ryder had told me--demanded that I should take a few days off my classes and stay at his penthouse--which was absurd because it only took me back to the kiss, the one we hadn't even talked about once--and I just couldn't. I couldn't skip out on my classes when I was already always so behind. I needed the scholarship. And maybe I needed a part-time job too if I were to stop wasting my parents' money.

Still, though, I wondered now if I should've taken Ryder up on his demand. My gut twisted at the mere thought of facing Brooke. I hadn't even taken a step inside my dorm room and I was already a mixed ball of too many overwhelming emotions.

"I need to see her," I told Soren.

He stared at me for a moment, eyes wary and uncertain, before he shook his head. "I don't think that's a good idea, Alice."

"But--"

"She's not really well right now. I wouldn't even have brought her here but she asked me to. She needed her textbooks so she could stay at home and attend all the classes online."

I clutched my books tighter to my chest. "I haven't even done anything to her. I never said anything to make her leave, Soren. She's my friend."

He shook his head again, gaze softening. "I don't think she's thinking straight right now. She hasn't said a word about being on that bridge, near that ledge, to anyone. She keeps saying she's fine but..."

"She's not." I finished his sentence when he couldn't. What had the police officers asked her? How much had she told? I tried swallowing past the sudden lump in my throat. "Let me. Please."

He stared at me for a moment too long, eyes hooded with layers of exhaustion, and I almost thought he was going to refuse again. Ask me to come back a few moments later when they both would be well and truly gone.

But he sighed and stepped away from the door. "Okay."

I loosened my deathly grip on my books in relief.

"Alice," he said, briefly touching my arm. I didn't pull away but a tiny part of me flinched at the contact. "I... Well, I know I've said it before to you. But what I said to you in anger, and for the rest, all of it, I'm sorry for that. You didn't deserve it."

I blinked and looked away, at the carpeted floor and then the walls around us.

I didn't deserve it, but hadn't he said the opposite back then? I didn't know what I deserved. And I didn't think I had it in me to hold it against him, to ask him what exactly I deserved just because I myself didn't know.

I didn't even want to know. That thing between me and Soren hadn't ever been permanent. Temporary boyfriends were just that. Soft kisses that promised gentle, sweet forever didn't mean anything either.

I just had to keep reminding myself that.

"It's all right," I told him, smiled even though I felt pretty ugly on the inside. "I should go in."

He nodded and I inhaled slowly, gathering my courage before opening the door and stepping inside.

What I was met with was such an exact image of the last time I'd seen Brooke here in my dorm--our dorm--when she'd been crying and when I hadn't known why, that it left me frozen.

Brooke sat on the edge of her empty, tidily made-up bed, shoulders hunched as her hands clutched the mattress on either side of her. Her hair was pulled up in a knot by the nape of her neck, a strand coming loose when her head shot up and her eyes found mine.

I hadn't had much of a chance to look at her, really look at her with all that consuming fear back at that bridge near her house. I could see it now, the tired defeat in her eyes. The hopelessness on her face. And the dazed look.

She looked lost.

"Brooke." A whisper left my lips and her eyes widened, back straightening as she looked at me.

"Brooke," I said, giving her a strained smile before slowly walking towards her. "Hey."

She stared at me for a long time. Long painful seconds that carried all that heavy distance between us. It was awful. I had this crazy, awful thought that maybe she didn't even feel like she knew me anymore.

Brooke exhaled, and shook her head in disbelief, before laughing. It was a pained, tiresome laugh as she ran her pale hands up her face and dug the heel of her hands into her eyes.

"What are you here for, Alice?" Her voice was raw, gritty. Not put together or soft like she'd always used with me. Like the old Brooke would always use with me.

"I..." I blinked, turned around, and deposited all my books carefully on my desk before heading over to my own bed and sitting right across from her. She looked so small and tired and vulnerable that it broke my heart. I watched her stare at me blankly. "I came here to put down all the books, actually. But then I saw Soren outside and he told me you were in here so I thought. Well, I thought I could talk to you? See you?"

"Why?" She asked, eyes guarded and confused.

I didn't know what to say. Why was she looking at me like I was going to hurt her? What had Santiago done to her?

"Why would you be here, Alice, looking at me like that when you should be the opposite of all this...this forgiving?" She asked, shook her head again before pushing the few loose strands of her hair back. "You hate me."

"I-I don't."

"You do! I betrayed you. I broke your trust, Alice, don't you get it?"

I swallowed, shaking my head. "Brooke, listen to me. I don't care about that. I promise you, I don't. I'm not here to blame you, accuse you, or hate you. I'm here because I needed to see you. I was scared, Brooke. I was so...so worried about you."

She squeezed her eyes close and I realized belatedly that she was crying when she wiped her eyes hastily.

"Brooke?" I murmured, leaning towards her but not getting up from my bed. I had this bad feeling that she might walk away if I neared her right now. "I don't hate you. I promise you I don't."

"Why not?" She asked, eyes wide and desperate and demanding me to answer truthfully. Because she was hurt. Someone had hurt her so badly, flayed her open, and left her like...this.

"You're my friend," I said, then smiled sadly. "I care about you."

She sniffed, and wiped her eyes again before saying, "You...you saved me."

"I didn't." Ryder had.

"You were there at that bridge and you saved me before I could've..."

I sighed and looked down at the beaded bracelet on my left wrist. The bandage wasn't there anymore because the scar on my wrist had healed just fine by now. I could see the outline of it but most was hidden under my sleeve.

"I was going to tell you about Soren, Alice." I could feel her eyes on me. "I would've. I never did it to hurt you. I know I did the worst thing I could've done to you, but I never did it to hurt you. Please just--"

"I know," I told her, trying to calm her down with my words if nothing else. "I know you would've told me. Eventually."

She sniffled. "I didn't want to leave so suddenly, but my mom was sick and he...he found me. He was there, everywhere, and he kept telling me, reminding me, taunting me that I'd hurt you, my best friend, in the worst way possible."

I curled my fingers around the beads and tugged a little on the bracelet.

"He?" I asked her.

Brooke seemed to stiffen, almost as if she hadn't meant to say those words.

"You can tell me about him, Brooke," I said. "About Santiago."

The surprise was so awfully open on her face. It was too much. My heart ached for her. "You know him. I never told his name to...to anyone."

I tugged harder on my bracelet until it snapped back painfully against my wrist. "I was there on the bridge. I saw him too."

"You know his name."

"He told me." I lied. "Before he smashed my head against the railing." Partially a lie, at least.

Brooke blanched and I grimaced at the harshness of my own words.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that," I added hastily. "Tell me about him. I'm here, okay? I need to know what he did... What he wants, Brooke."

She seemed to shrink in on herself, wrapping her arms around her body. "He wanted me to die. To make me feel exactly how you would feel once you found out the truth. He told me I deserved it and more. He kept saying stuff...reminding me...and he was right about everything, Alice. The worst part was that he wasn't wrong. I deserved the punishment. The...the justice of it all."

I flinched and shook my head, "Brooke--"

"He gave me this." Her fingers trembled as she pushed up her sleeve to her elbow. I saw a thin scar above her wrist almost identical to mine, and I knew where it'd come from. Looking away from it, my eyes trailed upwards and to the rest of her arm and the smooth, pale skin that wasn't--that should've been free of it--of the deeply engraved scar right there.

I leaned closer, horrified, and followed her finger to the B. "Because I betrayed you. Because I broke your trust." Her voice fell to an anguished whisper.

It was scabbed over but scarred. It looked painful and carefully carved. It made me dizzy with sudden nausea.

"I..." I stared at Brooke with wide eyes, then back at the scar. "Y-You didn't. You didn't, Brooke."

"I did."

I shook my head frantically, gripping the sheets on either side of me because the sadness of it all gripped me so tight. "You didn't, Brooke. God, I'm so sorry."

She looked away from me, eyes withdrawing from mine. "I did. You didn't do what I did, Alice. You don't understand."

It was awful. A heart-wrenching pain because it hurt. It hurt because I did know. I did understand.

"I was going to jump from that bridge." She whispered and I almost didn't hear it. I wished at that moment that I hadn't heard it. "I was. But I couldn't at the end because...because I was scared." She looked up at me again and I saw her eyes glossing over with fresh tears. Her chin trembled. "So fucking scared, Alice. I had nothing to hold onto because I'd thought you hated me and I'd lost you and I'd lost Soren too because I was a coward to leave him too and--"

A painful, guttural sob left her lips and I got up from my bed, shaking my head and walking towards her.

"Brooke," I said, pleaded, and then I hugged her, watched her fall into my arms, because she was falling apart. And I wished I'd been there for her. I wished I'd been there to keep all her pieces together.