It seemed like everything was spinning, the curled roots of the trees merging into one, my own two hands seeming like they were four, by the time I managed to stand up on my feet again and head back towards the entrance doors. It also didn't help my situation when everyone who was rushing out of the building, panicked and alarmed, slammed into me and jostled me by the shoulders. I tried to keep still, tried to spot Ryder within the many faces around me, but in the end, it wasn't him that I saw.

Rather it was Rafael's familiar face that saw me, dark eyes widening in what looked like relief before he was grabbing me by my arms and pulling me away from the crowd.

"Oh thank you, God. Where were you?" He was frowning hard. "I've been looking for you everywhere! One second you were there and the next you were just gone."

It took me a moment to notice that Rafael's earlier perfection of curls was in a disarray. And his lips held no adamant grin he'd had earlier. There was a fresh bruise, a painfully reddish bruise, blooming just beside his nose. It also looked like he'd done a hurried, shit job at wiping a nosebleed.

"Where were you?" He asked me again and he looked tense. Worried.

"I..." I clamped my mouth shut when the need to gag hit me so suddenly. Rubbing my somewhat numb fingers over my mouth, I shook my head.

Raff stared. "Octavio is mad, you hear me? He is pissed."

I nodded because I didn't know what else to do.

"The last that I saw of him, he was charging towards Ashby with a broken beer bottle." He added, still staring at me as if making sure I heard it all.

I didn't. I mean, I did hear him, but I still didn't know what to do other than just nod.

"He's pissed because he failed to catch the cabrón who caused all this commotion and also because he asked me to keep an eye on you but I kind of failed at that so..." He trailed off. "Are you sure you are okay?"

I nodded again and the mere movement was dizzying.

Before Raff could've said anything else, a loud gunshot rang from inside the nightclub. The shrieks that followed somewhat hid the terrified noise I made.

Raff was bouncing on his toes. "Come on. And please don't wander off again until I've handed you over to Octavio."

I didn't nod this time because Raff was already turning towards the entrance, making sure I was following him before he headed inside.

The inside was trashed. If I thought it couldn't have been any worse than everything that had happened outside, I was so fucking wrong. Because just the bar alone was smashed to near smithereens. The dancefloor was covered in glass shards and what looked like smudges of red wine.

Or blood.

I gagged once again and pressed my palm firmly over my mouth. My left wrist hurt like someone was continuously pricking the skin just below it.

There wasn't anyone here anymore. Everyone had already run out of here. They'd been running out in front of me, I reminded myself. Even the guards--the heavily muscled men in black gear--were nowhere to be seen. The music was gone and the silence was deafening. I wished I'd thought a little before choosing to wear heels when my knees threatened to buckle under the immense, heavy, thick air of dread all around.

There was glass beneath my feet when I looked and its cracking echoed in my ears.

I heard a sound then. A muffled sound. A sound of protest from somewhere. Before I could've looked at Raff so he could tell me what was going on, another dreadful gunshot boomed. It sounded a lot closer than when we'd been outside. My heart raced and I took a cautious step back. I was scared. I was scared because I didn't want to see that...that person with that horrendous gas mask over his face, who'd threatened me with those words and--

There was a pained grunt, a soft thud, and then footsteps came from somewhere behind me.

I turned around before Raff could've and saw Ryder stepping out of a room, a staff door of sorts, with a gun in his hand that he was wiping with a bloodied silk handkerchief.

I must've blanched at the sight of it, at the sight of blood trickling down the side of his face. I must've made a sound because I was sure Raff didn't. Ryder's eyes snapped up and found me. He froze for a second, maybe not even a second, before he was striding towards me.

I was breathing fast. I was scared.

"Octavio--" That was Raff but he was cut off.

"We're leaving." Ryder's voice was steady, maybe even a little too steady--and so contradicting to the murderous look in his eyes. I swallowed. There were red streaks on the white of his shirt, the same darker maroon splotches that I'd glimpsed on the silk cloth that was still in his hand.

Raff sighed behind me and I felt him shift. "All right. I suppose I will...try to handle the mess you have made here?"

Ryder didn't spare him a single glance, though I did see his gaze hardening, his jaw ticking.

He tossed the handkerchief aside, on the floor, and pocketed the gun. "We're leaving." This time he said that to Raff with a whole lot more brutal intensity behind the words before he was grabbing my wrist, my left wrist that already hurt, and heading for the doors.

I barely only managed not to stumble, trying not to tug back on my wrist even though his grip hurt just a little. I had a feeling I'd messed things up, messed a lot, and Ryder wasn't happy. He didn't look happy. Raff had said...he'd tried to tell me why Ryder was mad, hadn't he? He'd tried to tell me but I hadn't listened.

I shivered when I was once again standing out in the cold night and wished I hadn't let Raff take Ryder's jacket away from me. Ryder wasn't wearing it so it must mean the jacket was lost. I wanted so badly to go home.

"Ryder--" The gas mask. The gas mask. The gas mask. Someone with a gas mask had cornered me.

Ryder let go of my hand just as we stopped before his car. "Get inside."

I tried to say something, stop him, or make him look at me, but he was already heading toward his door, ignoring me altogether. I glanced back at the trees, at the darkness, and opened the door before slipping inside.

•••••

I couldn't find any words to say, nothing to break the dreadful silence between us.

Ryder's gaze was fixed on the road ahead and he may or may not have been driving just a little over the speed limit. I tried not to look at the way he was gripping the steering wheel like he was ready, just about ready, to rip it off and hurl it outside.

He was angry.

"I--"

"Save it, Alice." He gritted out.

I swallowed and looked away, gripping the edges of my seat. I'd messed up. Ryder was angry with me. I knew that because I could count on one hand the number of times he'd called me Alice and not querida. That meant I'd messed up badly. But how? Why? I remembered Ashby, the silver eyes, but most before that was already becoming a confusing blur if I tried to remember.

I'd been supposed to do something? What had happened? Death, death, death.

Death will have its revenge.

I gritted my teeth hard enough to make it hurt. And the deathly grip I had on the seat was making my fingers hurt too. Maybe not as much as the phantom, lingering pain over the skin on my left wrist. I looked down at my other hand, at the beaded bracelet I wore on it, and took it off with shaky fingers before sliding it over my left wrist.

Even that wasn't enough.

Because of the gas mask. I could see the gas mask. I could see the hollow eyes. He was going to follow me, wasn't he? He was going to come after me. That person with that gas mask was going to come after me and disrupt every other safe wall I'd managed to enclose myself in, my life in, and everything was going to fall apart all over again. He was going to take me the same way those people had taken me and I'd been trapped inside that horrible, horrible dark cellar for days.

My stomach lurched unpleasantly and I let go of my seat to grip the door handle with trembling fingers. "Pull over."

"What?"

"P-Pull over." Ryder must've heard the urgency in my voice, or maybe he knew I was seconds away from opening the door myself even if the car was still moving since he swerved the car to the right and pulled it to an abrupt stop.

I didn't wait before pushing open the door and stumbling outside, gagging before throwing up every single content in my stomach right where a few wild bushes grew at one corner. I bent over my knees and dry-heaved until I couldn't anymore. Until my throat and my stomach hurt.

I straightened a little after a few harsh breaths, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, dizzy and nearly swaying forward into the dead darkness until there was a pull on my elbow from behind, steadying me. "Fucking Rafael." Ryder tugged me backwards. "You were supposed to stay away from alcohol for one night. One fucking night."

Everything spun as he turned me around, and I was cold. So so cold.

"Come here." And then I was leaning against a hard, cool surface--his car--and the only warm thing was Ryder's grip on my elbow. He picked up something from the hood, a water bottle, unscrewing the top and holding it out to me. "Drink this."

His eyes looked so dark and furious and he could've been frowning but he wasn't. The blood had dried near his temple, dark and smudged. He didn't look happy.

"I'm sorry." I managed to whisper.

He pulled his hand away. "Drink the water, Alice."

I took the bottle from him and took a few sips. It didn't help. The fear inside me was still there and I could hear--I could hear faint gunshots that I knew weren't real.

"All of it." He snapped the moment I made a move to give him back the bottle, and this was the angriest I'd ever seen him be. No, that isn't right, my subconscious reminded me. I saw him trying to clean a bloodied gun just minutes ago.

I didn't argue because I couldn't. I didn't want to argue. So I drank the rest of the water and tried not to bristle under the sheer intensity of his gaze.

"Why..." I faltered, eyes following him as he tossed the empty bottle back inside his car. "Why are you mad at me?"

He gave me an utterly disbelieving look and took a step back. "Get back inside."

A car zoomed past us and I tried not to flinch. "Can you please--"

He swore under his breath and raked his hands through his hair. There was blood on his hands too. "Just get the hell back inside so I can drop you off, all right? Don't make this any more complicated, Alice."

I stared at him. "What do you mean?"

He stared back, jaw clenched. I could've felt the heat from him, yet he was still so far away. "You're wasting my time." A beat of silence passed by with both of us just staring at each other before he scoffed, shaking his head. "You're fucking wasting my time more than you already have."

I swallowed and there was this acidic aftertaste at the back of my mouth, even though I'd chugged down a whole bottle of water.

"I didn't waste your time back there," I murmured quietly. I didn't know who I was trying to convince. My head wasn't feeling so dizzy anymore but the fear and misery were still there.

"Yes, you did." His voice was low, threatening, fucking irritated, and it was almost as if he was shouting at me. "You don't understand. If I had known what a moronic idea it would be to bring you with me, I wouldn't have done it."

"I didn't do anything." I was shaking my head, eyes wide.

"You fucking disappeared when I told you to stay put with Rafael." He hissed, leaning close until the back of my head banged softly against the car behind me. "You didn't listen and you wandered off and I had to leave Ashby's fucking rooms because of you. Because you didn't think before walking out of that goddamn bar."

I slid my hands behind my back, pressing them against the cool surface of the car. They were shaking. I didn't want Ryder to see them shaking. Not that he would've noticed right then, I think. He was the angriest I'd ever seen him be. The blue of his eyes was dark like an impending storm. A disastrous storm. I'd messed up. I'd messed up.

"Raff...he asked me to distract Ashby." I tried to say, hoping he'd understand.

"And why in the fucking hell couldn't you have done that?" He demanded, dark brows pulling together. "The smallest of tasks and you had to fuck it up. You had to ruin the only one chance I had of catching that bastard!"

I couldn't look away, staring at him, eyes wide and heart racing feverishly. "If you'd have told me earlier what the plan was," I tried to say, "I wouldn't have just left."

He worked his jaw angrily. "I didn't owe you any explanation of any fucking plan."

My chin quivered. "But if you'd have told me I was supposed to distract Ashby, I would've at least prepared myself."

He laughed. It was a bitter laugh that I wanted to flinch away from. "Why? Aren't you always prepared for that anyway? You just need some goddamn alcohol and you'd do anything anyone says."

Not true, I wanted to say. Licking the dryness off my lips, I stated in a small voice, "I tried to distract him but I couldn't." I couldn't even look at Ryder then. I felt cold and sad as I stared down at the uneven road.

Ryder was silent. I glanced up at him after a moment to see him tipping his head up to the sky, dragging his hands up his face. Still pent up with too much tension and anger, though I could practically see him trying his hardest to rein it in. Failing as he gripped his hair, then trying again. "Just get inside the car."

I didn't. I wouldn't. "I can walk from here."

I hadn't noticed earlier but we were out of those woods now. I knew where we were, where this street led. Cars were driving by and it wasn't as dark and quiet as before. A few minutes of walking and I'd be near the dormitory buildings, even if those few minutes would be scary and terrifying.

"No, you can't." He gritted out.

I took a step away from him and his car. I held still when my knees threatened to wobble again. "I can. I'm not going with you when you're angry at me." I wouldn't.

Ryder stared at me in anger and disbelief. "Alice, I swear to God--"

"I'm not." I shook my head again and I could hear the frantic raise in my voice. I knew I'd be fine walking alone even though I'd be struck with fear once again. But not this. I won't stay and I won't listen to him say another one of those hurtful words. I started walking away, wrapping my arms around myself. "Goodbye, Ryder."

"Alice."

I shook my head again, hoping he saw it as I walked away. I didn't know what else I could've done. I didn't know how else I could've told him that he wasn't right. He wasn't. I wasn't a pushover. I didn't always mess things up. I didn't always drink myself into oblivion. I didn't always seduce anyone and everyone into a one-night stand. I didn't.

I didn't. The night was cold and unforgiving and Ryder's honest words echoing in my head almost made me forget about the stinging pain just below my left wrist.

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I swear guys ryder isn't an assholeeee