I was a stupid fool for not realizing it any sooner.

For not realizing it at all.

Alyssa and Michael were getting married. The same Michael who she'd broken up with exactly a year ago. The very same Michael who she'd had a thing with for almost three years. Three years until--

"Long time no see, Alice." Michael peeked his head in from the opened balcony doors before stepping inside and joining me outside.

I froze like a statue and my eyes instinctively darted towards the doors--the only exit--which Michael was quite efficiently blocking with his tall stature and broad shoulders.

"Hey." I mustered up a soft, polite smile even though my heart was pounding like one of a caged hummingbird.

He stepped closer and joined beside me near the railing, smiling and stuffing his hands in his jeans pockets. "So...how's it been going? Alyssa told me about your university. Sharlton University, wasn't it?"

I took a tiny step away from him so at least there was a bit of space between us. I glanced back at the doors and realized he was looking at me. Waiting for an answer.

Where had Ryder gone off to? He'd mentioned something about a phone call and hadn't returned yet. He'd quite literally disappeared.

"Yeah." I nodded. "Um, yeah."

"Nice." He grinned and pressed his back into the railing, tipping his head up to the sky and exposing the pale column of his throat. "That's great. Gosh, time really does fly, doesn't it? I remember when you were just about to start high school. Alyssa and I were two years above you before you guys changed houses and moved here."

That was also the time when he and Alyssa had broken up. I remembered it all too well. Mom and my stepdad too busy packing boxes and boxes of our stuff while Alyssa had been curled up on my bed, crying because she hadn't known how to break the news to everyone else that she'd broken up with him. With Michael. After being with him for three entire years.

I was the first person she'd broken the news to. And I think that had been kind of accidental on her part since I'd been too busy chewing her head off with questions about this dress I'd needed to borrow from her--which had ended with her breaking down and sobbing right in front of me. I'd been so mortified at that time. I hadn't known how to comfort her.

Anxiously twisting the elastic band around my wrist--the one I'd snagged from the kitchen--I pulled my sleeve over my fingers when I felt Michael looking at me.

Laughter resounded from inside the house and I found myself wondering again why Ryder was taking so long. Had he left already? Surely he'd at least tell me before leaving. God, what must my mother think if he left just like that?

"Alice--"

"Michael." I noticed how wobbly my voice came out. "I've got a boyfriend."

Just as quickly as those words left my mouth, I felt heat crawling up my neck and my face. It was embarrassing. Why had I even said that out of all the things I could've said to him?

Michael seemed confused but only for a few seconds before he was grinning again. Only this time it didn't look so friendly.

"Oh, yeah. I've been hearing his name around. Soren, right?" He straightened from his leaning position and ran a hand through his perfectly combed hair. He tsked, looking at me. "I must admit, I thought your type was more towards the less...brooding ones."

I cleared my throat uncomfortably. "I should probably go."

Michael grabbed my wrist as I stepped towards the doors and the instinct was natural, pure and natural when I snatched my hand away from his grasp. It burned where he'd touched me just for the smallest of seconds and not...not in a good way. A wave of nausea curled up my gut.

"Don't." I stumbled a step back, staring at him with wide, scared eyes as my heart raced. "Don't touch me."

He held up his hands in surrender and laughed sheepishly, even though nothing about this was funny. Evil, everything about him screamed evil and wrong right then. I wanted to place miles and miles of distance between us until I wasn't near him or could hear him or see him anymore.

"Geez, you're as jumpy as ever, Alice." He commented. "It's all right." He leaned forward and winked. "I won't bite."

I won't tell anyone if you don't, Alice. My stomach lurched and I whipped around, walking hurriedly out of the balcony until I was away from him. Until it felt safer to breathe.

"Mom." I saw her standing near the staircase, almost about to go upstairs. She stopped and turned around to look at me.

"What is it, Alice? I'm busy right now. I've got to fetch something for your Aunt Mary."

I took a step up the stairs and was practically vibrating with dread, fear, horror as I neared her. God, I wished she'd stop frowning at me. Not right now, at least. "Mom, why did you not tell me about Alyssa and Michael?"

Maybe I shouldn't have asked her that, not when they'd just made the announcement in front of everyone during dinner (Alyssa had flashed her engagement ring at everyone and I think I'd paled). Everyone had looked so happy for her. So excited and happy and like they couldn't wait for the wedding. I would be too. God, I really was happy to see her so happy.

But not with Michael.

"I wasn't aware that I should've." She kept frowning. "It was supposed to be a surprise, Alice. I don't see how you're a special exception."

But my stepdad had known. Even Matthew, my little stepbrother, was aware of it. Wasn't I her sister? Wasn't I amongst the immediate family? I tried to hold back a wince. "You could've at least told me that Michael's coming back, that he and Alyssa are serious again. Mom, you don't understand."

"What don't I understand?" She crossed her arms, looking fairly pissed now. I had her eyes, the same warm browns, yet hers always looked so so cold and disappointed.

I shook my head. Could she not, for once, treat me like an outsider? Could she, for once, just hear me out?

"Alice, listen here," She hissed as she leaned closer to me. "You will not ruin this or any coming day for your sister and her fiancé, am I clear? Everyone is happy after a long time. We all need this, especially after what happened to your cousin. Your sister needs this. Don't go ahead and do what you've convinced me you're so good at. Don't think of coming anywhere near it and ruining this."

I stared at her, shoulders hunching up almost protectively over my ears. Almost as if my body alone was desperate to ward off her words. Her words hadn't even sunken in and I just wanted to take mine back. Make everything all right again. I didn't mean to ruin.

"Am I clear?" She asked. "This isn't the time to repeat myself but things are finally looking up for us, Alice. You're getting a way out from all the time you've been wasting at university. Wasting and doing God knows what. You have to do better, Alice. You can do better."

I could only just nod since there was this stifling lump in my throat that prevented me from saying any words out loud. And what could I have said anyway? How could I have when my own mother never wanted to hear me say anything?

"Now, about that poor Soren darling you keep abandoning." She shook her head at me and I saw the disdain in her eyes this time. I stiffened at the name but realized she was just talking about Ryder. "One of your uncles was chatting his ear off. Haven't you told him to stay? He looked like he was leaving."

Most of the guests had left already, calling it a night since I think it was almost near midnight by now. The house was much quieter than it had been during dinner but not that quiet. And even then it was like a constant, anxious buzz beneath my skin. I'd drank some wine earlier but it hadn't been enough. God, I craved it right now more than anything.

"No." I wiped my clammy hands on my jeans. "He...he isn't staying. He can't, actually." Just one day. Ryder hadn't signed up for any more of this craziness.

Mom let out a tiny noise of frustration. "Well, go ahead then. He was looking for you."

I nodded, looking down at my sock-clad feet.

A second or two ticked by and then I heard her sigh heavily which made me look up at her again, at the slight softening of her frown.

"Alice." She shook her head. "I don't mean to be mad at you but you keep... Why can't you be happy for your sister? Or the fact that everyone's happy right now in this house?"

A lump formed in my throat.

"You do remember the last time we were gathered like this together, don't you? Of course, you do. You were there when they found Fraser's dead body." The look in her eyes turned almost pitiful. "There hasn't been any...liveliness around our family ever since that poor child died." Poor Fraser.

She leaned forward and squeezed my shoulder. "Let's forget the past and look ahead to the future, Alice. Your sister's getting married soon. We're happy for her, aren't we?"

She was looking at me as if getting me to be happy with this will make sure everything remains fine. Maybe it will. It wasn't like anyone knew.

"Yeah." I nodded, suddenly feeling so weary of everything. My shoulders slumped and I rubbed my hands over my face, trying to make it hurt but knowing I'd look like a downright psycho in front of my mom if she realized. "Yeah, Mom. You're right."

She smiled and the sad little lump in my throat grew heavy. Patting my shoulder, Mom continued going upstairs and I let the quiet silence wash over me.

She didn't want to understand, I thought as I kept standing there. Mom didn't want to know anything that I wanted to say to her. As long as Alice keeps silent, everything's going to be fine.

Briefly closing my eyes, I breathed in a sigh and then opened them again, readying myself to go ahead and search for Ryder.

•••••

Ryder was out in the backyard, though none of my uncles were with him. Instead, it was Aunt Frannie with her sparkly gold scarf that I spotted near him. She was also the first one to notice me approaching.

"Alice, there you are!" She beamed at me and clasped a hand around my arm just when I was near enough. "We were just talking about you."

I glanced at Ryder and saw him already looking at me, the blue in his eyes calm and steady and seeming rather curious.

"What about me?" I asked softly, and even though the question was directed at my aunt, I was still somewhat staring at Ryder.

He stared back for a second too long, enough for a shiver to curl up my spine, before blinking and breaking our gaze. It was bizarre because such a small thing shouldn't feel like a loss. Maybe I really did need that drink more than I'd thought.

"The camping trip," he stated.

"Yes!" Aunt Frannie added in with a cheer, making me snap my gaze to her when she squeezed my arm a little too excitedly. "Everyone's so excited now that we've got Alyssa and her fiancé on board. It's a must that we go there, don't you think, honey?"

"The family cabin?" I asked, a bit startled since that had been the last thing I'd expected them to be talking about. Camping trips to the cabin had been a thing we always did ever since I was a kid, even after Mom and Dad divorced, and even after Mom married my stepdad. But it had been so long since the last time we went there as a family and it just took me by surprise.

"Yes! Do you remember how we used to go there every year? Well, before, you know." She trailed off sadly. "This year's the perfect opportunity, though. Both of you and Alyssa and Michael darling and..."

Ryder's phone buzzed and he bristled just a little beside me, slipping his hand into his back pocket and taking it out. I tried not to stare.

"I...I don't know if that would be possible, Auntie." I replied, a little nervous. This was a one-time thing, I had to remind myself, especially when Ryder stood just beside me. All tall and imposing and radiating the kind of warmth that I did not want to think about. Not those arms pressed on either side of me as he'd caged me against my very own wardrobe.

I swallowed. He'd done me a big favor and I couldn't possibly keep asking him to be my fake boyfriend just for my family's sake. I didn't think he would agree anyway. "You see, I've got classes and there are these finals coming up that would--"

The backdoor flew open and Alyssa came outside with Michael in tow, both of them laughing loudly. I grew stiff.

"Alyssa!" Aunt Frannie shouted--to my horror, calling them both over. "We were just talking about--"

I nearly jumped out of my skin when Ryder nudged me on the small of my back. Just the softest of touches. "Querida," he murmured.

I turned around and faced him again. A tiny part of me wasn't happy with me looking away from my aunt and what she was currently telling Alyssa and her fiance, but the other bigger part of me didn't seem to care. Not just then when Ryder was talking to me and seemed to be touching me.

Not really, though, I noticed with a small anxious frown, since he pulled away just as quickly. It was infuriating because for a second I'd forgotten that Alyssa and Michael were right behind me.

"I have to go." He told me, looking down at me.

"What?" I whispered, eyes widening. "Look, she didn't really mean it. There's not going to be any camping trip or a...or a cabin in the woods. You don't have to worry about that. Of course, I'm not going to force you to--"

"All the better." He cut me off with an eye roll. "And that wasn't what I was talking about. I have to go because I'm needed somewhere."

Needed somewhere. "Where?" I asked him without thinking twice, because it hit me all so suddenly that I didn't...I didn't want him to leave just yet. Even though it was way too late right now and Ryder wasn't going to be staying. Wasn't it better that he didn't stay?

I saw him clenching his jaw, lips quirking almost curiously at one corner. "If we start telling each other our secrets, I don't think we would be here, querida."

Where else would we be? But the way his gaze clouded over, his eyes resembling a stormy midnight sky, didn't let me ask that.

I looked down at the perfectly mown grass around us, curling my toes inside the shoes I wore, and bit my lower lip. I wanted to frown but I didn't. I wanted to ask him everything but I didn't do that either.

Ryder exhaled heavily and my mind blanked a little, my heart jumping within my chest, and I didn't realize what he was doing until his fingers softly pressed against the bare skin of my wrist--my left wrist--circling it before swiftly tugging down the elastic band I'd been wearing.

He pulled it away and held it between two of his fingers, holding it just out of my reach. Not that I made any move to take it back from him. Not when the warmth of his fingers alone had left a bigger mark than the one from the insistent tugging of the band.

I looked up at him, in his eyes, and my heart skipped a slow, pathetic beat. Ryder ran his tongue over his lower lip and my heart raced.

From somewhere behind us, I heard Alyssa giggling and calling out to me. To take pictures or to recall family memories, I didn't quite hear her above the pounding of my heart.

Ryder's phone buzzed again, only this time he didn't make a move to take it out. Just a faint tic of his jaw that told me he'd heard it and was aware.

"I should go," he said, his voice low.

My stomach lurched unhappily.

I swallowed. "I'll walk you out."

•••••

I was staying the night here at my parents' house.

It hit me so suddenly the same instant I turned around from watching Ryder's sleek black car driving off into the night. Perhaps that was why I just froze for a minute there, especially when I realized that it wouldn't be just me.

Aunt Frannie was staying. My cousins Delilah and Jacob and Jenn were staying. And so were Alyssa and her fiancé, Michael.

I trudged back inside with a heavy heart, trying not to dread the few nightly hours left before dawn. You can make it till the morning, Alice, I tried to cheer myself up.

Aunt Frannie was a little muffed that Ryder (or Soren, as far as she knew) had to leave so soon. I had to remind her that it was almost midnight and not really that soon but she waved it off.

"He's such a charmer, that one." She giggled. She actually giggled and so did Alyssa. I couldn't help but glance a little warily at Michael as he stubbed out a cigarette. "He keeps calling you that...that strange endearment. Lovely."

"Yes." Alyssa grinned and she was clearly tipsy since she stumbled a little into me with the sudden excitement. I let her lean into me and smiled a little. Though I was anxious. And antsy. And wishing I could be as tipsy as Alyssa, if not entirely drunk.

"Oh, and did I mention he knew explicitly well about that tiny bookstore back down the street that got vandalized last week? I told you about that, didn't I, Alyssa dear? The one with those book club meetings?"

Alyssa nodded with wide eyes though I didn't think she was really hearing her.

I tried not to think too much over what Aunt Frannie had just said. Clearly, Ryder must've just been making conversation. I'd told him not to say anything out of the ordinary to my relatives or my mother. God, perhaps I should've stuck by his side. I didn't know what he did for a living. I didn't know anything about him except for the only time I'd seen him shooting a man straight between the eyes. Without an ounce of hesitation.

I shuddered. I didn't like thinking about that time in that underground cellar for this exact reason. Because if I started thinking about one thing, it led to so many more horrifying thoughts and memories.

"Hey, babe. Maybe we should call it a night too, huh?" Michael finally stepped in to gently grab Alyssa from me, grabbing her by the waist and tucking her to his side. I pulled away a little too quickly when his hand brushed my arm where Alyssa had been clinging to.

"Aw, do we have to?" Alyssa whined.

Aunt Frannie laughed merrily and linked her arm with mine. I shuddered again. "Let's all call it a night. Tomorrow's gonna be hectic anyway."

By the time we went inside, things only seemed to get more...let's just say, suffocating. I tried not to bristle when I went upstairs to my room and saw one of my cousins passed out on my bed, sprawled diagonally on it and looking nowhere near awake.

I only sighed quietly and draped my duvet over her so that the cold won't possibly kill her during the night.

When I went back downstairs to see if maybe the couch was free, I saw that it wasn't because Michael and Alyssa were occupying it. And they were quite obviously just seconds away from being handsy with each other. That was the last thing that I wanted to see. The last place where I wanted to be.

My mother was right there in the kitchen, laughing at a joke my stepdad was telling, and I didn't think I had ever felt more out of place.

I didn't think I had ever felt more in need to escape than I did at this moment.

So I did just that.

I escaped.

No one noticed as I pulled on my shoes once again and grabbed the first jacket from my duffel bag before making my way out of my house as quietly as I could've.

I escaped.

Only that I didn't quite make it that far, not when it was really a bit too cold out there and a little too eerily dark for me. I walked hurriedly down the streets, past the familiar rows of neighboring houses, until I saw a familiar neon sign flashing above the one club (slash bar) I quite possibly had spent most of my senior year of high school in.

The Welsh's Bar.

It was as old and grimy as it'd been the last time I was here, and I was pathetically smiling in relief as I squeezed past the crowd of bodies and the loud blaring music because this was it.

This was exactly what I'd needed to end this godforsaken night with. Or begin my new day with--whatever mattered in that moment.

I ordered myself the fruitiest of vodka shots and didn't waste a single second before chugging it down one after another. The burn was so welcoming as it trailed down my throat that I nearly almost proclaimed myself an alcoholic right there and then. Maybe I really was. It wasn't my fault that my life kept leading me to make such decisions and get myself utterly wasted.

The bartender behind the bar didn't spare me more than a single glance, mainly because everyone else in here seemed as enthusiastic to get trashed as I did, and that was exactly what I loved and maybe missed about this bar.

Everything was just so fucking easy when you were in here and under the influence.

Slamming the shot glass down on the marble counter, I hiccupped and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, feeling a tad bit lightheaded and a whole lot buzzed from the inside.

My eyes darted across the swarm of bodies swaying along with the music and amidst the blinding lights, my gaze got stuck to my hand. My left hand and the faint red mark that circled around my wrist. I pressed my fingertip to it, deeper and deeper but it didn't even hurt.

"What a waste," I mumbled and tipped my head back, closing my eyes and inhaling deeply.

God, I couldn't believe I'd been stuck inside that house for hours. I couldn't believe I'd been stuck in there with Michael. I couldn't believe I'd let Ryder go. Needed somewhere. He'd been needed somewhere. Why couldn't he have fucking stayed when he'd been so fucking willing to be my fake date for the whole day anyway?

Why couldn't he have stayed? Why the fuck had he even helped me in the first place? How had he known where I lived? Why couldn't he have stayed the hell away from me just like I wished Michael would stay the fuck away from me and my family?

Why? All of a sudden I just felt mad. I wasn't ever a violent person, perhaps a bit too opposite of it, but suddenly I just wished I could yell and throw those shot glasses at someone.

I wished someone would take me seriously for once and stop treating me like...like trash.

"Fancy a drink?" A deep voice came from right beside me and I jumped a little.

Opening my eyes, I found a tall man standing right there beside me, dressed in a pair of jeans and a black tee that seemed to hug his muscled torso just well. He leaned against the counter and held out a clear red mocktail towards me.

I blinked once, twice, then slowly let my gaze run him up and down. My skin seemed to hum appreciatively when dark, stormy eyes stared back at me. The little tension left, my stiff shoulders deflating. This, I knew at least.

I bit on my lower lip and slowly wrapped my fingers around the cool glass he held. Seemed a bit older than me, but not that old. "Depends. Have you spiked the drink?"

He smiled and the knots in my stomach loosened because it was a beautiful smile. An easy, without-any-creepy-motive smile.

"He hasn't." The bartender guy with the red fiery hair behind the counter--someone who I think I recognized from the time I lived here--threw the words at me sincerely. "I was watching."

"I haven't." Charming spoke and tugged on the glass in hand, which in turn made me stumble closer to him because I was kind of holding onto it too. He leaned closer and I caught a whiff of aftershave and booze right as he reached up with his other hand to softly push a loose strand of my hair behind my ear. "Would be a shame if I messed up my only chance with such beauty."

I felt my lips curve into a smile, one that my brain registered but my heart didn't.

Somewhere, within the only aware part of my brain, I registered the faint vibration of my phone chiming with a notification. I didn't much ponder over it though.

Instead, I looked down at the drink that he was now holding near his chest and then up into his eyes.

Not the soulful blue eyes, the ones that made my heart ache in such a strange way, I decided. But they'll have to do.

Not like I would remember much in the morning anyway.

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there'll be all kinds of action coming up v soon, don't u worry, lovelies ;)