"Ryan, Brendon's here," Ryan's mother shouted. The little five-year-old came racing out of his room. When he got to the living room, he saw his mother helping his best friend take off his shoes.

"Thank you, Mrs. Ross," Brendon beamed as he hugged her leg. The mother laughed at the affection.

"How many times have I told you to just call me Danielle."

"Oops. Sorry. Thank you Danielle."

"Brendon," Ryan shouted. The boy turned and his smile grew impossibly large. They ran to each other and Brendon ended up tackling the other with a hug.

"I'll go make you some snacks. Ryan go ahead and take Brendon to your room." Ryan nodded, grabbed Brendon by the hand and pulled him to his room.

The pair spent the afternoon playing with Ryan's toy cars. Danielle brought them a couple small bags of chips and juice boxes at some point. They were having the time of their lives racing around and laughing.

"Brendon, your mom's here." The boys stopped what they were doing and pouted.

"You can ask you mom if you can sleep over," Ryan suggested. Brendon shook his head.

"I tried cutting our dog's hair so she said I'm not allowed to sleep over for a month." Ryan crossed his arms, disappointed.

"Brendon, we gotta go," Brendon's mother called. The boys reluctantly left the room and headed for the front door. When they got back into the living room, their mothers were finishing up a conversation.

"I'll come over tomorrow," Ryan said while Brendon put his shoes back on.

"Really?" Brendon eyes grew wide with excitement. Ryan nodded returning the energy. Brendon pulled him into a tight hug. When he moved away, he planted a big kiss on Ryan's cheek.

"Come on sweetie." Brendon's mom took his hand and led him out the house to the car. He waved at Ryan before Danielle shut the door. Ryan was frozen in his spot, staring where Brendon was.

"You okay Ry?" Ryan looked up at his mother.

"Brendon kissed me. Do we have to get married now?" Danielle laughed softly and kneeled in front of her son.

"No, you don't have to get married and you're too young for that anyway."

"Why'd he kiss me?"

"Because he loves you and that's what people do to show how much they love someone."

"Like you and daddy?"

"It's different with your daddy and me. Brendon loves you as a friend." Ryan nodded in understanding.

"Do I have to kiss him back?"

"You don't have to. Brendon does it because he likes showing his affection like how he hugs you a lot and holds your hand when he comes to the store with us. He only does it because you're his best friend."

Only his best friend.

That stuck with Ryan as him and Brendon grew up. Brendon only got more clingy as they got older. He demanded cuddles at sleepovers and insisted on sharing milkshakes with two straws. He continued kissing Ryan on the cheek and progressed to doing it in public. Ryan was always seen with Brendon attached to his hip and holding his hand.

For everyone who didn't know the two, they automatically assumed they were dating. Hell, even people who knew about their level of affection were convinced they were in a not so secret relationship.

Ryan had tried to get Brendon to stop or at least calm down with the habits. He grew tired of hearing the rumors about them, about the relationship he wanted so desperately to be real. Brendon was so upset, he cried thinking Ryan didn't want to be his friend anymore.

Ryan couldn't control how much he enjoyed the feeling of Brendon's hand in his own. His heart would beat a little faster when the boy's lips landed on his cheek. He always felt safest and most comfortable when Brendon was asleep in his bed, pressed against his chest. His attractive for his friend only increased as time passed.

One night while Brendon was sleeping over, Ryan took the time to admire the boy's peaceful face. His eyes spent way too much time lingering on the plump lips that his cheeks knew so well. He didn't stop himself from leaning in and pressing his own lips against Brendon's. His heart was racing from the stolen kiss.

He pulled away quickly, moving his arms off the other. His mother's words rang in his head. Only his friend. He was only Brendon's friend. Ryan turned over and worked to steady his uneven breaths. His heart clenched as he repeated the words in his head. He was only a friend, nothing more. It hurt him to admit it when he realized that he would have to accept Brendon's love as being only platonic.

All this was much easier when they were still little boys. Now, being eighteen and seventeen years old in high school, their relationship was more complicated. Ryan was constantly getting shut down by any girl he showed remote interest in. It was hard to find someone willing to be with him when they thought he was already taken.

Brendon would always be there to comfort Ryan, telling him the girls were bitches anyway. He would always be there, no matter what. Brendon would hold Ryan a little tighter and let his lips hang on a little longer than usual. It drove Ryan insane knowing Brendon didn't realize what he was doing.

As they inched closer to graduation, Ryan started becoming antsy over the whole situation. He needed to know if Brendon actually only saw him as a best friend. The boy also deserved to know how he truly felt. He wanted to do it before they closed this chapter of their lives.

"Ryan!" Before he could respond, a heavy mass jumped onto his back. Ryan grunted and swiftly moved to support his friend's body. "There's a party at Frank's tonight. We have to go!" Ryan huffed and rolled his eyes.

"Couldn't you tell me that without trying to knock me over." Brendon arms wrapped around his front and he rested his head on Ryan's shoulder.

"You've been working out. I can tell. You didn't drop me this time and your recovery time's faster." Brendon giggled in his ear.

"Well I have to be ready for when you come to attack," Ryan smirked.

"Anyway, we're going. You pick me up?" Ryan didn't even bother responding. He saw no point. Once Brendon wanted to do something, they were gonna do it.

Later that night, Ryan was leaning against the wall at Frank's house with a drink in his hand. He was watching Brendon dancing from across the room. A part of him was dying as Brendon wiggled his apple bottom in those tight skinny jeans. Of course the asshole wore that stupid red shirt that was too tight on him and revealed a strip of skin when he moved his arms too high.

"Hey Ryan." Ryan snapped his head away from his friend to the girl that appeared next to him.

"Uh hey Audrey." The girl wasn't discrete in the way she let her eyes wander over Ryan's figure.

"I was wondering if you'd maybe wanna go find a room upstairs." Ryan mouth went dry. It had been so long since a girl came up to him suggesting that.

"Y-yeah. Okay." She smiled and took his hand. They made their way through the crowd and up the stairs. Ryan looked back and saw Brendon watching him leave. When they found an empty room, Audrey pushed him onto the bed and saddled his lap.

She was quick with moving her hands under his shirt as she kissed him aggressively. Ryan kept his hands respectfully on her waist, waiting for her to decide how fast she wanted this to go. She pulled away, panting in his mouth.

"You're not dating Brendon are you?"

"Wh-" She slammed their lips together before he could answer. He tightened his grip while she pushed her hips down against him. "N-no, I'm not," he answered when she pulled away to kiss down his neck.

"You guys are really close," she murmured, giving his smooth skin a bite. "It's very confusing." Ryan didn't want to think about Brendon. He was tired of thinking about Brendon. That's all he ever thought about. He just wanted to enjoy some time with someone who wasn't his best friend. He didn't want to think about the way the boy could move or his hips or his lips or that smile.

He found it harder to concentrate on Audrey now that Brendon was clouding his mind. Their bodies moved awkwardly against one another and Ryan felt more rigidly. Before he knew it, Audrey pulled away.

"You're thinking about him." It wasn't a question, but Ryan answered anyway.

"No, I'm n-not," he stuttered with a head shake. Well that wasn't very convincing. Audrey scoffed and climbed off him.

"I can't believe it. My friends were right about you." Ryan sat up and continued shaking his head. When she moved to the door, Ryan sprang up and grabbed her hand.

"I don't love him," he insisted. Audrey turned to see him.

"I never said anything about love." Ryan felt his cheeks heat.

"We're not together. We're just friends. He doesn't love me. We can't be together," Ryan pressed. It hurt him to say it, but it was the truth.

"You may not be official, but there's something obviously going on if you're trying to convince yourself that you don't want him." She left before Ryan could respond.

He stood alone in the room trying to figure out what he was doing. He moved back and fell onto the bed. He ran his hands over his face and groaned. He couldn't keep doing this. He couldn't keep lying to himself. These feelings were taking over.

He sat up when he heard a couple burst into the room. The girl was hanging over the guy, giggling like crazy. They stopped when they noticed Ryan in the room.

"Are you gonna use this room?" The guy asked. Ryan shook his head, feeling embarrassed at the question.

"Can you go then?" The girl asked. "We need to talk about something," she added with another giggle. Ryan quickly rushed out the room and flinched when the slammed behind him.

He sighed and started making his way downstairs. The music was vibrating loudly through the walls. The party was still at full energy, but he wanted nothing more than to go home and sleep the night away.

"How many times have I told you?" Ryan stopped and looked over at the cracked door where a familiar voice came from.

"I don't care. You're obviously blind and don't see it. You're playing with his emotions." Audrey? Ryan walked to the door and peaked in. Brendon and Audrey were standing in the room, yelling at each other. Brendon was obviously upset. His smile was long gone and he looked tense.

"He doesn't. Would you shut up about that! That's just how we are."

"I told you I'd figure out how he felt tonight. It's not my fault you can't accept it." Ryan's mouth fell open with a gasp.

"What did you do to him?"

"It's not what I did, it's what I couldn't do because of you."

"You're fucking crazy!"

"He loves you!" Ryan knew he should've left. He needed to leave, but he couldn't. He had to know how this turned out.

"He's my best friend. That's all. We'll never be more than that. Everyone needs to stop with their stupid rumors and let us be. We're happy the way we are. We don't need more. " Ryan's heart shattered. His body went numb. At least he got his answer.

"So you're not gonna do anything about this? You're can't keep going on like this doesn't change anything." Ryan backed away from the door. He didn't want to hear anymore. He didn't think he could take it.

He moved to the stairs, being greeted by a crowd of sweaty, drunk bodies. He found it hard to breathe, feeling everything closing in on him. He worked his way through the people, heading for the front door. He needed fresh air. He needed to get out of here. He needed to get away.

He finally managed to make it outside, taking a dramatic breath. Each exhale was shaky and not satisfying enough. The front lawn was empty, so there was no physical reason for him to feel like he was suffocating, but his lungs burned in chest. His vision started blurring.

He started stumbling over to his car. He pressed against the driver door, not having the energy to open it. His body heaved with ever strangled breath he took.

"Ry, you okay? You should've called me if you wanted to leave." Ryan's chest constricted and he squeezed his eyes shut. He kept his forehead against the window, his breath fogging up the glass. He couldn't do this. He couldn't look at Brendon. He couldn't handle this feeling. "Ryan, what's wrong?"

"Go away," Ryan whispered. He tried to swallow the dry lump that was stuck in his throat.

"What? Ry, what's going on?"

"Leave me alone." Ryan couldn't stop a tear from sliding down his face. He felt so pathetic.

"Ryan," Brendon laughed softly. "Seriously, what's going on with you?" Ryan shook his head.

"We can't be friends anymore." He clenched his fist and gritted his teeth. He could picture Brendon's face, frozen and mouth hung open in disbelief.

"W-what?" Ryan wasn't about able to contain the small sob that left his mouth. "Ryan, talk to me." Ryan jumped away when Brendon placed a hand on his shoulder.

He saw him, saw how distressed he looked. Brendon's face was pale, terribly masked with an uneasy smile. Ryan could see the worry in his eyes.

"Did someone give you something in there," Brendon tried to joke.

"It's not like we were gonna be friends forever," Ryan mumbled. "What? Were we gonna move in together after high school? Then what? You're gonna go away and do your own thing while I do mine, so let's just face that fact now." Each word felt like daggers stabbing into his chest.

"Ryan, I-I don't understand. I thought we.. I thought... You're my best friend." Ryan squeezed his eyes shut. He knew that. Of course he knew that. He knew that's all he'd ever be in Brendon's eyes, but that wasn't enough.

"I'm sorry." Brendon lunged forward and gave Ryan a rough shove. The boy stumbled back, almost losing his balance. "What the hell was that?"

"You're an asshole, you know that? I thought I could count on you to be by my side. I thought you were my friend."

"Well that's over now." Ryan bit the inside of his cheek. He wanted this to be over with. He didn't know how much longer he could keep this up.

"Fuck you!" Ryan didn't look up when he heard Brendon storm away. Instead he got in his car and quietly drove away. It was until he was parked outside his house that he let the dam break completely.

He hunched over and cried into the steering wheel. He didn't know how long he was sitting there. He just wanted all the pain to go away. He was never officially with Brendon, but this felt like a terrible breakup. He wanted to rip his heart out of his chest to ease the pain.

He startled when there was a soft tap at his window. He quickly wiped away his tears and looked out seeing his mom. She pulled open the door.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were sleeping over at Brendon's." Ryan shook his head and stepped out of the car. His mother took in the aftermath of her son's crying session. "What happened?"

Ryan shook his head again and went inside. Danielle followed close behind him, showering him in questions. He tried his best to assure her that everything was fine, but his mother didn't buy it.

"Stop lying to me," Danielle said impatiently.

"Please mom. Not tonight." Ryan's eyes were already getting watery as he looked at his mother. "Please." Thrown off by her son's loss of composure, she allowed him to go to his room.

Ryan fell onto his bed and instantly began weeping into his pillow. Thoughts of tonight were playing on repeat in his head. He just wanted to sleep. He wanted to escape. He needed everything to stop for a moment.

His heavy eyes finally granted his wish and fell closed. He was grateful to have an empty, dreamless sleep. He was happy to take a break from life. He woke up the next morning feeling more exhausted than usual.

Looking at his alarm clock, he saw it was a few hours passed school's start time. If he wasn't up on time, usually his mom would come wake him up. She probably wanted to give Ryan a day to recover from the mess she saw last night.

He picked up his phone, noticing numerous missed calls and over twenty messages. He put the phone back down when he saw they were all from Brendon. He didn't want to deal with that, not today. Not ever. He wanted to get over his stupid feelings and move on.

Ryan spent the day laying in bed and staring at the wall. His phone went off every now and then, but he didn't even bother to see who it was and let it ring.

His mom came home from work, more worried that he hadn't moved. She tried asking what happened, but Ryan still didn't feel like talking. Ryan spent his time dozing in and out of sleep, but he didn't mind it. It didn't make a difference whether he was awake or asleep now, he was just numb.

His mother called in for him the next two days when she realized Ryan still hadn't gotten out of bed. She guilt tripped him into eating something before she let him be alone. Ryan hadn't even touched his phone, not trusting himself to keep it together if he saw Brendon's name on the screen.

By the forth day, his mother had threatened to send him to therapy if he didn't do something. To ease her worry, he went out for a walk. He didn't see the harm in it. It was school hours, so he wouldn't run into anyone he knew. It was good for him to get some fresh air anyway.

When he got back to the house, he was glad to see his mom's car gone. He could just go back to bed now. When he pushed open his bedroom door, he froze. His heart stopped and the air suddenly felt too thick to breath.

"What are you doing here?" Brendon was sitting cross legged on the bed, fiddling with his fingers nervously. He snapped his head up at the sound of Ryan's voice. He quickly got to his feet, almost fall when his leg got stuck to the sheets.

"I uh... your mom let me in." Brendon was struggling to meet Ryan's eye.

"That doesn't answer my question. What do you want?"

"You haven't been at school all week."

"If that's why you came, then you can leave."

"Ryan, you don't look so good. What happened that night at the party?" Ryan dropped his gaze, not wanting Brendon to see his watering eyes.

"You need to go and not come back," Ryan whispered.

"This is bullshit!" Ryan flinched at Brendon's voice. "We've been friends for like 12 years and you want to just throw me aside without giving me a real reason? What kind of person does that?" Ryan was struggling to keep in his tears as his body started to tremble.

"What could've happened that was so bad that you decided to end this?" Ryan felt his legs ready to give out. He couldn't avoid this much longer. He wasn't strong enough to be without the boy he fell in love with.

"What did I do to make you hate me all of a sudden?" Ryan let out a sob and fell to his knees. He cried into his hands, not being able to contain himself any long.

"Go away," he whined through the tears. Knowing Brendon, he wasn't leaving after seeing Ryan break down in front of him. He was instantly on his knees with his friend and pulled him into a hug.

"Ryan, what happened?" He whisper as Ryan gripped onto his shirt and cried into his shoulder. "What can I do to fix it?"

Ryan pulled back and slammed his lips against Brendon, feeling the boy tense underneath him. His heart was going crazy, wanting him to stop this torture and also continue feeling Brendon's heavenly lips against his.

Ryan pulled away and shoved Brendon onto his back. He quickly backed away until his back pressed against the wall. His breathing was labored as he watched a shocked Brendon prop his upper body up on his elbows.

"Ryan?" Ryan pulled his legs to his chest and buried his face in his knees. He was already regretting the kiss, but at least Brendon knew now.

"Go away, Brendon." His energy was draining quickly. He couldn't take much more of this stress and all the crying. Why couldn't Brendon just respect his wishes?

"Ryan." He could barely hear Brendon's voice. He obviously wasn't expecting Ryan to kiss him. What will he do now? Call Ryan a freak? Hit him? Storm out? Whatever it was, Ryan wasn't ready for the rejection. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Please leave." He clenched his fists into the fabric of his sweater. What he wanted to hear was Brendon's footsteps leaving so he could be alone again. His heart was aching in his chest and he was ready to sleep so he couldn't feel anymore.

He flinched when a hand cupped his cheek, guiding his head up. He met Brendon's brown eyes, the eyes he'd fallen so hard for. Not being able to look anymore, Ryan shut his eyes and turned away the best he could.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I couldn't do it anymore. I shouldn't have... I know you don't... I'm sorry." Brendon kept his head in place, feeling Ryan tremble. "I'm s-so sorry, Bre–"

He opened his eyes in surprise. Now Brendon was the one with his eyes closed. He was so close, lips pressed against his own. Ryan was frozen in shock even after Brendon pulled away. He didn't move back too far, still kept his face close.

"Stop apologizing." Ryan gave a nod. Brendon's caressed his cheek, smiling softly. "You're so stupid Ry." Normally, Ryan would defend himself, but he didn't know how to talk.

"At the party," Ryan finally got out. "I heard you and Audrey in the room." Brendon sat back and let out a nervous chuckle. "I thought," he trailed off not exactly knowing what to say.

"Audrey was determined to prove that the rumors of us being together were true. I eventually told her we weren't but I wished they were." Ryan watched Brendon look away shyly at the confession. He wasn't sure if he stopped breathing or his heart was working overtime.

"You tried pushing me away when the rumors came, so I figured you wouldn't want anything more. Audrey said she was gonna prove that you felt something, but I got mad because I had been trying to convince myself that we were just friends for so long I didn't want to be given that hope for more." Brendon let out a sigh and looked back at Ryan.

"If all we could be was just friends, that was fine. You let me be affectionate which was more than I could ask for. I was willing to ignore my feelings if it meant you'd stay with me, but then you get so mad at the party. I broke. It felt like I couldn't breath. Then you didn't come to school and I started panicking. It thought I really lost you."

Ryan reached over and grabbed Brendon's hand. The gesture was enough to silence the younger. Ryan opened his mouth to speak, but pulled his bottom lip between his teeth instead. A part of him was still hesitant about this situation.

"I like you," Brendon decided to admit first. "I like you a lot more than a friend." Ryan didn't move as Brendon leaned in closer. He felt the other breath softly against his lips. "I hope that's okay." Ryan nodded and carefully brought his hand up to circle around the back of his neck.

"It's okay." Brendon smiled and closed the space between their mouths. Ryan smile into the kiss as butterflies erupted in his stomach. He let out a soft giggle when they pulled apart. "It's more than okay." Brendon pecked his lips again before leaning back to look over Ryan's face.

"Are we still friends?" Brendon questioned.

"I think we're more than just friends," Ryan whispered. "I mean if you want to be," he added. Brendon's smile was impossibly big, Ryan was sure his cheeks were hurting.

"Nothing would make me happier." Brendon fell against Ryan's arms immediately wrapping around him. Ryan kissed the top of his head, letting himself enjoy the moment he'd wanted for years. Brendon was truly his now and he was Brendon's. Finally, he could confirm the rumors about them being a couple and not just platonically affectionate friends.

---

A/N:

If you made it to the end, thanks for reading my long ass oneshots! I have so many unfinished oneshots just chilling in my notes. Finally finished this after like 2 weeks of it just sitting there. Also had some smut (some finished) but wasn't sure if I should post it. I don't know how y'all'd feel about it? But yeah maybe I'll stop starting new stories and actually finish them for a change. Probably not but one can dream :)