A/N:

The new Ryden content begins (if you've read the other in my other book before). Enjoy!!

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Ryan took a deep breath as he stood in front of the wooden door. His nerves were buzzing in his body. He didn't want to do this interview. He begged and pleaded to his boss about reassigning the story to another journalist, but without a proper reason his boss forced him to do the interview anyway.

With a deep breath, he knocked on the door and waited patiently. He heard a familiar voice yell 'coming' through the wood and he felt his heart stop. He couldn't do this. He could still leave. He could just run back to his car and take off.

Before he could move, the door swung open. Ryan froze as his saw the well groomed man standing in the doorway. His hair looked wet, so Ryan assumed he just took a shower. He was wearing a tight black shirt and sweatpants. Even dressed casually, the man was beyond attractive.

"Ryan?" The welcoming smile dropped from his face as he looked at Ryan. Ryan's heart was beating out of his chest. He couldn't even think of anything to say.

'Be professional. Do your job and leave,' he said in his head. He shot his hand out for a handshake.

"Hello, Mr. Urie. I'm here from Altpress for the interview." He bit his lip as he waited for some reaction from the other.

Brendon looked at Ryan's hand with his brows furrowed in confusion. He hesitantly gave the hand one shake and moved aside to let Ryan in. Brendon shut the door and led Ryan to the living room.

"You became a journalist." It wasn't a question, but Ryan answered anyway.

"Yeah. I did. Graduated from UNLV." His eyes were wondering around the room. Everything looked so nice and clean. There was a sliding door leading to the backyard pool. Brendon really made something of himself.

"So, how've you been?" Ryan looked over at Brendon who was leaning forward, arms on his knees. He was staring intently at Ryan with a sense of longing in his eyes. He didn't think he could handle the interview let alone small talk.

Ryan quickly looked away and pulled his bag close to him. He pulled out a notebook and a voice recorder. He cleared his throat and set the recorder on the coffee table between them.

"So, um. Thank you for agreeing to this interview. Is it alright I record our conversation?" He glanced up long enough to see Brendon nod and then looked back down. He opened his notebook to a set of questions his boss had given him.

"Can I get you anything before we start? Beer? Juice? Water?" Ryan was ready to shake his head then realized how dry his throat was.

"Some water would be nice please." Brendon was up in a flash and disappeared to what Ryan could only assume was the kitchen.

He ran his hand through his hair and took a deep breath. He worked on calming the slight trembling of his hands. He picked up the recorder and started it.

He spoke the date, location, and interview before setting it back on the table. Brendon had returned and handed Ryan a bottle of water before sitting down. He took a sip from the beer he'd grabbed for himself.

Ryan drink a drink then set down the bottle as he stared down at his notes. He looked up at Brendon for a second before turning away again.

"Mr. Urie," Ryan started.

"Brendon, please Ryan. Just call me Brendon." Ryan tried to ignore how soft and almost hurt his voice sounded.

"Okay... Brendon." He squeezed his eyes shut as he spoke the name he'd somehow managed to avoid saying for years. "First, I'd like to say congratulations on the Grammy win. I could tell you worked very hard for this and deserved the award."

"Thank you, but it wasn't just me. I couldn't've done it without my team." Ryan began writing down some notes as Brendon spoke. "It wasn't just me. It took a family to make the record and help me make it on that stage."

Ryan nodded. He tried ignore the warm feeling Brendon gave him as he talked about the people he worked with. He was always considerate of them, made sure they were given the credit they deserved.

"When making the album, what was going through your mind? Were you aiming for the grammy nomination?"

"I never write for reward. I make music because it's what I love. It's my passion. Those who are in this business for the glory are doing it for the wrong reasons."

Ryan wanted to laugh. Of course that was his answer. Of course Brendon was doing this purely for enjoyment. Of course Brendon would create masterpieces without really trying. He was never one to chase fame, he was just gifted.

"Can you explain to me what you were feeling the moments before your name was called?" Ryan could feel the other's eyes burning into him. He made sure to keep his head low, avoiding anymore interaction than he needed to. This wasn't a video interview or else he knew he would've been forced to be more engaging.

"I knew I was nervous. To be honest, I didn't even think I would win. There were a lot of other great bands in my category. I was just honored to be nominated." Ryan had to bit back his smile. Brendon never thought highly of himself. He was a genius and couldn't see it.

"How did you feel holding that award on that stage?"

"Ryan, can we stop?" Ryan looked up surprised. Brendon was chewing on his lip nervously. Ryan frowned. He always hated that habit. It wasn't good for him.

"Why?"

"Why are you doing this?" Ryan tilted his head to the side.

"Doing what?" Brendon set his beer down with a hard thump on the table.

"Don't do that. You know what I'm talking about." He buried his face in his hands and Ryan just watched. "How can you just sit there, reading stupid questions off your list and just act so... distant?"

Ryan didn't reply. He just looked down at the recorder blinking red. He was fiddling with the pen in his hand as he kept his mouth shut.

"I'm not gonna lie, I was surprised to see you. Out of the hundreds of interviews I've done these past couple weeks, I never expected to open my door to see you for an interview."

Ryan's breathing was fast as he watched Brendon run his hands through his almost black hair. They locked eyes and Ryan couldn't will himself to look away.

"I haven't seen you in what? Ten years? I never imagined that if we'd ever see each other again that you'd pretend that I was just... some stranger."

"I'm just doing my job," Ryan spoke, still not looking away. Brendon nodded slowly and quickly looked down. Ryan wasn't an idiot though. He knew that's what Brendon did in an attempt to hide how hurt he was.

"Right. Yeah. Right. Um, let's just... keep going." Brendon leaned back on the couch and took a big drink from his bottle. He stared off into the corner of the room. Ryan wanted to tell him something, anything that could make the situation better, but there was nothing.

"What's it like for you when you're up on stage, surrounded by thousands of fan screaming back your lyrics?" Ryan read off. Brendon gave a small chuckle and kept his gaze away.

"It's intense, like I'm given so much energy I can run forever and not get tired. Almost nothing can compete with that feeling."

"Almost nothing?" Ryan asked without thinking. Brendon gave one nod.

"I've only felt that way once a long time ago. Being on stage is the closest I've ever gotten to that feeling." Ryan wanted to keep asking. What was it? When? Was it with someone else? He kept quiet and moved on.

The interview seemed to drag on. There was an uncomfortable tension between the two men. Ryan was willing for the whole encounter to be over so he could crawl back into his sheltered hole he'd built himself.

"After winning the most important award in music, what do you plan to do now?" Ryan read off the last question.

"This isn't the most important award," Brendon mumbled, finishing of his beer.

"It's not?" Ryan naturally asked. "What do you feel was the most important award you've received in your career then?"

Brendon didn't say anything as he stood up and left the room. Ryan sat confused for a moment before he stopped the recorder. He stood up and began stuff his items in his bag, assuming the interview was over.

He zoned out, processing the whole experience. He didn't think he'd ever be in Brendon's house. This all felt unreal.

He startled when Brendon came back and set something down on the coffee table. Brendon still wasn't looking at him and kept his eyes down. Ryan slowly moved his eyes from the man to the item.

His mouth fell open as he dropped his things on the couch. He reached down and carefully lifted the old trophy that was set on the table. He looked up at Brendon.

"What's this?" Brendon eyes were trained on what Ryan held.

"Talent show, senior year, 10 years ago." Ryan's eyes started tearing up.

"You.. you kept it?" Brendon finally looked at Ryan.

"10 years ago, I was dating an amazing guy who practically forced me to enter the contest and I wrote a song... I wrote a song about him. I almost didn't go on, but he literally dragged me onto the stage and stayed there with me while I performed." He shrugged and dropped his head again.

"And I won. I won because of him.. because he believed me." Brendon ran his hand through his hair and sighed. "If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be standing here right now." Ryan stood speechless.

"And I almost gave up though before I even truly started. After graduation, after you... after you broke up with me, I lost all motivation. I had no faith in myself without you."

"You wanted to put everything on pause to follow me to college. I couldn't stand in the way of what I knew you were capable of."

"I needed you. Ryan, I loved you. It didn't feel the same without... I didn't think I could do it without you."

"But you did," Ryan whispered.

"But I didn't want to," Brendon snapped as he glared at the other. Ryan flinched at the man's tone, ignoring the sharp pain in his chest. Brendon looked away and ran a hand through his hair.

"I started thinking that everything you told me, all that support, was just a big lie."

"Brendon," Ryan shook his head. "That's not-"

"Then I would think about how much you'd push me to do better and how much you motivated me when I wanted to quit. You couldn't have been lying. You couldn't have faked it all that time. I didn't have any other plans in my life. All I've ever wanted was to be a musician and you supported my stupid dream." Ryan wiped a tear that had fallen down his cheek.

"I would stare at that little plastic trophy thinking of you, thinking I needed to try harder because I was gonna make it. I had to make it... I had to make it for you." There was a moment of silence Ryan didn't know how to fill. Luckily, Brendon spoke up.

"You asked which award I felt was the most important." Ryan nodded. "Well, this is it. This is what started it all."

Ryan walked around the table and stood in front of Brendon. The man kept his head low. Ryan held his head up by his chin.

"Do you really believe that? That I- that this trophy started your career?" Brendon stared into Ryan's eyes and didn't speak for a second.

"When I gave my acceptance speech, I had this long list of people I wanted to thank. So many stories that I wanted to share that led me here. I found myself thinking about you. Thinking about how you weren't by my side sharing all this with me. You were there from the beginning. You were the one that helped me believe in myself when no one else would and then you weren't there anymore. I was standing on that stage," he sighed before continuing.

"I stood there and thought about how I couldn't thank you and you're the reason for all this. You're the-" Brendon was cut off by Ryan grabbing his face and pressing his lips against his own. He didn't hesitate to kiss back and wrap his arms around Ryan's familiar body.

They pulled away naturally and slowly. Brendon opened his eyes and peered down at the boy he's been in love with for the past 10 years.

"Ryan?" Ryan shook his head and smiled at Brendon. He wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled him forward to press their foreheads together. He placed his free hand over Brendon's pounding heart.

"I missed you too, Bren and I'mso proud of you." Brendon smiled and connect their lips again, feeling complete for the first time since high school.