Spencer was always there when Ryan was upset over every little and big thing. He made sure that Ryan wasn't alone. They kinda had a routine whenever something happened.

When Ryan's mother left, the young Spencer took Ryan to his house and they laid together on his bed. Ryan seemed to calm down when Spencer held onto him so that's what he did. He even offered to share his own mother to make the boy feel better.

Ryan would come over Spencer's more. Mrs. Smith treated him like her own and Ryan loved the warm feeling it gave him. The Smith's residence did feel like a second home for him.

When Ryan found out his ex was cheating on him, Spencer came over to Ryan's place to with take out and junk food. He held the boy in his arms, wiping away his tears. They laid in bed and had a Disney marathon to distract the boy.

Spencer was Ryan's support until the boy could go about his day without thinking of the cheater. Spencer would pride himself having such a strong friend.

When Ryan's father passed away, Ryan went missing for a couple hours. Spencer found him at his father's place cleaning up the empty bottles lying around. Ryan was talking to himself saying that it wasn't real, he wasn't gone until he broke down against Spencer.

Spencer again laid with Ryan, in his father's bed this time. Occasionally, Ryan would share a fond memory, offering a small smile in the process. His voice was deep with sorrow as he relived the memories the first time without his dad there.

After Ryan could grieve, Spencer watched him shake hands with the realtor when he sold his father's house. It was Ryan closing that chapter in his life, going back to visit every now and then, but not staying stuck on those pages.

Spencer watched Ryan thrive as they got older. Ryan started a job he adored, bought his own house that he could be proud of, met a fantastic man he was set to marry in the fall. Spencer loved seeing Ryan this happy.

Spencer watched Ryan fall in love Brendon. The need to cuddle with Ryan while he cried decreased extensively. When he saw the way Brendon looked at Ryan and how Ryan's eyes sparkled, he knew they were perfect for each other.

Spencer's heart broken when he heard the news one day. He immediately went to Ryan's house, ready to fall into their routine. When he opened his friend's door, he was surprised.

He was expecting his best friend to devastated by his fiancee's death. Ryan was supposed to be on the floor motionless balling his eyes out. When he shut the door behind him, he jumped when he heard a crash coming from the kitchen.

Spencer hurried to the noise and found Ryan staring down at the shattered glass on the floor. When he looked close enough, he saw it was Brendon's coffee mug.

"Ryan, what are you doing?" Ryan looked up and glared at Spencer. He stormed out of the kitchen with Spencer trailing behind. "Ryan?" Spencer thought maybe Ryan didn't hear about Brendon's accident.

Spencer followed him into the bedroom and saw Brendon's clothes scattered on the floor. A couple of his things were buried in some of the piles. Ryan disconnect the game console on the tv stand and held it over his head.

"Woah." Spencer rushed to Ryan and took away the console before Ryan could throw it down to the ground. "What's the matter with you?"

Spencer was beyond confused. He'd never seen Ryan cause this much chaos before. Ryan wasn't a violent person. Ryan frowned and pushed Spencer out of the way and stormed out of the room.

Spencer set the console down and followed. He found Ryan in Brendon's music room. Ryan was standing in front of a wall, staring the guitars his fiancee had hanging there.

"Ryan?" Spencer asked softly. Ryan only moved at the sound of Spencer's voice. He wrapped a hand around the neck of Brendon's acoustic guitar. Ryan had given that guitar to Brendon on their second anniversary. He even had their initials engraved on the neck.

As he swung it over his head, Spencer grabbed the body of the guitar and pulled it out of Ryan's grip.

"What the hell, Ryan?" Spencer didn't know how to react. It was like following a toddler around and making sure not to break anything valuable. Ryan just stared at the floor. "Ryan, look at me."

Ryan's fists were balled at his sides. His shoulders where heaving in time with his breathing. He didn't speak.

"Ryan, I know you're hurting about Brendon, but this isn't how you handle things." Ryan snapped his head up. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were dark with anger. "I understand how you feel Ry, but thi-"

"No, you don't," Ryan hissed. Spencer set down the guitar and took a step to Ryan. Ryan pushed him back not wanting him close. "You have no idea how I feel!"

"I know you're hurting," Spencer spoke softly. "But this isn't how you cope. You're not an angry person." Ryan jerked his head to the side.

"I know you miss him. You love him... so why are you destroying his stuff?" Ryan didn't answer, only shook his head. Maybe it was about closure.

"Did you guys get into a fight before it happened?" Ryan stood still for a beat.

"No." His voice was low and rough.

"Did one of you forget to say 'I love you'?"

"No."

"Was there something you wanted to tell him? Like a confession?"

"No. We were an open book." Ryan sounded hoarse. It sounded like it physically hurt to talk. "We never hid anything from each other. Took every chance we had to show how much we loved each other. No unresolved conflict. Everything was perfect with him."

"Then why are you angry?" Ryan looked back at Spencer. His eyes weren't angry anymore. They were filled with desperation.

"Because we never hid anything from each other, no unresolved conflict. We took every chance to show how much we love each other. Everything was perfect between us," he practically shouted.

"I don't understand," Spencer spoke softly. This was the first time he couldn't comprehend what was going on with Ryan even after all the years they'd spent together.

"I can't be mad at him," Ryan whispered. His let out a stuttered breath. "He loved me and showed it. He kissed me goodbye this morning. Tonight, he planned a romantic dinner and then we were gonna make love. He's never treated me less than what he thought I was worth." Tears were now sliding down his cheeks.

"Now, that's gone and I can't be mad because it wasn't his fault. He did nothing wrong. He'd be here if he had the choice."

"Ryan." Spencer closed the space between them, glad Ryan didn't push him away. He pulled Ryan into his arms and the man buried his face in Spencer's chest.

"There's nothing stopping me from letting him go," Ryan's voice was barely audible. Spencer could feel his shirt dampening with his friend's tears. "I have no reason to find closure or forgive my sins. Once I've grieved, that's it. The second chance everone wishes for to clear bad blood with a dead loved one, I don't need it because there's nothing to fix. There's nothing I could say that he didn't already know. We were perfect. All I can do is mourn then let go. And then he's really gone."

Spencer understood now. He rubbed Ryan's back, hoping that he could give Ryan any sense of comfort. He didn't know how to fix this one.

With Ryan's ex, Ryan thought if he could talk to the bastard and promise if he could be better, they could work out. Spencer helped Ryan see his worth.

Ryan blamed himself for not trying hard enough to get his dad to stop drinking. Spencer helped him realize that there wasn't anything he could do. He had already given it his best shot.

Now, in Brendon's music room, Spencer had nothing to help Ryan find his peace. There was nothing to fix between the couple. What they shared was pure. How could he help Ryan get over that?

"I love him, Spence," Ryan whimpered. Spencer closed his eyes when he felt himself tearing up. They both stood, crying in each others' arms. "I can't live without him."