226: What I See
"Mother!" Clara's middle child came to fetch her from the study. "Aunt Alice is acting so strangely."
"Strangely?" Clara looked up.
"For her?" Her husband, Patton, who was reading the paper in a different chair, looked up.
"Even for her, yes." Clara's middle child, Chester, who was nearly 13, was well aware of Alicia's oddness compared to other adults and usually took the same wry approach to it that Clara herself did.
"I know one of her 'assignments' was troubling her," Clara said with a significant look to her husband.
He knew something of what Alicia did, though not as much as Clara herself.
"Better see to her then," he said.
Clare didn't bother to excuse herself further. She hurried out of the room.
Chester, who was usually just called Chip by his family when company wasn't around, led her out of the garden.
Alicia had been having a game with the younger children there, where they all pretended to be big chess pieces and moved according to whoever was 'queen or king'.
But she was sitting on the grass with no regard for stains to her skirt and gazing into nowhere with tears going down her face.
This was quite frightening to her youngest nieces and nephews, who didn't understand why any grown woman would cry after playing a game unless she lost.
"She's just having a woman's problem," Clara said to them.
This was always her words for when she had a problem she couldn't explain to her children, and they usually accepted it without question.
With odd looks at her, they nodded.
"Why don't you get a snack for the pantry? I will help your aunt," Clara said.
They scurried off to do this welcome activity.
Clara wasn't sure whether to disturb Alicia or not, as she appeared to be in some kind of vision.
But she began to worry it had gone on too long.
Still...
However, she also knew that you couldn't force Alicia out of her visions, and she would answer you if you spoke to her while she was in them only as she might talk to a dream person.
But deciding it might be better to try than to wait, Clara spoke. "What are you seeing, Dearest?"
Alicia twitched a little, so she must have heard her.
Then she sighed and looked up. "It's over."
"What... what is?" Clara had an idea but didn't want to say. If she was wrong she'd only upset her.
"The whole ordeal of that closed off world," Alicia said. "I told you, the other day... they were close... Well, it's over. The gods have departed Remnant, and I do not think they will ever return to that world."
"Oh... my..." Clara was quite surprised.
She knew little of foreign gods, but it seemed quite a feat to displace them so completely.
"So, all will be all right now?" she said.
"I suppose it will be," Alicia said oddly, standing up finally and brushing grass off her skirt without much care for it. "But I saw further than that. Only glimpses, but I do declare, sister, it's not quite how we expected. I do not know whether it's better or not--but no, of course anything the Lord does must be for the best."
"My dear, I don't know what you mean. I wish you'd explain. This is quite suspenseful," Clara interrupted her.
"I beg your pardon, sister, but I can hardly think," Alicia said. "It's just this: Ozma lives."
"The... the fellow with the curse?" Clara, little as she knew of worlds, knew this was odd enough to be quite taken aback herself by it.
"Yes, the same," Alicia said.
"Even though he ought to be... free now?" Clara hoped she understood.
"He is," Alicia said. "At least, in body. Who knows what it will take for his soul to be free of sorrows over it? I hope not much." She rubbed her chin in bewilderment. "We had thought that the end of the curse might mean his passing on, though I always wondered if it would, in fact, just mean a return to his old form. I confess, I had hoped it would be the latter, but then it wouldn't have made any difference to me in the long run... I'm sure he feels quite lost now. Am I foolish for wishing that now of all times I could be there? I know they will get on perfectly all right now that they have freedom, but... well, it's almost like..."
"It's like being a mother or wife," Clara said candidly. "Of course you wish the best for them when they do things on their own, but you'd like to at least be able to watch them and tell them how proud you are. I understand."
"I believe you do," Alicia said. "I know, this is not your burden. I didn't mean to frighten the children. I suppose I did. The vision took me all at once, and I couldn't think of anything else."
"I understand," Clara said. "I don't know what to tell them... but I'll think of something... Do you need a rest?"
"I think I need a walk," Alicia said. "Time to let it sink in. I'll be back by supper though, perhaps even by tea time."
"All right... just... careful about going too deep into the wood part. Patton tells me there's been some flooding since the last rain, and it's dreadful muddy and slippery," Clara cautioned her.
"I think I can find my way around your woods, Clare," Alicia said wryly, picking up her staff--which often looked more like an umbrella in her own world--and walking out of the garden.
"I suppose it's good thing she won't have to worry about it anymore," Clara said to herself just as Alicia might have. "But I do think she still feels a bit sad. My... things have such an odd way of working out, though I suppose the Almighty knows best..."
* * *
"Is it weird?" Wally asked Shine, while they were sitting in the kitchen drinking cold beverages the day after the rooftop incident. "Feeling like it's over?"
"I don't exactly, though," Shine said. "But yes, it's a little odd to know the biggest part of it is gone. Still, though, I keep thinking about how ready they are. I know they can go on now, without us, but there's so much we hardly even touched on because we were so busy with working on stopping Salem. I feel like I usually get more time to just enjoy being around students and getting to know them. I feel I was harder on them because of the urgency. I suppose no mission is perfect."
"I know you feel that way," Wally said, "but I think they got it, you know, anyway. There was a lot of weird stuff going on to make it more awkward for us, but now that it's gone, I feel a lot more at home with them already. It's crazy how big a difference that magic and gods stuff was making."
"It was that unspoken thing between us, that they knew they were tied to them, and we were aliens to them," Shine said. "But it's gone now. I guess we really should be out there with them enjoying it, but somehow I feel that it would be odd to walk around and now just be guests here... Maybe I just didn't want to feel out of place with them again and I put it off."
"I think you might realize it's not that bad," Wally said. "Sure, hanging out with people you rescue can be awkward, but sometimes you can become friends with them. It just depends on the person. We're all buddies now, aren't we? Even Cinder warmed up to us... I haven't really seen her since yesterday. Is she even still here?"
"She's here." Shine pointed to her eyes. "She's been hiding in her room or in the training room. She has no idea how to interact with people normally and it's awkward."
"Yeah, it'd have to be," Wally agreed. "Uh... so... when are we... going home?"
Shine shrugged at him blankly.
"I mean, I didn't want to say anything before, but I felt a little different even after the gods were gone," Wally said. "Like I'd just finished working really hard and it was time for a nap. Same feeling I get at the end of rescue missions. But I didn't want to go yet either."
"Same," Shine said. "The door will open when it's time for us. Usually I feel it right beforehand and I know it's time to say goodbye. But it's not yet. It's close though, I can tell. I guess we're not totally done."
"How much more time?" Wally said.
"Could be a day, a week, but I doubt longer than that," Shine said. "After all, can't get too comfortable here. We have our own lives... I haven't even written my sisters to fill them in on what happened, not since before we reached Salem's house. They must be dying to know. I should do that today."
"I'm not much of a writer, but I could send Bats and Shayera a quick line about us being alive," Wally said. "I know they said they wouldn't think anything would kill me if nothing in my world had yet, but I'm pretty sure they still thought it was crazy to attempt with... gods."
"They'd do the same thing," Shine said.
"Yeah, it's always easier to judge other people for taking risks when you're not the one involved," Wally mused. "But you sure you don't want to do something fun?"
"Here is the big difference between you and me," Shine said. "I'm emotionally drained after a thing like this and I just want to relax, and you just want to celebrate it. At least give me a few more days. The party is soon enough. I'll try to be ready for people by then."
"Okay, okay... you earned a break anyway," Wally said. "If you want to rest, maybe I can hang with the guys... try to avoid bar fights though."
"Won't they be off with their girlfriends?" Shine asked.
"Maybe, or maybe not. You know guys: We like to talk about the big game--or in this case the big win," Wally said.
"And admit that you weren't quite as sure of yourself as you pretend when there's no women around to hear you."
"Don't call us out like that, Shine."
"It's okay. Girls do the exact same thing," Shine said. "Only we might add 'but this guy so and so was more impressive than we thought'. It depends. I'll put in a good word for you if they try it with me."
"Thanks." Wally kissed her forehead. "You sure you don't mind being alone? You're not just saying 'I'm fine' and really meaning 'don't go anywhere'?"
"Do I do that?" Shine replied dryly.
"Not usually..." Wally admitted.
"If I want you to come back, I can literally just portal you here," Shine said. "It's not like it's hard."
"Good point," Wally said. "Uh... do you think I should ask Ozma if he wants to hang out?"
"You could try. You might get away with it," Shine said thoughtfully. "They see me coming and they think I'm going to teach them something, but you're a little more easygoing. Maybe he'd open up."
"I don't know whether that's you trying to diss yourself or praise me," Wally said. "But I'm just going to take it as a positive encouragement for now. Later." He winked and ran away.
Shine chuckled to herself. "You're so lucky you're charming." She opened a book.
* * *
In fact, Ozma actually agreed... mostly because he felt pathetic just wandering o
around the school alone like a ghost.
["Ghost"--Mystery Skulls]
https://youtu.be/YlEb3L1PIco
He felt like a ghost in a way. He'd lived in this world for so long, you'd think everything would be old to him, but since it was Ozma only and not some other person, he found it was like he'd only dreamed it. How did electricity really work? Did he even remember?
He nearly forgot what a car was when he looked outside.
He wasn't the only one having a hard time adjusting to being magic free.
He heard Raven tell Qrow when they didn't know he was close that she'd jumped off a shelf earlier and forgotten that she could no longer turn into a bird. If she didn't still have Aura, she'd have broken something hitting the ground as hard as she did.
Qrow had expressed relief that she wouldn't be able to spy on him so easily anymore, so he saw it as a silver lining.
Raven replied that he couldn't stalk his family anymore either without being called a creep, so he was no better.
Ozma walked away then.
It was so odd to listen to them. He knew them, of course. He'd known them for a long time... and some part of him even as Ozma must have.
And yet... that part was so faint, it was still like listening to people he had just met discuss things that he was very familiar with but only as if by coincidence. Like if you met someone at a bus stop who happened to like the same things as you--or had just read about their life in a book, but had never met the person. He had all the same memories of them, but it was like he'd never interacted with them.
Then it hit him, even as he was with Wally at a food stand, that this was because they didn't know him.
Wally had asked him if he was still down, and while considering it, Ozma finally hit upon the truth.
"It's that no one actually knows me," he said. "They knew Ozpin, and whatever else about him was the curse and Oscar's personality influencing him. And the man Ozpin before I was inside him also. But myself? They don't know me, what I was like before, what I'm like now. I scarcely know myself. My memories of the past before I was cursed are so far away, and yet they're the realest part of me. It's like I dreamed the last few thousand years, but the dream was real, only I can't rely on it anymore than you could rely on a dream telling you to know how to act in real life."
"I think sometimes you can " Wally said, between mouthfuls. "I've dreamed stuff that was pretty close to what happened before. Or as real, in a way. Though that one was kind of the worst." He grimaced. "I think you just have to give it some time to sink in."
"Mr. West, or... Wally--" Ozma found the name strange to say. "--the truth is... we both know it--I don't belong in this world anymore. I'm a relic of the past now myself."
"You look pretty good, considering how old you are," Wally said. "Just like 35 or something, not that much older than me."
"But in my spirit, I'm not a young man--exactly," Ozma said. "Though I admit this body has more energy than I'm used to having on my own. The aging part was always the worst of the changing, starting to get more useless every single time--but that doesn't matter now. How am I supposed to adjust to this? No one has ever had this experience before."
"I think Jesus has," Wally mused, though not as if he was preaching but as if the thought had just occurred to him. "You know, taking on a form that was different and weaker than His old one, to live with men, that type of thing."
"I see," Ozma said. "I remember that bit now. I read the book once... After Alicia left, I burnt it though. I didn't want to think of that happening or encourage false hope now that I'd cut mine off."
He looked ashamed. "I was such a fool, Mr--Wally. How could anyone forgive me?"
"It wasn't all you," Wally said. "You can beat yourself up too much. All of us do stupid things. I've done tons of them. That's why we need help. The worst was you were alone in it so much, and you didn't know how to be helped when you got help. But you learned, right? In the end, you were with us and you wanted the right things. That counts. Throwing off a curse like that can't be easy."
"It wasn't easy," Ozma said. "But in one way it was the easiest thing I've ever done. As soon as I did, I felt I should have ages ago. But if I could have just passed on afterwards... why this?"
"I don't think you should wish to be dead," Wally said uncomfortably. "I know this is weird, but maybe it's like your second chance to be you and not someone else. You could say that you never really lived those other lives--it was your mission living through you. Now you can live your way and decide your own fate based on your choices, which sounds really poetic for me. I guess I've gotten the hang of talking like this. I mean, I wasn't used to this either. But look at me now, could you believe I haven't been doing this job for even a year?" He took a bite out of a long stick like a takoyaki one. [That feels like foreshadowing for the next story.]
"I might believe that," Ozma said dryly. "But you make it seem so easy... You know, now that it's all so much clearer you do remind me of Alicia quite a bit. You all act so untroubled by difficulty."
"It's an art," Wally admitted. "You can't let it get to you. I learned that at home. Maybe that's why I was chosen to be a DJ. Shine said there's something about us who are that's different. One who's not too tied to their own reality too much to be willing to adapt ones. They don't have to have things their way too much; they're willing to adjust and to see things a new way. But also we have to be able to hold on to what's really true under it all. She calls it being tied to Ultimate Reality. I used to think explaining it didn't matter. But I've seen how you guys just didn't know this stuff, and I see why people feel like they have to explain it. Not everyone knows this stuff by instinct. But I'm thinking maybe it could help you out, to think of it that way. What's always real no matter what? And then go from there."
"That sounds admirable," Ozma admitted, "if I knew where to start. I think I could begin, though, if I just didn't feel that I have no purpose in this world now. What am I to it but just a remnant of the past they no longer wish to have? Salem and I both..."
"Yeah... her..." Wally said. "Is it weird if I wasn't expecting her to look like that? I mean, sheesh... it's really even worse when you think she probably could have had a pretty good life if the gods hadn't messed it up for her."
"Maybe if she hadn't met me either," Ozma said morbidly.
"No, dude, she'd have been the same no matter who got her out of the tower."
"Perhaps she would have been, but another man might not have been so foolish as to accept the gods' quest and set things even more wrong."
"In a way though, that's the only reason they ever got right again," Wally said. "Maybe you're looking at it the wrong way. Your quest maybe failed in a way, but you still helped us save the world. If you hadn't come back, she'd never have had much to compare her life to to see why it had gone wrong. And we'd not have had really good proof the gods weren't fair. And without your fighting all this time, she might have just given in to despair. I wouldn't see what you did as a waste. I just think you need to let go of the part where you feel so awful about being cursed. That part was awful."
"Without me, though, a World Walker could have saved Salem sooner," Ozma said.
"I don't know if it's any good to ask that. It's the way it happened, man. At least she loved you, in her weird way. That was something. I mean, wasn't it that what kept part of her human all this time? Even if she hated you too, that was still human, not Grimm."
"But now it's all over," Ozma said. "And to be honest with you, I wouldn't wish it back."
"Oh, no, I wouldn't either." Wally made a face. "You guys have too much bad blood for that to work out. And you died like a bajillion times. I think that cancels out any... like, domestic obligations or whatever you call it. I'm just saying it worked for something, not that you should be together. I don't think I'd want to be."
"What would you do, Mr. West, if your partner was cursed like Salem?" Ozma asked him curiously. "And became someone you didn't know?"
"I can't imagine that happening to Shine."
"Not at all?"
"Well..." Wally thought of Shine being tempted by the Pride Grimm. "Maybe if it was really powerful magic... But I guess if it did, I'd know that it wasn't her. I'd want to do anything I could to bring her back. It's happened to my friends before, things like that. I had to fight for them. That's why I'm here. That's why we're all here. I guess there're things that would break us all if we were alone, so we're not."
"Even with your god?" Ozma said.
"I think it's like this." Wally held up his hands. "God can protect you from what you do have to fight alone, but some things He sends other people to help you because you need it, or they need to be able to help. I think we need to know we're good for something. Shine has all this stuff about how we're like God and we have to do what He does, because we're designed to do it, and that's great. I think it's just another way of saying we need to be needed and we need others."
"But you would never believe it was her own fault?" Ozma said. "Perhaps this where I failed. And that is why we're divided now. I gave up."
"You had a lot of reason to," Wally said. "Maybe no one would blame you."
"Even if I had enough reason to, in the end it was a choice to switch focus," Ozma said. "I do not think she hates me for it now, but that she no longer wishes to be around with me, I certainly understand... and after the things she did, I feel the same way. I know it was not the same Salem as she is now, but she remembers them. How could I ever be close to her then?"
"Yeah, that would be awkward..." Wally said. "I think it's fine to just be distantly at peace and not have to be close now."
"Still, as the only other person in her shoes, I also feel somewhat upset for her and myself," Ozma mused. "Can we be anything but a bad reminder to this world now?"
"Huh... I don't know if I should tell you this," Wally said uneasily. "But Shine told me Salem nearly jumped off the school last night."
"What?" Ozma said.
"Shine talked her out of it. She said she thinks she's found more peace now," Wally said hastily. "But it's that... all this was weighing on her so much, and how she's slowly starting to realize what she did. I think she really can't even--it's too many memories for a human being to have, I bet. It would drive you crazy."
"Truth be told, Mr. West, without the aid of magic, I no longer remember half the things I did in the last century," Ozma said, as if he was admitting some shameful secret. "I think it's as you say--my mind cannot hold it now."
"That's probably for the best," Wally said, eating another bite thoughtfully. "That's a good thing. You don't have to carry all that baggage now. If I were you, I'd put that all at the feet of Jesus, so to speak, and not try to worry about it. None of this is perfect, but you got your second chance. Just look at it that way and don't try to make it a big atonement thing. No way you could ever atone for it all anyway."
"Hahaha... that's true," Ozma laughed very weakly. "How could I ever? It would be foolish even to try... but the others? Would they ever forgive me?"
"I think they have already," Wally said. "You'll see."
"Wally, is that you?" Robyn called, racing up to them from across the street.
"Hey, Rob," Wally said.
"Don't call me that," Robyn said. "Please, make something up but don't call me that."
"Okay, Hood," Wally replied.
Robyn didn't get it of course but accepted the epitaph nonetheless.
"You've got to come see this," she said. "At the Oasis, come on. You're... uh... Ozma, right?"
By now she'd been told some of what happened.
"Yes," Ozma said awkwardly.
"Right... well, you should see this too," she said with an odd look like she was talking to a statue or robot.
They followed her down a few streets to where the Oasis began.
There were usually a few people around it. It was cooler by the water than in the city.
But now the people were staring more at the edge of the grassy part, looking at the horizon.
"We think it began after someone poured that special water in here," said one person they didn't know, looking at them oddly. "But we weren't sure. Could have just been our imagination that the grass had spread farther. But now we're sure of it--because these sprouts here? They're trees. Much farther out... and the soil here looks different now."
It was darker than before.
"I'm not really a farmer... but this is good, right?" Wally said.
Robyn laughed at him. "I'm not much for horticulture either, West, but yeah, this could mean that the land is recovering from the strip mining and over harvesting that destroyed it to begin with. You guys must bring good luck--or something else like it--with you."
Wally and Ozma thought about that when they returned to Shade with this news.
Most of the adult team members had stayed there, preferring to avoid the celebrity treatment they knew to expect more than the kids had.
Klein had brought them tea and cookies dutifully.
Willow and Winter had conferred about stories of the journey, but words failed Winter to describe how it had ended.
Willow only understood that it must have been very strange and wondrous but also difficult.
"Are we godless now?" she asked.
Winter raised an eyebrow. "I wouldn't say so. We have only the One left. I'm inclined to think that's a vast improvement."
"I think so," Willow said uncertainly. "Just that we can't see that One. I mean, I see that it must be so from your stories, but... I think people may wonder if that's as comforting."
"They were not comforting to talk to in person," Winter said, a bit warmly.
"No, no, I understand that." Willow felt she'd said something wrong. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way."
Winter knew she shouldn't push the issue, but it bothered her.
She told this to Qrow later. They hadn't really talked about much so far... Perhaps now that they were in familiar surroundings they were a bit gun shy of acting as familiar as they had with only the team to watch them--the looks alone that Winter's family gave them were enough to make her feel embarrassed again.
Qrow thought more of how much people would talk once the word got out, and while he didn't really care, he wondered if Winter would find it disconcerting.
Or if she even still thought proceeding with this relationship was a good idea now that things were not the same.
It was a foolish thing to think, but Qrow was still very insecure, though he felt a little steadier now that he'd lost his magical burden.
But as for Willow's warning, he understood that.
"I would have thought the same thing not that long ago," he said. "People aren't going to like to believe if they can't see it. It's just how people are. We like to trust things we can see and test."
"Isn't the thing we did test enough?" Winter still didn't understand.
"Think of it this way," Qrow rubbed his head and tried to think like it was a class he was teaching. "If you'd heard someone was a famous fighter, you'd probably believe it, right? But does it compare to actually seeing them fight and... I don't know, kill some huge Grimm or win a tournament? It's a completely different thing once you've seen it yourself."
"I suppose I can understand that," Winter said. "But all they would have to do to see it themselves is ask."
"But people don't care that much," Qrow said. "I mean, people didn't care about the gods either. I talked to the kids about that not that long ago when I told them. I wasn't even sure they'd believe me. I guess they thought I knew what I was about--joke is on them, I didn't know anything."
"At least you had some idea of where this all started," Winter mused. "I didn't find out that much till the General mentioned the Maiden powers--and even then, he never said much about the gods. I doubt he even believed in them fully till you told the story of the Lamp. They were just the things of legends to us. A nice thing to imagine perhaps, but to meet in person? It was different."
"Then you can see why they won't want to buy it," Qrow said. "It's the same. It doesn't matter if the God is real or not. Everyone is afraid of what they don't understand. I'm no fan of it myself, but I guess I've had my ego kicked to the curb enough to realize that's really not what matters. But until you've been through something like that, you're going to care more about your own interests than the interests of any divine being. I'm not saying it's right, but it's human nature."
"That's very disappointing," Winter said.
Qrow snorted. "Welcome to public relations... What did you think it was going to be like?"
"I'm sure if I'd thought about it, I'd have known it wouldn't be simple, but this is just staggering," Winter said. "My own mother doesn't understand already, and she'll have more faith in our account than the world will. I wonder how Shine and Wally keep up with this. No wonder they grew so easily frustrated with us. It would be like trying to explain it to a child--a stubborn child."
"I don't know if it's that bad," Qrow said. "If anyone really wants to know, they'll know."
Winter didn't know if that made her feel better, but she wisely decided that she would only be wasting time by worry about it. She had plenty else to think about.
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