*****The Chapter contains Mature/romance content*****

Whatever she was laying on, it was cool, and she looked around in a daze. There was the most pleasant feeling in between her legs, and she couldn't stop herself from pressing her hand down between them. All it took was one touch, and she was moaning as she pressed into her jeans, her face still against the table. It was a minute or so of her shuddering before she came to and returned to reality.

It had felt so good that she couldn't have stopped herself if she'd wanted to. So good in fact, it took her a moment to remember who she was even. As she did, her face flushed with heat and she sat up. Still at the counter outside on the street, she spun around but no one was looking at her. Rush's jaw was unhinged, and he closed it and turned away from her, running a hand over his neck.

"Rush, what did you do to me?" Mer demanded.

"Mage weapons are tame, but Shiva is a divine weapon. There are few of them, and when they are found they are fought over. They cause wars and bloodshed and even the winners of the weapons can't help but go mad when they touch them. I told you. Shiva was a perfect match for you. It craved a vessel of light and darkness, of creation and destruction."

"Forget the damn weapon, Rush. I just publicly pleasured myself against my will, and no one even noticed." Mer was so hot right now in embarrassment and shame

"Oh, they noticed. Everyone on the block noticed, but I melted their minds so hard they won't remember."

How did that make her feel better?

"I thought you were giving me a weapon, not a crude whacked out acid porno."

"I told you you'd change your mind after it was inside of you." Rush pulled on his collar. "Though, I did not realize that you would respond... like that... Had I known, I'd have done this in private, I assure you."

"Dammit." Mer wanted to be angry, but when her thighs rubbed together, she groaned, clenching her teeth as the feeling shook her again.

All she wanted to do was fuck something, still, and Rush wouldn't object. This was bad if she was considering giving in to her Stockholm syndrome and sleeping with the man who owned her. While it felt good, the pressure was so unbearable that she couldn't stop herself from wanting to touch in between her legs again.

This was some sort of ecstasy on steroids mixed with what should have been an orgasm, but was instead a flood of pleasure through every cell of her body. Hell, even her fingertips felt like they were being pleasured.

How did she make this stop?

Think about something else, anything else.

Looking down to her chest, she pressed her fingers against it and noted the rip in her shirt as well as the blood dried to it. It was dried? How long had she been lying on the table? The wound was gone leaving only smooth skin under her fingers. Looking over to Rush, she attempted to glare, but was failing from the escalating feeling between her legs.

"How long was I unconscious?"

"Well... eight or so hours," Rush said as if that weren't a big deal, and she looked up to the sun that was now rolling on the edge of the sky. It set earlier and earlier in fall, so it would be dark in only an hour or two.

"You let me sleep on a countertop past noon?" That meant that she'd absorbed light energy for that long, and she should feel terribly sick, but all she wanted to do was strip off every piece of clothing Rush had and push him on his back. It was even hard to be annoyed with him right now.

"You were not sleeping," Rush said slowly.

While she raised an eyebrow confused, she was still undressing him with her eyes.

"You were dead. I assure you, your body absorbs no magical energy when it's not alive."

There was a long pause as she stared at him, first, with anger, and then despair that he had killed her. Quickly though, it was warped into the hot desire to take out her frustration on his lips, his chest, and then rake her nails down his back.

For heaven's sake, could this just stop already?

"Why did you kill me?" Mer said, hoping his stoic uncaring answer might cause her desire to pin him and be pinned by him to fade.

"That is the price." You paid in blood. "There was no doubt in my mind that Shiva would revive you. As I've said, the blade is volatile, lashes out at its owners, driving them mad until they kill themselves. I'd never seen it so calm in my life until I set it on the table next to you."

"You couldn't have known a hundred percent." Mer lowered her eyes to the table, wanting to de depressed, but it twisted into the feeling in her legs that heightened. Every time she got angry or upset, the pleasure got worse... or better really.

Was Shiva attempting to keep her happy?

"No, Meredith, I was not. You needed a weapon, and there was none more powerful than Shiva for you. I... wanted to protect you... not kill you. You're easy to kill, harder to protect," Rush said the words, but in his tone of voice and his matter of fact expression, it was impossible to see any desire from him.

Really, maybe Paul was right and she was just an anomaly, some interesting toy for him to play with. Was it fair of him to be able to play with her, and for her to not want to play with him back? This was an unhealthy damning relationship, and yet she was slowly starting to give in.

Do you not like physical pleasure?

Stupid Shiva was pushing her. It wasn't hard to notice, and Rush watched her silently, as she wasn't saying anything to him. Yes, all right stupid ecstasy blade, she wanted to have sex with him, even when she'd denied him. Terrified of him, his touch on her had been soft, warm, inviting, and invigorating. When he had touched her on the few occasions, the way he'd done so had brought her a sort of comfort, longing, but... What was physical pleasure if it was cold and loveless? Still apparently pleasure, she thought as the feeling between her legs surged and she doubled over on the counter.

"Are you okay?"

Don't ask questions if you don't have the associated concern with them, Rush. Annoyed, she yelled silently at his stoic voice in her mind, but at the same time, she was giving in.

If I sleep with him will you stop? Mer asked to the damn blade inside of her. It was numbing her ability to function with the aching edge just waiting to be touched to release it. Like a switch, the pleasurable feeling stopped and she panted on the table.

This was worse... While the feeling had subsided, as if in answer to her question, there was a dull ache. It was a dry feeling of knowing there should be pleasure but she couldn't have it. Looking to Rush, she sighed and regained her composure. It was hard to keep her gaze on him, and her eyes fell to the table, tears rolling down her cheeks. Fine... She had feelings for the damn vampire that owned her, and not for any crazy twisted weird fantasy. It had been hard to put her finger on it for a while, but now she knew what it was.

Rush was real.

The guy didn't love her–not hard to see at the moment–but he was open with her. Every word was truth, and each truth was laid out plain as day. There were no euphemisms with Rush, only hard honesty, and even though it was blunt, she liked that.

There was no wondering about a sinister craving for her power, or him plotting her demise. Rush was probably the one real thing she'd ever had. Even her aunt had led a crusade for her own father's death and never mentioned it, and Paul was a god damn Nothing, whatever that was. Though she held no animosity for it, there was just the reality that everyone around her was secrets.

Not Rush though. Rush was truth, answered her everything she asked, explained to her everything she was. The mages would have seen her power and locked her away, feared her. But Rush had urged her to grow, helped her learn her magic, enlightened her on what vampires were, and he desired her like any sane person who slept half naked with another did.

There was nothing obscured, and in that sort of way, she really liked him.

Shiva hadn't been forcing anything on her. It had been pushing her toward the desires that she had been suppressing. Winding reality with what she was hiding from reality, it was pulling the two sides of her together. It was strange, annoying, painful, and yet enlightening. No matter how they had been accentuated a thousand times over, the feelings had been hers initially, and she looked at Rush.

Sitting in his hoody, he was regarding her warily, likely because the last thing he'd said to her was how he'd been unsure of her survival. But she was way past that. Horrible with emotions, Rush probably had no idea why she'd been crying. Even if he was good with emotions, he'd have no idea why she was crying. Confused, and flustered, she was also calm and understood the feelings inside of her. This Shiva was some wacked out shit for sure, but as Rush had said, she did not regret it being inside of her.

"Do you want to go somewhere and do something I'll heavily regret?" Mer asked after the silence.

Rush pulled on his collar and let out a breath of air.

"I'm not sure what you mean." Rush deliberated, but by the awkward way in which he avoided her gaze and tugged on his shirt, she could fathom he had a pretty accurate guess.

"I want to take all of your clothes off and lose myself for about an hour or longer, if I don't accidentally kill you in that hour," Mer clarified.

Rush twitched and inched away from her on his chair. "It would be best if I was not in a... compromising position, considering someone is after my life," Rush settled on, and she lowered her eyebrows, stung.

Did Rush not want to sleep with her?

"Fine." Mer sighed. "Then, can we go somewhere private, so I can finger myself until I can't take any more?" Shiva would be more than obliging in giving her pleasure if Rush didn't want to.

When she thought about it, the feeling pulsed and then ebbed between her legs. It was an acute taunt, attempting to draw in her touch. Pent up and aggravated, she let out a groan. Leave it to Rush to turn her down the one time she conceded to her feelings of desire for him.

What a jerk.

"It's best if we walk." Rush's tone was flat, though his expression was perturbed.

Getting up from the counter, she hopped down next to him. The jolt of hitting the ground caused her eyes to roll back into her head from the wave of unspent tension it sent through her body. A small hiss from her lips, she waited for the pressure to fade and then ambled after Rush, who was several paces ahead.

Next to him, as she walked, her thighs gently rubbed against each other, and Shiva returned tenfold. Feeling down about Rush denying her urged Shiva to comfort her, and the waves of pleasure crushed her and she let out a haggard breath. Hopefully they reached an inn or something before she leaned up against an alley wall and sank her fingers into herself there.

Preoccupied with herself, it took her a moment to notice that Rush, next to her, was panting. It was a strange sound, like he was gasping for breath and then quickly exhaling it, as if the air was choking him.

"Are you okay?" Mer asked, and he whipped his gaze at her heatedly. While normally it might have startled her, right now, she was too busy thinking about how he might use that aggression in bed.

"I..." Rush exhaled again with a look of pain on his face. "My kind pick up on arousal much more potently than a human would."

Oh... She was suffocating him. Well, serves him right, pretentious jerk. Only wanting to sleep with her when he wanted to and not when she begged him was just cruel.

"That aggravates you." Rush sounded exhausted, like breathing was overwhelming him. Him mentioning her aggravation reminded her that she exuded a mind melting aura when she was upset. No matter how she ached, he didn't deserve that.

"No, Rush." That in specific didn't bother her, so it wasn't a lie.

Reaching the inn, Rush purchased the most expensive room they had, and she let out a shallow sigh at such extravagance. They ascended in an elevator, in which Rush pressed against the far wall until they reached the eighth floor.

"Did you really have to do that?" Mer asked as she realized the entire floor was theirs just beyond a locked door.

"It's slow for traveling season, so no one is on this floor, and the room is bigger, so it'll be quieter." There was a dangerous look in his hazel eyes when he spoke, his lips curling just slightly.

"Isn't any room quiet if it's empty?" Mer barely got the question out before her back was shoved forcefully against the wall. She couldn't even gasp because his lips completely covered her mouth.

Asthey did, Shiva finally shut up

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Word Count: 2376