I was one of those girls who eat their feelings out. I licked the side of the ice cream sandwich when Emily came in and she shook her head down at me. I glared at her for a moment for the judgment look. I had a hard day and if eating a box of chocolate ice cream sandwiches made me happy, oh well!

“You left this afternoon, you weren't supposed to.” she said as she sat on her bed across from my mine.

“Screw Mrs. Summers and her cheap lipsticks.” I said as I bit into the ice cream sandwich and spoke with my mouth full.

“Can wherever you went have to do why you're on your third ice cream sandwich?” she asked and I ignored her by stuffing my mouth. “That isn't very healthy, you know.”

“No and jeez, what is that smell?” I asked as I looked around. “Smells like dirty socks.”

“Have you checked your own?” she asked and I rolled my eyes. I crossed my legs and finished the ice cream sandwich. I picked up another sandwich and she got up from her bed, walking over and took the sandwich out of my hand. I gave her a confused look, “Stop it, you need to talk to me.”

“When I have ever really told you the whole truth?” I asked and she scoffed. “Em I'm fine and I just want to eat—“

“Something is on your mind.” she said. “Is it your new friends?”

I brought my finger up to my mouth and picked at my teeth, “No.”

“Liar.” she said. “They're a bad crowd, Mat. Since when do you start hanging out with them?”

I scoffed and pushed the box away so I could get up, “Their not as bad as I thought.”

“Who's Devin Vaughn?” she asked and my eyes widen slightly. “He came in here earlier demanding Mrs. Summers sign over custody and she had to threaten him with the police.”

“It's none of your business.” I said and she glared at me, shaking her head.

“I'm worried about you, Mat. I was freaking the other night when you stayed out all night, I thought they might have done something to you.” she said.

“Oh come on, I know how to take care of myself.” I said as I sat down on the bed. “They’re not such bad people like I thought, their just . . . different.”

“Different?” she questioned. “And they finally took a noticed to you?”

I shrugged, “So? Why not.”

“They’re going to get you in trouble, serious trouble.” she said. “You hanging out with them, eating with them, going over to their house, and even dressing like them.”

“Sounds like you’re jealous.” I said and her eyebrows furrowed together. “Because I'm not spending so much time with you, my life doesn't revolve around you Em. I need friends my own age.”

“And Marco Hanigan group is really the right people to be around?” she asked. She threw the ice cream sandwich on at me and my mouth dropped, “I'll go stay with Lisa tonight.” she said as she turned and grabbed her blanket and pillow.

“Em wait, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.” I said as she walked over towards the door but she didn't turn to face me. “I'm just trying to make you understand that you don't know them like I do, everyone changes.”

“And moves on.” she said before she quickly walked out. I sighed heavily and ran my hand threw my hair, shaking my head. I felt so bad now because the last thing I wanted to do was hurt Emily, she is like a sister to me and I do love her but it was true. Everyone changes and I am. Marco group wasn't as bad I thought now that I know them.

*

I saw Will walking down the hallway and he high five the guys. I walked over and grabbed his arm, pulling him away, “He isn't here again?” I whispered to him.

“It's a common thing to miss school allot.” he said. “Why do you think I failed a grade? Miss too many actually.”

“Be serious.” I said coldly and looked behind me at Melinda who looked back at me, glaring. I looked back at Will, “I don't think this is a good idea.”

“Alpha Lincoln is determine to have us all together. Melinda with Killian and you with me.” he said.

“What's it going to look like when we do decide to tell him?” I asked. “He's worried about people talking, this will become a scandal.”

He chuckled, “Embarrass the Alpha of Oregon? Hmm, does sound risky.” he said and I hit his arm roughly. “Okay, okay you just need to stay away from Killian for the meanwhile. Alpha Lincoln isn't happy with him and if Alpha Lincoln decides to kick Killian out, he won’t be able to return for a while.”

I looked down at my feet and sighed, “Fine, stay away Got it.”

“Now if only Killian will be this smart.” he said and I smiled a little.

*

“This wasn't necessary.” I said to Devin who was walking beside me. “I'm sure once Mrs. Summers see you, she'll call the cops.”

“I can see why you're so cold, the hag is cold herself.” he said and I grinned up at him. “How can you stand her?”

“I've learn to zone her out a long time ago.” I said and he chuckled. “Look Devin, it's nice you want me to move in but I never really lived anywhere but Wing's Hope.”

“You're my sister, I want you to though.” he said. “Don't be afraid of change and I already have a house with three rooms. One of those rooms needs to be filled. This way you can stay in Marchand and not leave anyone. Everyone both wins.”

“I want my own bathroom.” I said.

“To bad.”

I scoffed, “I've been sharing a bathroom with a lot of different people my whole life.”

“Well we all can't get what we want, but I can still give you a family.” he said. “Watch your little demon Nephew while your big brother can get out the house more often. He wants to go everywhere with me, God, I had to sneak out to come here.”

“What makes you think he'll like me?” I asked.

“Because he likes women, a ladies man in training.” he said and I scoffed, chuckling. “You never had a boyfriend, right? Because I'll kill him.”

“What?” I asked, laughing. “No you can't and no, I never did. Apparently I weird all the guys out at school, there to intimidated by me. Ever have that problem?”

“Uh, no actually, I had allot of girlfriends.” he said and I scoffed, giving him a look of 'whatever'. “Seriously, of course they were human girls but still. I was a little trouble maker and that caught allot of attention to theirs.”

“How sexist. I’m sure if I was a boy you will be saying something completely different.” I said.

“Well of course, I’ll be cheering you on but you’re not a boy.” he said. He brought his hand up to his chest, “And as your big brother I’m supposed to protect you.”

“Protect me from what?” I asked.

“Getting hurt.” he said. “So what's up with you and Killian Arkwright?”

“Hmm?” I questioned. I shrugged my right shoulder, “Nothing.”

“Oh come on, don't play dumb.” he said and I rolled my eyes. He sighed heavily, “Mat, I know you may find it hard to believe but allot of the girls aren't shanks as they may act. They don't date other than the person they'll be with for the rest of their lives or sleep with any guys until their wedding night.”

I scoffed, “Don't you have a son?”

“And we're getting married.” he said. “We did that so we could be together, I just wanted to hold off on a wedding so I can save enough money to give her the wedding she dreamed of. But Mat, Killian is already meant to be with someone else, you gotta stay away.”

“Lincoln spoke to you, didn't he?” I asked as I looked up at him.

“Yeah, yeah he did.” he said. “If you don't want to be with Will, I'll respect that but chase after a guy who isn't already betrothed. If you want help, I have a friend who younger brother is a year older and—“

“Eh, no.” I said, quickly cutting him off. I sighed heavily, “But Devin, you don't understand. This has nothing to do with teenager hormones or 'lusting', it's much deeper than that with Killian.”

“Then explain.” he said.

I bit the side of my cheek, “I can't right now.”

*

I walked over towards Killian and he gave me a half sided grin, “You still came.” he said.

I shrugged, “When have I ever listen to rules? Are you sure it's safe to be out here?” I asked as I looked around the woods. “We are in the open for the others to see.”

“I'll take that risk.” he said. “I guess that's what makes it fun.”

“Fun?” I questioned. I grinned, “I don't know the meaning of that word, Wings Hope never does any fun and since I am now banned from the upcoming carnival for Easter next week thanks to you. I'll even have less of something to tell my children that I never did anything fun as a teenager.”

“Oh, you're still going to that carnival. Knowing you, you'll sneak and go.” he said.

“Oh?” I said as I crossed my arms over my chest. “You know me more than I think I know myself, huh?”

“I know that you know that I know.” he said and I chuckled. He took a step closer to me, “You know what sounds fun?”

“Hmm?”

“Making out with a werewolf.” he said as he leaned his head towards mine.

I tilt my head away, “You are here for another purpose though.” I said as I held my index finger out and pointed his chest and he rolled his eyes. I deepened my voice, “Be with Melinda and forget about the Vaughn girl. Don't be with Melinda, you will be forced to leave Oregon.”

He groaned, “This is hard, Mat. I don't want to leave you, but I don't want to keep us a secret. What if you move to Massachusetts?”

“Move . . . move to Massachusetts?” I breathed out in surprise and he nodded. “I can't do that, Killian. My home is here.”

“You said you've been wanting to leave though.” he said and I scoffed. “Be a part of Alpha Carver pack, he will accept you in his pack, you're a Redblood descendant. We can be together, I'll take care of you.”

“That is allot to ask.” I said.

He smiled as he took my hands, “Even though you have a thick skull, I know you're feelings for me are strong as mine are for you. You wouldn't have come out here if you didn't care.”

“I, I came because I was stuck in the home all day.” I said as I looked away and he chuckled. “I can't run away like that, Killian. I was leaving after I graduate because there was nothing going to be left here, but running away because we can't be together? Seems like a cliché eighties movie.”

“So just go along with this silly plan until I'm told to propose to Melinda?” he asked.

“No, of course not.” I said. “Just until I'm ready.”

“Ready for what?” he coldly asked. “I'm tired of fighting with you about this because one minute you make me feel like you want us to be together and the next you don't. Tell me right now, do you want to be together because I'm only sticking around for you. Say you don't, fine I will leave Marchand and go back to Massachusetts because I'm not marrying or going to be with Melinda.” When I didn't answer, he said with a hard voice, “Say something!”

“I don't know!” I yelled frustrated. “I never had this problem before, okay? I'm supposed to change everything now and I'm not comfortable yet. Don't pressure me, Killian.”

“I'm not playing this game anymore.” he said. He walked passed me, “Come find me when you've made up your mind.”

*

I watched as one of the bus's drive out of the parking lot after people filled in. I held my bag closer to me and sighed. I thought about all last night what Killian said about making my mind up and I made it up. I decided to leave, I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready to join a pack or stick around. I didn't want to hurt Killian anymore, I was scared of that. I had enough money to catch a bus to Fresno and then I'll just hitch a ride to Los Angeles. Devin said our parents are there. I'll go find them and have them help me with the change and then I'll leave again.

Maybe I wasn't thinking about this clearly but it's all I could think of. I don't want to be a part of a pack or anything, I just want to be alone. I've always been alone, it's comfortable and normal to me. No more fighting with Killian or being told to be with Will. No more acting like I’m someone else in front of Blue or Marco.

“Bus to Fresno is now boarding.” I heard on the announcer on the wall and I got up from the bench, walking over to Bus 43. I boarded the bus and sat in the back of the bus. I pulled my hair up in a ponytail and sighed, looking out the window.

I brought my finger up to my mouth and chewed on my nail, thinking about my parents. I wasn't sure exactly how I was going to find them, but I did hear the others talking how groups of 'rogue' wolves hang there and I'm sure I can find them if I ask around.