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CHAPTER ONE

  Duck.

  Left hook.

  Right hook.

  Uppercut.

  Duck.

  The continuous movement of her arms was a familiar feeling and comfort for the female as she hooked the punching bag before her like there was nothing else in the world. Her eyes hungry for something more; itching to feel flesh against flesh in an titanic battle.

  This was a normal routine for the young Helsinki female.

  Had been for many years.

  It was the same old thing: waking up at the crack of dawn with her hair up in a messy bun, getting in the shower and washing her entire body for half an hour before getting dressed, eating whatever was in the fridge then going into her spare bedroom, now filled to the brim with gym equipment. She couldn't remember how it started, how this obsession occurred. How this constant need for a routine consumed her life. 

  It was just something that began and never stopped.

  Deana Helsinki was never really someone who followed a normal routine, always preferring the unpredictability life gives. The constant shock and suspense whenever she turned every corner in Chicago. Even when she worked for S.H.I.E.L.D, she always loved to try something new. To have a rush of adrenaline whenever she took over someone's identity or fought an enemy. 

  Punch.

  Kick.

  Punch.

  Taking a deep sigh, the young Helsinki dropped her fist. After two hours of constant punching and kicking, her entire body felt drained and worn. 

  It was the one downside to her routine. She always felt tired before the day even begun.

  The clock up above the mantelpiece chimed, signally the end of the morning and the beginning of the afternoon; a saddening feature in her life. She always missed the morning, missed being able to walk out to her local cafe and grabbing her favourite French bagel stuffed with crème cheese and lettuce. She missed walking about the street, saying hello to local pedestrians and asking how their days have been or how she loved their outfits.

  She missed having a normal life.

  She missed having the life she once had.

  Life; now just a seemingly insignificant tyrant on the back of her kneck, clawing its way inside her.

  Unwrapping the cloth from her hand, she kicked away the box next to her work area, almost knocking her phone, which was still playing random songs from her playlist. Although she knew that she didn't have the money to pay for a brand new phone, she never seemed to care how she treat the inanimate object. It was just something that she never put as top priority.

  Priority: another thing she missed of her old life.

  It was always top priority in S.H.I.E.L.D, never any lower. Every mission, every training session had a meaning and a purpose. Something that gave everyone's life more meaning, including herself.

  Every priority mission she took, gave her a purpose. Made her life have more of a meaning, gave her an impetus driving force that she strived to achieve. But now, life had no true meaning or purpose.

  And it sucked.

  Suddenly, the young female heard a clangorous plangent, causing her to grab something close by, a broom next to the cabinet, and turned around in a sharp movement. A coruscate light came from her phone causing a sigh to escape her mouth. Slowly bending down and putting the broom on the ground, a kaleidoscope of thoughts entered her brain like an avalanche, none coming even close to a definitive deriving end.

  No one rang her, especially at this time of the day. Since she never truly went out anymore, she didn't really have many friends.

  So who could it be?

  Tentatively picking up her phone, she looked at the caller and sighed, "Hello Daisy."

  "Took ya long enough silly." giggled the young female causing a grumble to escape the ex-agent. "Jesus, for one moment, I could have sworn you were dying in your own sweat. Just open the door before you do die, I have come with goodies."

  Daisy Helsinki was Deana's younger, more free-spirited, baby sister, always had been, even when she was born. With her medium length chocolate brown locks, alabastor skin colour and chartreuse green eyes, she was the complete embodiment of their father. Even her personality resembled the rather erratic male in the family.

  And that wasn't a bad thing at all. In fact, it was probably for the best.

  There was no other way she could envision her younger sibling to be. She was perfect the way she was.

  Daisy was probably her favourite out of her family—even after being disappointed that she wasn't a boy—and was the most contagious personality to hang out with. She was the soft cushion of hope that kept her going, kept her sane.

  But sometimes—like today for example—she can become an overbearing annoyance on the back of Deana's neck that just won't go away.

  Deana shuffled forward, her hands reaching over to grab a cold towel from the bathroom. Mumbles of vehement vernacular (specifically Spanish) stumbled out of here mouth with every shuffle she took.

  Her apartment complex wasn't that big, with two bedrooms, both rather modest in size, a bathroom, cramped and smelly from the lack of airfreshner being pumped into the room and a copacetic living space and kitchen, all open planned and simplistic. With its large walls, decorated in minimalistic, meaningful pictures and exquistite paintings, and tiny windows lined in threes, it was the perfect place for her, even after the five years she has lived in it.

  Of course she added little trinkets and appliances over the years, and of course renovated one of the bedrooms, but nothing else had really changed. No matter how much the wallpapers looked dated and how ugly the carpet was.

  Call it procrastination, call it whatever, but to Deana, it was her sanctuary, her home away from home. S.H.I.E.L.D was her true home, but this was pretty good as well. It was a completely different life to her agent life, and that always made her smile. Made her feel glad to have been given such a home that allows her to step away from real dangers of the world.

  Finally, she reached the door and twisted the handle, her eyes landing on the small teenager as she opened.

  "Look at you all sweaty in your gym attire, you been dabbling in them pushups there." Deana just stared, her hands clasped around the handle tightly, a small wince escaping her otherwise pensive expression. "Is that a small wince from the great titan herself? Has she finally realized that there is more important things in life other then punching a bag full of sand?" Daisy stated sarcastically as she walked through the wooden door and into the apartment, her elbows grazing the older Helsinki's bare arms.

  "Shut your face!" Deana hollered, throwing a sweaty glove she found close by towards her younger sister. A disgrunted squawk swiftly followed after causing a small smirk to graze her face.

  "Holy cheeseballs, what has got you in such a foul mood."

  It wasn't unusual for Deana to get choleric over the littlest things, it was her kryptonite in S.H.I.E.L.D, but she was never this irritable around Daisy, even when she did the inexcusable.

  "Maybe if you had gave me warning I wouldn't be in a foul mood!" Deana stated, her muscles tensing up in her shoulders, causing a groan to escape her lips. Her body instantly becoming disconnected from the situation. Her shirt became chafed against her skin causing an even louder grunt of pain to submerge from her mouth.

  In that very moment, the room fell silent; the previous argument becoming nothing more then a figment of their imagination. The tension in the room disappeared, replaced by an indescribable and unusual wave of peace.

  All that could be heard was the huffs and puffs coming from the older Helsinki who was now holding onto to a table in order to try and control her breathing.

  Daisy traversed closer, dropping off her bag and coat, a sigh escaping her lips along the way. The older Helsinki, oblivious to the sudden steps forward, grumbled in anger as she felt her muscles start to ache.

  This was the first time Daisy had seen the true damage of Deana's incessant routine. The first time she saw the true breakdown of her sisters exterior.

  Of course she had heard things, heard how every day Deana would come out with bruises littering her olive skin, how she constantly looked in pain with every step she took. It was always the conversation at dinner whenever Deana didn't come over, and it scared the Helsinki family more then they wished.

  But what she had saw there, truly set her on edge and caused her to look at the rest of her older sister's damaged body.

  Bruises, that was the most notable thing she saw. Bruises, all of different sizes and age, was littered all over her once clear olive skin. Tiny cracks of cerise blood was now starting to appear alongside, causing a gulp of fear to take over Daisy's body. But Deana's knuckles was the worst.

  Deana's knuckles was covered in even more blood and scratches and even more bruises; one knuckle even looked like it was completely broken compared to the rest of her hand. The skin tissue looked raw and unkept and the bone was prominent and frankly, very scary to look at. Her lacerations even scared the youngest Helsinki, who had seen Deana come home from missions looking bruised and battered.

  She was the embodiment of damaged, even if Deana didn't admit it.

  Suddenly, the ex-agent felt a graze dance over her tense muscles, causing a sigh of contentment to escape her mouth. Even after a month of not seeing her younger sister, she could still recognize the feeling of her sister giving her comfort.

  Roll.

       Roll.

            Roll.

  The consecutative roll of Daisy's palms against the older Helsinki's muscles felt euphoric in so many indescribable ways. The way she tugged at the olive skin, the way she unloosened all the knots with just one roll.

  It was... pleasurable, in the most non-sexual way.

  "You are always so tense, you need to loosen up from time to time. Try not to put pressure on yourself."

  "You know I can't—"

  "Deana... I mean it, every time I see you now you either look bruised and battered or tense, it's not healthy." Daisy murmured, quickly giving her sister a hug from behind.

  "Daisy, I wish I can—you know I want to but I have to keep going—I have to try for them—"

  "No you don't—just—listen to me, okay!" Daisy moaned out, quickly letting go of her sister. She then turned the older Helsinki around, pulling her closer to her face so she could stare into her eyes, "You shouldn't allow what happened to control who you are as a person—look I know you feel guilty for everything that has happened but don't damage yourself 'cause of it, they wouldn't want that to happen to you..."

  "Daisy, just stop—please... You know that I can't just stop." Deana exhaled, before stepping forward, a groan escaping her mouth. She could hear a murmur from behind her but she ignored it and walked towards the kitchen to get an apple. "It is all my fault; I was too slow. I—I should have seen it coming but yet I didn't and I just can't let that happen again, not anymore."

  Silence reigned once again, and this time it stayed that way; both Helsinki girls instead embracing the comforting atmosphere. Allowing time to pass in a single moment. The tension that was succomed the room perished in an instant.

  Time always opened up wounds, no matter how minisule or giant it was. Time just always seemed to have that effect on us, forcing us to contemplate  over every little detail in our lives, but for Deana, those wounds never seemed to heal and always seem to swallow her hole. And maybe that was her fault. She let herself wallow in the pain. But how could she stop it.  'Cause if it wasn't for her, they would all still be alive.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE

Introducing my homegirl Deana Helsinki. She is definitely someone who is haunted by her memories of her life after S.H.I.E.L.D but that is why I love her so much. She is just so different and unique to any other character I have written before. She isn't haunted by her life as an agent or her life before; she is instead haunted by everything she has seen since, making her someone who knows more about humanity then anyone else which may cloud her judgement.

Also can I just say I am in love with Daisy, Deana's sweet, rather strange, younger sister. She is going to be such a poignant character to the plot and would be a huge figure in some of the subplots that will be taking place in the near future.

She is what we call a voice of reason and right for Deana—much like what many of the characters are going to be like—and will probably reign her in from the figurative deep end that is her regime that she has formulated in her life.

Daisy is actually her half sister but Deana considers her as a sister because of the fact that she has been there for her.

Anyway, I am sorry that this chapter is yet again a little smaller (and overall shit) then you would expect and also ended on a terrible, and rather ambiguous, note. These next couple of chapters are just introductory so they won't be that actioned packed. They will mostly be just trying to connect everything together, cause it would be too easy trying to get Deana and Steve.

I mean, in S.H.I.E.L.D, the possibility of Steve meeting Deana is almost impossible so here is the real question; how will these two meet? Who will bring them together? I would love to hear who you guys think it is as some of your guesses may be the right one.

I am also sorry for the late update but I am trying to recover from INFINITY WAR cause holy fuck that was emotional and I am seeing it again for the third time cause I am still in denial.

NO INFINITY WAR SPOILERS IN THE COMMENTS AS SOME PEOPLE MAY NOT HAVE SEEN IT YET!!!!!

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please give me as much feedback as you want as I would love to hear what you think of the direction.

If anyone needs to know what some of the advanced vocabulary I used means then here they are:

Coruscate — bright
Clangorous — a loud, resonating sound
Plangent — resounding sound (bell)
Impetus — stimulus, force
Deriving — conclusion
Chartreuse — clear, light green with a yellowish tinge
Vehement — violent
Vernacular — language
Copacetic — completely satisfactory
Choleric — irritable
Chafed — irritating sore
Cerise — moderate to deep red

I hope this all helps you with your writing as I know that it can be quite boring reading books where all you see is simple vocabulary.

By doing this, I want you all to understand what I am conveying since most of these words are very—how should I put it—precocious and inconvenient to many so by doing this, I am allowing all you guys the chance to understand.

Now here is the big question, do you want me to keep doing a vocab list with definitions at the end of every paragraph or do you guys think it is a bit of a nuisance? Comment down your thoughts as I would love to hear what you think about this.

[Future me here, I have only released now that I use anyway a lot in these authors notes, I will try harder to not do that but I just thought I would let you know]

[Will probably change once this book is finished]

[Please do not comment UPDATE as it really isn't motivating for me and makes me not feel inspired. I love all my readers feedback and they make me want to keep writing and updating so if you guys love this story so far and the direction I am taking it then please comment what you like about the story; your thoughts and feelings are greatly appreciated]