"Number one rule of surgery is limit exposure. Keep your hands clean, your incisions small, and your wounds covered. Number two rule of surgery is when number one stops working, try something else. Because sometimes you can't limit exposure, sometimes the injury is so bad you have to cut, and cut big. In surgery, the healing process begins with a cut, an incision, the tearing of flesh. We have to damage the healthy flesh in order to expose the unhealthy. It feels cruel and against common sense, but it works. You risk exposure for the sake of healing, and when it's over, once the incision has been closed, you wait. You wait and hope that your patient will heal. That you haven't in fact, just made everything worse" 

"what the hell do i do this for? you're just another guy"

Bailey was performing a hot chemo lavage and Aurora was watching from the gallery when Teddy sat next to her. "I've never seen a hot chemo lavage before", Teddy said after a few moments of silence. "It's fascinating".

"I thought you were leaving"

"The chief asked me to finish out my contract, which has a few more weeks"

"About what you said"

"Aurora"

"I'm gonna just assume that it was thoughtless and you didn't mean it"

"Aurora..."

"Let's just forget about it"

Lucy stood at the front door of Meredith's house and took a deep breath. She opened the door, staring at the familiar interior. She walked down the hall and stared at Meredith and Alex conversing in the kitchen. "Hey", she said softly, causing them to turn around.

Lucy and Alex were talking in the kitchen. "So, I went to the trailer...", Lucy began.

"I don't live in the trailer anymore"

"Yeah. So...Meredith called me and told me you wanted to move on"

"Lucy..."

"Ok, just... Just wait. You have no idea how sorry I am. I was wrong to leave like that. I was wrong to leave you. I'm sorry"

"I don't wanna have some big talk. I gotta go to work"

"I have a PET scan later, so maybe I'll see you at the hospital?"

"Is everything ok?"

"Yeah. I'm coming back to work next week. They just wanna make sure I'm stable"

"Oh"

"I'll be back. Back with you. Nothing has to change. Everything will be good again"

"I really gotta get to the hospital"

"Ok"

Beck, Aurora and Kelly were talking in a conference room. "Teddy, turns out she loves Owen and thought she came here to be all, you know, Teddy and Owen, but there's me, and now she's all pained and threatening to leave, and I told her I'd pretend she didn't say it", Aurora explained. "What?" they exclaimed in unison.

"I thought it was because I wasn't trying hard enough to get along with her. That definitely isn't the problem. Man, do I wish it was"

"Do you think she's gonna try and steal him or something?" Kelly asked.

"I can't lose him. I love him. He's the only person I've ever said that to. And it's good with us. I was finally feeling good. I can't lose that"

"And you won't", Beck stated. "That bitch needs to know her place. She can't steal your man. You're Aurora Sloan. No one takes what's yours".  Aurora looked uncertain but left the room. "So, now that that's over, let's hear about your relationship drama", Beck said to Kelly. "He called me when the plane landed. He said we'd talk when he gets back tonight", Kelly said. 

"You think you're gonna patch things up"

"I don't know"

Arizona and Kelly entered Callie's isolated room where she was infected with chickenpox. "Ripa? That's the world-class specialist you wanted me to see?" Callie exclaimed. "Ok, Ripa has had the chickenpox vaccine", Arizona explained. "I snooped in your personnel file. I, on the other hand, have not. Nor did I ever have them as a child".

"You're a pediatrician. How have you never had...?"

"I am a paediatric surgeon. I don't do little diseases on little people. I do big surgeries on little people"

"You know what? This is ridiculous. I'm going home"

"Hey, hey, hey! You're not going anywhere. You're highly contagious right now. You leave this room and you're gonna touch doorknobs, elevator buttons. Then you'll be the outbreak monkey"

"I'm going to kill you"

"I love you. Stop scratching. You're just gonna make it worse. And then you're gonna scar"

Arizona walked off.

Kelly came back into Callie's room who now had bandages on her hands, with some paperwork. "Arizona thought some work might take your mind off your itching", Kelly said.

"Scratching will take my mind off itching. Take off my gauze paws"

"She said that you'd say that and that I should say no. So how about we start with the tibial plateau fracture, room 2240?"

"Hey, hey. I'm an attending, you're a resident. As your superior, I'm ordering you to take them off!"

"She said you would say that too. Technically, I'm on her service today, so she's my boss, not you. We have the Lisfranc fracture, room 2211"

"Please, let me scratch! Just for five minutes"

"It'll scar"

"I don't care! I don't care. Scars are hot. Scars are bad-ass. Scars are poetic. I am begging you, Ripa"

"No"

"I'm in pain! Down to the core of my being pain, I'm going crazy pain, scary, "will this ever go away" pain. Do you get that? Do you know what I mean when I say that? Because this pain is a need to scratch an itch that I can't scratch! The pain of a thousand itches! And it's making me crazy! Not funny crazy, bad crazy! Ok? Dark crazy. Make a suit out of someone's else's skin crazy. Ok? Pain, Ripa. Pain!"

"Mark and I broke up! Mark and I broke up. And I want him back, but also I don't because he was being a dick and not being understanding of my feelings, you know? But I'm still in love with him, obviously which is super annoying. Because I'm trying to hate him. Did you know it's very hard to hate someone you're completely in love with? But we can't be together. I can't handle the daughter and the baby and the Mark's gonna be a grandpa thing"

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I'm in pain, too, is what I'm saying. I get your pain, don't you see that? I do feel your pain because I'm in pain too"

"I have pox between my butt cheeks. Your "pain" does not begin to compare to mine. Get out! Just out! Out, out, out, out, out!"

Meredith, Alex, Cristina, Jackson, Beck, and Aurora were eating lunch while Meredith was practicing on a corpse. "What are you talking about?" Aurora asked Cristina. "She's on this thing", Meredith explained. "If you had to choose between the thing you love, surgery, and the person you love, which would you choose?" Cristina asked. "Surgery", Beck answered immediately.

"Thank you"

"And Alex would choose Lucy, right? Because you're gonna get back together", Meredith interjected. "Shut up", Alex muttered. "Why do you have to choose?" Jackson asked. "It doesn't matter. You just do. Which is it, surgery or love?" Cristina asked again. "Love", Aurora replied.

"Oh, who asked you?"

"You did"

"I want both", Jackson said. "That's what I said", Meredith said. Beck rolled her eyes. "What are you rolling your eyes at?" Jackson asked her.

"Nothing"

"If you had someone you really loved? Wanted to spend the rest of your life with, you'd choose surgery?"

"Yes, of course. Why is it even a question?"

"Why is your answer so easy?"

"Because love doesn't exist"

All eyes turned to her in shock. "You seriously think that?" he asked incredulously.

"Why does it matter? It's just my opinion. Ask someone elses"

"No, I'm very interested in yours-"

"You know what, you just can't have both", Cristina interjected. "End of your little cat fight, okay? And why the hell is he even here?" "I said he could be in here because he's in the whipple too", Meredith explained.

"Yeah, whatever. Once again, you cannot have both. You have to choose"

"Choose what?" Lucy's voice said from the doorway, a lunch tray in her hand. Everyone was silent. "My... My PET scan got pushed back an hour so I thought I'd join you for lunch", she said, sitting down next to Cristina. Cristina pointed at Meredith who was working on the corpse. "Ok? That. You have to give up that", she said. "Learning the procedure, tuning out the world until you get it, like, you know, doing the procedure is the only thing that matters. Like if you don't get to do it, you'll die. That's what you have to give up". "For what?" Lucy asked.

"Love"

"Why?"

"That's what I said", Jackson said. Beck smacked his head. "But that's not the point! You know you couldn't do it", Cristina argued. "You know you'd choose a procedure". "Fine, if I had to choose, gun to my head, I would choose surgery, ok?", Meredith complied.

"Ok, well, thank you! Is that so hard to say? I don't know why is it so bad to say that out loud"

"Because it's crazy", Lucy said.

"How...?"

"It's crazy. Surgery, it's amazing, sure, but it's just a job. It's just a job. It's the thing you come home from, not the thing you come home to. And if you lose your job, you get another one. 'Cause there's alway another one. But...if you lose your love...if you think you're losing your love...then suddenly, nothing else matters"

Her and Alex stared at each other. "This is what you guys talk about during lunch?" Jackson asked. "I'm with them", Alex said, looking Lucy in the eyes. "Love comes and goes. Surgery doesn't". She stared at him, tears in her eyes. She left the room.

Lucy was lying in the scanner and Alex was outside it. "How you doing?" he asked.

"A little claustrophobic"

"Focus on your breathing, that always helps"

"Alex, I have to know. When Mer called, she said you wanted to move on. Have you?"

"No, I tried but I couldn't do it"

"I love you. And I don't wanna give up on us. I made a mistake but I think we can get through it"

He was silent.

"Are you still there?"

"I'm right here"

"Can you hold my hand or something so I know you haven't left?"

"I can't reach your hand"

"Oh, yeah"

"I can hold your foot"

"A foot is good"

He held her foot and she chuckled softly.

Arizona and Kelly watched Callie and Mark as she rubbed her chickenpox. "That should be me", Arizona sighed.

"Don't be jealous. They're just friends. Best friends"

"I had the chickenpox. I told her I hadn't because...I find her miraculous. Breathtakingly stunning. Just...I can't stop looking at her. And I was afraid with the ooze and the fevers and the scratching... I wanted to stay in the sexy part of things so I lied to my girlfriend. And now...he makes scratching look sexy"

"He makes everything look sexy"

Teddy approached Aurora at the nurses station. "You can't just pretend I didn't say it", Teddy said. Aurora ignored her.

"Aurora!"

"Just stay away from him and we won't have a problem"

She stormed off.

Lucy sat in the resident's lounge when Alex came in. "My scans are all clear", she said happily. "I'm officially not dying of cancer. I'll be back to work next week and everything will be good again".

"It doesn't work like that, Lucy. There was a moment, where you were in the scanner and I was holding your foot, I forgot. This is what you do to me. You say all these things, these hopeful things and you make me forget that I need to be mad at you. Because I can't just forget and be done. You left me, Lucy, for months. No phone calls, no messages, nothing. You just left. I was worried, you could've been dead for all I knew and I was left with thousands of dollars in medical bills that I had to take care of by myself. Do you even have any idea what that was like for me?"

"What about me?! I had cancer! I have tried to kill myself twice! And then I got cancer! Do you know what connects those moments? I never got a chance to let them sink in. To really think about how this was affecting me and my life. To get away for just a minute and breathe. It was always back to work, pretend it never happened. And I just couldn't do that this time. So yeah, I left. I didn't you. I left this haunted place, full of the memories of every time I lost a piece of myself in this very hospital. I went home and I stayed with my mom. And for the first time in I don't know how long we connected. We went on walks everyday and had lunch together. And I felt free. And it was so refreshing"

"I'm happy for you but don't you think I should have been included in that?"

"You don't understand! You didn't try to kill yourself. You didn't get cancer. You didn't feel as trapped as I felt!"

"Yes, I did! I did! I may not have tried to kill myself or gotten cancer, but I had to live with the fact that you did. And there was nothing I could do about it. You have no idea how unbearable that feeling is"

"So, that's it, we're just over now?"

"Yeah, I guess we are"

Aurora answered the door of her apartment to find Owen who entered looking frantic. "What's up with you?" she asked.

"Did you tell Teddy to stay away from me?"

"Owen..."

"How could you do that? Do you not even trust me?"

Her lip trembled and her eyes filled with tears.

"Aurora?"

"I don't really trust anyone. When I was with Josh, I thought that was what love was. Not being able to say it, but convincing myself that I felt it. With you, I finally know what it's really like to be in love with someone, to cherish their entire being, to want someone so badly you'll do anything to keep them around. I'm scared. I'm scared of losing you. She's in love with you, and you guys have this huge history that I'm not a part of and could never begin to possibly imagine. I'm afraid that you're gonna realise that I'm not enough for you and...that she is. And then you'll leave"

He placed his hand on her cheek and stroked it. "I love you, and I would never leave you", he whispered. "Not for her, not for anyone". He kissed her.

Mark was walking out of the hospital when Kelly caught up with him. "Hey", she greeted, causing him to turn around.

"Hey"

"How did Sloan's surgery go?"

"I slept with Addison"

Her face fell. Suddenly, she burst out laughing, making him confused. Then she stopped and her face built up to anger. She began aggressively shoving him. "You've fucked it! You've fucked it! You've fucked it!" she screamed angrily with tears in her eyes, as she shoved him. "Fuck you! Never speak to me again!" She walked away, wiping her tears leaving him stunned behind her. 

hope you enjoyed! comment your opinions! song is i like you so much better when you're naked by ida maria