Imagine sitting next to THAT 😭😫

so this chapter is pretty light with the emotions, kinda funny kinda sad but not emotionally heart-breaking like those last few chapter 😉 Louis' background is mentioned in this. It's quite lengthy so have fun!

Happy Reading xx

t.m.

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L O U I S 🗿

No matter how much I smiled and laughed and joked around, making other people laugh; there was always this ache that came and went, always returning in quiet moments. To many people, I seemed carefree, happy, never taking life or anything too seriously. But really, parts of it was just pretend; deep down inside I was really in pain. Pain because I missed my family oh so much. To be honest, sometimes I really did feel happiness, only when I was with Dexter or Scarlett. They were my true friends, and they themselves felt like family. I also felt like there had to be someone who was cheerful and lighthearted, despite the harsh conditions we lived in. So one day I simply decided to be that person.

But really, to those people who assume I've never felt pain before, they should really think again.

A small smile dipped into my lips as I pulled out the dusty box full of memories from underneath my bed. My nose scrunched up as my face held a grimace, mentally scolding myself to stop forgetting to clean this box every now and then. My fingers grasped the top, removing the cover as I felt my body flood with a mixture of emotions as my eyes gazed over the stack of photographs and other small items in the box.

I started picking and opening up things, reliving bittersweet memories of my life before The Organization. My hands rummaged through the box, feeling up a piece of cold metal before my fingers pulled it out of the box. My breath hitched in my throat at the sight of it, tears welling up in my eyes as I held it in my hands carefully. It was a locket. My mother's locket. It held two pictures, one of my stepfather, and one of my siblings and I.

My thumb touched the golden frame around the tiny pictures, a lone tear rolling down my cheeks as my mind was bombarded with memories of my family. Before I came to The Organization, I was studying in UC Berkeley. I was planning on becoming a criminal lawyer, at the time seemingly wanting to follow in my stepfather's footsteps. He was one of the best criminal lawyers in town, ruthless determined and always triumphant with his cases.

We were a pretty wealthy family, so when my father wanted to help people who needed a lawyer but couldn't afford one, he could afford to help. He always tried to defend the innocent, and for that he couldn't help but also gain enemies. That was where our lives went to shit. One day he won a case where this Cuban drug lord was sent to jail. His people still however roamed around, plotting to take revenge on my dad. But my father was completely clueless to all of it.

One day he wanted to take me out for a movie, sort of a guys night out. We left the girls home and went out, arriving home late night to find them all bounded with tight ropes and shackles with terrified tear-streamed faces quietly begging us to help them. They held us back, while the other men slaughtered my mother and sisters. Thinking about that horrendous night brought tears to my eyes once again as I shook my head from the dark thoughts and resumed looking through the box. However, my mind continued to travel down memory lane once again.

My stepfather was devastated, so was I. I was traumatized, but my father's grieving soon turned into rage. He held a grudge against the Cuban drug lord and his men, even though the drug lord was already in prison. One way or another, my stepfather wanted to get revenge and for that he started to negotiate with other big drug lords, trying to get people to go against the Cuban drug lord and attack them. I thought this was a majorly bad idea and I tried to stop him but he wouldn't listen.

Somehow from someone my stepfather heard about The Organization, and that if you pay them a good amount of money they would kill whomever you want for you. My stepfather decided to go to Vlad one day and speak to him. At first, Vlad rejected my stepfather's money, not wanting to become involved with this 'mess' as he would call it. But my stepfather pushed and pushed, threatening to spill The Organization's secrets to the police. In that case, Vlad agreed. Valkyrie swooped in and wiped out all of the Cuban drug lord's men, including the Cuban drug lord himself. But during the mission, one of the members of Valkyrie died. It was Damien's girlfriend.

Damien went berserk, storming into our house late night after the mission and almost strangling my father to death. Vlad was furious too, even though we didn't have anything to do with the death of Damien's girlfriend. Damien was ready to kill both my stepdad and I, and Vlad was ready to allow it. But Jade wouldn't let either of them do such a thing. She stood in front of us, screaming at Vlad to change his mind. Fortunately, Vlad compromised, reluctantly. He agreed to not kill both of us, only if I join The Organization.

My stepdad was unhappy with the deal, but he agreed since it was the only way we would both get out of this situation alive. It broke my heart to be separated from him, but at the same time I was angry at him. It was because of his grudge against that man, this all happened. It was because of him I was forced to join The Organization and kill people for a living.

I never saw my stepfather ever since then. I still don't know what has become of him, whether he was still working as a criminal lawyer or retired and living miserably alone. I refrained from having any sort of contact with any family members or friends from outside The Organization. I always found that a tad bit unfair since as people from Valkyrie had friends on the outside yet everyone else wasn't allowed that.

Shaking my head free of my thoughts, I tucked everything away safely into my box and pushed it back under the bed. Pushing myself off the floor, I stood up and stretched my arms above my head. My eyes focused on the photo frame that was situated on my bedside table, the photograph making me smile slightly to myself. It was a picture of Scarlett and Dexter. Scarlett, Dexter and I never took many pictures together as a trio, but this was one I really liked. It was one of my two best friends whom were like family to me; so I thought why not keep it framed.

It was time for Jade's support group thing, and I was planning to go earlier so I could catch Harry and apologize to him personally. I texted him a few days ago after the fight he had with Spencer, apologizing for my rude behavior and just for everything in general. He was surprisingly very understanding about it, which I admired a lot and made me feel worse about blaming him in the first place. But this time I thought it would be better to apologize face to face.

~-~

"Harry?" I spoke up timidly, entering the empty kitchen to find Harry himself standing near the counter, arranging freshly baked scones onto the plate.

"Louis," he spoke quietly, acknowledging me. "How are you?"

"Umm getting better I suppose. How are you doing?" I asked with interest, approaching him before leaning against the counter next to him.

"Same as you," he responded with nod. "Is this support group thing helping you?" he questioned, making me nod.

"Yeah it is to be honest, I never realized other people had it harder than I do," I said before realizing what I said was kind of stupid. Of course other people would take Scarlett's death harder than I did, Harry was her freaking lover; Spencer was her closest friend.

"Yeah," he sighed sadly, looking down as he arranged the cookies neatly onto the plate. I cleared my throat awkwardly, needing to apologize and get this guilt off my chest.

"Hey Harry," I called out, causing him to snap his head towards me. "I really truly am sorry about blaming you and treating you like shit when it's already hard enough for you."

"It's okay, Louis, really," he nodded, his words sounding sincere and genuine.

"I was such a dick," I groaned, feeling all the regret flood me.

"You were indeed," he chuckled deeply, before shaking his head. "It's fine Louis. I'm glad you apologized, it means a lot."

"Yeah definitely, we should all be supporting each other during this time rather than pushing each other away," I said, making him nod in agreement.

"Definitely. C'mon it's starting!" he called, taking the plate of scones and leading me to the living room.

~-~

"So what's the tattoo you're gonna get?" I questioned with an arch of my brow, turning my gaze to Harry who sat in the driver's seat.

"Tattoos. I might get two," he told me with a ghost of a smirk. "I'll show you when we get there. I've got a picture of it on my phone."

"Okay," I nodded in response, relaxing against the chair and sighing softly to myself.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, too wrapped up in our thoughts to say much. After todays support group session, Harry asked me if I could come along with him to the tattoo parlor. I decided, while I was there, I should get a tattoo as well, to add up to the other meaningless ones I have gotten over the years. My gaze flickered to Harry's hands on the stirring wheel, noticing the subtle 'S' tattoo on the corner of his wrist. I was assuming the tattoo he was going to get now was also going to be related to Scarlett, I was curious to see what it was.

"I miss her," I spoke up quietly, feeling Harry's gaze fall upon me before he turned away.

"Me too," he sighed. "It's fucking hard living like this without her," he couldn't help but curse, pulling his dark brows low over his gleaming eyes.

"I know."

"Yeah but you've still got Dexter, your other best bunny," he said without the usual disgust thrown in when he said the words 'best bunny'.

"True, but you have Jade," I retaliated, making him scoff.

"Everyone has Jade. Jade's everyone's friend. I have no one," he said bitterly, bringing his hand back to tuck a long dark lock behind his ear.

His hair was no longer short and styled up in his usual quiff. Over the months he had let it grown longer and longer until his curls dangled under his ears, almost touching his shoulders. I must say, it made him look more mature, and slightly older.

"Don't say that, Harry," I shook my head. "You've got me, bro," I grinned light-heartedly, elbowing him. He rolled his eyes at me.

"But I want her back," he couldn't help but sigh.

"We all do. Maybe you should move in with Damien or something, just so you don't get lonely," I suggested cheerfully, hoping my stupid ideas would steer him away from thinking about Scarlett too much.

"Damien likes living alone," he rolled his eyes at me; leaning back in his seat once he stopped at the traffic signal.

"You could move in with Dexter and I for some time! Hmm but we don't have an extra room. Maybe you can sleep on the couch! It's a really comfy couch! Or we could share my bed, I've got room," I wiggled my eyebrows at him, causing him to smack my arm with annoyance. "Ow! You fuck that hurts!"

"I'm good thanks," he chuckled deeply, making me grin a little. At least he was laughing. "I'm too scared you'll start spooning me in the middle of the night if we share a bed."

"I've heard you like being the little spoon."

"Who the fuck told you that?" he groaned, as I threw my head back, cackling.

"Who else, dummy? Scarlett," I laughed, before I stopped when I noticed his expression fall slightly. But he smiled again, tightly, trying to show that he was affected by the mentioning of her name.

"What else did she tell you about my sleeping habits?" he questioned curiously.

"I know you like sleeping naked sometimes," I narrowed my eyes at him mischievously, causing him shake his head chuckling.

"Remember when she used to have those awful nightmares and they'd only stop if you sleep with her?" I pondered out loud, tapping my fingers against my knee.

"I remember," he smiled thoughtfully to himself. "For some reason it killed me to see her crying and in such pain, which was obviously not normal for me back then."

"Yeah, you were a jackass," I agreed, making him throw a playful glare at me. "But you changed, a lot," I added, making him press his lips tightly together.

"Only for her," he uttered.

"Well stay that way for her. Don't be a jackass again just because she ain't here. She is here, in here," I said, reaching over to poke his chest where his heart would be. He made a strange noise whacking my arm away with a laugh, cringing at my cliché words.

"Doesn't feel like it," he muttered quickly, assuming I didn't hear but I did. I chose not to respond, gazing out of the window instead as we pulled up into the parking lot of the tattoo parlor.

"Okay, let's not tell each other what we're getting until after we've gotten it?" Harry said as we walked into the parlor.

"Fair enough."

~-~

"You first," I smirked, refusing to show my tattoo until I saw both of his first.

It had been a couple of hours after we got our tattoos, reached home and cleaned them. We spent the rest of the evening chilling in mine and Dexter's apartment, playing video games until it was dinner time. It was hard for me to spot out Harry's new tattoos considering his arms were fully covered with them and the new ones might've been somewhere else on his body rather than his arms or hands.

"Fine," he rolled his eyes, holding his left hand out. He let his fingers splay out, pushing his index finger down to reveal the right side of his middle finger. "This is the first one."

Written in the space on the area of the side of his middle finger, was the word 'Always.' My brows furrowed in confusion when I didn't instantly understand the deeper meaning of the word.

"Let me guess, you're a Harry Potter fan? Explains your name though," I joked, grinning a bit when the corners of his lips turned upwards slightly.

"Never read the books," he snickered, making me gasp, smacking his arm in disgrace.

"You disappoint me, Harold," I shook my head at him. "But on a serious note, what does it mean?" I questioned, arching a brow at the tattoo. It looked like it was in her handwriting.

"The word 'Always' was something Scarlett and I said to each other, it's hard to explain-"

"Oh you mean like in The Fault In Our Stars, Hazel and Augustus say 'okay'! Oh OMG that's so cute I'm dying," I gasped, my insides exploding with feels. But then I saw the sad look in his eyes as he gazed down at the tattoo, making my heart fall for him. "Uh what's the other one?"

He held out his left hand, showing me the top of it. On his skin there was a minimalist phoenix, fully black and very simple.

"How the fuck did I not notice that?" I questioned myself, squinting as I grabbed his hand and held it closer to my face for better inspection.

"I dunno, 'cause you're dumb," he chuckled, as I let go of his hand with a frown.

"Hardy har har," I rolled my eyes. "'Always' and a phoenix? Are you sure you're not a Potterhead?" I inquired seriously, arching a brow at him questioningly.

"What was the first book called again? Harry Potter and the Order of Azkaban?"

"You just lost all my respect for you," I scoffed at him, smacking his head as he laughed out loud, clearly joking. I knew for a fact he had read all the Harry Potter books and watched all the movies. Scarlett told me as per usual.

"So what's the meaning for this one?" I asked curiously.

"We were having a conversation about my tattoos and she said one of her favorite ones of mine was the phoenix tattoo under my neck-"

"So you got another phoenix tattoo?"

"Don't interrupt me!" he scowled, making me hold my hands up immediately in defense.

"Hakuna your tatas, Harold. Continue," I waved a hand at him.

"Anyways, I asked her why and apparently it was like her favorite mythical creature. She also said that the idea of a phoenix resurrecting was applicable to life," he carried on, as I furrowed my brows again.

"How so?"

"She said sometimes you just have to kind of die inside in order to rise from your own ashes to emerge stronger and better than before," he continued to explain. "It's something I've been trying to live by lately, but it's hard. That's why I got this tattoo, to kind of remind me of that whenever I keep going down that road of depression. It's there to remind me of what she said and that I should keep going, for her."

"Damn," I whispered, pretty much unsure of what to say.

"Yeah, pretty deep," he chuckled lightly.

"It makes sense, though. I like that," I told him sincerely, causing him to shoot me an appreciative smile before he parted his lips to speak.

"So what did you get?"

"You ready for this shit?" I arched a brow at him sassily, before tilting my body away from him and pointing to the back of my neck.

"Tally marks?"

"It's meaning is probably not as deep as yours but still pretty deep," I shrugged as I felt his gaze on my tattoo. "Guess."

"Nine tally marks? Do they stand for people?" Harry suggested, and I nodded.

"Mhmm, people I care about who have died," I uttered lowly, my tone going serious, as I was flooded with thoughts of my family.

"Your family members?"

"Six for my half-sisters, one for my half brother, one for my mom and..." I couldn't continue as my throat went dry and I felt my eyes water slightly.

"One for Scarlett," Harry whispered, his tone heavy with emotion.

"She was the closest thing I had to family here."

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that last line makes me cri 😿 where are all my potterheads at? I need to buy and read the new book OMG!

☠ apologies if the previous chapter left you confused with the whole DNA test being positive and whatnot. Just plspslspslssplslsss whatever happens, remember the promise I made to you all at the end of K&R. THATS ALL I ASK! I can't keep reminding people all the time.

Anyways, can't wait for y'all to read the next two chapters it's gonna be sick!

Also, if you lovely people enjoy my writing you can maybe head over to my profile and maybe check out my new Harry fanfic '6 Man' 😛😛😛😛😛

Until we meet again...

t.m.