Ben
February 18, 2005

*

Three days later

*

It's been three days.

Three whole days without seeing her.
Okay, maybe it hasn't even been that long, but it feels like forever.

I miss her laugh, her shy smile, her sense of humor, shit... I just miss everything about her.

I'm not sure I can wait any longer, but the plan starts tomorrow.

Tomorrow is the big day.
Kat has no idea what is in store for her...

...and neither do I.

Fuck, I don't have a plan. I'm freaking the fuck out.

It has to be perfect.
Just like her.

I have to not only convince our friends, but I also need to impress Kat.

That's going to be tough.

She's not very flashy, so it can't be a huge showy gesture... but it still needs to be in front of Vanessa, and maybe even some other friends.

Fuck, can I really pull this off?
Kat has faith in me, but what if this doesn't work?

Shit... I hadn't thought about that.

I know it's fake, but there's still a chance I could upset Kat. Or our friends could call us on our shit.

Oh fuck, what will I do if that happens?

I guess if all else fails, I could just kiss the shit out of her.

Yeah, I like that plan.

Maybe that should just be the whole plan... It would definitely show everyone she's mine, but would it be good enough?

I already know that's a big fat no. I am going to have to dig a little deeper.

But what can I do? She's hated me this whole time, it's going to be hard to convince everyone she's suddenly changed her mind.

My phone buzzes me, alerting me to a new text.

Kat: How's the planning going, Birdie?

Shit. She's going to kill me.

Maybe if I just ignore her, she will go away.

A few minutes later, my phone buzzes again. Damn, that didn't work.

Kat: Ben? Do you need some help?

Kat would probably plan her own surprise party.

Ben: No way, Beautiful. I got this. Don't worry about a thing.

Kat: If you're sure...

No, I'm not sure. I'm full of shit, but she can't know that.

Ben: I am sure. Now go back to whatever book you had your nose in, Babe.

Kat: I'm not your Babe, playboy. Now go back to whatever girl you were texting.

Like there was anyone else.
Like there would ever be anyone else.

Shit, where did that come from?

Ben: I only see you, Beautiful.

Kat: Wow. You want some wine with that cheese?

Seriously? She thinks I would mess around, even in a pretend relationship.

Ben: Pretty sure that's not how that goes.

Kat: Whatever, Birdie. I know a cheesy line when I see it. You probably say that to all the girls.

Ben: There are no other girls.

Kat: I find that very hard to believe, playboy.

And now I know exactly what I have to do. I have a plan.

Thank God or Buddha or whoever gave me this idea.

Ben: Then I will just have to prove it to you.

And prove it to her, I will.

Kat: Good luck.

Ben: And please call me something more loving.

Kat: Like what?

Ben: I don't know, pretend like you like me.

If only she really did.

Kat: I'll try. See you tomorrow, Handsome. :)

Oh... I could definitely get used to that.

Now I just have to plan how to bring about my grand gesture. I'm going to have to irritate her, but hopefully it won't last.

I can't tell her what I'm doing because I want her reaction to be genuine. Oh man, this is going to be so hard.

I'm itching to call her, just to hear her voice... and spill the plan, of course. Mostly the last part though, because I'm definitely not pining.

I don't pine after a girl.
I'm Joseph Bentley Alexander.
Girls pine after me.

Nope, no pining here. How lame would that be?

Okay, I think I'm going to call her. But in a manly, totally not pining kind of way.

I mean, why not? We are supposed to be fake dating, right? It wouldn't be weird.

Would it?

I guess we aren't really dating yet...

Shit. Am I really over-thinking all this?

Now I'm that guy, fuck, and she doesn't even want to be with me.

Not for real anyway.

I am so fucked.

If I call, what's the worst she can do? Hang up on me, I guess... That's not too bad.

I press the call button.

Ring, ring.
Ring, ring.

Shit, she's not gonna answer. Isn't that worse than hanging up?

Ring, ring.
Ring, ring.

Why did I think this was a good idea? I'm a fucking idiot.

Ring, ring.

"Hello?" Her breathy voice invades my ear and it puts me at ease, while also making me so fucking nervous.

How does that even work?

"Ben?" Shit, I need to say something, don't I?

"Did you really just pocket dial me?" She giggles and I'm not sure what to say. Maybe I should just hang up and let her think it was an accident.

I hope she can't hear my heart pounding through the phone.

"Bennnn? Helloooooo? Okay, I'm hanging up now. Speak now or forever hold your peace! Okay, bye."

Click.

Fuck. I really messed that up, didn't I? God, I'm such a fucking idiot sometimes.

I throw my phone, the betraying bastard, down on the dresser before belly flopping on my bed.

I groan. I can't believe I just called her and then start there like a mute idiot.

Ring, ring.

I hear my phone from across the room. Could it be her?

I scramble to get up, but my body isn't cooperating. I finally manage to stand up, but the sheet is wrapped around my foot.

Ring, ring.

"Shit!" I face plant on the hardwood floor. Fuck, that hurt!

Ring, ring.

"Goddamn, mother fucker, stupid ass sheet, get off me!" I kick violently, trying to release my foot.

Ring-

"Hello?" Shit, I sound out of breath. I can't tell her about the battle of the sheet, how stupid would that sound?

"Hey, so you totally just pocket dialed me." There's amusement in her voice, like she caught me saying something, which I know did not happen.

Did it? Shit, did I say anything out loud? No... I'm pretty sure... I didn't... Fuck. I hope not.

"Hey? Kat? I did?" Why is everything coming out as a question? I'm still trying to catch my breath, who knew a sheet could be so formidable.

Fuck, I sound like a complete idiot who's also a fat loser.

"Yeah, you did? What were you doing? You sound... busy."

"Oh uh, you know... Just working out. Gotta stay in shape, you know?" And now I sound like a total douche.

Fuck, when did I get so insecure?

Hey idiot, you've always been this way, you just pretended not to be.

Shut up, stupid brain.

Okay, get your breathing under control, man. Don't let the stupid ass, mother fucking sheet win.

"You sure? If this is a bad time, I can let you go." She sounds annoyed, but I'm not sure what I did.

This time.

"No!" Oops, that came out louder than I meant it to. "I mean, wait, we need to talk."

"Oh... Okay." Her voice is sad. Fuck, what did I do?

"You know, about the... plan?" So much for subtlety.

"Having trouble coming up with something?" She accuses.

"What? No?" Shit, I'm back to everything sounding like a question.

"Listen, if you want to back out, I completely understand. Just say so." Her voice comes through slightly defensive with bit of an edge to it.

"What? No way, Kat. Listen, I just called to-" She stops me mid sentence, before I can spill the details of my awesome plan.

Yep, it's awesome. In fact, I'm going to call it "Plan Awesome" from now on.

"You didn't call me, I called you." She sounds annoyed, but I'm honestly not sure how we got here. I didn't do anything.

"Whatever, you know what I mean." I feel my defenses rising as well.

"Well, maybe you should tell me the plan, so I know you have one." She doesn't believe I have a plan? Oh, I will show her.

"You know what, Kat, I have a plan that's going to blow you out of the water, just you wait!"

"Whatever, just go back to whatever bimbo you were just on top of and forget about our deal! I. Don't. Need. You." She spits out the last few words before hanging up.

Shit. I type as fast as my fingers will allow, trying to cram everything I should have said into a short message.

Me: I'm sorry, Kat. I promise you I have a plan, but honestly it's better if you don't know. Don't worry about a thing. See you tomorrow, Beautiful.

After sending out one last ditch effort I fall into bed, but I never receive a reply before I give into sleep.

A single thought, repeating over and over in my head.

I really fucked it up this time, didn't I?