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Holdin' Back

Lucas knocked on Riley's door, knowing the two really needed to talk about what happened. He could see the shock written all over her when she answered the door.

"Come in," she told him after the shock wore off. She glanced over at her parents letting them know the two were going upstairs to talk alone. They looked at her a little suspiciously but gave her small smiles.

"Riley, I'm sorry about what happened last night," he apologized, softly, once the two were alone in her bedroom. "We were both drunk-" he continued, only to be cut off.

"About what?" Riley asked, not looking at him as she sat down on her bed.

Lucas frowned, looking over at her puzzled, "You know about what," he kept his voice low.

"No I don't," she said, finally looking over at him and walking over to stand in front of him. "Lucas, nothing happened. I was hurt. You were hurt. We had a couple of drinks and went our separate ways," her eyes stared into his. "That's it."

"But-"

"Lucas I can't lose my friendship with Maya. She is too important to me. I know you two are broken up but this could still ruin mine and her friendship. Best friends don't do what I did to Maya last night."

"Guys who want their girl back don't sleep with her best friend."

Riley nodded. "I can't lose her."

Lucas nodded. "I can't lose her either."

Lucas held on to eye contact as an unspoken agreement was made between the two. They would never talk about what happened. It would stay between the two of them forever. They would go on with life like nothing ever happened.

Riley nodded, "Nothing happened."

"Nothing happened."

XOXOJOSHAYAXOXO

Riley took in a deep breath and felt the guilt wash through every vein in her entire body at the sight of her best friend when she opened her bedroom door. She didn't know how many more visitors she could handle in one day but she forced a smile as her best friend rushed passed her into her room.

"Bay window! Bay window right now!"

Riley hesitantly shut her door and walked over and slowly joined Maya. She sat quietly, waiting for her best friend to speak. She watched as Maya took in a deep breath and closed her eyes before looking back at her.

"I broke up with Lucas."

Riley hoped her wince at the mention of Lucas's name wasn't noticed by her best friend. She reminded herself what happened between her and Lucas was a huge mistake and it would never happen again. It meant nothing. The two of them knew it was wrong and both were hurting. She swallowed forcing herself to concentrate on her best friend and try to forget all about last night because her best friend looked to be on a verge of a break down herself. She watched as she brought her knees up to her chest. "Why? Why did you break up with him?" she asked, softly. She knew of their breakup but had no clue what made Maya break up with him other than the fact that her uncle was involved. She knew Lucas believed Maya cheated on him with Josh but she wasn't so sure.

"Because I'm not meant for Lucas," Maya breathed out, scared to disappoint her best friend, "And it was unfair to him. I tried to stay in my relationship with Lucas because I thought it was the right thing to do. Everyone around me thought we were this perfect couple and I tried so hard to believe it too. I really did, but if we were meant for each other then why did I fall for another guy so easily? I tried to put walls up and takes steps back away from Josh but it did no good because I couldn't stay away from him. I know you told me he isn't worth the risk but I can't help the way I feel. I want what I want and I want to be with Josh-"

"Maya," Riley sighed.

"Riley, I know you don't want to hear that but it's the truth."

"That's not it," Riley shook her head. "I just don't want to see you get hurt because of Josh."

Maya pressed her lips together, her eyes pleading with her best friend to understand. "I kissed Josh last night," she confessed. "I broke up with Lucas and then I kissed Josh and I liked it-no I loved it," she corrected herself. "So we kissed again and I don't regret it," she continued before looking out the window.

Riley eyed her best friend, "Did anything else happen? Did you two...?"

Maya bit her lip, looking over at Riley, before she slowly shook her head. "No, we didn't have sex. We just kissed...a lot and had a heated make out session."

Riley nodded.

"It's just-I don't know where we go from here."

"You two didn't talk about it?"

Maya shook her head again. "I haven't said a word to him since last night-well I mean, I got ready and came here so technically I haven't had the chance to even see him yet today."

"What do you want with Josh?"

Maya remained quiet for a moment before finally answering, "I want him," she admitted, softly, her eyes lighting up and small smile coming to her face thinking about the possibilities. "I want to hold his hand and go out on dates with him. I want to know all his little secrets and quirks that no one else knows. I want to be in the same room as him and talk about everything or say nothing at all but still know everything. I want to kiss him again," she laughed. "I want him, Riley," she bit her lip. "I just want to be with him."

Riley now knew how deep in her best friend was. There was no way she would turn around and walk away from what was happening between her and Josh even if she believed in her heart Maya should walk away from her uncle.

"What is wrong with me?" Maya asked, bringing her hands up to run her fingers through her hair. "I shouldn't feel this way. I haven't even known Josh that long," she pointed out. "But I can't imagine not having him in my life, being with him feels right. I've never felt this way before. I've never wanted to be with anyone the way I want to be with Josh and that's scary because I don't even know if he feels the same about me."

Riley remained quiet before finally deciding to support her best friend. It is the least she could do after last night. She knew Lucas was set up for more heartbreak but maybe Maya needed to give Josh a chance to see he isn't meant for her and there could be another chance for Lucas. "Then I think it's about time for you to find out."

Maya looked at her best friend shocked.

"Maya, if you think he is going to make you happy then I think you should go for it. I had no clue you had such strong feelings for him. Go and have a talk with my uncle."

Maya swallowed at the thought of putting her feelings out there because what if he didn't feel the same? It would crush her, but then she couldn't help but think what if he did. "You're right," she slowly agreed. "I have to go and talk to him."

Riley nodded, forcing a smile. She watched her best friend give a little wave before leaving. She closed her eyes knowing keeping her secret was going to be hard but knew she had to keep what happened a secret. She was protecting their friendship and hoped she was doing the right thing.

XOXOJOSHAYAXOXO

Maya knocked on Josh's bedroom door and entering after she heard him telling her to come in.

"Gorgeous!" Josh greeted as he looked up from his book. "Where have you bee-"

"We need to talk."

The words rushed out of Maya's mouth as she stopped dead center in his room.

Josh shut his book, putting it off to the side as he sat up, "About?"

Maya looked at Josh as if he has gone crazy. It should be the most obvious thing in the world what they needed to talk about. "What happened last night."

Josh shrugged, "What about it?"

Maya stood astound about how causal he was being. "We kissed."

"Yeah...?"

"Josh, what happens now?"

Josh narrowed his eyes in, "We kiss again?" he suggested.

"Josh! Seriously," Maya stressed, beginning to panic as she ran her hands through her hair.

"Gorgeous, I don't know what me to say."

Maya stared at the boy in front of her. "What I want you to say is what you want to happen between us."

Josh sighed, sitting back down on his bed and found himself battling within himself as Maya's heart began to drop the more he remained quiet.

"Maya if you're looking for a relationship I'm not the guy. I can't give you that," he finally answered. He watched as heartbreak washed over Maya as he felt his own heartbreak, but continued, "I'm not a relationship guy and I haven't been one in a long time," he told her, swallowing. "We can only be friends."

"So, we are just friends?" Maya forced out.

Josh nodded, not being able to speak.

Maya nodded, biting her lip to keep the tears from falling. "Okay," she murmured, before walking out of Josh's room.

Josh closed his eyes at the sound of his door closing. "Damn!" he yelled, picking up his book and throwing it at the door before running his hands through his hair and falling back onto his bed.

XOXOJOSHAYAXOXO

Maya walked down the stairs stopping half-way, shocked to see Lucas exiting her kitchen. She looked at him, wondering what in the world was he doing in her house. "What are you doing here?"

"I just stopped by," he answered, his eyes on her.

Maya frowned, watching him continue his way towards the front door. "Why?"

Lucas stopped turning on to look at Maya again. "No reason," he shrugged. "I'll see you at school."

Maya shook her head, confused as she watched him leave. She walked the rest of the way down the stairs and hurried into the kitchen to find Shawn sitting down at the table. She stopped in the doorway, glancing around, trying to figure out what was going on.

Shawn raised his eyebrows at his daughter.

"What was Lucas doing here?" she finally asked.

"He's your boyfriend, isn't he? Or did you forget to mention you two broke up?"

Maya swallowed, not believing the fact that Lucas came over and spilled the beans. "What did Lucas say?"

Shawn shrugged his shoulder, "Just that you two aren't together anymore and he felt there was something I should know."

Maya felt her insides turned with fear and anger. "Like what?"

Shawn narrowed his eyes in, "Well you tell me is there something I should know?"

Maya shook her head, "No, why did Lucas say something?"

"Just that I need to be on the look out for something."

Maya knew instantly Lucas warned Shawn about her and Josh. "He doesn't know what he is talking about."

Shawn leaned back in his seat, "He doesn't?"

"No, he doesn't. We broke up and he is just looking for someone to blame."

"So, then you tell me the real reason why you and Lucas broke up?"

Maya sighed, "Shawn."

"Because if I remember correctly you were happy with Lucas and now all of sudden you two break up out of nowhere."

"I thought I was happy but then I started to realize that I wasn't and I realized Lucas isn't the right guy for me."

"Because you want a bad boy to help put back on the right tracks?"

Maya rolled her eyes, shaking her head and looking away. "No, that's not it," she murmured, her foot bouncing up and down. She bit the inside of her cheek and couldn't fight back the tears she had been holding since walking out of Josh's room as they started to fall down her cheeks.

Shawn looked shocked at the sight of his daughter's sudden tears. "Maya," he sighed, walking over and pulling her in for a hug. "Is this the typical teenage girl crying because you think it's the end of the world because your heartbroken?" he asked, as he rubbed her back. "If Lucas isn't the guy for you, you can't help that," he comforted.

Maya nodded, because it was true. She was heartbroken but she was heartbroken by a different guy. She pulled away, wiping her tears away.

"Maya, first heartache is tough but I promise you it's not the end of the world."

Maya gave him a small smile.

"We do need to talk about something Lucas brought up to me."

Maya swallowed, waiting for Shawn to continue, knowing exactly what he was about to question her on.

"He told me he believes something is going on between you and Josh."

Maya shook her head. "There is nothing going on between me and Josh. We are just friends. Lucas got jealous of Josh because of how close we have become."

"You and Josh are just friends?" Shawn asked, emphasizing the last two words.

Maya nodded because that's what they were. Josh just made it clear to her they couldn't be anything else.

Shawn looked at her questioningly. "Friends as in friends that can turn into something more or friends as in brother and sister?"

"Just friends. Nothing more. Nothing less."

Shawn nodded. "So, you promise me there is nothing going on between you and Josh? I can trust you two together."

Maya nodded again, "Josh is just a friend."

"Good, I'm going to take your word because you are my daughter and if you are telling me Josh is just a friend, then I believe you."

Maya forced a smile, feeling guilty. Yes, her and Josh were just friends right now but she was still hoping and wanting more.

"I think I might have something that is going to cheer you up some," he told her, walking over to get an envelope off the top of the refrigerator. "I think you might get to be the beach bum you always wanted to be."

Maya looked down at envelope and saw the name of the southern California college and knew she must have gotten in because she told her parents to rip it up if she didn't. Not too long ago she would be jumping for joy but instead looking at it now only brought on more heartache.

XOXOJOSHAYAXOXO

"Did you ask out Smackle?"

"Did you ask out Maya?"

"That wasn't part of the deal."

"I'm making it part of the deal."

Josh narrowed in his eyes in as him and Farkle walked down the halls.

"It's all over school her and Lucas broke up and I know exactly why the two aren't together anymore which I can't say I'm sad about. So why don't you go turn her frown upside down and make her smile again?"

Josh sighed, shaking his head. "I can't."

Farkle furrowed his eyebrow in confusion.

"I told Maya nothing is going to happen between the two of us."

"What?! Why? And you can't tell me you don't have feelings for her. I may not be the best when it comes to the love department but I'm not stupid."

Josh swallowed. He wanted Maya. He wanted everything with her but couldn't. He couldn't chance on hurting her which was a weird and scary feeling for him because when he first moved here and saw her walking down the stairs all he thought of was how she could be his distraction while here but he never expected for this to happen. "I can't hurt her. She deserves better than me."

"I'm pretty sure it's too late for that. I've known Maya for years and she has a new light around her when she is with you. She has fallen for you and you are the reason she looks sad right now. Not Lucas. And whether you like it or not you've fallen for her."

Josh swallowed again, remaining quiet as Farkle words sunk in.

XOXOJOSHAYAXOXO

Maya saw Lucas walking down the hall and fire burned within her at the sight of him. She rushed over to stand directly in front of him, "Who the hell do you think you are!?" she shouted.

Lucas looked at Maya confused and glanced around at everyone's eyes on them. He knew the two didn't need more attention when they were already the talk of the school. "Maya, quiet down," he told her, earning a glare before he led her off to the side. "I don't know what you are talking about."

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. You had no right! You went to Shawn and you told him you think there is something going on between me and Josh!"

"Isn't there?" Lucas raised an eyebrow. "You're one to talk when I was telling him the truth."

"No, it's not the truth."

"It's not? So his tongue down your throat the day you broke up with me isn't anything?"

Maya looked away, shaking her head. "That's none of your business."

"So, I was right," he shrugged. "There is something going on between you two."

"No, there's not."

"There's not?" Lucas asked, baffled. "So, let me get this straight, we break up and now you just go around making out with any guy who will let you?" he asked, making her look away. "You wouldn't even let me kiss you until we went out on several dates. We didn't even make out until we were together for months and you let him get on top of you and feel you up only hours after our breakup. So when you told me you could handle him did you mean you could handle him in more ways than one? Like in bed? Have you been with him this entire time he's been in town and playing me stupid?"

Maya shook her head and started to walk away not wanting to argue with him when she knew no matter what she said he wasn't going to believe her and she could see his own anger building in him. "You have no clue what you are talking about. Just stay out of my business-"

Lucas grabbed Maya's arm before she could walk away. "I don't?"

Maya looked at Lucas with wide eyes, "Let go of me."

Lucas gripped her arm harder as she tried to break lose. "Just tell me the truth. Have you been cheating on me this entire time?"

"Lucas you're hurting me-"

"Tell me-"

"Get off of her."

Maya winced at the sound of Josh's voice. She's been avoiding him since walking out of his room and wasn't prepared to see him just yet.

Both Maya and Lucas watched as Josh approached them.

"Listen this is between me and her."

Josh glared into Lucas's eyes. "She told you to let her go so get off of her now before I make you regret not letting her go."

"What are you going to do?" Lucas asked, dropping his grip on Maya.

"Josh! No!" Maya yelled, placing herself in front of Josh before anything could happen. She knew she couldn't let the two of them fight. The last thing she needed was for Josh to be in trouble over her. "Please, let's just go," she begged him, trying to push him away from Lucas.

Josh looked down at Maya's pleading eyes before glaring at Lucas as he allowed Maya to start pushing him back away from Lucas. "Stay away from her or next time you won't get off this easy and that's a promise," he warned Lucas.

"Hey, she is all your's. You've obviously already got between her legs-"

"What?!" Josh snapped, starting to walk back towards Lucas.

"Josh!" Maya grabbed Josh's arm.

"She's not denying it."

"Josh, it's okay. He is just upset because of mine and his breakup."

Josh looked Lucas dead in the eyes.

"Josh," Maya pleaded. "Please, let's just go."

Josh kept looking at Lucas before lacing his fingers through Maya's and walking away. The two were completely quiet on their way home, not saying a word. Maya knew Josh needed time to calm down. Josh led Maya into his room before turning to her and cupping her cheeks in his hands. He bent down to be eye level with her, "Are you okay?"

Maya nodded, pressing her lips together.

"Are you sure?"

Maya nodded again. "I'm fine."

Josh closed his eyes before pressing his lips to her forehead and pulling her in for a tight hug. "Why are you letting him speak to and treat you like that?"

Maya shook her head, "It's nothing. He's just upset and taking the break up hard. He'll calm down and get over it."

Josh pulled away so he could look her back in the eyes, "It's not nothing," he told her before examining Maya's arm to make sure there was no marks.

"Josh," Maya sighed. "I'm fine. I promise."

"What he did wasn't right. He shouldn't be putting his hands on you and he shouldn't be speaking to you like that."

"Josh, I'm okay. I don't have any marks," she eased, gently, holding her arm up. "And I know that not everything he said is true. I hurt him and he is trying to hurt me. We didn't do anything besides got caught up in the moment and had a heated make-out session. That's all. Right?"

Josh slowly nodded, as the two stared into each other's eyes.

Maya forced herself to look away, "I should go," she told him and started to walk away.

Josh stopped her. "You know I can't give you what you want that's why we can't be together."

Maya shook her head, "That's not true."

"It is," Josh insisted. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Josh I trust you."

"You shouldn't."

Maya stood on her tippy-toes, getting extremely close to his face. "But I do," she murmured.

"You've only seen this part of me. You have no clue how I was in New York and how I treated the girls I was with. You deserve better than me."

"And we've been through this. I know you aren't a horrible guy. The real you is the guy standing right in front of me right now."

Josh swallowed, staring intensely into Maya eyes for a moment before he caved into his feelings and closed the gap between the two.

Please vote and leave me a review with your thoughts and feel free to share any predictions or any ideas you have. I love hearing them! PLEASE go check out my new Joshaya/Rucas story "Taking On The World".