Jaemin looked out at the city before him, the bitter wind of fall rushing through his hair as he watched the sun sink below the horizon.

November 9th.

It had been a year.

A year since the murder.

A year since they were found by Taeyong.

A year since they met Neo Tech.

A year since the fire.

Since his brothers death.

Since the war.

And, when you look at a calender, a year doesn't seem like too long.

But when you're living without the loves of your life, it is the longest time you've ever felt.

Jaemin didn't turn his head when he felt a presence beside him. Nor did he flinch away when he felt a soft hand hold his.

"Jaemin... I know you miss them."

Jaemin felt the tears well in his eyes. He drew in a shaky breath.

"I know you miss Jeno."

Jaemin had been denying it for the last year.

Denying that Jeno and Renjun were gone. Constantly insisting that they were just out gathering supplies.

"And I know how much you miss Chanyeol, so I guess we're even." Jaemin said softly. He turned with broken, pain filled eyes to look at the man beside him. "Baekhyun, of fucking course I miss them." He said as he wiped a tear away. Baekhyun took the boy into his embrace, rubbing circles onto the youngers back as he quietly hushed the boy, who was now shaking as whimpers and sobs escaped him.

"I miss them Baekhyun.. I-I miss them s-so much... If I wasnt so s-stupid, I-if I had l-listened and never j-joined EXO.... They might still be here.." Baekhyun sighed and shook his head.

"Don't blame yourself Jaemin. Its not your fault."

A silence grew between them, only disrupted by the small pitiful noises emitting from Jaemin's mouth.

Until he broke it.

"I still remember it.." Baekhyun tilted his head.

"Remember what?" He asked. Jaemin snuggled his face further into Baekhyun's jacket.

"The way his body laid limply in my arms.. The way my brother slumped against the control panel with lifeless eyes, the way Renjun smiled before his head fell back, the way Kyungsoo nodded triumphantly before his body became ignited in the flames, the way Jaehyun's screams echoed around the church as he ran to his dead lovers side.." Jaemin had pulled away, his back turned on the older.

"Baekhyun, I will never be able to forget them. I will live with the deaths, the murders, every sin I have ever committed I will live with now and until my death. What's the point of living anymore Baekhyun! What's the point! Dying Will bring us peace, and through death we can finally see them again... Through death I can sit peacefully once more with my Jeno and Renjun." Baekhyun shook his head.

"No Jaemin... We must live. If not for us then for them."

Jaemin cried as he listened to those words.

They brought him back to a memory.

They were sitting, huddled in Jeno's room while his parents were out, Jaemin sat beside Jeno and Renjun sat in the youngests lap. Jeno slowly strummed the guitar in his arms and recited the lyrics to a song. A song that would forever belong to the three of them in their hearts, no matter how sad it was, it comforted them all.

If you must wait,
Wait for them here in my arms as I shake
If you must weep,
Do it right here in my bed as I sleep
If you must mourn, my love
Mourn with the moon and the stars up above
If you must mourn,
Don't do it alone

"If you must leave,
Leave as though fire burns under your feet
If you must speak,
Speak every word as though it were unique
If you must die, sweetheart
Die knowing your life was my life's best part
If you must die,
Remember your life"

Renjun smiled softly in Jaemin's arms, content as he closed his eyes and let sleep take over him. Jaemin looked to Jeno with a light smile as tears welled in their eyes.

"Jeno.. Promise me we'll always be together...."

Jeno nodded and reached put his hand, caressing Jaemin's cheek softly. Jaemin melted into the touch and closed his eyes.

"I promise you my love,
We will live together,
We will mourn together,
We will rise together,
We will fall together,
And in everything we do together,
Let us bring peace.
Let us have peace.

Because that is what you deserve.

You are the love of my life, Na Jaemin."