"I heard she's crazy"

"I heard she's dead"

"I heard she killed herself"

"I heard she couldn't even get that right"

Rumors are all I hear. Someone hears something and passes it on. They'll never stop.

I set down my notebook. My therapist have me one of these. She said its best to voice and write down my feelings.

That's was one of my first entries. I've written so many. All I can think about is all the rumors that people are spreading.

They all must think I'm insane. I'm not insane. I simply have a lot going on.

But they don't get that. No one does or will.

These past few weeks I've been with my therapist. New years came and went and its already January 10th.

It's Caylas birthday and we're meeting up. I can go around in a wheel chair now. Which is good.

My physical therapist said that I'll be moving on to walking soon. I'm excited.

As for school, well I've been taking all my classes online. At least for the rest of my junior year. I don't know what will happen next year.

Before I get ready I have a session with Samantha.

Right on time she walks in.

"Good morning Alison"

"Hi Samantha, how are you?"

"I'm swell" she takes her usual seat and I sit myself up.

"So Alison, talk to me"

"Well I've been journaling. I think it really helps. You know what I mean?"

She nods.

"Its like I can just pin point exactly what I feel. But only when it's on paper. I don't know, it sounds crazy."

"It doesn't. Its actually the opposite. But how does your writing come into play, with your feelings for Nathan?"

"Um actually" I look down and twiddle my thumbs. "I've never written about him"

"Really?" She looks surprised.

"Nope. Usually I just... Well I just..."

"Go on"

"I just talk to him." I sit back.

"You talk to him?"

"Yes, alright!" I throw my hands up in defeat. "I'm so crazy that I talk to a dead person. And in my mind I hear him answer. Its how I get through it all. I just miss him so much. And I want to have him back. So I talk to him! I feel slightly insane. But I don't even care. Because to me, he's there. It feels as if he'd sitting in the room next to me. But not really. When I reach my hand out his doesnt find mine. And when all I really need is his embrace. So I know that he's not really there. And sometimes I trick myself and then when I realize what is going on, I just cry. Rocking back and forth. Holding myself. Nights lime those, I just want to stop. I just want to stop talking to him. It might make it all better. But if I do, will he still be there? Will he still watch over me? I'm too much of a coward to find out" That last sentence was chocked out as the tears came.

Samantha rubs my back warmly. Much like a mother.

When I finally calm down she responds. "Alison. You can stop talking to him. He'll still be there. He's in your heart, and his parents hearts and anyone else that he cared about hearts. You keep him alive. That voice that you hear, its not real. Its just your mind. It's not your heart. Your heart cant speak. It can only feel. I want you to do me and yourself a favor"

I look up at her, waiting for her to finish.

"Just stop. Tonight when you go to sleep, say goodbye. And just let that voice go. I promise you, it'll make things better"

I just nod.

Samantha arises from her chair and walks out. I press the nurse button and get ready for a night out.
**

"Happy Birthday!!!" I yell to Cahla right as we make eye contact.

I'm being pushed in a wheel chair into the movie theater.

I still have things hooked into me, but they've been made portable.

The moment I was wheeled out of the hospital, my eyes went wide. I felt a smile on my face as freedom was revealed to me.

Its the first time I left since the accident. We didnt take a car here. Its a five minute walk.

I'm very glad about that. I don't know how I'll react being in a car again.

That night was scary. I still have nightmares of glass shattering and screaming. And then seeing light for a few seconds until I wake up.

I shove all these nasty thoughts away as Cayla embraces me. We are both getting teary eyed.

"Aly, I'm so happy that you're here." She whispers in my ear.

I just squeeze tighter.

Eventually we break apart and my dad speaks.

"Alright Alsison. I'll be at the house. Call me if you need anything. And I mean anything-"

I cut him off "Daddy, I'll be fine. I love you"

He sighs. "I love you too." He then proceeds to hug me and walk out of the theater.

Cayla and I look at each other and roll our eyes. Then she pushes me to concessions.

"What should we get?" I ask

"Ohh! Get those things!" She squeals

"What things?" I let out a small laugh.

"The... The um" she looks up "Oh the churro nuts!" She let's out

I roll my eyes as I hear this. "You mean the pecans?"

"Yes! Churro nuts" she yells out

"Yeah, they're called pecans. But okay let's get and obviously popcorn"

We both nod in agreement. The line goes though a lot of turns so I hand her money and sit outside the line.

Well I'm line behind me I hear a voice far too familiar.

When I turn around I realize, to my great dismay, that Jessica is here.

I except myself to get nervous and to start shaking. But I don't. She sees me and I react first.

"Hey Jessica. How's it going?" I say sweetly

She looks taken aback for a moment but she strikes back "Don't talk to me. Bitch. Shouldn't you be dead or something?"

I don't even flinch.

"Alright well bye" I wave and with all my strength I roll myself away.

Cayla rushes over with the food and tickets "I'll be right back"

I stop her. "Don't. She's not worht it"

Cayla looks at me for a moment and finally she cools down.

She pushes me into the theater and sits down. The previews start and we both go silence.

I didn't even flinch. Wow. I think I know why. I think it finally clicked. She's wrong. She doesn't know me. Her words don't define me. No ones does. What I let myself be is what I am. And I'm done being timid. I'm done letting people walk all over me. My name is Alison. I've survived so much in the past year its incredible. And you know what? I shouldn't be dead. I'm not a bitch. I'm not a whore. I'm not worthless. I'm not ugly.

As I think these things in the dark theater, I realize what must be done.

I look up at the ceiling and whisper very quietly "Goodbye Nathan. I will always love you. But I need to let go."

I feel a rush of relief as I let go.

I feel happiness. Because I'm none of those things! And now that I realize it, I am realizing what I am. I'm just me. I'm just Alison.
**

Tear! This is the last official chapter. I have an epilogue but that's it. Goodbye to Alison.

I want to say thank you to everyone for reading. This means so much to me. I have finally finished a book! I'm happy and sad! Ugh! This is so great. I can't believe it's done. Something just made me feels ready to finish this.

This has been all about bullying which is something unavoidable. There will always be bullies, it just matters how you deal with them. So stop it if you see and get help if its happening to you.

This book is dedicated to my Grandpa who passed in October. I love and miss him and Alys grandpa is heavily based on him.

I want to give shout outs to my best friends in the whole wide world. Emil, Katelyn, and Cleidys Love ya girls. TheGreatKate36 and EmilyCarr8
Itspriscillaa
Also my other friends acerwin_ and CaylaBK10 and stephmich1

And my wattpad readers and friends who I don't even know but they still read thedeathofafighter and skittleezz and Lolalovesawholelot and lake_girl2 and CSMills and carmcat

So thanks for read! You guys are great!

Oh and I almost forgot! My mom! ElizabethGannon ;) love ya mom

Wow! OK so adios! :)