The day that the word Cancer was drilled into my brain I was in shock. I told my parents that I needed space and time. With that time I went to my coffee shop to work. The day was going on like normal until she walked in. The shy girl with the bright green eyes. She ordered and sat at the couch. I was overwhelmed with curiosity. She was so beautiful, yet she had come back here once again alone. And then I saw it. She broke down in tears. I reacted immediately. I scooped her up and carried her to the back room. Then in an attempt to flirt I winked at her and said something about crying not being good for business. I went back out to the counter to finish up work. The whole time, all I could think about was her. The sadness that filled her gorgeous eyes. I couldn't understand why she was so sad. Then only thing that I knew was, I needed to see her smile. After the long day I had, her smile would make it all better. For her this may nor be true but for me, it was love at first sight.

I can't help but cry as I read the beginning of his journal.

I miss him.

People say that death gets easier with time, but it doesn't. At least not for me. The more and more days that pass the more I miss him.

"Aly." I hear a familiar voice.

Right as we make eye contact she bursts into tears.

She sprints to my bedside. Then she kneels down and grabs my hand.

"I'm here for you" she whispers

"Cayla it hurts" I whisper back

She squezzes my hand. And just like that day in the tree house when my mom died, she makes me feel better. For now at least.
**

Cayla's POV

After holding her hand for a few minutes, I notice that she fell asleep.

When I make my move to get up I examine her arms and see scars. Tears fill my eyes as I continue to come across the scars. She cut herself.

I drop her hand and run out of her room in search of her dad. I finally find him and don't hesitate to say it.

"Aly, she um, she cut herself!" I shout the last part

Her dads eyes soften and he grabs the wall for support.

"Are you sure? I thought those were from the crash" he sounds dead serious.

The flashes of the scars run though my mind and I am sure.

"Yes, I'm positive"

Her dad starts to cry so I comfort him.
**

When I awaken I see a nurse holding a clip board.

She sees my now open eyes and speaks in a kind voice, "Sweetie, I need to ask you some questions"

"Okay" I nod and sit up a little bit

"How have you been feeling lately?" She asks

"Um pretty sore" I say

"I mean emotionally"

"Oh I guess the answer to that would be" I pause "well, it would be sad"

"Have you wanted in any to end the sadness?" She prys on

"Of course" why kind of a bs question is that?

"Have you ever harmed yourself"

She knows. No she can't know.

"No." I say

"What about the scars on your arms?" She asks indicating to my arms

I feel myt breathe catch in my throat. She knows. She does. I can't think.

"Yes, yes I have!" I give in and start to cry

"It was supposed to take away the pain! It was supposed to help! But it didn't! I'm still like this! I'm still causing myself pain! I get close to people and they die! Because of me!" I am shouting uncontrollably and people rush in.

Someone holds me down and gives me a shot. As I pass out I see my dad watching with concern.
**

The next time I wake up no one is around. I feel very drowsy as I try to grab the notebook.

But my hands can't fine it. I'm too weak to sit up.

I can't reach it. What's left of him is gone. Just like him.
**

"Daddy?" I whisper as we make eye contact

"Sweetie" he grabs my hand

"Tell me about the first time that you met mom?"

His eyes light up and he smiles. "Well it was a normal day at first. I was driving down the road to school when I saw her sitting on the side of the road by her car. At first I wasn't going to stop, but I did. I stopped the car and got out. When I got out the first thing I noticed up close was her blue eyes that rose in alram. I put my hand out and reassured her I was only going to help her. And I did. I called a tow truck driver, and waited with her. And then I drove her rk school. And from then on we were best friends." He continues to smile.

I won't even deny that I am jealous. Jelouse of that fact that he is okay with the loss of his true love. But on top of that jealousy is hope. Somehow deep down I know that it will all be okay.

And because of that I smile with him.

"That's funny" he says

"What?" I respond now curious

"I haven't seen your smile in a long time" he squeezes my hand.

Then he sits down next to me and turns on the TV. We start to watch the news.

A nurse walks in and starts pressing things on the machines. She walks out after a few seconds and doesn't say a word.

Right as the nurse is out of site, Nathans parents walk in.

"Hi Alison" Natans mother greets me with a smile

"Hi" I say, waiting for her responce.

"When you get out of her we would like to invite you over for a dinner" she sounds sincere

"Okay"

"Wse just think that it would be nice to finally get to know each other. Its what he would want" she gets a little teary eyed.

"I would love to" I smile back.

Ugh sadness!! I honestly miss Nathan. I miss a fictional character! The struggle is real! Anwyas thanks for reading! :)