Had a visit with my shrink the other day. We're down to about three times a year now; I've done pretty much all I can for him. Anyway, he asked the usual questions - any significant changes mentally, physically - yes to both.

Doctors seemed upset that the scans showed all was well so they decided I needed another one - September so I guess it can't be too upsetting.

I told him I lost a couple of relatives, which leaves me third oldest remaining, and one of my four friends, not acquaintances but friends. So at the visitation there were a lot of shared memories with his family and after the stock comment of lucky to have so many to look back on got me thinking.

I told my shrink that yes, I had a ton of good memories that I could look back on. The trouble was they were just still pictures. It was like remembering pain. You knew darn well it was excruciating and you'd never forget it but in reality you did. You can only recall the event not the actual pain. Same with my good memories. I can find them but they are only of the time or place, never the real visual experience.

In contrast, all the bad or unhappy memories play like endless films in detailed, full colour. Random negative moments from almost any time in my life would spool up and play out in all their glory, activating physical emotions with no problem. Night time being the worst, which makes sense. You watch movies in the dark but you need light to see photographs.

He allowed as how this was not uncommon at all, offering an explanation that was technical, reasonable and informative but technical. All kinds of brain business that goes on about storage and filing and . . . I forgot it all right away.

Short term memory is waning.

I concluded that my memory situation was never going to improve, or change for that matter. Still, I do have real photographs in albums and pictures about the house that remind me of the positive times, primarily the unshakable love I was blessed to have shared and at least they are always on view.