Each evening when I get in bed

Her image slides into my head

It's not the one I want to see

The nice ones never come to me

Instead it's tubes and needles

And a medical smell, sympathetic looks

I knew so well. A whispered word

A helpless pat and I'm left with a shell

That once was Nat

I relive each minute there is no escape

The agony plays out like an endless tape

A river of tears that soak the bed

And a thousand drums inside my head

These memories cause me physical pain

And when others ask I can't explain

We had a love that never stopped growing

Richer each day with no sign of slowing

But none of that shows up in dreams

Just the ugly parts it seems

Each night another round of crying

And the final moments spent in dying

Friends advise and always will

But there's a hole in my life I'll never fill

No memories warm and soft and tender

Always that final big upender

No changed routines have helped at all

Just trying to avoid the sandman's call

Maybe a happy memory for at least one night

Could heal this haunted heart and make things right