𝙽𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝟷𝟷𝚝𝚑, 𝚆𝚎𝚍𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚍𝚊𝚢
Parkers POV

When Wednesday morning comes around, I am beyond miserable. I'm going on two days of hearing nothing but radio silence from Miles. His phone has got to be overheating from how many times I've texted and called him, refusing to give up so easily.

My legs are weak as I drag myself out of bed, my entire physical being weighing me down. Football has been kicking my ass this week, people were treating me weird yesterday, I'm mentally drained from having to pretend that I'm okay, and I can't get the image of Miles empty desk chair out of my head. It's all that I can stare at during history class because I'm so used to having him near me.

I drag myself out of bed and put my feet down on the carpet, running both hands back through my tangled hair before standing. It's becoming second nature to tap on my phone screen to double-check that he hasn't gotten back to me over the last two hours I've been asleep.

Nothing. I should know better by now.

I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this. I've gone as far as driving by his house before and after school every day. For fucks sake, I couldn't sleep last night, so I sat outside his house for twenty minutes at midnight like a damn psychopath to see if he came home at night. Still, nothing.

It's seriously starting to make me crazy. My anxiety can't take all of this heat. I'm lucky if I have blacked out for six hours over the past two days combined. I'm going to sound dramatic as hell, but if I don't hear back from Miles soon, it might kill me.

My legs bring me to the bathroom, and I hit the switch, squinting at the bright light. I blink and scowl at the kid in the mirror.

Dark shadows are prominent under my eyes, offset by my uncharacteristic pale complexion. My hair resembles my dads when he stays up all night editing footage for a campaign, or maybe a homeless guy that hasn't touched a comb in decades.

Unfortunately, my energy is maxed out simply by combing my fingers through my hair, splashing cold water on my face, and swishing a toothbrush around my mouth. I'm lucky even to bother changing my shirt this morning.

This whole fight-your-demons-while-fighting-your-sexuality-and-trying-to-find-your-lost-maybe-ex-boyfriend shit is exhausting.

Grabbing my phone off my bed, I recheck it as I walk out of the room. No change.

"Christ, Miles!" I mumble and start down the stairs, guilt gnawing on my conscious. What's worse is that I don't have the leverage to chide him when I'm the one who chased him out of my life.

The empty house is the cherry on top of all this. Usually, I would find solace in talking to my parents, joining in their early morning banter over toast and coffee, but they've been absent for most of this week. My dad got offered a big photoshoot for a magazine out in L.A and mom tagged along so they could explore the city. I've thought about calling them, except I have a feeling that mom would end up saying, Sweetheart, didn't I warn you?

Yeah, mom. You sure did, I think to myself and grab an apple from the fruit basket in the kitchen before heading out the door.

Low, dense fog hovers over the neighborhood outside, fresh from the ocean. It's impossible to see the end of the driveway.

I shudder at the chill in the air and jump in my car, jamming the start button to get the heat on. I carefully creep my car out of the driveway and try to pay extra close attention to the road as I drive. The gloom thickens the closer I get to town and closer to the ocean. I curse to myself when I have to drop down a solid 20 miles per hour than my usual speed so that I can see the damn road.

My eyes flick to the clock, and I chew my cheek. There's no time to run by Miles house this morning—the weather made sure of that.

With my mood souring further, I roll my window down and throw out the apple core with no care if I clobber someone in the process.

Finally, after the longest drive ever, I pull into the school parking lot and take the first empty spot that I see. Before my car can even slide into park, I take my phone out and check it, only to be disappointed. There's nothing I can do except text Miles for the hundredth time.

I sigh, pocketing my phone as I turn my car off and jump out. Other students start filing into the parking lot, so I stick as close to everyone's bumpers as possible to avoid being hit. Although, the longer this week stretches on, the more I've been considering that as an option.

Voices laugh somewhere out in the fog, and I look up, but there's nothing there. A few other silhouettes are dotted in my peripheral vision as students head toward the school. Otherwise, I feel like I'm alone in the twilight zone.

Considering the recent events, I suppose being alone will be my new normal.

Up ahead, a figure slowly steps around the backside of a car, their head bent down at their phone. Glancing up for a moment, I almost don't pay the person any attention, then my neck nearly breaks when I do a double take.

The frame and height are familiar, too familiar. It's hard to tell if it's really him because a hood is tucked over the person's head, hiding their hair and features. There's only one way I can find out.

"Oh, my god. Miles...?"

The figure freezes and turns around, straightening up at my voice.

A laugh escapes my throat. Pure ecstasy suddenly rushes through my veins, knocking all my previous anxieties and anguish to the ground. The feeling is so sudden that it leaves me breathless as I run over to Miles.

He's safe. And he's here, finally back in my sight. Lord knows that he's a sight for my tired, sore eyes too. I can't hold down my joy as I partially throw myself at him, wrapping my arms around him in a bear hug. I never want him to leave my sight again.

Miles grunts and steps back at the force, but he doesn't laugh, smile, or anything. For a moment, I expect to be swatted away or ignored until he belatedly puts a loose arm around me.

"You can't EVER do that shit to me again!" I exclaim into his chest, then pull away to make sure he heard me. "Seriously, ever. I thought you had left town! There was no way to find you, you weren't anywhere that I looked, and didn't answer your phone—oh my god, did you get my texts?" I ask and drop my arms to step back, searching his face, those dark brown eyes.

Miles shrugs passively, his expression hard to read as he lifts his phone. The screen ignites, showing off nearly ninety missed calls, twenty-seven voicemails, and a few hundred texts, all from me. And all have gone unnoticed, filed under the glowing Do Not Disturb notification.

"Yeah. I got them."

I bite my cheek. I understand that I treated him like shit, but it hurts to know that he chose to ignore me instead of replying with a simple, yeah I'm safe. Please leave me alone for a while.

"Christ." I exhale and rest both hands behind my head, walking in a small circle to slow down my heart rate before stopping to face him again. "Where did you go? I..." Pausing, I decide not to say anything about stalking his house. "It's like you dropped off of the earth!"

"Nowhere important. Besides, I'm fine, and I'm back now. Not that you care anyway. I'm sure you covered for me with a few more lies," Miles retorts with another shrug. He doesn't say it accusingly, just matter-of-factly.

Still, it burns.

"Fuck, I don't know how many times I need to apologize to you—"

"Parker."

The way he says my name makes me stall.

"You don't need to apologize," Miles starts to say. I open my mouth to object, but he holds up his finger and keeps talking. "You treated me like a side bitch. Actually, worse than that. What you did to me made me believe that our time together has been a fluke. Here I was, thinking I finally found the real version of you, but one of us is obviously wrong."

I try to cut in again. "Miles, please—"

"I'm not done talking. Seriously, I'm done wasting my time with this. I've done and said everything I could to help you out, but you still decided to do what you did. There's absolutely no fucking way that we can forget all of this happened and go back to being little pals. You either need to make up your mind, for real this time, or I'm done here. You know I'll still love you if you come back to me, but I'm also not afraid to walk away. Come find me when you figure your shit out, alright?" Miles says sternly and flourishes his hands before turning around and walking away from me again.

I'm taken aback, his words spinning around my head like an unfamiliar math problem on a test.

Love. How can he even utter the word after what I did? Honestly, that talk went better than I expected it to. It still scares the shit out of me because I know what I have to do to fix this relationship.

It's going to be hard, although I'm more terrified at the thought of losing him and watching him walk away for the final time.

~

By the time lunch rolls around, I feel like I'm going to roll over and die like an opossum.

My head has been on a different planet all morning, sifting through all the ways to navigate this. Miles words won't leave my head. They were magnified when history started and he came in, not even giving me a passing glance as he sat down.

It sucks major ass to be on the other side of this problem.

Somehow it's also my biggest motivator. I can't keep doing this without him anymore.

Now, I shuffle into the lunchroom, pretending that the whole grade isn't watching me as I navigate toward my group of friends. There's no need to worry about Miles for today's lunch break. He texted me earlier to let me know that he was running into town for lunch.

Probably because he wants to avoid all the drama he caused on Monday. Little does he know that I'm about to throw more Mentos in that Coke bottle.

Some of my possé greet me as I walk over, and I mumble replies, my large intestine twisting so bad that I feel like I'm going to colic. I will never experience this comfortable peace at the lunch table again. Ever.

Griffin gives me the side-eye as I sit down. "Hey, princess. Getting your beauty sleep, I see."

"Shove it," I seethe and rub my hands over my knees nervously. I don't know if I can do this. I'm probably making a huge mistake. I've never been without my circle of friends before.

But the truth needs to come out.

"What's your problem now?" Griffin snaps back at me. I ignore his question and slap my hand down on the table.

"Hey, can I say something real quick?" My voice raises above the table conversation, making everyone turn to look at me.

Teammates that I've known since third grade, jocks from random sports that somehow got integrated with us that I consider friends, Hannah and a handful of hot girls that got the green light to stick around, a few douchebags like Luke that slithered their way into our ranks. Poor Rose and Forrest are about to get the wake-up call of a lifetime.

I clear my throat when I clam up. My hands are suddenly damp with perspiration. For a moment, I consider playing it off and keeping my secret.

Then for a moment, I think, fuck it. I don't like 75% of these people anyway. Why do I care about them in the first place? Especially when I have someone as amazing as Miles in my life. These idiots don't even hold a candle to him.

The realization makes my next words come easily. "I wanted to let you all know that I'm bisexual but dating a guy. Miles. I'm dating Miles, so..." I throw my hands, too exhausted to bother with any other reaction. "Surprise. I guess."

Silence. Blank, shocked faces of my peers stare back at me.

"Wait, are you serious?" Joshua finally breaks the silence. His words puncture the bubble, and suddenly everyone is talking at once.

"You're fucking joking—"

"What, did you sleep with him after what happened on Monday?—"

"How long have you been hiding this secret—"

"Dude, we need to get this pervert out of the locker room, he's probably checked out my dick—"

"Good for you, bro, I always thought something was—"

The words and accusations are suffocating. They spin around and around, making my head spin as I hit the table again. One of the guys sitting next to me jumps up and walks away, eyeing me like a rabid dog that's going to hump his leg.

"Enough!" I bark, meeting my friend's eyes around the table.

People either look panicked, bitter, repulsed, or appreciative. My gaze falls on Hannah. She's gripping the table like a lifeline, all of the color has drained from her face, and her lips are parted in bewilderment. The same lips she kissed me with that have, technically, touched another boy's.

Quickly, I look away from her and focus on Rose for a moment. She appears thrown off, her eyes wide, but not shocked. Even Forrest has his eyebrows raised, glancing between Rose and me like he's thinking, I told you so.

Finally, I glance over at Griffin. He's the only one that seems, dare I say, proud. And ready to fight anyone who objects. His eyes glitter like a predator as he checks out the table.

I breathe before speaking again. "You all deserve to know before it could come out in a bad way."

"What, like this isn't bad?" Luke scoffs. "This is probably some dumb joke. Your football fame isn't enough for you, is it? You're finally becoming old news and desperate enough to be the talk of the school again."

"How about—" Griffin starts to stand and yell, but I quickly cut in, not wanting him to take over for me again.

"You really think I would say something like this for publicity?" I laugh a little out of disbelief. "There's no way in hell. I'm sick of keeping this shit a secret. Why do you think Miles was pissed at me the other day, huh?"

Luke sneers and gets up. "If that's the case, then I'm dipping. I don't need to be seen around some dykes. You both can rot in hell." With those words, he walks away to spread the news. Some more guys also stand, speaking words of agreement and spitting insults as they leave.

I grit my teeth as more questions and accusations get thrown around at once. My brain can't focus on anything right now, much less all the noise. I need to clear my head before I explode and start throwing fists like Griffin would.

Jumping up, I hurry away from the lunchroom before I can hear any more derogatory slurs. On my way out, I notice Luke, Calvin, and his friends sitting at a different table and pointing in my direction.

My old, content life is falling apart. I either made the best decision or screwed myself over for life. I'm so shocked through the bones right now that I can't think about it.

Somehow I get out of the room without any casualties. Footsteps running up behind me makes me tense up, but I breathe when I look over my shoulder and see who it is.

"You could've warned me that you would come out today," Griffin scolds me and matches my fast pace.

Rose has to jog to keep up. "What?! Griffin knew, but WE didn't? How could you tell him first?"

I shake my head and face forward again, keeping my eyes locked on the end of the hallway. "I know that he can keep a secret."

"Ha!" Griffin exclaims and points at his sister. "Take that and suck on it!"

"Okay, that's offensive! You know I can keep a secret." Rose scoffs and sticks out her lower lip, offended.

"I don't think that's the point here," Forrest chips in as he catches up to all of us.

I come to a halt and turn to face my friends. "Okay, I appreciate your guy's support and everything, but I kind of wanted to be alone."

"We're only making sure you're not going to jump off the roof after coming out of the closet. Your life isn't on easy mode anymore, man," Griffin says and shrugs as he stops.

"You don't think I know that?" I snap back, my emotions fried. "Besides, I'm not going to go kill myself. I need to... process."

Rose nods in understanding, then pauses. "Um... So... I hate to ask," she starts to mumble and scuffs the toe of her sandal into the tile. "But how long have you known..? Like, I can't say that I'm shocked, but I'm still kinda surprised."

My eye twitches. I swear my entire family knew I preferred dick before I did.

"I don't know exactly. I always kind of knew deep down, but I never confronted those feelings, if that makes sense. Not until I met Miles. That's when things kinda clicked."

Rose smiles sweetly, taking all of this information with ease as if we were discussing my new girlfriend and not a boy. "Aww! That's so cute! I knew something was up when you guys presented that project. The tension was like, pliable."

"Ugh, great." I laugh weakly, dragging both hands back through my messy hair, and glance at Forrest. "And you don't seem to hate me either."

"Nah, man. I called this back when you played against Miles for capture the flag. Something was up then. I've never seen you act like that before." Forrest shrugs and looks at Rose.

She shrugs too. "He even said something about it on the way home that same night." Her tone drops into an imitation of Forrest. ""I'm going to sound crazy, but I'm pretty sure Miles has a crush on Parker, and Parker is digging it.""

Forrest laughs and goes pink, swatting his girlfriend away. "I didn't say it like that."

"It's close!"

"Okay, okay!" I motion my hands like a ref calling time out. "I get it, everyone knew I was gay! Moving on, I need fresh air. I appreciate you guys, but I'd like to be alone."

"Speaking of being alone, where's Black Beauty?" Griffin asks casually, looking around the empty hallways.

I cast my eyes heavenward when he uses that dumb nickname. "He left for the lunch hour. I think he's afraid to be trashed on after what happened the other day. But he doesn't know that I told everyone today."

"What? Really?" Rose asks, her eyebrows raised.

"Yeah. I'm trying to respect his space right now, I..." Hesitating, I swallow down the lump in my throat. "I fucked things up this week. He's super pissed at me and told me to make up my mind, so I did. I'm sure he'll find out what I said the second he steps foot inside the school again."

"Shouldn't you warn him? Especially since you mentioned the whole relationship with him?" Forrest asks carefully.

"Maybe I should. I don't know. I don't think it'll hurt him either way. He's going to find out somehow, and no matter what, he will have to deal with the after-effects too. I'd rather take him by surprise. We can talk about it later," I explain to my friends and cross my arms self-consciously.

Rose and Forrest nod simultaneously, agreeing with my plan. Or maybe they're afraid to disagree and set me off again.

"Okay, well, I'm proud of you, Parker. That took a lot of guts. Good for you for following your heart. I'm excited to see Miles as your official boyfriend!" Rose grins and steps up to me, giving me a hug.

I have to smile and pat her back. Butterflies go crazy in my stomach when she casually utters the words your official boyfriend. It's strange to hear the title coming from someone else's mouth.

"Do you want me to mention anything to my dad?" Rose asks as I break the hug.

"No, don't bother. I'll talk to him this weekend. Depending on who gossips, he might catch wind of it today anyway." I scratch behind my neck as I talk. It's weird to know that my precious secret will soon be a school-wide topic if it already isn't.

"Okay! Sounds good. I'll probably see you later. I'm proud of you!" Rose gives me two thumbs up as she walks away.

"Yeah, you're an animal, Parker. Good for you, man." Forrest slaps my shoulder as he jogs after his girlfriend.

I smile tiredly and wave at the pair before turning to Griffin and exhaling. "Well..."

"I was right. You can say it." He smirks.

"Whatever. You were right." I rub my face. "I don't want to hear about it. I need space, Tylenol, and sunlight before my next class. Save the accusations for later."

"Whatever you say. I'm going to finish eating. I'll catch you on the flip side, yeah?"

"Yeah, later, brother." I salute Griffin as he walks off toward the lunchroom, and I head to the lockers.

As much as I was putting off that conversation, it feels great to have it off my chest. There's officially nothing about me that the world doesn't know about anymore.

Usually, that thought would reduce me to a shaking, panicked mess, but it feels more bearable knowing that I have Miles by my side.

That is, once he finds out that we can be together again. First, I need to reroot our relationship.

And I've got a plan.