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chapter six.
six.

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             Later that day, Nick and Nell had met up for the rare occasion of walking to class together. They didn't have the same class, but they did happen to be across the hall from one another. As they walked across the courtyard, Nell watched her brother with a careful eye; he might have told her a sorry excuse for why he slept in her room the night before, but she wasn't that dumb. Though she wouldn't say much about it unless he wanted to talk about it.

              " Nick, is everything alright? You've been quiet. " She mentioned, fiddling with the strap of her bag as she looked up at her brother.

              " I'm always quiet, Nelly. " He replied, and the shorter girl pursed her lips.

               " Yeah. " She wanted to say 'yeah, but-'; she told herself she wouldn't push him though. Nick didn't mind the quiet, while it just made Nell feel like she was doing something wrong. She continued fidgeting as they walked, glancing away from Nick to find something else she could go on about so it wasn't silent. It didn't take long, because she saw Jade across the yard, coming from the dean's office, a rather annoyed expression on her face, even from this far away, " Hey, look, that's Jade, isn't it? "

" Mm. " Nick hummed in agreement, and the siblings watched as Farleigh joined the brunette rather quickly as if he'd been waiting on her. She still looked none too happy about whatever they were discussing, but Nell either seemed not to notice or care as she grabbed onto Nick's elbow and dragged him over to them without another word.

                " Well, well, look who it is. " Farleigh called as the twins approached he and Jade. The curly haired boy folded his arms over his chest and wore an amused expression as he glanced over Nick, " I can't believe I'm seeing you where the sun's still shining. Finally decide to come out of your cave? "

" Farleigh. " Nell said warningly, though Nick barely even gave him a dry look in response, unbothered. Beside Farleigh, Jade still seemed aggravated, and even spaced out, like her mind was elsewhere while they spoke. Still, the other young woman asked, " What are you guys up to? "

               " Felix wanted to go to the pub later after class, something about it just being us. " Farleigh answered, gesturing his finger around to denote that all four of them were included in that 'us'. He looked upon Nick's dry expression and held his hand up, " Before you say anything, I'll do it for you— yes, going to the pub, again. "

             " You're borderline alcoholics. " Nick deadpanned.

             " And you need to get laid, my friend. I'm over your constant cynical attitude. " Farleigh remarked, making Nell shake her head in disapproval. That made Farleigh let out a sigh before he continued, " Felix and Oliver apparently got into an argument, or whatever, so he made it a point to say just us. I assume that means he wants you there. "

            " I'm sure he does. " Nick agreed plainly, not really in the mood to hang out, especially not when he and Felix had also had a minor disagreement. His interest was piqued though, " What did he and Oliver argue about? "

           " I don't know, he just seemed annoyed and didn't give many details. " Farleigh replied, shrugging, though he watched Nick's conflict across his usually emotionless face with interest. Gesturing his hand around, he instigated, " Maybe you should ask him yourself. "

           Nick didn't say anything, he just let the church bell ding to answer for him as a new hour came about. The dark haired man shifted his books under his arm and held up a hand to signify his departure before he quickly left the group, though he had no class to attend in such a hurry.

xxx.

   
" I should head back now, it's getting late. " Nell declared, though her voice was barely audible over the loud blaring music that bursted through the speakers all over the pub. As she stood, though, the others gathered what she had said.

" Come on, Nell. " Farleigh drawled, flicking her arm as he leaned back to look up at her, planting his chin in his hand. He clicked his tongue, " Buzzkill. "

" I have to call my mom. " She corrected with a smile, watching him internally backtrack as he sat back up, his playful expression dropping from his face.

" Right, sorry. " He apologized, moving to stand as well after an awkward beat, " You want to me to walk you back this time? "

Surprisingly, after a dozen 'no's to the same question, Nell answered, " Sure. "

Farleigh's brows raised, but he wasn't going to question it and have her take it back. He just tapped his fingers against the table and glanced between Nick and Felix (Jade had been talking up some girl with dark hair at the bar for forty minutes now), giving them a silent goodbye as he followed Nell away from the table.

         The fact that she was going to talk to their mother in the morning made Nick feel nauseous, potentially also a side effect of the few drinks he had consumed. He wrapped his knuckles against the table a few times, his knee bouncing under it as he tried to calm himself, but that feeling, paired with the fact that he was almost certain someone was watching them, left him seated in discomfort.

          " Nick, you alright? " Felix's voice broke through the music, making the other man drag a hand over his face despite his nod in response.

          " Yeah, I just.." Instead of finishing his sentence, he sighed and cupped his hand over his mouth, using the other to slide his half-empty glass around on the table.

         Felix must've taken his discomfort as his fault, because he frowned at the answer (or lack thereof). He waited a moment, stretching his arms above his head, and while Nick might've been fighting the urge to throw up and see stars, his eyes would never let the way Felix's jumper inched too high; the sliver of tan skin that showed nearly sobered Nick up, even though he was ashamed to admit that.

         When Felix dropped his hands back down with a quiet exhale of his own, he said, " I'm sorry, Nick, for..you know, having Annabel in our room. "

         " In my bed. " Nick clarified, making Felix laugh in response.

         " In your bed. " He added, and it was more evident than ever that someone was staring at them, perhaps trying to figure out what they were speaking about.

         Nick subtly turned his head to look towards Jade, appearing as if he was simply checking on a friend, but from his peripherals, he could see another familiar figure that made his nerves stop all together. Instead, he let go of his glass and pressed his hands together, planting them under his chin as he looked up at Felix again.

         " I'm not accepting this sorry ass apology unless you washed my sheets. "

          Felix's grin reappeared as he drummed along the table, " I know you so well. It's already done. "

          " You washed them? Like you actually did laundry? " Nick questioned, his eyes nearly bugging from his head in astonishment. He leaned back against the booth seat, holding his palms out gesturally, " You must actually be sorry..how long did it take you to figure out how to use a washer? "

          " Do you want me to make them a mess again so you can find out? " Nick's silence was a good enough answer in itself. " Mm, didn't think so. "
          

xxx.

Nick was quiet for most of the walk back, mostly because of his thoughts of his sister taking up too much of his focus. His wondering drifted to the letter still in his nightstand, but only for a moment as Felix burst his bubble.

           " What're you thinking about? " Nick didn't respond at first, turning to look at him with a few blinks as if he wasn't sure if Felix had actually spoke or not. The brunette took it as him not wanting to share, so he just shook his head and insisted, " You've just been quiet, is all. Didn't know if something was wrong or if you've become a lightweight. "

           " Being the same size doesn't mean I can down a dozen glasses like you. " Nick exaggerated, but he didn't care. His eyes shifted up to the night sky, where stars were surprisingly scattered about. Maybe he just didn't usually pay attention when walking back from his night class throughout the week, but he didn't recall being able to see them so clearly before. Felix had only chuckled in response, prompting Nick to answer his initial question, " I was just thinking. "

             " About what? " Felix, always the curious and curiouser. That would get him killed one day, Nick was sure, but he knew he couldn't help being nosey. He was his mother's son, after all. " About me? "

              Yes, he was indeed Elspeth's son.

              " Yes, sort of. " When Nick agreed, Felix actually appeared surprised though. Nick couldn't let that get too far to his head, so he took a small inhale and elaborated, " You're too nice sometimes. It makes you.."

               " Makes me what, Nicky? "

               He didn't even have a word for it, there were actually too many meanings it could hold. He could say Felix was too trusting, naive, saw the best in people when it would all come back to bite him in the ass. But then there was the alternative, where he was 'nice' to every girl that paid him enough attention and somehow cursed them into falling in love with him. It made him enthralling—wealthy, good looking, and kind? It had to be too good to be true, surely. Even weird losers like Oliver flocked to him now, wanting to be him.

                And where did that leave Nick?

                " What do you see in him? Oliver. " He changed his course, not sure really where this one was leading him though as they made their way inside the dormitory.

                 Felix didn't say anything, not for a really long time and it unnerved Nick to no degree. The silence was piercing, he imagined going straight to suffocating himself with his pillow once they reached their room out of pure, drowning awkwardness. When they stood outside of the door, marked with a whiteboard with their names in respective blue and black ink, Nick waited for Felix to pull his key out to unlock it, but he never did. Instead, when Nick glanced up at his face, he found him staring back at him with a peculiar look.

                  " How do you mean? " He finally asked. It was killing Nick on the inside to not be able to read his face when his emotions were usually worn so freely on his sleeves.

                  Nick pursed his lips, holding Felix's gaze, then he eventually cast it elsewhere with a quiet, exasperated exhale. This was not the time in place to dump all his unrequited feelings for his friend, he refused even if it felt like the point in a stupid romance drama where that confession would happen. So, he barely let his jaw unclench when he answered, " He's a loser, Jade said his only friend was Michael Gavey before he started lurking around you, and that he's been creeping around since the first day of the semester. He's..it's like he's obsessed with being around you— "

                  " You were a loser when I first met you, too, Nicky. " Felix cut him off, and while it registered in Nick's immediate reaction as a defensive insult, seeing his stupid grin made him relax; even if it was just a bit. The brunette sat his hands on his hips, and Nick imagined that if he had an extra inch or two in height on him that Felix would've leaned over to be playfully patronizing, " What does that make you? "

                   " I'm not obsessed with you, I.. " Nick trailed off on his own that time, unsure of what to say. He was different than Oliver, surely, but how could he say that without telling Felix he liked him? Maybe the only fortunate thing about this situation, the lights in the corridor were dim, covering up the flush of Nick's face well enough as he held his fists at his sides, " I care about you, Felix. He barely knows you. "

                  Felix seemed to stare right back into his eyes for what felt like an hour at least, and for once in his life, Nick didn't have a single comprehensible thought. He wasn't the smartest person in the room, at least not at the moment and not in this specific situation, and it was making him feel shorted out. He just needed Felix to say something, even if it was one of those 'oh, you're ridiculous, mate' kind of laughs; something so he didn't feel like he was going to burst into dust on the spot.

                 He did more than speak, though, and Nick wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing at the time. Felix's shoulders pulled forward into a slouch and he wore a smile that stretched across his entire face, yet Nick still couldn't predict what he was going to say until he had somehow managed to look down at him.

                  " He'll never replace you, Nicky. You don't have to worry about that. He could never. " He said in such a quiet, soft voice that Nick didn't even know could come out of Felix Catton. His tone alone had Nick shocked, let alone what he said. Again, he couldn't tell if Felix was trying to mess with him, or if he just didn't realize what he was doing, or if Nick was completely misinterpreting everything again.

                   He was desperately trying to keep from swaying on his feet, to not look so anxious, but he was struggling to not just yank open the door and hide himself inside. He and Felix had been close before, but this sort of close and the feeling Nick had already been experiencing was much different than any other time. Nick didn't go out and socialize for the fact that he hated feeling like this, hated putting himself in this position where he relied so much on what the other person thought of him. Yet, he still dared to ask, " Replace me as what, Felix? "

                    Felix snorted through his nose and raised a hand to Nick's face, patting it lightly but it felt like lead to Nick, who felt frozen as soon as he touched him. Felix either didn't notice or didn't care, because it didn't deter him from inching closer to Nick's face and replying oh-so-casually in a tone that was anything but, " My best mate, Nicky. "

                   With just those short few words, Nick was able to release all the tension from his body when Felix let go and turned his attention to unlocking the door. He resisted the urge to take in a deep breath, hoping he could wait to metaphorically explode until he got under the false security of his sheets where he could let the words Felix just said seep out of his memory and on to his flat pillow. His nails dug into the skin of his palm and once Felix opened the door, he held it open for him, and Nick had to avoid looking at him, even in the darkness, and made a beeline straight for his bed.

                  Thankfully, Felix seemed too drunk and tired to care, and didn't try to keep their conversation going or ignite a new one as he went to his own bed. As soon as Nick's head hit his pillow, he covered his face with his hands and, in his ideal scenario, he would've torn his eyeballs out to avoid ever having to look Felix in the face again. And to think that Felix likely wouldn't even remember the conversation in the morning actually didn't make him feel any better, it made him regret his decision more.

xxx.

That next morning, Nick felt like he was going to combust spontaneously. He didn't know if Felix really was so drunk last night that he didn't remember the pretty-implicating conversation they had, or if he was pretending not to; or maybe he just didn't think anything of it. It was eating Nick alive, though. He felt like he'd told him he was infatuated with him like some friendless loser that didn't know how to differentiate platonic and romantic feelings, and Felix was just laying there on his stomach, chewing on the end of his pen as he stared down at his assignment.

Nick knew he should stop staring, but he couldn't. In Felix's other hand was a cigarette, the smoke billowing between them, waiting for him to occasionally take a drag from it. He was starting to feel his heart in his stomach again and prayed to God he didn't throw up. Nick suddenly shifted, sitting up on his knees so he could reach the desk.

When Felix turned his head to shoot him a questionable look, Nick said, " I'm turning the fan up, it's hot as hell in here. "

The brunette didn't say anything though he agreed. He stayed turned towards Nick, watching him—even at his length— still have to stretch to be able to adjust the knob. Felix was going to comment on how if he didn't wear black hoodies all the time, maybe he wouldn't be sweating, but the thought left his mind as he watched the hem of his hoodie lift. The porcelain skin of his stomach peeked out, and for some reason Felix's first thought—no, it wasn't really much of a thought, he just did it without thinking.

Nick's head snapped down as soon as he felt the warmth of Felix's hand against his abdomen. It just sat there, but it made all the muscles in his stomach flex, and he felt frozen. He knew Felix could likely feel the quickening of his breath, but he couldn't help it, he just stared down at him in a bit of disbelief, waiting for him to say something.

" You do feel warm. " He commented as if it was the most nonchalant thing to say or do. Felix pressed his fingers gently into his skin before he rested the back of his hand low on his stomach, just above his waistband. Felix looked back up at Nick with a genuinely curious expression, " What's wrong, Nicky? You said you weren't upset with me, but you keep acting like you are. "

" Are we going to pretend like last night didn't happen? " Nick quickly asked, and there was a sort of look in his face that Felix had honestly never seen before. It was the most nervous he'd ever seen him in the years that he knew him. Felix tilted his head an inch, his face contorting but it was unreadable to Nick. He was quiet for a moment.

" Do you want to pretend like it didn't happen? " He asked, deep brown eyes flickering between Nick's black ones. Felix's hand stayed against Nick's stomach like he was trying to keep him at bay, and the other lifted to take another pull from his cigarette. He blew the smoke up into the air and looked back at Nick, waiting for his response intently. Felix held the cigarette between Nick's fingers, letting him hold it for him as he slowly inched forward to cup his hand around the other man's neck.

Nick's fingers drew around the cigarette like it was his lifeline in that moment, his other hand hanging uselessly at his side. There was no way this was real, Felix had to be messing with him, right? He thought Felix was touchy, and like he'd contemplated many times before, he couldn't tell if half the things he did were meant to be flirting or just friendly, but this was a new level. He couldn't imagine that Felix would do something like this, and say something like that and not think about the implication. Right?

His hand reached up, his fingers barely grazing Felix's t-shirt as his hands flickered between his friend's eyes and lips. His friend—his best friend, his only friend— and he was looking at him like that. Nick never had many friends growing up, but he was sure that that wasn't the norm. Even if this was a dream, or if Felix had none of the intentions Nick did, he wasn't going to let it slip past him.

Nick's eyes finally, slowly closed as he leaned forward to close the distance between them. He felt Felix's minty breath against his face, his knuckles swiping up his abdomen again so he could hold the edge of his shirt.

And the door swung open without so much as a courtesy knock.

Felix looked almost unfazed; his head snapped towards the door, eyes wide as he saw who was standing there, but he didn't really have to do much else because Nick turned away from him within a split second. The black haired boy was sitting with his back against the edge of the bed instantly, his face flushed and his eyes glued to his notebook on the floor as he waited for the person at the door to speak while he tried to collect himself, but Felix spoke instead.

" Ollie? What's wrong, mate? "

xxx.

3,562 words.

hello I have updated like three months later if anyone other than my gf is still interested in saltburn—

I sandwiched a good scene in between shitty ones 🤫 you don't notice shhh