-• friends •-

I enter the hospital room, grabbing my brothers' attention. Vivaan leans over first to grab a cup. I hand him one and offer another to Yuvaan. He goes back to his spot near the window, staring out at the city through the lens of unfiltered glass.

"Bhai," I address Vivaan, but Yuvaan includes himself in the conversation. "I met a school friend when I was in the cafeteria. Mind if I have a coffee with her?"

"It's already ten, Tara." Vivaan says, looking at his wrist watch.

"Yeah, just give me an hour." I request. "Arush is still asleep. I'll talk to her and give you a call. You can send Arush to the lobby then." I suggest meekly.

He appears reluctant but then gives in with a nod. "Alright, but I expect a call at 11. "

"Of course," I lift my cup from the holder. "If Dad wakes up before that, please drop me a text. Excuse me," I leave the room and close the door behind me. My eyes fall on the figure waiting for me at the end of the hallway, in front of the elevator. As I walk closer, and my presence becomes obvious, his gaze rises and he presses the button for elevator, standing straight. We step inside together. He looks at me expectantly. "Rooftop." I answer the unasked.

He nods and leans forward to press the button. The screen above lits up with an up-arrow symbol and the elevator jerks alive, ascending floors smoothly. It directly opens to innumerous lights, sounds of horns, and strong winds that tear through my open locks.

"Can you hold this?" I ask, stretching the cup of my coffee towards him as we step out of the elevator. He takes it without a word. I bunch my hair in a fist, twist them until they form a bun and tie a scrunchie around. It's loose and a few strands escape, but it's better than having them entangle to the point I'll be screaming in frustration tomorrow morning. When I look at him, I find his eyes linger on my neckline. I clear my throat.

He quickly looks away, returning my coffee cup. "Sorry, old habit."

"Should we sit there?" I point towards the bench situated in the pathways. He nods and we start walking. "Whoever's in charge of this rooftop gardening is doing a splendid job at it." I compliment.

Hearing me, he looks around carefully. "Yeah,"

"It's your hospital and you never looked at it long enough to appreciate the little things?" I sit down on the bench. He sits next to me, slightly turned to my left, facing me. His legs cross, an arm drapes across the backrest, the other falls gracefully on his knee.

"No, I guess I was too busy focusing on the numbers."

I chuckle. "I can understand people facing financial crisis obsessing over money, but I can never understand people who are rich enough to lead a luxurious life, donate, and still have more than necessary obsessing over money just as bad."

"I believe we humans survive on transactions." He says.

"Emotional transactions?"

"Yeah, and where it lacks-"

"Money fills the space."

He smiles. A beautiful, sparkling smile that puts the blinding city lights, blinking stars and a million gems to shame.

"What?" I whisper when he doesn't stop staring.

"You complete me."

My breath hitches.

He blinks. "I mean, my sentences. You complete my words quiet accurately. It's like- like-"

"We're reading from the same book?"

He sighs, "Yeah, that's what exactly it feels like."

I nod, twisting my body to face ahead. The cup feels lukewarm in my hands. If I don't drink it soon, it'll turn into a cold coffee. I take a small sip. "Why did you wait?" I come to the point.

"I think we have a misunderstanding between us."

"About what?" I turn my head towards him.

"The trip-"

An exasperated breathe passes through my mouth. "I told you-"

"I'm not talking about that night. I'm talking about the morning we returned home."

I fall quiet.

"Janet asked a question and I got uncomfortable." He licks his lower lip. "Then I was rude to you-"

"No, I was intruding your personal space -"

"Let me finish, Esther." He pleads, looking at me desperately.

"Yeah, sorry, go on." I reverse my sitting position, facing him again.

"The question was simple. And the answer should have been simple. Except that it's not."

I frown. "What do you mean?"

He inhales a deep breath, spreading his knees and leaning forward, bracing his arms on the thighs as his fingers interlace. "It hit me. When she asked that question, when I saw how fun it was for you guys to answer it, it hit me that the question is not incorrect, it's the answer that's not the same for everyone. It's not necessary what I find horrifying, so should the world. And I was envious, of Atharva, of Arush, of you, of everyone who don't feel the same as me when they hear such kind of questions."

Confusion drowns me. I find myself inclined to ask what he means by that, but he looks torn apart, crushed. And you don't poke what's already broken. You tread around carefully.

If I reach out to touch him, the sharp corners of those broken shards can cut through me, and he's not to blame. I know him when he's detached, cold, and reclusive, and therefore, I want to be as careful as I can. So I wait. I wait patiently. And I'm willing to wait as long as he needs time. That's all we always have, anyway. Time. We just don't realise the importance of spending it at the right place, on the right person.

"I don't have good memories," he wrings his fingers together. "And I hate that despite having the world to explore, unlike you guys, I never got the chance to step out there and see what it really has to offer. So, yes, I'm scared. I try to take everything that I can, everything that I want. And I'm afraid of losing. I tend to have a back-up plan in case the original doesn't work. That's just who I am." He explains, a hundred percent referring to his situationship with Akansha. She's his back-up plan. And he'll have to go through with it in case things with me don't work out. "I don't feel bad about it. I don't." He shakes his head. "I don't want to lose you, but if you expect me to keep my entire focus on you, then I'm sorry. I can't." His voice quivers. "And therefore, I need you to know, I wasn't ignoring you." He looks me in the eyes. "I went through something in my past and Janet's question triggered a lot of horrible memories. I'm sorry that I was rude to you about it, but I wasn't in right state of my mind to respond rationally. And then I got busy. I'm teaching myself how Rajawat Industries work in a practical environment along with the theoretical studies I learn at the University. And I hate that you think after everything I went through to show my sincerity towards you, and everything that I said, was so easily insignificant because I had my attention somewhere else for the last few days."

Silence prevails in the air after he's done explaining himself. That was a lot to take in. He was trying to justify himself without giving out much personal details, and if not for the way he said it, and the determination to prove his honesty, I don't think I'd have considered hearing his side. Because honestly, I'm tired now. And I feel this should end here. I've let my feelings towards the boys have a strong hold on me to the point it started affecting my mental health, and that's enough reason to stop this.

"It's true that a large part of my anger towards you was because I thought you ignored me," I admit. "But it's also true that whatever we have is complicated and I don't think I want that kind of complication in my life at this point. You've a girlfriend, and no matter how much you like me, it doesn't change the fact that you're committed to someone else right now. So unless she's there in your life, I need you to keep your distance from me."

He pulls out his phone from the pocket, draws up his contacts list and clicks on the message icon beneath her name. He types something and hits send. Then he shows the screen to me.

We need to talk.
delivered.

"You just said you'll always have a back up plan and you don't feel bad about it."

"I'm Shourya Singh Rajawat. I'll always have a back-up plan. Akansha wants to wait as long as she can. And if not her, someone else will take her place."

"So you'll marry another woman in case things between us don't work out?" I probe.

"I have to marry before I take the position of CEO."

"And when is that happening?"

"Probably when I turn 23."

"So you need a wife as soon as you turn 23?"

He nods.

"And what if," I pause, "It's a hypothetical question so don't get ahead of yourself. What if things between us do work out, and we're really, madly in love with each other, but I'm not ready for marriage until I turn, say 26 or 28 or never!" I exclaim. "You'll still marry someone else?"

"Yes."

"While you're in love with me?" I ask in disbelief.

He hesitates, realising the loopholes in his "sincere" feelings. "Yes."

"So, ultimately, you're choosing power over the woman you love?"

"No, I'm choosing what's bound to stay with me in the long run. If you're still questioning our relationship at the mature age of 23, how long do I wait? And why should I take that risk? If you're not standing with me when I really need you, how can I be sure you won't leave me in future? At least, the power is giving me assurance. I put in some work and I fetch the benefits -"

"See!" I cut him off. "That's where this becomes pointless. You're judging the whole relationship based on what it should give you, and not what you're already getting. There are no negotiations in relationships, Shourya. It's not a business deal."

"That's how I do things." He asserts. "You've the freedom to become philosophical and take time while making decisions. I don't. I need to be quick. And so, I'm telling you now, in a very precise and cut to the point manner." He says sternly. "I like you, Taranya. I obsess over you." My eyes grow large. "I'm fascinated by you. When you're next to me, I can't comprehend the world. I don't understand the language it speaks. I don't care if an apocalypse sweeps in and turns it into a freaking hell. I just focus on you. Madly, crazily, passionately." I find it hard to breathe normally. "On your 23rd birthday, 7th February, three years from now on, I'll be at your doorstep, at 12 in the morning, with a ring in my hand. And I'll ask you to marry me. You say yes, and I'm yours." Neither of us realise when we get so close to each other that we fail to grasp whether it's real or a dream.

"And if I say no?" I whisper.

He swiftly pulls away, allowing me to breathe freely.

"Then it's the end of us. Forever." He gets up to leave.

I hunch forward to grab his hand. "I'm not done yet." I make sure my voice comes out steady and firm.

He sits himself down. I release his hand, the icy feeling burns through my skin.

"Are you really breaking up with her?"

He clicks his tongue. "How many -"

"Okay, I get it. You are." I cut him off before he starts to get annoyed with me. "Let's start from friends. And then we'll see where it takes us."

He finally relaxes, a relief spreads in his eyes. "Friends who flirt?" His tone takes a teasing turn.

I face away to hide the blush.

"Friends who flirt, Esther?" He probes playfully.

I force myself to nod. "Yeah, friends who flirt."

"Friends who hug?"

I raise a brow at him.

"Friends who hug? C'mon, its normal. Don't you hug Janet?"

"That's different."

"How?"

"She's a girl."

He gasps, a dramatic flair to his reaction. "Don't be sexist, Taranya!" He hits me on the arm.

I gape at him incredulously. "I'm not being -"

"You are."

Is this what Yuvraaj Bhai feels when I talk back to him?

"I didn't know you are sexist. It's a breaking news-"

"Okay, fine. Friends who hug." I give up.

"Friends who kiss, Taranya?" He smirks.

"You fuckface!" I raise my hand to throw the empty cup of coffee at him. He books it at the speed of light.

"Friends who have sex, Taranya!?" He screams from behind a bush.

I gasp before getting up to track him down. He starts running again. And in a matter of seconds, it becomes a game of chase and hunt. Having stopped running for the last two years, I realise my true potential the moment I start. A few minutes later, I bend over, holding my knees as I stare at him. He slows down, walking backward and laughs softly.

"Friends who have sex, Miss. Chauhan?"

"Friends don't have sex, Rajawat." I huff out.

"Some do." He nods.

"They're not friends then."

"They're friends with benefits." He counters.

I stand straight, my hands on my hips and I swallow a huge gulp of air. "Why don't you just go to a club, charm a girl and take her to bed? I'm sure you've already done that."

He shakes his head. "I've never slept with a woman before." He smiles.

I frown.

If he answered no to being a virgin, says the question triggered a lot of horrible memories and claims to have never slept with a woman before-- does that mean? My heart stutters.

"So I'm special?" I hope the tremor in my voice isn't audible. I blink to stop the tears from blurring my sight. Gosh, I'm so fucking sensitive.

He nods. "Very special."

"Oh," I grin, chuckling through my confined sobs. "Sorry, I think something went into my eyes." I quickly turn around, brushing off the tears that fall.

Calm down, for God's sake. He doesn't want you to acknowledge it.

"Are you okay?" He walks up to me.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I plaster a smile on my face and turn back around. "It was my eyelash." I shrug.

He nods, pressing his lips together to avoid prodding into the topic. We both know it was a pathetic lie.

"Just so you know, I'm also fine." He tells me.

I nod with a broad grin. "I can see that."

He stuffs his hands in the pockets of his trousers, swaying on the balls of his heels as we both feel the awkwardness settle in the newly discovered silence.

"So-" My phone starts to ring. I fish it out and read the second eldest's name on the screen. "Sorry, I need to take this. Excuse me." He nods as I answer the call and walk up to a random corner away from him. "Yes, Bhai?"

"Dad's awake now."

I gasp. "Really?" The weight on my chest replaces with something lighter. "Is he completely conscious or-"

"Completely conscious."

"Great. I'll be there. Just give a minute." I say and hang up. "Hey," I approach Shourya again. He lifts his gaze from the floor. "My dad just woke up. So, I....." I trail.

"Yeah, yeah, you should- you should go." He smiles, motioning towards the elevator. "I'll also head back-"

"Don't go." I blurt out.

He blinks.

"I mean, wait here. I'll come back."

"Here?" He points to where we stand.

"Yes, here." I nod. "Just wait. I'll be back." I start walking backward.

"You sure you won't forget?" He squints his eyes.

I shake my head. "I won't." My lips spread in a smile.

"And if you do?"

I shrug. "Call me. You've my number. I'll come running back."

He chuckles. "You'll come running for me?"

I nod. "Faster than Ferrari."

The deep chuckle transform into a full-blown laugh. I see his Adam's apple bob and feel the fluttering of butterflies reach my throat.

"Go, your Dad must be waiting."

I enter the elevator and press for the second floor. He waves at me. I wave back. "Wait for me." I mouth.

He nods in assurance.

The elevator closes and descends. I rush out the moment it opens. I barge into the room, catching everyone's attention. Vivaan steps aside and Dad smiles upon seeing me.

"You've some explaining to do, Old man." I walk in demandingly.

Dad chuckles, reaching out for me when I'm at his bedside.

"I was worried sick." I bend over to hug him.

He pats my back. "Sorry, my little star. Dad's disappointing you a lot lately, isn't he?" I pull away to nod at him. He sighs. "I'll improve. I promise." He hugs me back.

As the emotional mobility wears down, I sit down on the stool provided next to his bed. "Is he doing okay now?" I ask Vivaan Bhai.

"He is. He'll be discharged day after tomorrow."

I frown. "Day after tomorrow. I thought it's just weakness and stress?"

"Are you a doctor?" Yuvaan snaps.

"You don't need to be so harsh, asshole."

"What did you just call me?" He steps closer threateningly.

"Alright, calm down both of you." Vivaan says. "It's not the place to argue."

"He started it."

"If you stop acting dumb, I won't."

"Yuvaan, enough! Stop taking it out on her." Vivaan scolds. "If you're so worked up, go blow it out in gym or something."

Yuvaan storms out of the room.

"What's his deal?" I scrunch my nose in detest.

Dad shakes his head. "He's like an angry bird."

"Forever angry." I snort. "Anyway, now that you're awake, I need every detail. What happened, when it happened, and why am I not listed as your emergency contact!" I complain.

He tries sitting up. Arush jumps in to help. We both stare at him in surprise. He steps back when he's done. Dad smiles. It's the most considerate thing he has ever done for Dad.

"I'm still waiting." I say to catch his attention. He clears his throat and starts describing the situation. Arush occupies the seat across from me, listening intently.

It's well over midnight when Vivaan decides he has had enough of my antics and ushers us out of the room. "Take care and I'll come back tomorrow morning!" I call out to Dad loudly over my shoulder.

"It's already twelve thirty. Catch some sleep and go directly to the university." Vivaan slams the door close. I scoff.

Arush and I take an elevator to the ground floor and exit the hospital. I sit in the car, buckle up and wait for him to start the car. I'm absolutely frazzled right now but I can't find it in me to sleep. Something feels off.

It's when we stop at the first red light that realisation hits me. "Shit!" I quickly unbuckle myself and open the door.

"What the fuck!? Tara!?" Arush shouts.

I close the door and bend to the height of the window. "I forgot something very important at the hospital. Don't worry about me. I'll take a taxi back and tell Vivaan Bhai to drop me home. Bye!"

"But-" I don't wait for him to finish. I quickly go to the other side of the two-way road, put on a mask and flag down a cab back to the hospital.

It takes me fifteen minutes to reach. Paying the driver, I rush inside the hospital and enter the elevator before it closes. It opens to an empty rooftop.

I walk up to the bench we previously sat on, feeling absolutely shitty.

Fuck me.

"I thought you forgot."

I spin around on my heels. A breath of relief passes my body seeing him standing in front of me. "And I thought I told you to call me if that happens."

He shoves his hands in the pockets and shrugs those broad shoulders. "Then it'd be guilt pulling you back, not me."

"I thought you don't have the freedom to become philosophical?" I cross my arms on the chest.

He smiles. "Seems like you've changed me."

"For good or for bad?"

"I'm still figuring that one out." He smirks.

I chuckle and open my arms. "Friends who hug?"

He removes his hands from the pockets and walks up to me, pulling me closer with an unmatched force. His arms swallow me. I bury my face in his chest, his head drops to my shoulders.

Neither of us want to pull away ever again. It feels perfect. It feels home.

Emotional intimacy>>>>>>>> physical intimacy.

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