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Ruhani POV

"Please, I want to feel you inside me, just for once, please,"

I begged him as my brain had stopped thinking about anything.

The last drop of shame and sanity left me with those words.

"Cannot you feel me inside you,"

He asked and I pressed my forehead against his.

"You know what I mean, Aashiq,"

Suddenly, he pulled his fingers out and moved me off his lap, pushing me down over the bed.

Hovering over me, he claimed my lips and started kissing me insanely.

"Yeah, I know what you mean,"

He muttered unevenly with the uneven breaths and I feel his fingers once again slipping inside me.

"Ahhhhhhh,"

I moaned louder, closing my eyes as I could feel it even deeper and more aroused now.

"Open your eyes and look at me,"

He stated and I obeyed.

My heartbeats were racing so fast and my mind stuck the spot from where all these insane sensations were erupting and then travelling to each inch of my body.

He continued moving his fingers and I felt myself shaking a little. My knees getting weak and my breathing almost stopped.

My lips parted and I moaned louder as the wave of pleasure hit me.

"Ahhhhhh,...ahhhhhh,"

I caught my breath and closed my eyes as my whole body shook insanely.

This was mad.

"Oh my goodness, this was hot,"

I muttered and he placed his lips over my forehead, calming my racing heartbeats down.

I gulped and when I felt normal and relaxed, I looked at him. He shifted off me and pulled me closer in his embrace, hugging me adoringly.

I placed my head on his chest and he muttered kissing my forehead.

"I love you, Ruhani,"

I gulped and smiled.

I forced my lashes closed and kissed his chest.

"I know,"

I inhaled a deep breath and traced my fingers along his waist.

"That is why you are stopping yourself,"

I stated.

"What?"

He asked.

"You lied to me earlier,"

I turned my face to look at him, over my shoulder.

He looked back into my eyes and tucked a hair strand behind my ear.

"What are you talking about?"

He asked.

I inhaled a deep breath and started looking into his eyes.

"You said, you cannot feel it coming from inside. But, what we did just a few moments ago told us something different,"

I saw him gulping and he blinked. The silence followed for the next few moments and he muttered.

"I did not lie. I was not feeling back then,"

I blinked hearing him and asked immediately.

"Why are you stopping yourself?"

He lowered his gaze and held my fingers.

"I do not know but the thought of doing something to you just scares me. I love you, I love you so much but doing physical things, and getting intimate just scares me. Whenever I see you, my mind just unwantedly goes back to the moments when I saw you bleeding, when I saw you on that bed, numb, lifeless, weak and suffering. I just cannot erase it,"

He said painfully and I spread my arms around him to hug him tightly.

"Do not worry, you will get over it. I am with you... you know when I saw your father... dying. That particular moment scared and traumatised me until now. It took me fifteen years to come over it. I can understand you,"

He kissed my finger and muttered.

"Thank you so much... but I am here to satisfy you. I mean whenever you want. We can do other things, right?"

He asked with a smile and I turned my eyes to look at him, over my shoulder.

"No, I will find someone else until you get over it,"

I started and he immediately turned me down under him.

"What??? What does it mean?"

He asked and I laughed looking at his jealous, worried face.

"Nothing,"

I tried to say.

"Who is this? Do you like someone?"

He questioned looking into my eyes and I laughed even more.

"Well, not similar to you but the head commander of the army is really nice,"

"What???"

He asked looking at me with a shocked face and questioning.

"THE HEAD COMMANDER OF MY ARMY?"

He questioned and I nodded.

He looked shocked and got off of me, lying on the side, covering himself fully with the comforter.

And, I laughed.

"Hey, Aahil,"

I tried to say and hugged his comforter-covered body from behind.

"Look at me,"

I tried to say and he spoke from inside.

"We are not talking,"

I laughed.

"Really? Why?"

"Because you are cheating on me. You can go to him,"

He said in a crying voice and I laughed even more.

"Okay, I am going,"

I said and moved off the bed to wear my nightgown.

He suddenly moved the comforter off his face and looked at me.

"You are a really bad girl, Ruhani,"

I controlled my laughter and looked at him.

"Aww, my baby is angry,"

I teased him and he stood up from the bed.

I tried to run away and he followed me.

"Wait, no... now I want my head commander,"

I teased him more as he was standing opposite to me, trying to catch me over the couch which was in the middle of us.

"Yeah, I will send you to him... Wait for me,"

He climbed over the couch and I ran farther from him.

"Ruhani,"

He called and I laughed harder.

I ran towards the bed and he followed.

"I will kill the commander,"

He whisper screamed and ran towards me.

I laughed louder and when he was about to come closer, I climbed on the bed and stepped down from the other side, taking another round in the room.

He ran after me and suddenly caught me.

Snaking his strong arms around my waist, he lifted me an inch above the ground and I laughed.

"Leave me, I want the commander,"

He walked towards the bed, taking the half-naked me towards the bed.

"Yeah, you can go to the Commander but after getting dressed,"

He stated and dropped me on the bed.

I laughed and looked at him.

He too was laughing and I asked in a slow voice.

"Are you jealous?"

I asked and he sat on his knees in front of me.

"Of course,"

I straightened myself a little and gulped.

"Why?"

He laughed and placed his hand on my anklet, touching them slowly.

"I do not want anyone else to feel how the luckiest man in the world feels,"

I blushed hearing him and looked at him.

"Come here,"

I asked in a slow voice and he climbed on the bed.

He lay beside me and covered both of us with the comforter. Hugging me from behind, he kissed my hair and I closed my eyes.

"You should eat five times a day,"

He said and I turned to look at him.

"Why?"

I asked.

"You weigh nothing, it feels like I am holding a four-year-old kid,"

I parted my mouth with anger and looked at him.

"Look at yourself first, you look like a spoon. Only the face is noticeable and the rest of the body is like a stick,"

He hugged me even tighter and shifted over me. He put all his weight over me and I started fake crying.

"Ahhhhhh, you are so heavy,"

I was also laughing at it and he said angrily.

"Now is not it like stick and light,"

I laughed even more and tried to push him down off me.

"Yeah, that is what I am saying. Your bones are hurting me,"

He shifted and cupped my cheek.

"I am better than you,"

I laughed.

"No, at least I am cute. Who are you? half fried chicken?

He bit my cheek playfully and muttered.

"Matlab jaban kya wapis aa gayi aap to hume hi beitzat kar rahi hai,"

"Yeah, now you are making fun of me after getting your voice back. Not fair!"

He said.

"Ahhh,"

I fake cried with his bite on my cheek and I turned to bite his neck.

"Aaouuchhh,"

He cried and muttered.

"You are behaving like a cat,"

I gritted my teeth and he placed his palm over my mouth, trying to escape my teeth.

"You are behaving like a bad boy, irritating me. First did not give me what I wanted, technically. Then did not let me go to my head commander and then irritating me,"

He laughed and hugged me tightly, pushing me down.

"And you are behaving like a horny woman. Who wants to eat her husband so badly,"

I smiled and looked at him.

"Of course, because it's been more than eight months and it is like sweet sugar that you taste once and crave more,"

He laughed at my comment and bit my nose.

"Ahha, someone is speaking of experience,"

He teased me and I pushed him down under me all of sudden.

I shifted over him and sat on his midriff with my legs parted beside his waist.

"I want to like this,"

I stated.

He smiled.

"And?"

And, questioned.

"And means?"

I counter-questioned.

"I want to hear what else you want,"

He stated and I sighed.

"What is the point of telling when you cannot perform,"

He thinned his eyebrows.

"Cannot perform? Really? You are taking me as impotent,"

Now, I laughed.

I saw him sucking on his lips and I gulped as the moment suddenly turned serious.

I felt his hand raking above my thigh and he straightened himself. His eyes softly looked at me and I felt his other hand moving my hair behind from my shoulders.

I felt his hands pulling the strings of my nightgown and suddenly he stopped.

Pressing his forehead against mine, he closed his eyes and hugged me tightly. I could hear his heavy breathing and racing heartbeats and I muttered in a slow voice.

"It is okay. I do not need it, I was just joking,"

I kissed his forehead and spread my arms around his shoulder.

Hugging him back, I kissed on his cheek and muttered in a slow voice.

"It is absolutely normal, Aashiq. There is no shame in accepting it as normal,"

He tightened his hug and I could understand what he going through. It was not just he was controlling his emotions but the anxiety and drugs had actually harmed his erection. I could feel it under me.

He was not feeling it.

I knew it from a book that I read during my pregnancy about the human body and medicines.

I kissed him again and made him look at me.

"I love you so much and trust me it is just you that I want with me, nothing else,"

I exclaimed and moved off his lap to lie beside him.

He smiled weakly and lay beside me.

I hugged him and he put his face on my shoulder. 

I kissed his forehead lightly and muttered in a slow voice.

"You look sleepy,"

He nodded and closed his eyes.

I inhaled a deep breath and tried to get some sleep too. But, the thoughts of what happened before started crossing my mind.

I knew there was something wrong with him. I could feel it. He had thinned even more after the war, he was mostly unconfident and afraid of reactions. I knew, he got traumatized after what happened. Somewhere he was blaming himself for all that happened. Though he was trying to behave normally in front of me I could feel that he was frightened and scared right now.

And, whatever I did before was just to know what was wrong with him and why was he behaving the way he was behaving with me.

And, now I understand him.

But, I did not know how to bring him out of that fear. How to make him understand that what happened was not his mistake, and it would not happen again.

I looked at his sleeping face and rubbed my finger on his cheek lovingly.

He was still that child who fears. First his father, then the people he trusted, then his child. I did not know how was he even keeping himself together. I would have just shattered with all those things.

Finally, after a little time, I went to sleep.

I woke up when I heard loud knocks on our door.

*thud* *thud*

I tried to open my eyes and moved his hand off my body.

"Who is this?"

I tried to ask in my sleepy voice.

"Princess, the Begum is asking if you are ready or not,"

The attendee from outside said and I looked around.

We were late, it was late morning and we both were sleeping till now.

"Aahil,"

I tried to shake him.

But, he turned his face to the opposite side and did not react.

"Wow, eight months ago you could not sleep and now you cannot wake up,"

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