chapter two
the worst day of ruby brenner's life

🖤

IT STARTED AT THE PARTY.

Everything was in full swing; the black solo cups were littered around the rooms, Tommy's keg was set up in the backyard, the stereo was blasting music, Madonna playing through the speakers on more than one occasion. Ruby, in her Dorothy costume, had spent most of the party with Carol, dressed as a witch (Ruby thought this was super fitting.) She kept on looking out for Harrington and Nancy, even though she knew she shouldn't care. She was just interested, OK? If they were actually going to turn up.

"That's how you do it, Hawkins!" She hears her boyfriend shouting as he staggers back into the kitchen. His shirt's unbuttoned, his bare chest wet from the beer that dribbled down.

Billy lays his eyes on her, and goes, "Baby."

Ruby laughs, pulling him away from the others and towards the hallway, where it's less crowded. He moves so she's pressed against the wall, and she puts her arms around his neck.

"What do you think, then?" says Ruby. "Of the costume?"

"I like it," he says. "You're always the hottest, though."

Ruby smiles, tilting her head up to invite him to kiss her. "I know..."

He kisses her, hard, his lips smashing against hers. She feels his tongue slip in, and she follows suit, just as—

"... Um, Ruby?"

She breaks away from Billy. Nancy's standing in front of her, holding her coat awkwardly. Harrington's next to her, too, and she accidentally makes eye contact with him; she feels like she's been punched in the gut, seeing the look on his face. She doesn't know why he looks so hurt, because he's seen her kiss Billy before...

... But it upsets her, seeing him like that. She feels like she's cheating. Which is so stupid, and she doesn't get why she feels like that, but still. She can't look away from Harrington, until Billy clears his throat.

Nancy looks at Harrington, then at Ruby. Shit. Of course she noticed, and of course Billy noticed too. Ruby can feel her cheeks warming up. The fuck is she meant to do about this? What if this turns Billy off of her, and that's it, she's fucked it up and she's no longer popular—?

"Can I, um, put my coat somewhere?" says Nancy.

"Oh, uh — yeah, sure," says Ruby, and gestures to the door she was leaning next to, the door leading to the laundry room. "Just, um, put it wherever..."

Nancy nods, and smiles awkwardly. Ruby likes Nancy — she thinks she's cool, and after last year, they've got an unspoken friendship. Ruby thinks, anyway. But Harrington's with Nancy and Ruby can't be associated with Harrington, so Ruby doesn't talk to Nancy all that often... (Ruby wonders how much Nancy will like her, though, considering a minute ago...)

Nancy's really pretty, though. She's normal, which Ruby admires. She's got normal friends (excluding the whole Barb situation) and she does well in her classes, and she has a cute boyfriend... Ruby knows it's not all that, but Nancy does present herself as the perfect girl next door. Ruby, however...?

Well. The X on her wrist summarises why she isn't that.

"Hey, Harrington," says Billy, his eyes starting to narrow. Ruby knows he's trying to start trouble.

"Hargrove," says Harrington.

"You know, a little birdie told me you used to be best friends with my girl," says Billy, and he steps closer to Harrington. Ruby starts to panic. If he tries to fight Harrington—

"Yeah, I was," says Harrington, and he steps forward.

Ruby thinks, for fuck's sakes.

She doesn't know what Harrington's doing. Can you see Billy? He's more muscle than man, there is no fucking way on earth that Harrington would be able to win in a fight against him. Why is he trying to start something, or at least encourage it, when he knows he won't win?

"My theory is that guys and girls can never be friends without one of them liking the other," says Billy. "That's not what happened, is it, Harrington? You didn't get a crush, did you?"

"That's a pretty old-fashioned way to look at friendships," says Harrington, and to be fair, Ruby agrees.

Billy shrugs. "I'm just saying... You must understand, right? I just get a little... territorial, with these things."

Ruby frowns. "I'm not a dog?"

Desperately, she wants to walk away, to storm off, because what the fuck, but she knows it'll just add to whatever theory he's got about her and Harrington. God, her and Harrington. That hasn't been a thing in a year, and it's not coming back now! There is no Ruby and Harrington, just Ruby and Billy! And she wants to make this work (... because she wants to be popular — sue her, you knew this already) so she needs to deal with this shit.

Ruby knows Harrington can tell something's up, though, because he steps forwards, and goes, "Look, I'm not trying to steal anything off you."

Why does that sting?

Ruby feels so dismissed. She knows there's no reason for Harrington to be, uh, stealing her, but still! For some reason, she's hurt.

"Are we done?" says Ruby, looking over at Billy.

Billy gives Harrington a look, but puts his arm around Ruby. "Sure, babe."

Ruby wants to cringe.

They walk away, and Ruby feels like the room is spinning. She doesn't think it's the alcohol, it feels more upside-down-y, but she tries to ignore it regardless. She is not having an episode here. It raises the question, anyway — why does she feel like an episode's about to start? Or maybe not an episode, but a vision, at least. Sometimes, when something happens in the upside-down, Ruby blacks out, and only sees what's going on there. But the monster's gone, so what would cause it? She hasn't seen Eleven since last year...

Eleven. That almost makes Ruby ill. She misses Eleven so much. She felt like a little sister to her. Ruby doesn't know how to describe it, but the second she saw Eleven, and saw the same powers in her, Ruby transformed into the most protective big sister of all time. She only knew Eleven briefly, but Ruby tries not to think about her, because the connection makes her upset. If she's been in the upside-down for this long, she's dead, Ruby knows that. So Ruby doesn't like to think about her. Feelings are sometimes best left untouched.

"My God," says Ruby, to Carol, finding her nestled between two girls dressed as cats. "I thought Billy was about to beat up Harrington."

Carol scoffs. "It would serve him right."

"I mean, Billy's a pretty big guy, he could kill him..."

"Yeah, so?" says Carol, and shakes her head. "Like, I know you and Harrington always had the hots for each other, but you weren't there, last year, when he said that shit to me and Tommy!"

"Wait, wait, wait," says Ruby, frowning. "Hots?"

"Uh, yeah? I'm not blind?" says Carol, twisting her lips in the judgemental way she does. Ruby feels awkward. "Why'd you think no guys went for you? You were Harrington's... Tommy says that's why Billy hates him so much, he sees him as competition. I don't really care, I think Harrington deserves any slap that comes his way..."

Ruby feels even more awkward. Since when was that the impression?

"Uh, totally..." says Ruby, drifting off.

"I'm so glad we ditched that loser," says Carol, and she snorts, gesturing towards Harrington. He's next to the kitchen island, beside Nancy, who looks pissed off. Oh, God. Is Nancy annoyed about earlier? Ruby's ruined this... "Look at him. Grovelling after some random skank—"

"Uh," says Ruby, frowning. "Nancy isn't—"

"Sure," says Carol, shrugging her shoulders. "Let's stop talking about this, though. I don't wanna waste another minute talking about that asshole." Ruby knows what Harrington said to her and Tommy, how they were assholes and fake and whatever. Like, yeah, it's a dick thing to say... But is it that bad, for Carol to have this reaction? Weirdo.

Ruby rolls her eyes. "You went off on him."

She gets bored talking to Carol after a while, so once Harrington and Nancy have vacated the kitchen, Ruby gets another drink. She starts to sip on it, realising someone's added more vodka, just as Billy appears, sliding his arms around her waist.

"Hey, so, if your room has a lock..."

Ruby moves away, and rolls her eyes. "Not tonight."

She knows she should be nicer to him, especially considering earlier — especially considering how he seems ready to kill Harrington at a moment's notice — but she feels so uninterested in him, right now. So she starts to walk away.

She's pretty sure he calls her a bitch, but she tries to ignore it. She doesn't think she cares about Billy's opinion of her. Why does it matter? Like, she guesses he's meant to be important in her life, but his opinion doesn't affect her. As long as they're still together and she can profit off of their combined popularity, who fucking cares?

Ruby's unsure of what to do. She knows she can't talk to Jonathan, who she can see on his own, looking awkward, because her friends will decide every rumour from last year was true. She can't talk to Carol, because she's bitchy, and Ruby feels drained from talking to her earlier, and she can't talk to Billy...

She starts to feel her head spin again. She puts her hand on the wall, to balance herself. She blinks, and for a second the room turns dark-blue. A cold chill runs down her back, like she's in the upside-down...

This is just a vision, she knows that, but she goes upstairs anyway. As she walks up the stairs, her sight goes from normal to blue, normal to blue. There's a screeching in her ears, reminding her of the monster when she killed it. She can't see the sky, but she gets a glimpse of someone else's perspective, of them looking up at a massive tentacled monster in the sky, reaching out for something... Someone... Her?

She turns her room's handle, and her brow furrows.

She knows she locked it. She locked it, just like her auntie's room, with the little key, and hid it behind the clock, like she always does at parties. And no ones realised, because who the fuck checks a Grandfather clock for keys?

So Ruby opens her bedroom door, and sees Harrington, sitting on her bed.

And this is when it becomes the worst day of her life.

It's dark in there, and until Ruby closes the door, the hallway light gives the room awfully tall shadows. But she does close the door...

See, she can just sense somethings off, and she doesn't know why. Blame the vodka, or maybe earlier on, or maybe her missing him, but she moves closer to him.

"Why are you...?" she starts, but he cuts her off.

"Nancy broke up with me," says Harrington.

"What?"

Ruby sits down next to him, ready to comfort him like the last year didn't happen.

"We all knew it wasn't working," says Harrington. "But she—she said the whole thing was bullshit, and that I'm bullshit, and now Byers has taken her home."

"Oh," says Ruby.

"I guess it makes sense, doesn't it?" says Harrington. "He's always liked her—"

"Did she say she liked him—?"

"No." He shakes his head. She thinks he's been crying. "Just that I'm bullshit..."

Ruby frowns. "But, like, what does that even mean?"

"That all of this isn't real," says Harrington. Ruby suddenly feels very uncomfortable, because she knows what's coming, because he's said it before. Every interruption at school, every accidental bump into Billy. "C'mon, you know what I mean."

Ruby doesn't reply.

"You don't like Hargrove," says Harrington.

Change the subject, she thinks.

"Do you like Nancy?"

"As a friend," says Harrington.

Ruby doesn't reply. She doesn't want to entertain this. She likes Billy, she does! She does, she does, she does! Harrington isn't going to get in her head... His adorable hair and face is staying miles away from her brain...

"Nancy said that we're all pretending with this shit, and it's shitty to hear, because she's right!" says Harrington. "Rubes, come on—"

"No!" says Ruby, standing up. "This is what you always do, this is why we're not friends anymore! Because you think I'm unhappy with my life, when I'm not. I am happy with my life, with my friends, with my boyfriend—"

"You don't even like him!"

"How would you even know?"

"Because you like me!"

Ruby freezes.

"You're drunk," she says, quietly. She knows if she gets angry she'll start an earthquake.

"All I'm saying," says Harrington, who stands up, to move closer to her. "How can you say you like your boyfriend, when you look at me the way you do?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," says Ruby, stepping backwards.

"Yes, you do, and you know it."

She knows he's right. Deep down, she knows he's right.

"Why do you even care?" she says back.

"Why do you think?"

He looks at her with a certain look in his eyes. She hates the idea of calling it love, but there's no other way to describe it. She saw it on Christmas Eve and she can see it now.

"This isn't fair," says Ruby. "Just because you're tired of pretending doesn't mean I am!"

"Pretending...?" he says, slowly.

Ruby goes quiet for a moment. Quickly, a dormant rage bubbles up from inside of her, and she turns to Harrington.

"I was born in a fucking laboratory, my mom was killed because of it — I can make things move with my mind. Everything is pretend when you're me! My name isn't even real — I don't have one," says Ruby. Her voice is still, but the anger is audible. She's trying to stay quiet, too, so no one overhears. "So don't act like this is the same for us — because it isn't. I don't want to be a part of what happened last year, but you do. And just because you do doesn't mean you can force me to have to talk about every single shitty thing that's ever happened to me!"

Harrington stands up, slowly. "I didn't mean..."

"Then what did you mean, Harrington?"

He moves towards her, cautiously. "I can forget what happened last year, but it's still hard, you know? It's the scariest thing that's ever happened to me..." he says. She nods, begrudgingly accepting that. "I want to be normal, of course I do, but this isn't normal. Dating people we don't actually like isn't normal. Not when..."

"I need to be popular," says Ruby, quietly. She feels herself welling up. "I hate that I do, but I need it. Without it, I'm this." She motions to the X on her wrist. She knows she's over sharing but she doesn't care. It's Harrington. "You're not—You're not the king anymore. I can't lose what I've almost got back."

She's started crying now. Harrington moves closer to her, like he wants to hug her, but is unsure of how she'll react.

Ruby continues, "I wish I didn't care so much, but I do — and I can't let this go, not now..."

"Do you know who you are?" says Harrington.

"What?" she says.

"You're Ruby Brenner, you are already the coolest girl at school — you have been for months now! Sure, it went a little last year, but there is no one else like you — no one else can take your spot, because no one is as cool, as popular, as hot as you! You didn't need Hargrove, you never did, it's always been you."

Ruby's stopped crying.

"And if you think dating me is gonna change anything, then you're wrong. No one cares. It doesn't change how cool you are — and if I could be the king again, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I'd make up with Carol and Tommy if it meant you could be with me—"

Okay. She doesn't know why the next thing happened. It's so unlike her, she knows it's wrong and she's terrible for doing it — but hear her out. He was speaking a lot of truth. And maybe she was doubting the authenticity of her relationship. So, yeah, maybe all of that is why she kissed him, why she cupped his face in her hands and pushed her lips against his with the force she's been wanting to all year...

And he kisses her back. He's surprised at first, but quickly he kisses her back, as if he'll miss this chance and it'll be gone for good. He kisses her forcefully, sure, but the passion behind it makes it a lot less... forced, than with Billy? She doesn't know how to explain it.

He puts his hands on her back, pulling her closer—

The whole room goes cold. Ruby jumps backwards, opening her eyes, and she's in the upside down. She sees the tentacles again from her window; she stumbles backwards, and squeezes her eyes shut. This isn't happening. She killed the monster, the monster's gone! There's nothing bad out to get her anymore!

"Ruby!" says Steve, but it sounds so distant. She feels like she can hear the gurgling growl of her monster, but she knows it isn't true. The monster is dead. There is nothing out there anymore, this is just her trying to scare herself—

"Ruby!" says Steve, but this time, he grabs her hand.

Ruby jumps, and this time, she comes back to him.

He looks freaked out, and she knows she looks freaked out. He steps closer to her, and puts his hands around her face, to try and comfort her.

"Rubes," he says softly.

But Ruby feels like reality is crashing back down on her — what has she done? She's kissed Steve, she's cheated on Billy! She's fucked everything up, if anyone finds out about this—

So she steps back, forcefully removing his hands. "You're not my boyfriend!" says Ruby, trying to stay as quiet as possible. She's paranoid about anyone overhearing. "Leave me alone, Harrington!"

"You—You kissed me!" he says.

"Please don't tell anyone," she says. "Please don't tell Billy."

There's a pause. They both look at each other. Harrington looks just as hurt as he did earlier, and Ruby feels like she's betraying him, doing this. But she isn't! She cheated on her boyfriend, with him! She wishes she could take back the last ten minutes, she wishes she never kissed him!

"I'll, uh," Harrington says finally, sounding downtrodden. He starts to walk towards the door "I'll see you around, Brenner."

Brenner?

Brenner?

She feels like she's been stabbed in the gut.

Brenner.

Brenner...

She's finally done it. She never thought he'd give up on her. As narcissistic as it sounds, she always thought Harrington would fight for her — not even romantically, just... just as himself. She never thought she'd lose him completely.

Brenner.

His voice is echoing in her brain.

But she did it, didn't she? She pushed him away for a year straight, she fucked him off when he said he loved her — but she's done it, she's done enough to end it completely. For him to give up.

"Yeah... see you around, Harrington."

Fuck.

And this is why it's the worst day of her life. She doesn't care about the lab, and all of that shit. Nothing can compare to this, to Ruby losing Harrington for good. She wishes her powers could jump her back to last Christmas, or even after the monster's death, and maybe she'd react differently. But she didn't... and she wouldn't. She still needs to be popular. And as much as it kills her, every fucking day, Harrington isn't a part of that anymore.

She just wishes he was.