Reviewed by: Avid-ReaderOrWriter

Book title: Velatum 2

Author's name: HJ_Fiction

Cover- Everyone knows readers on Wattpad judge a book off its cover. I would highly recommend that you change the cover a little to make it seem more mysterious or alluring. Try adding more shadows. I love the background color though so I'd keep that! The font is also a good choice as well. I'm not sure if it's just on my end but I didn't see the author name on the book. While that isn't as important, it makes the cover more professional. I would also make this more character-based. There are seven characters on the cover, so I would narrow it down to the main character so that the cover focuses on the main character. It's sometimes hard to decide whether to make a cover character-based, type based or object based but like I said, I would highly recommend that you change the group of people to just one.

Blurb- There are a few typos and grammar mistakes here. Watch your capitalization and punctuation. Be careful to watch for verb tenses as well. Verb tenses trip up a lot of great authors and it takes a second read to notice. South Korea is supposed to be capitalized as well as the letter at the start of every sentence. Proper names such as Jeon Jungkook are supposed to be capitalized as well. When writing a story, do not use abbreviations, it is both unprofessional and for some readers, they do not know what the abbreviations stand for. I like how you propose a question though! It tells what the reader should expect. You introduce the main character and the problem they must solve right away which is good!

Character development- There wasn't much room for character development seeing as how there was only 44 min of chapters to read. However, I'd like to see more descriptive words. In the other book Caged, you had a lot of descriptive words that made the reader feel what the main characters felt. It was also much easier to relate to the characters in Caged.

Plot and Grammar- Over all, the plot was very interesting and immersing. Though the idea and characters are not exactly original, I like how you used real life characters and made them have their own personalities. It's a very creative way of writing and your plot in and of itself is very good! However, there were quite a few mistakes which I'd like to point out.

First off, the plot is a bit hard to follow due to the misplaced punctuation and capitalization errors. I would highly recommend that you go back and be sure to fix those mistakes. Remember to capitalize proper names such as Jeon Jungkook, Jimin, Hara etc. There are some incomplete sentences as well as some run-on sentences which make the chapters a little unclear.

Watch out when you put abbreviations. In chapter 2, paragraph 2, do not put pls, instead write out the word please. It looks much more formal and professional.

I understand where you're coming from with the bold print, however, I've never read a book where they use the bold print for actual writing. Authors may use it for clarifying a point of view, an author's note or a disclaimer, however, instead of using bold print try using more descriptive words. For example, in chapter 2, paragraph 2, instead of making the print bold, try using descriptive words such as "He screamed frantically, shaking her body saying...." The bold print just makes everything confusing.

One other thing I'd like to point out is your verb tenses. Please remember when you write the plot in the past tense, keep everything in the past tense, only change it if you're going back in time or going forward in time. In chapter 2, you wrote "He goes to her and held her hand" You need to choose whether to write in past tense or in the present tense. If you wrote it in past tense, you should say "He went to her and held her hand." If you wish to write in the present tense, change it to "He goes to her and holds her hand." Unfortunately for us writers, you cannot put two verbs with two different tenses in a sentence, it just doesn't work.

One other thing I noticed is when using a word, make sure it's a real word. In chapter 2, I'm not sure if this is just a typo or if you thought it was a word but concernly is not a word. The right spelling of what you mean would be concernedly. If you don't do this, I would highly recommend that you write in a word document or something similar. That way autocorrect can help you with spelling, punctuation, verb tense, ect.

Overall- So, like I mentioned, there are a lot of common errors writers make which I would highly recommend that you fix. It'll make the writing look and sound much better. Try reading what you write out loud. If it doesn't sound right, it probably isn't right. Remember to keep your verb tenses the same. I cannot stress how important that is! Most of the reason why your plot didn't make much sense was because you kept on switching back and forth between past and present tense! Do not use bold print when typing a sentence. It makes the page look choppy and messy. Use your words to portray what the bold print is supposed to make the reader feel. Use more descriptive words. Sometimes, descriptive words also help the flow of sentences. One thing I noticed was that your sentence and chapter transitions didn't flow as much as I'd like. The endings to the chapter were abrupt. Try ending your chapters with a cliffhanger, or maybe a question. Overall, I enjoyed the plot and the creativity you put into it! With some tweaking and editing, you should have a nice draft.

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