Reviewed by: Kalavatti@Kalavatti

Book Title: Malora

Genre: Fantasy

Author's Name: Thundercloud_E

Chapters reviewed: Prologue+5 Chapters

Cover: 10/10 
The cover is just fantastic. The enchanting image of Malora, set against the aged, parchment-like backdrop, captures the perfect fantasy vibe.

Title: 8/10 
Though the name of the character itself is pretty alluring and is a good idea to use it as a title, I feel that adding a subtitle to the story would be nice and would enhance it. For example: Malora: Forging Destiny in a Divided World

Blurb/Description: 6/10 
The statement "Malora follows a young hybrid girl struggling..." is a bit confusing. It seems the Malora is following someone at first. I suggest you change it to "Malora follows the story of a young hybrid girl struggling..." so as to avoid confusion. I find the blurb a little lacking.

1) The blurb briefly mentions Malora's struggles, but doesn't emphasize the challenges she has to face, including societal prejudice, family secrets, and rivalries. Adding this could create a clearer sense of conflict and urgency.

2) You could hint at Malora's unique abilities and the potential for character growth. Maybe you could suggest that her mixed heritage could be a source of strength rather than just a struggle, adding depth to her journey.

3) You could enhance the setting by describing Gaarom as a "beacon of knowledge and power" or by using any other adjective you find suitable which adds a sense of allure and significance to the academy.

4) The inclusion of dark secrets and rival students would add layers of intrigue and raises questions that will entice readers to find out more.

5) By highlighting Malora's dream and the obstacles she faces, you could invite readers to connect emotionally with her journey.

These are just some friendly suggestions for the blurb from one writer to another. You need not necessarily follow them. You could also read blurbs of some other books to get a general idea of what all it should include :)

Time interval between chapter updates: 10/10 It's good to update continuously. The Prologue and the first 2 chapters were updated on the same date, this properly introduced the story to the reader. After that, you have been continuously updating the book at an almost regular pace, keeping the reader hooked up. I personally like this strategy :)

-ˏˋ⋆ P R O L O G U E ⋆ˊˎ-

Start: 7.5/10 
The use of vivid imagery is a nice way to start with the prologue, but since it's a fantasy story, providing some information on the world or maybe the time period would be a better way to start since there isn't some info about it in the prologue other than the mention of the horse like creatures and the tail and horn feature of the human-like beings.

Character development: 10/10 
I can't believe how nicely you have portrayed the feelings of the main character. Each and every emotion of hers has been described in a nice detail. Apart from her, the character development of her parents is less compared to hers but is nice and makes one relate to them. I personally loved how you first portrayed Feroth as intimidating but then revealed his sweet and warm side towards his daughter.

Writing style, Grammar, spelling, etc.: 10/10 
Your writing style is good and you have your way with words. Each and every description is well written. I couldn't find a single mistake in the prologue in terms of grammar and spelling. It's evident that you've worked hard, proofed and edited it well. :)

Plot introduction: 4/10 
Though the main purpose of a prologue is to introduce the reader to the plot or give even a clue to one of the main incidents of the story so as to win their interest, the prologue focuses too much on Malora's feelings and emotions, and practically, there is no proper plot introduction. Though character development is essential for any story, focusing too much on the feelings of the characters rather than the plot in the prologue could cause a negative effect. In fact, having this same character development in the later chapters could prove more beneficial for you. By the end of the prologue, some readers even mistook it to be romance genre thinking that Malora was about to get married when Malora asked her mom how she was able to leave everything and get married to her dad. I suggest that you try reading prologues of some popular books of the same genre on Wattpad so as to get an idea about what you should include in it :)

Pacing: 4/10 The pacing is very slow. As mentioned above, there is too much focus on character development. I am not telling you to rush it either. Just try to balance things out :)

End: 9/10 The end of the prologue is good, ending with a question on how things would unfold. Though this method is common, it was well written.

Overall rating: 6/10

-ˏˋ⋆ C H A P T E R - 1 ⋆ˊˎ-

Start: 9/10
The chapter picks up right where the prologue left off, effectively highlighting the hardships and toll that the journey is taking on the family. It's also intriguing to see how Malora's perception of her surroundings is influenced by these challenges, which adds a nice layer of detail.

Spellings and Grammar: 8/10
Overall, the spelling and grammar are solid, with only minor errors that do not detract from the reading experience. It's normal to make mistakes as we are humans after all. The prose flows smoothly, allowing for easy comprehension.

Writing Style: 10/10
The writing style is engaging and evocative, successfully blending descriptive language with dialogue. You have a knack for painting vivid images that enhance the fantasy setting while keeping the narrative accessible.

Character Development: 9/10
The sweet family scenes and the scene where Malora takes advice from the old dwarf are a nice addition and make the story wholesome with a slice of life. All the characters, particularly Malora, show significant growth throughout the chapter.

Plot: 10/10
The plot progresses well, introducing key conflicts and laying the groundwork for future developments. The blend of personal struggle and external challenges creates a rich narrative tapestry that promises exciting twists ahead.

World Building: 9/10
The world-building is immersive, with well-crafted details that bring the setting to life. The distinctions between the different cultures and the social dynamics surrounding Malora's heritage add layers of complexity to the story. Many authors fumble with world-building, and often create info dumps. I am impressed at how nicely you have included the information without creating info dumps by mixing it between the plot and hearty dialogues. Though I still feel that it was a bit too much for a single chapter. Maybe you could shorten it a little and later add the details as flashbacks from when Malora talked with the dwarf.

Pacing: 10/10
The pacing was well-balanced, allowing moments of introspection alongside action and dialogue. This rhythm keeps the reader engaged without feeling rushed, making it easy to connect with Malora's journey.

End: 10/10
The conclusion of the chapter leaves us with a powerful cliffhanger, heightening the stakes and ensuring that readers will eagerly turn the page. The emotional intensity of the ending resonates well, giving a satisfying yet suspenseful closure to the chapter.

Overall: 10/10

-ˏˋ⋆ C H A P T E R - 2 ⋆ˊˎ-

Start: 10/10
The start was pretty wholesome and picked off from where the previous chapter left. It is nice to have a wholesome start to a chapter after reading about all the hardships the family went through during the journey in the previous chapters.

Spellings and Grammar: 7.7/10
The spellings and grammar are solid with a few minor mistakes here and there. I suggest you recheck the chapters before publishing or use an external app to do so :)

Writing Style: 10/10
Just like the previous chapters, the writing style is phenomenal with vivid descriptions and stunning dialogue delivery in this chapter as well.

Character Development: 10/10
In this chapter, there is more character development on the parents' side, especially Feroth. It was a wise decision to do so since the previous chapters had been focussing on Malora. The challenges faced by the parents, especially since raising a hybrid child isn't easy are depicted all too well. It establishes a connection between the reader and the characters, providing insight into Malora and her parents' struggles. There is also a nice amount of character development on Rurik's side. Throughout the previous chapters, he was portrayed as a wise elder who seemed to be just perfect. In this chapter, however, Rurik's mistakes and feelings of regret were given light and could be related with. I like how this connects to what happened in the first chapter and we learn that Rurik wasn't just randomly befriending Malora but he had his reasons! This just makes his character emotionally stronger. We also get to see Malora in a new light. All this time, we only saw her being sad, but this chapter introduced us to her happy and bright side.

Plot: This was more of a wholesome chapter with a tremendous amount of world-building and character development. So there wasn't much of the plot but rather hints on what might unfold in the future. This was honestly a nice idea that eased the tension from the previous chapters.

World Building: 9/10
The world-building is immersive, with well-crafted details that bring the setting to life. The distinctions between the different cultures and the social dynamics surrounding Malora's heritage add layers of complexity to the story. There was quite the world-building in the chapter that highlighted the stereotypes and prejudices of the world.

Pacing: 10/10
The pacing was well-balanced having both sad and wholesome moments.

End: 9/10
The chapter ends with a heart and pleasant scene that brings a genuine smile on the reader's face.

-ˏˋ⋆ C H A P T E R - 3 ⋆ˊˎ-

Start: 9/10
The beginning effectively highlights the importance of a good night's sleep for Malora, drawing readers into her experience. This connection helps them understand her struggles and the weight of her challenges, making her journey more relatable and poignant. By illustrating this simple yet profound aspect of her life, the narrative deepens the emotional bond between Malora and the audience.

Writing Style: 10/10
Just like the previous chapters, the writing style is phenomenal with vivid descriptions and stunning dialogue delivery in this chapter as well.

Spellings and Grammar: 7/10
Overall, the spelling and grammar are solid, with only minor errors that do not detract from the reading experience. It's normal to make mistakes as we are humans after all.

Character Development: 8/10
There are moments of character development throughout the story. There is also the wholesome father-daughter moment where Malora's relationship with her father improved a lot. The scene where Malora wandered from one stall to another with her mother also added quite a lot to their relationship.

Plot: 4/10
Honestly, there wasn't much of the plot but just character development and world-building.

Worldbuilding: 7/10
The scene where adventurers, merchants and families were all migrating to the city is quite similar to that of the modern world where people from the countryside migrate to cities as well in search of jobs. The large farmlands acted as a testimony to the vast population if Garoom, similar to the vast population of modern cities. The 3 moons just complement the world!

Pacing: 8/10
The pacing is nice and smooth, but it sometimes feels that there is too much emphasis on Malora's character development than the plot itself

End: 10/10
The ending was just perfect! The heightened anticipation and curiosity kept readers eager to see what would happen next, only to be met with the unexpected shock of a cliffhanger.

-ˏˋ⋆ C H A P T E R - 4 ⋆ˊˎ-

Start: 10/10
The chapter's opening successfully attempts to captivate readers with a richly detailed cityscape. The author's descriptive prowess is apparent.

Writing Style: 10/10
Just like the previous chapters, the writing style is phenomenal with vivid descriptions and stunning dialogue delivery in this chapter as well.

Spellings and Grammar: 9/10
There were hardly any spelling or grammatical mistakes in the chapter. Good work on that :)

Character Development: 10/10
Just like the previous chapters, there is a lot of focus on character development in this chapter as well. Honestly, it's not necessary for all the chapters to have character development.

Plot: 6/10
Well, again in this chapter, the plot moves very slowly as there is more focus on world-building.

World build: 7/10
The author paints a vivid picture of a bustling cityscape, using detailed descriptions to evoke a sense of place and culture. The architecture, crowd dynamics, and sensory elements like sounds and smells are skillfully woven into the narrative, enriching the reader's understanding of the setting. However, while the details are impressive, there's a fine line between being richly descriptive and overwhelming. The city's atmosphere comes alive, but it occasionally overshadows Malora's personal journey

Pacing: 7/10
The dialogues feel somewhat stilted, lacking natural flow, and at times, the transitions between scenes are abrupt, causing a jarring effect.

End: 10/10
The chapter's ending effectively ramps up the suspense. As Malora and her parents immerse themselves in the mystery, the atmosphere transitions from lively to foreboding. This ending leaves readers eager to see how Malora navigates this new, unsettling reality.

-ˏˋ⋆ C H A P T E R - 5 ⋆ˊˎ-

Start: 10/10

Writing Style: 7/10
Well, I noticed a few times when the scene abruptly shifted. Adding a smooth transition between scenes would be beneficial.

Spellings and Grammar: 9/10
There were hardly any spelling or grammatical mistakes in the chapter.

Character Development: 8/10
Just like the previous chapters, there is a lot of focus on character development in this chapter as well.

Plot: 9/10
In this chapter, the plot progressed like it should have from the beginning. There was a good balance between the plot and Malora's character development.

World build: 6/10
There isn't as much world-building as in the previous chapters. This was a good decision since there was already a lot of world-building that happened and the plot needed to progress now.

Pacing: 10/10
The pacing particularly for this chapter was good. It was neither rushed nor slowed.

End: 10/10
The chapter concludes with some character development for Malora. It's great that it began with her feeling anxious about school and ended with her realizing it might not be so bad after all. It made for a lovely ending.

-ˋˏ ༻ O V E R A L L ✿ R E V I E W ༺ ˎˊ-

Creativity and originality: 9/10 
The story is pretty creative and is well-detailed. The world build is fantastic and the challenges faced by Malora as a hybrid and her parents' concerns for her are all portrayed well. I have never seen such a unique world built in any other story. Though some races like dwarves and elves could be seen, the author has also created some new races.

World Building: 10/10 
Even though Fantasy stories are set in another world, many authors fail to portray their world. You have thought a doubt and portrayed each and every detail very nicely, be it the prejudices, superstitions, different races, plight of the hybrids or the cultural difference. Everything was portrayed to perfection. The architecture, crowd dynamics, and sensory elements like sounds and smells are skillfully woven into the narrative, enriching the reader's understanding of the setting. However, while the details are impressive, there's a fine line between being richly descriptive and overwhelming. Sometimes, the world build overshadows Malora's personal journey. Balancing the broader world with the character's internal experience could enhance the narrative flow. Overall, the world feels tangible and engaging, laying a strong foundation for the story.

Plot and Flow: 16/20 
The plot moves very slowly and there is way too much focus on character development and world-building. Till the 4th chapter, the family was still on its way to the city. Building anticipation is good, but there was quite a delay for the actual plot to begin. Only from the 5th chapter there is some actual plot to the story.

Character Development: 10/10 
There is a lot of focus on character development. In every chapter, a tremendous amount of character development can be seen. It's lovely to see the transition from Malora feeling sad and uncertain about her new home to her finding happiness and hope for a brighter future there. Her relationship with her parents also develops gradually and beautifully.

Writing style, Grammar, spelling, etc.: 7/10 
The writing style is engaging and evocative, successfully blending descriptive language with dialogue. You have a knack for painting vivid images that enhance the fantasy setting while keeping the narrative accessible.

Genre relevance: 10/10
Fantasy excels in world-building, transporting readers to new realms. The story starts with rich descriptions, a sense of exploration, and elements of the unknown. Fantasy gives you the flexibility to create complex worlds, characters, and plots without the constraints of our reality. The mix of character development and richly constructed settings aligns well with the hallmarks of that genre.

Overall: 90/100 
Overall, your story is good and you have a knack for storytelling. It's just that there is a lot of focus on the character development and world building that the actual plot got delayed to the 5th chapter. I have given a detailed account for the same above.

SUGGESTIONS – This is just a summary of all the suggestions I made throughout the review. Remember, these are just friendly suggestions from one writer to another :)

1) Addition of a subtitle

2) Improvement in blurb

3) Improvement of the prologue

4) Correction of spelling and grammar

5) Your chapters lack a conflict or tension that would keep the readers hooked up. I believe you really need to work on that.

6) Balancing the broader world with the character's internal experience could enhance the narrative flow.

7) At times, the scene abruptly shifts. Adding a smooth transition could enhance your story.

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