Reviewed by: CroodsGirl

Book Title: Forget Me Not 

Author's name: LadyBethany

Criteria:

Title: 5/5

Cover: 4/5

Blurb: 6/10

Plot: 6/10

Grammar/Vocabulary: 16/20

Writing Craft: 10/20

Characters: 10/20

Overall Enjoyment: 6/10

Total: 63/100

Review:

I'm unfamiliar with Game of Thrones, so I reviewed the book as a Fantasy instead of a Fanfiction. First, I noticed that you try to squeeze too many characters in one chapter, affecting character development. What I do know about Game of Thrones is that because there are so many characters, the author dedicates a chapter to each one. I believe that is something you should consider if you decide to improve this project further. I would also ask yourself which characters are necessary and which aren't. For the ones who are, give them their own chapter and development. At where the story stands now, I do not have an emotional connection with them because of how many you're trying to squeeze in. The number of characters in one chapter overlaps the ingredients necessary for good characters.

Second, world-building needs to be improved. Yes, I know the story's based on a TV show, but regardless, all stories need world-building to help pull readers into the book. The biggest issue is that no descriptions exist, so I can't find myself in this world. Descriptions are critical in fanfiction to guide readers unfamiliar with the fandom so they don't have to go on a wild goose chase to learn the world. I recommend considering the five senses to build your scenes: sight, taste, smell, touch, and hearing. Do not replace descriptions with photos. That's not how books are published. You've got to put a little more work into them. Yes, it isn't easy, but you'll get it with practice.

Grammar was acceptable—with only a few issues—until I reached Chapter 3. You remained in the past tense until Chapter 3, then changed it to the present. In the following two chapters, you switch back and forth between past and present tense. You usually want to choose one tense for a story and stick with it throughout the whole project (flashbacks are an exception with present tense). There were also instances where you used the wrong punctuation mark, such as a period when it needed to be a comma, which created a few sentence fragments. While I do not know what happened after Chapter 3, I do know that you need to narrow your tense down to only one and revisit Chapters 3-5 for grammar issues.

Regardless of the story's flaws, you do a terrific job with the "show, don't tell" rule from the beginning, so kudos to you, author! The story's written in a screenplay-like style, so this rule is crucial, and you follow it beautifully. The only problem was that you switched scenes and settings multiple times throughout the chapters, which messed up the flow. Slow down, build your descriptions, scenes, and characters, and you will be good to go.

Again, I don't know much about Game of Thrones, but from what I saw, you have a solid grasp of how to write fanfiction. Fanfiction is "original stories set in an already established universe". Many fanfiction authors misunderstand this definition, but not you. You know how to write a fanfiction; you merely need a little more practice with the writer's craft.

Well done, LadyBethany !

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