Reviewed by: CroodsGirl

Book Title: Fight and Flight

Author's name: MrsJaeger 

Title: 3/5

Cover: 1/5

Blurb: 2/5

Plot: 6/10

Grammar/Vocabulary: 5/20

Writing Craft: 12/20

Characters: 18/20

Overall Enjoyment: 5/10

Total: 52/100

Review:

First, I thank you for trusting me to review your book. Do not be alarmed by the low score—it does not mean your book is terrible; it only means you must work on it a little. There is no such thing as a "bad" book. Writing is a process, so it is just as powerful as a star gone supernova.

I will start with the main highlights of this book: your characters and choice of point of view. I have seen books about grief a lot, but only a select number of them depict it realistically (I can relate with my brother's death). Your book is one of those few. I enjoy the mirroring between the MC (main character) and Eren, and while I know next to nothing about Attack on Titan, I know that Eren loses a lot, so well done with staying in his character! That can sometimes be difficult to accomplish with fanfiction. You need to know the world and characters to write it well, and you are on a great path.

Aside from the characters, I also enjoy that you chose second point of view. I do not see that often, even with Reader X Character fanfiction. It is an excellent choice for this book and fits it perfectly.

That said—I cannot go over everything you need to work on, so I'll briefly overview the main issues I saw. Your cover is a little dark, and I did not see your name (the author's name on it), so ensure you add it. The cover also does not really scream Attack on Titan to me. Honestly, I thought I was diving into a BTS fanfic when I saw it. You could also make it more evident in the title and blurb that this is an Attack on Titan fanfiction instead of expecting us to check your book's tags. Your blurb was fine but a little short with some grammar issues, so I would run it through a quick grammar check.

The main issues with this book are plot, grammar, and flow. There is a lot of dragging and repetition. You keep reminding us the MC lost their mother, and you do not need to. I like the inclusion of the flashbacks, but there is a lot of "telling over showing". You tend to ramble, leading to the long, winding chapters when they do not need to be that long. You could break them up into multiple chapters or remove all the unnecessary backstory and telling. Be careful of too much backstory in writing. I believe part of this is because of the second point of view. It is not easy to write, but with some practice, I am sure you will fix it and the flow nicely. The unnecessary backstory and grammar are affecting your writing craft.

Speaking of grammar, I recommend visiting an editing shop on Wattpad (they are free) to help fix it. Your main grammar issues are incomplete sentences and sentence fragments (two sentences put together and can be depicted by incorrect punctuation). A complete sentence needs a subject and a verb. While you do well not to dip into head-hopping (another common writing issue), you switch the tense constantly from past to present. Past tense is fine with flashbacks, but be careful in the main story.

The world could have been clearer to me (again, I am unfamiliar with Attack on Titan). While this is a decent approach to fanfiction, you still need at least something to help your audience understand what is happening. That could be as simple as adding a brief overview at the story's beginning or utilizing context clues.

Anyway, I am rambling here—my apologies! I really enjoy the idea behind the story; it merely needs tweaking here and there. As you continue to improve, I suggest you study Freytag's Pyramid (the backbone of writing), grammar rules, and the writer's craft.

Thank you again for letting me review Flight and Fight!

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