Reviewed by: CroodsGirl

Title: Fangs and Fate

Author: @BookLover062

Title: 5/5

Cover: 2/5

Blurb: 8/10

Plot: 4/10

Grammar/Vocabulary: 16/20

Writing Craft: 10/20

Characters: 15/20

Overall Enjoyment: 7/10

Total: 67/100

Review:

First of all, I appreciate that this is a different kind of werewolf story. Unlike other Wattpad werewolves, it's not about Alphas and Lunas. Thank you for thinking outside the box. I appreciate your approach to this story and your emphasis on animals being just as important as humans. We need these kinds of werewolf stories more on Wattpad, so full points for originality!

That said, this book needs a lot of work. Luckily, your mistakes are what I did when I was younger, so that should make this process easier.

First of all, first-person point-of-view does not mean narrating and explaining the entire story before an audience. You struggle with the "show, don't tell rule;" there's not a lot of world-building, and I can't find myself engaging with the world yet. You have a unique story drowned out by narration and "showing, over telling". The chapters are short and could benefit from being longer, with each chapter adding to the world, such as the laws in this werewolf world. Now, I'm not saying the narration style can't work; you merely need to work on it a bit. Wattpad will not pick up a book with this type of writing style unless you make it work. That means limiting the narration and focusing more on building the world and characters. However, I did enjoy how you opened this book with the MC saving a bird in the forest. That gives us a nod about her kind personality. I won't judge her and Viktor too hard through the first five chapters (characters need time to develop); however, you never want to start a story with the MC explaining, "Hey, I'm Raven, and I..." That third opening paragraph can be taken out. It's called "jumping straight into the action" and is crucial for a book's first chapter. Tell us what's at stake, the MC's motives and goals, and "show" over "tell".

A perfect place to benefit from "show, over tell" is in Chapter 5. Those first few paragraphs with Raven explaining what happened don't work and make the find of the world (I guess it's portal fantasy?) sudden. My suggestion for you is to re-write the opening section of this chapter a few times. Show us Raven running through the forest, falling into the pond, and then discovering this new world. A perfect example I can think of is the DreamWorks movie Rise of the Guardians, in which Jack Frost wakes up after sinking into a pond and discovers his new world by showing his emotions and confusion about what lies above the surface. You could study it, see how the writers approach it, and apply it to your writing. I'm also unsure if this is a vision or a Narnia portal fantasy. It's not clear, which is why I believe studying the opening scene of Rise of the Guardians will help you. This was one of the main issues, aside from the narration. And again, I would consider making your chapters longer to add more room for world-building and character development.

Your grammar is not bad, but that doesn't mean you don't have minor issues, such as missing commas, an occasional run-off sentence, or a fragment. Example of a run-off sentence from Chapter 4: "My son won't help you, he wants you just as much as we do." Even Grammarly corrected it for me—ha, ha! But yes, "My son won't help you" and "he wants you just as much as we do" are two independent clauses divided by the wrong punctuation mark, the comma. A semi-colon will work here since they touch on the same subject, or you could use the good old period. There are a couple of instances of run-off sentences throughout that story that you can track down and easily fix. Also, remember that if you approach something like "Welcome." Judy said that you add a comma after "Welcome", so it's "Welcome," Judy said. That was just a random example that popped into my head.

Regardless of its flaws, as I mentioned, this is a very new and unique approach to the werewolf genre, and I wish Wattpad had more books like these they promoted instead of Alphas and Betas. A werewolf story does not need an Alpha or Beta to be good, and you prove this, so thank you. I'll end with this last piece of advice: I believe these first five chapters can be split into two longer ones. If you do that, it will really help the first chapter, world-building, and flow. I see potential with this story, and I hope that one day you will pitch it for the Wattpad Originals to give us a different kind of werewolf story once you fix it up a bit, especially that first chapter and narration style.

Thank you so much for this original story!