Reviewed by: Beauty_queen2612

Book Title: Charlotte Loves

Author's Name: Afrojarose15

Cover: 8/10

The cover is beautiful and the image of the two girls with their head resting on each other tells us that the story would revolve around them. The only issue is the font colour used on the title, it's blending in with the background and I would also suggest using a font that's easy to read or changing the colour of the font. Another thing I noticed is the text written underneath your name, it's a bit distracting. I think it's best if you cut out that part so your name would be more visible.

Title: 8/10

The title is a good fit for the story. Short and gives a hint into what the story would be about. Though I expected Charlotte to be the main character, I didn't see any mention of her in the story except if it's a nickname for one of the characters and I'm getting it wrong.

Blurb/Description: 7/10

I love the way you gave a glimpse of the conflict that would arise without giving away too much of the plot. The part where you wrote, 'They need to fight' pulled me off a bit. The purpose of the blurb is to tell the readers what is to come or what to expect to an extent but not outrightly telling them. So adding 'they need to fight' feels like you are already telling your readers what's going to happen instead of keeping them guessing.

The question in the next paragraph as well isn't intriguing enough to make your readers want to find out what's going to happen. Instead of making the question about what would happen if Lily found out the secret about Cherry, make it about what would happen if her dad found out who Cherry loves and what would happen to their relationship.

If I were to write in my own words, I would write it this way:

What will happen when the conflict with her family slips into her newfound relationship? Will she face it head on while keeping her love in the dark or will she let her relationship take the hit and risk losing her love forever?

Just a suggestion by the way, you're not expected to write it this exact way, I'm just showing you what I mean. You can write it in your own words as long as you understand my point.

Creativity and originality: 10/10

I love the fact that you changed the stereotype of the rich girl being mean and wanting all the attention and made it the opposite which is a nice way of subverting that stereotype and turning it into your own.

Plot and Flow: 15/20

I loved how everything unfolded in the end, the tension was built perfectly well between Lily, Cherry and her dad. I was anticipating what would happen and when it got closer to the end, it all seemed rushed. The dad being caught that easily, her relationship with Lily ending so quickly and how Cherry took everything. You didn't delve enough into each scene and turning point in Cherry's life.

Just lightly brushing over how she caught her dad and how her life changed from being in constant fear of her dad to now being free from him wouldn't let your readers feel what she felt, you need to evoke the same emotions in them and rushing it wouldn't do that.

Character Development: 18/20

As much I loved the interactions between Cherry and Lily, I feel it was still a bit lacking in some areas. You didn't fully flesh them out before writing the story. In the introduction, it says Cherry is an introvert whereas her behaviour around others shows nothing of it, only close to the ending was that introverted side of her evident.

I love how the uncertainty and fear of being in a relationship with someone that you might end up hurting eventually was portrayed in Cherry's place and despite how she ended the relationship to protect Lily, she made it her goal to get rid of the obstacle and to finally be with Lily again. It was also nice to see Lily standing up to the group of mean girls and not letting them mock her roommate, defying the rich girl stereotype.

Writing style: 5/10

Your writing style is beautiful but still needs some improvement. I noticed there were barely any descriptions of the surroundings and in the few chapters it was described, it felt more like another being altogether is telling it to us, instead of the characters. You switched between third person omniscient to Lily's point of view and then to Cherry's point of view which was a bit confusing to follow.

I would advise just sticking to one person's pov in each chapter, you can give a chapter to each character's pov but I suggest limiting it to the two main characters that is Cherry and Lily and if it's first person pov you're starting with then stick with it, don't change it back to third person just to describe the setting. Let the character's pov that comes next do that instead. Let the readers see the world through the characters not from a narrative that's not in the story.

Their conversations as well didn't feel natural and real to me. There were also some scenes that I couldn't place who was talking because two sentences from two different characters were merged in one paragraph instead of two. If a character is speaking and another one adds in something, writing it in another paragraph would make it more easy to follow.

Grammar, spellings, etc.: 5/10

There were quite a number of missed punctuations I noticed and while I can't exactly point everything out I would point out the ones that became too frequent and was an hindrance to the flow of your story and one of it would be the excessive use of exclamation marks and questions marks after every sentence each character says.

Not every sentence needs to have an exclamation mark or question mark, unless it actually needs it. The overuse of it became too distracting and made their conversations more unrealistic. What would help is if you try to read them out loud with the effect of the '! and ?' so you would know which sounds unrealistic and realistic to you.

Overall: 76/100

Aside from everything else, it was an interesting story. I know I was requested to read twelve chapters but I couldn't help but read the whole thing because I needed to find out what would happen. You captured my attention perfectly well. The tension and intrigue placed in each chapter was written great as well. There's so much potential in the story to do more. You're an excellent writer and judging from the fact that English isn't your first language, I would say you still pulled it off well to an extent so great job!

These are all suggestions on my part by the way so please feel free to change only what feels right to you. Thank you for accepting me as your reviewer and I would love to see your story grow!

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