Reviewed by: Beauty_queen2612

Book Title: Adia, Scientist

Author's Name: DannisWrites

Cover: 8/10

The cover is a nice fit for the story. Adia as the central focus with the scientists around her gives the main idea of the story. However I would suggest making the title stand out more than the writer's name. Making both stand out would draw away the attention of the title as that should be the first thing that should catch your reader's attention.

Title: 9/10

Goes well with the cover and what the story is about. I feel 'Adia Scientists' comes off better than 'Adia, Scientist'. I don't see a need for the comma after Adia, it's a title and such punctuation marks aren't needed there. The cover shows a group of scientists and not just one so making the 'Scientist' plural would be more ideal and align with the cover. Unless you're trying to insinuate that Adia is the scientist then it should be okay though still ditching the comma would be better.

Blurb/Description: 6/10

It is indeed intriguing but adding a bit more info and showing clearly what's at stake would have been better. There's no knowledge on who these characters are, who the main character is or what to expect from them, just a brief summary of a Scientist trying to prevent a war from happening. I'm not implying you should give out too much info but it should be enough to pique your readers' interest and make them curious to find out what's happening or perhaps what's going to happen.

Creativity and originality: 10/10

Loved the setting and how they interacted, it gave off that science-fiction vibe. Fitted well with the genre of the story. The character names as well were quite peculiar.

Plot and Flow: 10/20

The plot progressed really slowly. There were a lot of unnecessary scenes that didn't seem needed and only slowed down the pacing. Take some of the conversations, for instance, some bits seemed irrelevant and added nothing to the plot.

Character Development: 10/20

I didn't get to know the majority of the characters as it was mainly conversations that were being thrown around. The first chapter started off with the scientists interacting and Adia being present but it was not stated where she was, only her reactions. Your first chapter should begin with the MC, not the side characters. I was also confused from the start about what was going on. I loved how the first paragraph started off but as the conversation went on, I couldn't catch on to what was going on.

Writing style: 5/10

I love how you made their way of speaking correlate with the genre. What majorly pulled off from the narrative was how briefly you described each action after the next. Like in the first chapter, '...Few were useful for our work. Held my breath. Vonn frowned at it.' That sentence feels odd and when it's repeated continuously it starts to get distracting and cuts the flow of the story.

Here's another in the same chapter, 'Vonn looked at the result. Frowned. "Ossy Koch, you told me you traded for a new unit for Adia. This is not new." I took a breath.' The way you're presenting your words seem a bit stiff and not giving enough room for the imagination to do its work. Rather than just plainly writing 'Frowned' you could have written, Vonn looked at the result as a frown pulled up on his face or anything else, making it a sentence not just putting the emotion in a single word. I noticed more like this throughout the story.

Grammar, spellings, etc.: 5/10

In the first chapter, I noticed this, 'Will they anger with me?' Should be 'Will they be angry with me?' There are also some sentences that have an exclamation mark which when read out doesn't seem to actually need it. Like in the fourth chapter, "I do approve! Your presentation this morning gave me hope for us. This new technology will help in so many ways, I cannot name many!" In both places where '!' was used, it didn't add any meaning to it, same goes with the italics. It was way too much in each chapter that it got very distracting.

Simply put it this way instead, "I do approve of your presentation this morning. It gives us hope. This new technology will help us in so many ways." Sometimes the simpler and more straightforward a sentence is, the better.

Another issue I noticed is this, also in the fourth chapter, 'Derees smiled, big!' Another instance where '!' isn't needed. Instead of saying he smiled, big, describe it in a way that would put our imagination to use.

'Derees lips parted wide open revealing his set of white teeth (or whatever the colour of his teeth is ><) and I could almost see his gum peeking out.' This is how you describe such a scene rather than simply putting it briefly. This way it's obvious how big his smile was. You can apply the same to other places like that in your story. Imagine how he would look when he smiled big and write what you see, shouldn't be lengthy as well.

Overall: 63/100

It's a great story and I love how Adia was so committed to her experiment even when the odds were against her. The storyline was also an interesting one and if all that I mentioned were corrected then the story would be more fun to read.

These are all suggestions on my part by the way so please feel free to change only what feels right to you. Thank you for accepting me as your reviewer and I would love to see your story grow!

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