Seeing her face... strangely... like being home again, but also like meeting a beautiful girl for the first time – Christina Lauren

CHAPTER FIFTEEN | EVER THE SAME

STAS

Hindi ko na hinintay na matapos pa ang meeting na iyon kanina. Hindi ko kayang matagalan na naroon si Dmitri. Every time I was looking at his face, all I wanted to do was to stab him and remove the irritating smile on his face.

I drove directly to my mom's place. Since the engagement party will be done here tonight, might as well I will be the one to tell her about this. That I am getting married.

Deretso ako sa kuwarto ni Mommy. Hindi na ako kumatok at dahan-dahan lang na binuksan ang pinto. And there was it again. The smell of medicine and the eerie feeling. I closed my eyes and blew out an exasperated breath.

"Someone there?"

My mom's voice was so croaky. She was lying still on the bed and didn't even bother to look at my way.

"Fedor?" tawag pa ni Mommy.

"It's me, Mom."

Nakita kong gumalaw si mommy at pilit na tumingin sa gawi ko. Agad siyang napangiti nang makita akong nakatayo sa may pinto ng silid niya at inilahad ang kamay habang sinisenyasan akong lumapit.

Ginawa ko naman at pilit na pilit akong ngumiti sa kanya. Iniabot niya ang kamay ko at marahang pinisil iyon.

"Thank you for visiting me again," hinalikan pa niya ang kamay ko habang nakatingin sa akin.

"I... I don't have anything to do today." I cleared my throat and sat down on the side of her bed. She was looking at me and I could see genuine happiness in her eyes.

"Sana lagi kang walang ginagawa para mas madalas kang nakakadaan dito," nakangiting sabi niya.

And it hit me.

Hindi naman tonong nangongonsiyensiya si mommy but, what she said really hit me right deep within my core.

Because that was the truth. I never visited her anymore. Sure, I was asking about her but I didn't pay her a visit. Because I didn't want to see her like this. I wanted to embed in my head how she looked like before. Pretty. Healthy. Full of life. The perfect mom any child could ever wish.

"How are you? You look tired," nakatitig pa rin siya sa mukha ko.

Ngumiti ako ng mapakla. "I am good, Mom. I am going to tell you something. I am getting married."

Nanlaki ang mata niya at napangiti. Nagpilit siyang makabangon sa kama kaya agad ko siyang tinulungan. Gusto lang naman niyang makaupo kaya ganoon ang ginawa ko. Iniangat ko ang hospital bed kaya hitsurang nakaupo na siya ngayon.

"For real?" Tingin ko ay parang maiiyak pa si mommy.

Tumango ako. "Dad wanted to have the engagement party here tonight so you can join us."

"It's okay. I'd rather stay here." Kumumpas pa siya sa hangin. "I was never a part of your dad's circle of friends and I don't intend to be one now. But I want to meet your fiancée. What's her name?"

"Sofia."

Ngumiti si Mommy. "Beautiful name. It means wisdom and I am sure she will be your guidance. Your wisdom in your life."

Natawa ako sa sinabi ni mommy. If only she knew Sofia, she wouldn't tell those words. Sa tigas ng ulo ng babaeng iyon na pakiramdam ko lagi akong kinokontra. Paano siya magiging wisdom sa buhay ko?

"I want to meet her. Can you let me meet her, Stas?" Punong-puno ng pakiusap ang tono niya.

"Of course, mom."

"I am so happy to know that finally you found the woman that you're going to love for the rest of your life."

Love? How am I going to love someone that I just met and people forced us to be married to each other? How we were supposed to love each other when in fact right now, all I could feel from her was anger towards me. I can feel that. I knew Sofia was mad at me. And she should be. Any woman should feel the same way if they were forced to do something they didn't want.

"Whatever shortcomings that the two of you have, you need to forgive each other. You need to love the imperfection of each other. Sacrificing for each other. Even if that would mean sacrificing your own needs just to make her happy. Because that's what true love is."

"You love dad?" Paniniguro ko.

Ngumiti si mommy. "With all my heart."

"Even if he was not always around before? Even if you knew that you are not the only one?"

"Yes." My mom said that without any second thoughts. "I love your dad unconditionally. I love your dad truthfully. I love his imperfections."

"You are something, mom." Napailing na lang ako sa narinig na sagot niya.

"Why? Are you not going to do that to your wife? That only means one thing. You don't love her. And what is the use of marrying her if you don't love her?"

For power. To stay in my throne.

Iyon ang gusto kong sabihin kay mommy pero hindi na lang ako kumibo.

"I know your dad didn't love me when we got married. I know he was just forced to marry me but I still tried to become a perfect wife for him. Submissive but he knew that I could say whatever I wanted to say. I respected him. I know he is not perfect. He is selfish and only thinks about himself and how he can stay in his power, but later on? He gave in. He finally loved me and stepped down from his throne to stay with me."

Yeah. He did step down but before he did that, he created me. He made me a monster. He made me cruel than him so his legacy won't end.

Of course, I kept that to myself. I didn't want to give my mother anymore more heartbreak.

Naramdaman kong hinawakan ni Mommy ang kamay ko. "You love her, okay? Trust me. if you do that, you will be happy. You will find your happiness."

"I forgot how happiness feels like, mom." Natatawang sagot ko. Alam kong magsasalita pa siya pero naramdaman kong nagba-vibrate ang telepono ko sa bulsa. "I need to take this call, Mom. I'll be back." Tuloy-tuloy na akong lumabas at nang makarating ako sa lanai ay saka ko sinagot ang tawag ni Patek.

"How's everything?" Iyon ang bungad ko sa kanya.

"She didn't go with Ilyenna." Halatang napipilitan siyang sabihin iyon.

"What?" Taka ko. Pinigil ko ang mainis. Hindi na naman sinunod ni Sofia ang sinabi ko.

"She said she wanted to go to another boutique. She didn't want to be with her. With Ilyenna." Napabuga ng hangin si Patek. "Jesus, Stas. If you can hear their showdown inside the car, I wanted to put earplugs. Parehong ayaw magpatalo."

"What happened? They fought?" Paniniguro ko.

"Sofia is hardcore," ngayon ay natatawa na si Patek. "Hindi mananalo si Ilyenna sa kanya. Durog ang attorney mo."

Na-curious ako. "I don't understand. What's going on?"

"Let's just say that you finally found your queen and that is Sofia." Natatawa pang sabi niya. "We are here in Boho and Sofia is choosing her clothes for this evening."

"Patek, if she is going to sabotage the event tonight, I don't know what to do with her. Check what she's going to buy. You know what to do." Ngayon pa lang ay naiinis na ako kung isasabotahe na naman ni Sofia ang event mamaya. Napahiya na ako kanina at hindi ko na papayagang maulit iyon.

"She promised me she will be presentable tonight and I trust her. Tawagan na lang kita kung papunta na kami diyan."

Hindi na hinintay ni Patek ang sagot ko at ini-end na niya ang usapan namin. Napahinga na lang ako ng malalim at napapatingin sa paligid na ngayon ay inaayusan na ng mga taong kinuha ni Daddy para mag-ayos at mag-cater dito. Babalik na lang ako sa kuwarto ni Mommy nang makita kong may pumaradang sasakyan at si Ilyenna ang bumababa doon. Hitsurang iritable at nakikipagtalo pa sa driver tapos ay nakita kong may kinuha sa bag niya at ibinato sa driver. Napailing na lang ako. Ilyenna can have an ugly attitude sometimes. Tinalikuran na niya ang driver at nagma-martsang lumakad papasok at dilim na dilim ang anyo habang patungo sa gawi ko.

"She ran away from me," malayo pa lang ay naririnig ko nang sabi ni Ilyenna. "Bastos ang babaeng iyon. Hindi man lang niya ako iginalang. Alam niyang assistant mo ako. At hindi lang basta assistant. I am your damn lawyer and she did that to me? Who the hell she thinks she is?" Galit na galit na monologue niya nang makalapit sa akin.

"You're here because?" Hindi ko inintindi ang galit niya.

Nanlaki ang mata niya sa akin. "I am here because that woman ran away from me. I wasted my precious time to help her just to look presentable tonight but she chose to ran away. I am sure she is going to sabotage your engagement tonight. Ipapahiya ka na naman niya sa mga bisita n'yo."

"She promised Patek that she will be presentable later. I am sure she is not going to embarrass her dad." Malumanay pa ring sagot ko. Wala akong panahon sa mga reklamo ni Ilyenna.

Takang-taka na nakatingin siya sa akin. "And you are okay with that? Ipapahiya ka ng kung sino lang na babae? Stas, I lost count how many women I threw away after you used them. And Sofia should not be an exemption."

Tumingin ako ng makahulugan sa kanya. "Of course, she will always be an exemption. She will be my wife." Tonong paalala ko.

Kitang-kita ko ang pagkapahiya sa mukha ni Ilyenna.

"And whatever her words are, those will become powerful like mine when we are married." Dugtong ko pa.

"But I am sure that woman have dirt under her sheets." Alam kong gusto pa rin ni Ilyenna na magalit ako kay Sofia. "I will definitely dig about it."

"That's your job. Do it. But tonight, let's put everything behind for a while and let's focus on the engagement party. After all, it is all for a show. Pare-pareho nating ayaw mapahiya."

Doon tingin ko nahimasmasan si Ilyenna at tumingin sa paligid.

"All right, I'll make the necessary follow ups for those who are coming tonight. Be your best," humalik pa siya sa pisngi ko bago ako iniwan at dumeretsong pumasok sa loob ng bahay. Alam kong sa banquet room siya pupunta dahil doon naman gagawin ang party mamaya.

I went inside the house too and stayed inside dad's library. May couch doon at nahiga ako. Pakiramdam ko ay napapagod na ako sa mga nangyayari sa akin magmula nang dumating si Sofia. Sure, she shook up my world. Everything became different and now that we were going to be married with each other, I didn't know what will happen next.

Hindi ko namalayan na nakatulog pala ako doon. Nagising na lang ako nang bumukas ang pinto at si Daddy ang pumapasok doon. Agad na nakangiti sa akin kaya bumangon ako.

"I slept," iyon na lang ang nasabi ko sa kanya. "What time is it?"

"Past eight. It's okay. At least nakapahinga ka. You needed that for tonight. The guests are coming already. Nandiyan ang mga pinsan mo. Nandoon na sa banquet room."

Natawa ako at tumayo. Shit. And dad invited them too? I am sure uulanin lang ako ng tukso ng mga iyon. They knew that marriage was not my thing. Dumeretso ko doon at nakita kong sa isang table ay nakaupo si Mikhail, si Mikolos at ang kambal na si Thelonious at Andrei. Agad na nakangiti ang mga ito sa akin at sa pagkakangiti pa lang ay punong-puno na ng panunukso ang mga ito.

"And the eldest Rozovsky is getting married. Finally. I thought you're going to end up like a hermit in your penthouse fucking different women every night." Si Mikolos ang nagsalita noon. Agad akong kinamayan at yumakap sa akin nang makalapit ako. Ganoon din ang ginawa ng iba. Naupo ako sa malapit sa kanila at sumenyas sa waiter na naroon na magdala ng maiinom.

"Where is your wife to be?" Si Mikhail ang nagtanong noon.

"Getting ready. She will be here any minute." Tanging sagot ko.

Tawanan lang nang tawanan si Thelonious at Andrei kaya napailing na lang ako sa kanila. Napatingin ako sa pinto at nakita kong si Uncle Rom ang dumarating kasama si Jaime. Hitsurang nagtatalo ang dalawa. Jaime looked drunk and under the influence of drugs. Ganito rin ito kaninang umaga. Napailing na lang ako. Sa totoo lang, kung hindi lang talaga ito anak ni Uncle Rom, talagang matagal ko na itong sinipa sa organization ko. Wala din naman kasing naitutulong. Madalas sabog. And everyone knew how I hated people that were drug dependents kaya hindi talaga ako nakikipag-transact sa mga drug deals kahit na ba maraming offers at malaki din ang pera doon. Drug wasn't my thing. Dahil mas madalas, ang mga taong drug dependent hindi nakakatulong kundi nakakagulo lang.

Sumenyas sa akin si daddy at pinapunta naman ako sa table nila. Naroon nakaupo ang ibang mga ka-meeting namin kanina. Mga leader ng mga iba-ibang organization na ang iba ay kasama lang naming kanina. Nagpaalam ako sa mga pinsan ko at tinungo ko ang lugar nila daddy. Doon ko nalaman na hindi daw darating si Dmitri. Pakiramdam ko ay nakahinga ako ng maluwag sa nalaman. Ayaw ko nang intindihin pa isang iyon. Mas gusto kong mag-focus sa gabing ito. Naramdaman kong tumabi sa akin si Ilyenna at nagsimulang makisabay sa usapan ng mga naroon. Alam din naman niya kung paano makipag-usap sa mga ito. She knew our deals, our businesses and everyone knew that she also has a say in my organization.

Until the door opened and a woman stood there.

My eyes fixed on the beautiful maiden standing at the door.

It was Sofia.

I was used on seeing beautiful women every day. Fucking them, making them beg for me. But this was the first time that I felt like this. A woman making my heart to beat this fast. A woman that made me glued my eyes at her. I didn't want to take off my gaze from her because she might be a dream that will be gone in just a snap of a finger. She looked like an ethereal goddess. With long wavy hair, with a perfect body wrapped around by the perfect dress that exactly matches her beautiful aura. Her face was perfect. No heavy make-up. It was simple yet mesmerizing. She looked so stunning and I knew everyone around here was looking at her.

I stood up. Didn't mind what Ilyenna was telling me. I walked towards her like I was under her spell. Our eyes met and I could see something in there. I swallowed hard because I could feel my heart was beating faster while I am getting near to her.

I had to let everyone here to know that I own this woman. That she belongs to me and no one could take her away from me. I killed for her once, and I can do it again and again if someone was going to try snatch her.

I took her hand and the heat of her skin sent shiver down my spine. It was something to be felt at. Something that I felt for the first time. It was not lust. But I knew that heat wanted me to snatch her away from here and I wanted to rip her expensive dress so I could take her over and over until she was sore and screaming for my name.

Walang tigil ang congratulatory remarks sa aming dalawa. Wala na kaming chance na mag-usap pa ni Sofia. Ang mga naroon ay sige ang pagbati sa akin at sa kanya. Ang mga pinsan ko ay walang tigil sa panunukso. Pero siyempre nang matapos ang mga pagbati, nauwi na naman sa pag-uusap tungkol sa businesses at shipments na paparating. As usual, back to business. Talagang for show lang ang engagement party na ito.

Kahit ayaw kong layuan si Sofia ay napilitan akong bumalik sa mesa kasama sila dad at ang ibang mga bisita. Nagpaalam sa akin si Ilyenna na aalis saglit pero hindi ko naman siya intindi. Ang atensiyon ko ay na kay Sofia na ngayon ay abala sa pagpili ng pagkain. Napipilitan lang akong intindihin ang mga sinasabi ng mga taong nasa harap ko pero gusto ko na talagang umalis dito.

Nang ibalik ko ang tingin ko sa buffet table ay wala na roon si Sofia. Palinga-linga ako at hinahanap siya pero hindi ko siya makita. Tumayo na ako at nagpaalam kay Dad. Saan naman siya pupunta dito? O aalis na ba siya? Hindi ko pa nga siya naipapakilala kay mommy.

Nilapitan ko si Patek at bumulong na hanapin si Sofia tapos ay lumabas. Lumakad-lakad ako doon hanggang sa makarating ako sa garden at nakita ko doon si Sofia. Kausap si Jaime. Nakahinga ako ng maluwag. At least kapatid naman pala niya ang kausap niya. Pero unti-unting napapakunot ang noo ko nang makita kong hinawakan ni Jaime si Sofia. Hawak na alam kong ayaw niyang gawin sa kanya. Pilit na kumakawala si Sofia mula sa pagkakahawak ni Jaime. Nang sinubukan tumakbo ni Sofia ay nahatak nito ang buhok niya tapos ay sapilitang hinihila para halikan.