Katherine's POV:

I woke up in Nate's bed, my head resting on the headboard and Nate sleeping on my thighs with his arms wrapped tightly around them. My mind kept drifting to last night, wondering whether Nate would wake up remembering what he told me or not, and most importantly, whether he would regret telling me or not.

I wanted to move him off of me and sneak out of the room before he wakes up, but I couldn't. He went through his most vulnerable moments last night and I couldn't leave after that, not without knowing how he is. 

So I stayed. 

I stayed and I kept staring at his beautiful face with my hands playing through his hair until he woke up. As soon as he started moving, I immediately withdrew my hands from his hair, giving him time to register what happened last night.

His eyes snapped to mine the moment he woke up, kept going back and forth between his figure and mine trying to remember. His eyes then settled on the wall for a few seconds then widened, remembering last night's events. He quickly untangled himself from me and rushed to the bathroom. 

He regrets telling me. 

Feeling myself left in an awkward position, I left his room and went to mine. I took a quick shower and prepared myself for breakfast, an uncomfortable breakfast if I may say. 

And of course he had to ignore me all throughout breakfast, pretend yesterday never happened. But I couldn't reciprocate, I couldn't pretend all the raw and vulnerable emotions shared had never happened. I just couldn't.

How could you just forget when that person happens to become the most important part of your life, your love of your life? Your everything. Nate happens to be that person in my life and when I got to know another part of his life that no one knows of, I happened to understand him more. And I couldn't just erase that because it's one of the things I long for.

My schedule of course had to be full today, only to add to my misery. It didn't help either that my brain was on fire from all of the circles it was running, but I decided I would put it out tonight. 

I know that the act of ignoring lasted a minimum of week with us before we actually talked things out, but not this time. I let breakfast slide as I had a lot to think of, but not dinner. Once, but never twice. So I decided everything would be sorted out before dinner.

I barged into his office and gave him a serious look that said 'we need to talk'. Sadly, he couldn't see it because he never looked up, so I cleared my throat. But again, all I got was nothing.

My anger fueled and I couldn't take it anymore so I burst "Nathaniel! I've had enough with you! Does it always have to be a week before we talk like civil people?"

God, that felt like a huge weight was off my chest. Still, not nearly enough.

"Are you kidding me? I should be the one saying that" he sarcastically said as he looked up at me.

"Well, at least I got your attention" I smirked "Before you put your head back into those bloody papers, we need to talk"

He shook his head "We have nothing to talk about"

"We bloody do!" I snapped. I took a couple of deep breaths to calm myself then continued calmly "I warned you, I told you to sleep it off, and talk to me in the morning, sober, if you still want to tell me, but you never listened to me. So now you can't ignore me, pretend you never told me your darkest secret, and act like nothing ever happened"

"What do you want to do then? I made a bloody mistake and told you everything, sadly I can't take it back. So all I could do is pretend it never happened and I advise you to do the same"

You know, they say the truth hurts, but coming from him, it took hurt to a whole new level.

"Why do you keep pushing me away?" I whispered in a broken tone that even I, myself, didn't recognise. 

"Because you're just like everyone else, so stop the act! Stop the bloody act!" he yelled coldly getting up from his seat and I couldn't help but flinch at his tone.

How could he still think that after everything we've been through?

"All I ever wanted from you was your trust. I really thought we could go somewhere with our relationship if you would just give it to me. Sadly, I never got it, all I got from you was pain"

He gave out a sinister mocking short laugh then let out a sigh with a hurt expression I've never seen painted on his face "You think you're the only one whose been hurt? I trusted you and at some point, I genuinely wanted to marry you because I thought we might have a chance at being together"

I froze. Is he serious now?!

He took a few inaudible deep breaths composing himself, then continued "I convinced my father to marry me you because at that time, I wanted you. I took you to pick out our rings because I wanted to, not because I was forced to. I even had our wedding bands engraved with our initials. I even engraved your engagement ring with a note that was supposed to be a surprise for you, but I never got the chance to show it to you"

I never forgot that note, even if I wanted to, it was engraved in my mind and soul, not just my ring.

'My One & Only Queen'

I let out a small smile through my tears "I saw that and I loved it"

He continued ignoring me and as he continued further, his tone emitted further hurt "When I asked you out on a date, I did it because I wanted to. I planned every small detail, from the dinner, to the helicopter, to the proposal on the beach"

Now was my turn to let out a small mocking laugh "You mean the night you blackmailed me with my father and forced a proposal on me?!"

He shook his head with a disappointed sigh, I just couldn't figure out whether he was disappointed in me, himself, or the whole situation itself "I was hurt so I wanted you to get a taste of it as well"

"How could you be the one hurt! I was the one degraded by you, insulted, and stabbed in the heart with pain, so tell me now, how the bloody hell could you be the one hurt!" 

I let it all out this time, and damn, it felt good!

"Oh please, quit the act. I know everything so you don't have to play me anymore and act like you're the one suffering"

"I am the one suffering!" I yelled, but I knew yelling would get us nowhere so I forced myself to calm down, but confusion ended up taking over "And what act you keep mentioning, cause as far as I know, I'm not the one acting"

I may not be implying that he is the one acting, but it ended up coming out that way.

"At least I know myself and I know that I'm not acting, unlike what you're implying. You know what, how about I prove that you are faking it all and you quit the acting then?"

He didn't give me time to reply as he moved behind his disk and opened the first drawer. He got out a CD and played it on his laptop, then turned the screen to face me.

As the video on the screen started to play, I remembered it all crystal clear. It was the day my father told me that the wedding with Nathaniel is back on, and we ended up arguing after that.

"Why are you not objecting, or did you fall in love with him?"

"Me being quiet doesn't mean that I'm with your plans, I am just accepting things calmly since I have no other choice but to follow. And how can I fall for him when this whole thing is arranged. You need money and power so you created this arrangement, and now, I have no other choice but to go with it"

"Glad to know we're on the same page" 

As I looked up from the screen, Nate had a cocky look on his face telling me 'This is exactly what I'm taking about'

"Someone sent this to me and I hope you aren't going to say 'this isn't me' because we both can clearly see that" he said while pointing at the paused screen "Are you going to drop the act now, because we both now know that you are using me"

Anger took over me.

"Aren't you using me as well? Didn't your dad force you into this marriage for his own benefit as well, because as I recall, both of our parents arranged this marriage to merge this country and gain more power as well as money. So if I am 'using you' as you put it, then you are using me as well"

His face dropped, disappointment written all over his face -clearly this time in himself- but the same was written on my face. 

I couldn't help the soft tears as they fell, and I knew that in time, they would intensify "You never thought of asking me, you immediately chose to believe what you wanted to" I chocked out, my tears now blocking clear words out of me.

But then I cleared my throat with a new purpose. Anger.

"You told me last night no more letting your fear control you, no more pushing me away, but you ended up continuing anyway. You're a coward! You crawl behind your fear letting it be the one that guides and for that, you are a coward! Damn it Nathaniel! Damn you!"

I moved closely to him eyeing his hurt eyes as I approached him and started smacking his chest repeatedly saying 'You're a coward'

Feeling drained both physically and emotionally, I moved back "You chose to believe a video that someone sent you over believing me, over asking me. I wanted us to work and I know that you wanted it too at some point, but without your trust, we could never work out. You think I'm exactly just like everyone else and you expect me to hurt you any moment now, so how am I going to prove you wrong and make you trust me if your mind is already made up?"

He slowly moved closer to me trying to comfort me as he saw tears running down my face, but I held a palm against his chest stopping him.

"No more" I shook my head stubbornly "No more of this pain and misery, I just can't take it anymore. I don't regret marrying you, I really don't. Even after all you've done to me, including cheating on me, I don't" 

"I-" 

He tried to interrupt me defending himself, but I quickly stopped him "Don't try to justify something unjustifiable. I knew from the moment I met you that you weren't into commitments, you were just a playboy with insecurities, still are actually. But I thought once we would get married then you'd tone it down, or at least stop doing it in front of me, yet you had to disappoint me. You had to stoop down so low to cheat on me the night of our wedding" 

I inhaled and exhaled then gave him an encouraging smile, which in all honesty, I just did because I needed the courage myself for what I was about to do next.

"Still after all of that, I never regretted marrying you. You showed me what it's like to be loved and at the same time love back, but at the end of the day, it cost me too much. Falling in love with you was a blessing as well as a curse"

I held his face in my hands softly as we both stared into each other's eyes. Hurt was flashing in his eyes, mirroring mine, while tears were falling down. I wanted to comfort him as I held him in my arms, but I had no one to do the same for me.

So I put myself first, for the very first time.

"I love you and I'll love you till eternity, nothing can change that, but I can't be with you if you don't work out with me. A relationship needs two to work out or it would be destroyed before it even starts. I need your trust and most importantly, I need you to love me back for this to work, but I know you can't give me any. People told me to give you time and be patient, but honestly, I ran out of both and I can't give you more because the pain isn't worth it"

I let him go and moved away from him "I'm sorry for giving up, but I need to. We are over Nathaniel, even though there wasn't a 'we' to begin with. Goodbye"

It took all of me not to turn back, brush his tears off and tell him I changed my mind as I hold him in my arms and never let go. 

But I didn't, I left.

Nathaniel's POV:

I stood there like a fool watching her leave. I mean I know she isn't actually gone like forever, she probably went for some fresh air to help clear her mind, but still, leaving me would be better. Knowing that she'd distance herself from me and I'd watch helplessly, felt like a much worse idea than being gone forever. 

But what could I do, I mean she's right after all. I couldn't stop her because what do I have to offer her? I can't give her my trust because I don't know how to and I certainly can't love her back. How does one even know they are in love?

'I love you and I'll love you till eternity'

I never knew she would ever end up falling for a guy like me, I mean how could she? All I ever did was push her away and cause her pain thinking it would protect me, but thinking of it now, it caused nothing but immense pain to the both of us.

I need answers, I need to know what it's like to be in love with someone. I need to know if I'm in love with Kate.

I dialed Gray's number and luckily for me, he answered almost immediately.

"Hey buddy. Listen, I know you're my best friend and everything, but I really hate it when you interrupt-"

"How did you know you were in love with Stella?" I interrupted.

"No hello, how are you Gray?" he joked, but I was dead serious.

Never joke with a guy on a mission!

"Gray this isn't time for joking"

"Oh you're serious, but I'm glad you finally realized your feelings" he paused "You know, the first time I looked at Stella, I was mesmerised by her. All I felt was the urge to protect her and the need of getting to know her"

He took a couple of seconds to himself, probably reliving the memory, then continued

"I could get lost just looking into her eyes"

Check

"No matter what she does, she would always be the most beautiful person my eyes could ever set on"

Check

"Spending time with her never gets dull and I could never get bored of her"

Check

No matter what he would say, I would just agree to myself. Does that mean I am in love with her? Could I risk breaking my heart by offering it to her?

"Is she worth it? Is she worth the pain and the risk of bring broken?"

"Absolutely" he answered without any hesitation.

"I think Kate is the one for me"

"You think so?! I've been telling you that since the beginning. Go get her and don't hesitate telling her about your feelings, do it before it's too late"

"It's too late already"

I explained everything to him, beginning from the moment I spilled my past to her last night, and ending with her confession and leaving me right after that.

"You bastard, I warned you before!"

"I know"

He ignored me as he went on rambling and rambling about how I mistreated her, and how he's going to make me pay for it the moment he sees me.

I didn't argue because I knew I deserved it. 

I lost her and I now see that clearly. I've been given more than a chance of seeing how different she is, but I choose to ignore it every, single, time. She offered me her heart on a sliver plate, yet all I did was break it. Crush it into million pieces and walk all over them. 

I was brought back to reality by the sound of my ringing phone. I glanced at it and joy took over me. Katherine!

I immediately slid answer and brought the phone to my ear "Kate, I'm sorr-"

"Your majesty, this is her majesty's bodyguard. Her majesty has been in an accident"

...........................

Author's Note:

I'm not sure if you guys noticed or not, but I put the book that was supposed to be posted after this, In Secret, until further notice. I started a new job this week and I'm having trouble to even write more chapters of Royalty Undercover.

But since I know a lot of people would want me to finish this book and I also have a feeling that this book has potentials, I've decided to try my best and finish it. And regarding, In Secret, I will try my best to work on it on my own time and when I'm done with it, I'll post it for you guys. 

I don't want people to wait a lot of time to just read a chapter, so that's why I think it's for the best this way in regards of, In Secret. As long as there's result, I'm sure everyone would be glad. I can't promise that it would be soon, but I can promise that Royalty Undercover wouldn't be left uncompleted. I will finish it as soon as possible.