Guess who's running on maybe an hour of sleep. Yep. Me. Woo!

Abby and I made a bet. She lost (love you!). BUT I also feel like this will clear up some things from the last chapter, so I'm posting it anyway.

...

Junmyeon's POV

...

I nursed my fifth glass of wine since dinner began, it tasting of nothing this far in. Things around me began to get fuzzy, like my vision was sort of failing. Voices were a bit muffled. My insides boiled and I felt a warmth spreading all over my body, even though the room was relatively cool. Baekhyun shot me disapproving looks from time to time.

Safe to say I was drunk.

I was drunk at one of my best friend's wedding reception.

God I was so fucked up sometimes.

But then I remembered the feeling of watching Ying Yue walk down the aisle, looking ethereal in her cream dress perfectly tailored to her every curve. I remembered the look on Yixing's face when he first caught sight of her, a mixture of awe and love. I remembered the tears pooling in the corners of his eyes. And I remembered feeling both so incredibly happy for him and deeply saddened that this was it. I felt the knife stabbing at my insides all over again.

Bottoms up.

"Seriously Jun," Baekhyun said when I knocked the fifth glass back. "You aren't a drinker. For god's sake slow down. You're going to get yourself wasted." I giggled at what he said, finding something highly amusing in it. "Even more so than you already are," he mumbled.

"What's the point?" I asked, my momentary feeling of hilarity fading fast. "I said I'd be here for him, and I am. I never once said I had to remember it." Baekhyun gazed at me steadily, and I was the first to break away.

"If you love him like you say you do," he said, making me wince. "Then you wouldn't be doing this." And that was the root of the problem. I did love him. So fucking much. So much it actually hurt to think about. Which was why I was doing this. I felt lighter somehow, like there wasn't this giant weight on my shoulders constantly holding me down, even though that's all I ever felt. The sting wasn't as powerful. And I didn't feel quite like the selfish bastard I knew I was.

He looked so happy. He was so happy. Especially now, as a space for the dance floor had finally been made and most of the guests either found places at the far back tables or pressed themselves to the wall. He was positively glowing, gazing at his wife with so much love. And I'd known. I'd known it would be tough to watch. But I'd done it anyway, and pretended to be perfectly fine while crumbling inside. That's what you did in my place. You shut your mouth and you behaved.

"Hey." Hyeja joined us at the table again, sliding next to me and putting a hand over mine. "Are you alright?" she asked me, genuine concern dripping from every word. "You look a bit pale." I suppressed another sigh, instead fixing my gaze to the center of the room, where Yixing and Ying Yue twirled around to the music playing overhead. I wasn't being fair, I knew it. But at the same time I felt like I'd finally lost the last little part of me.

"Jun's been hitting the wine hard tonight," Baekhyun supplied oh so helpfully. "Don't mind him. He's just a little tipsy." I shot my best friend a look, and he dared me to challenge him with a look of his own. I glanced away. Another night. But not tonight. We would not ruin Yixing's night. I'd never forgive myself if we did. I flagged down a server, who set another glass in front of me, whisking away my empty one. This one, however, was something light and bubbly. I took a sip, pulling a face at the unexpected strong taste.

"Yixing and Ying Yue are done dancing," Hyeja told me quietly, playing with my fingers and somewhat grounding me to reality. "Why don't you go talk to him? You haven't really got to yet." Except now that they were separate, everybody surged forward, surrounding them. He'd be busy all night. Too busy for me. "Go on Junnie," Hyeja prompted gently. "I know you want to."

"He's got more important matters to deal with," I said, waving a hand in his direction. There was no shortage of people to offer their congratulations, patting him on the back or shaking his hand. Luhan stood a little ways away, observing quietly like he always did. I felt my lips tick up at the sight. God I loved Luhan to death.

"Yeah but he thinks so highly of you," Hyeja said, following my line of sight. She was a smart girl, I'd give her that. And she was beginning to pick up on hints I never knew I dropped. "He'd make the time to see you and you know it. What are you so afraid of?"

What was I afraid of? Everything. I was afraid I'd grab him by his shirt front and kiss him senseless after he just got married to his wife. I was afraid I'd get to him and decide I hated the sight of him. I was afraid of all the what ifs and the I should have dones. I was afraid of hurting any more than I already was.

"Come on Jun," Baekhyun suddenly spoke up, shoving his chair back and rising. "I'll go with you. I haven't seen Yixing since he stayed with you." I swallowed hard as Baekhyun hauled me from my seat. He began the march across the ballroom, and when we were within ten feet Yixing suddenly turned. He smiled. A smile so bright it could almost fool me. Almost.

I couldn't do this. Not tonight. Not right now. It still felt too fresh. Too real. I broke away from Baekhyun and turned, but not before catching the look of hurt on Yixing's face. But I didn't care in that instance. The room was spinning and felt suffocating and I just had to get out of there before I screamed. Long strides soon turned into panicked running steps, carrying me from the ballroom and out into the hallway, still filled with people. I barrelled passed them, ignoring the looks shot my way. I wasn't King Junmyeon right now. I was just Junmyeon, sad and scared and feeling all alone.

...

Yixing's POV

...

I watched the door swing shut behind Junmyeon, feeling saddened and baffled. Baekhyun looked like he was caught doing something he wasn't supposed to be doing. He waved sheepishly, flicking his gaze between the door and the table they once occupied. Hyeja. He seemed to come to some silent agreement within himself and headed back to the table. Good man.

"What was that about?" Ying Yue asked, materializing out of nowhere beside me. I turned to her. "He got out of here quite quick didn't he?" she asked me. I stifled a sigh, instead taking her hand in mine, finding comfort in my wife when all I really wanted to do was run after him. We talked so little anymore. We never got to see each other. That was one of the reasons he was invited to the ceremony as well as the reception. I wanted to see him. "Why don't you go after him?" Ying Yue suggested.

"Trust me, I'd love to," I told her, leading her away from the crowd. I was starting to feel suffocated. "But that's also highly frowned upon. Even if I want to go after him, I have to stay here. Especially with the cameras still rolling." The fun didn't stop when the ceremony did, oh no. My reception was also being broadcast, so the folks at home could experience all our firsts with us. Our first dance together as a couple mainly.

"I guess," she said. We sat at our table again, watching the dance floor fill as the beat picked up. Ying Yue rested her head on my shoulder. "But make some time to talk to him later. Trust me. It'll make you both feel a lot better." I guess. People still approached our table, congratulating us and wishing us well. I went through the motions, but it felt like that's all I was doing. There was no sincerity in my words.

I guess I didn't realize exactly what seeing him again would do to me. The familiar feeling of tingles was back, starting somewhere in my chest and slowly working its way outward. My interest in my own event was beginning to lessen minute by minute. All I wanted to do was go find him and talk. Be close to him again.

But as a never ending stream of people came forward, smiling so big it looked like their faces might break, I knew my fate. I'd always known it. It always hoped that as time progressed, this stupid crush would disappear, and I'd learn to really love and appreciate my wife. Well, one half of that was true. But my "little crush" did not seem to fade in the slightest.

I watched our guests have fun, eating cake and dancing and talking amongst themselves. Yuta Nakamoto ran around the dance floor happily, with his parents looking on with smiles on their faces. Yifan and Luhan seemed to be locked in a heated discussion. Baekhyun and Hyeja were still seated in the back, heads bent together. Realistically, this was the textbook example of a picture perfect wedding. So why was I left feeling so hollow?

...

I finally broke away from my own party at around two in the morning. Ying Yue has disappeared over an hour ago, and honestly the only people still hanging around were drunk out of their minds and didn't really care if I stayed or left. I sighed heavily, raking my fingers through my hair.

I made my way up to my room, bypassing guests lingering in the hall and staff running from room to room. A lot of people called soft greetings, still high on sugar and euphoria. I slipped silently into my room, closing the door and leaning against it, placing a hand over my rapidly beating heart. My reception had gone exceptionally well, and now I was a married man. I examined the ring in my finger, sighing. I shoved away from the door and changed into pajamas.

"What's this?" I asked to no one in particular when I finally turned towards my bed. A vase stood on my nightstand, a single sunflower poking over the top. I approached the vase curiously, seeing a small card placed to the side. I scanned the note, feeling a lump form in my throat.

Congrats on the wedding Xing. I'm very happy for you and Ying Yue. I wanted to surprise you with this, but decided to keep it secret instead. I bet you're wondering why a sunflower and not a rose. Sunflowers mean light, and you're the light of my life. Always have been. Always will.

Best wishes always. Kim Junmyeon.

"Damn," I whispered, dabbing at my eyes. Damn him for still making me feel this way. Damn him for putting some thought and effort into this. I gently stroked a petal, frowning deeply. I needed to see him. Tonight. Not tomorrow before he left. Not some time next week or next month. Tonight. I threw a robe on over my pajamas and ventured out into the hallway, now mostly vacant and dark. I hadn't the faintest on what room he was in, but I had a feeling I'd know when I found it.

"Xing?" Perfect. I stopped short at a random door that looked like any other, peering inside carefully. Junmyeon sat on the edge of his bed, gazing down at something on his lap. "Ha, you're married now. I should probably really give you up now." With a start I realized it was a picture. The very picture Tao showed me all those months ago. "But damn it a part of me doesn't want to. Being a king means sacrificing so much of my life already. But I don't want to sacrifice my happiness." Ouch. He sighed, setting the picture aside and kicking off his shoes. He laid down, his back to me. "But I have to. For my sake and yours, we can never actually be a thing." I crept up behind him.

"Jun." He spun around quickly, his eyes comically wide. He opened his mouth to say something, but in one fluid motion I flicked the covers back and slid in beside him. He closed his mouth, staring at me steadily. "Did you enjoy the party?" I asked, wincing at my lame attempt at small talk.

"Cut the crap Zhang," he said, tone like the sharp side of a knife. "What are you doing here? Don't you have a wife to go see?"

"I can see her any time I like," I answered carefully. "But I can't see you any time I want. I missed you." And with those three words his weak little walls seemed to crumble. The tough exterior dropped away. "Thank you for the flower," I added, watching as he grew embarrassed.

"You're a married man Xing," he said at last. "This was wrong before, but now it's really wrong. You shouldn't be here with me. You should be laying next to your wife, whispering sweet nothings in her ear and toying with her hair until you both fall asleep tangled in each other's grasp. I'm just a nobody."

"You are not," I protested. "You're one of my best friends. You're one of the best things that's ever happened to me. You were the first great love of my life. Yeah I'm married. And yeah tomorrow everything will reset. But please. Let's just lie in bed together again, for one final night, before we never get to do it again." His breath hitched. I snaked my arms around him, drawing him close and breathing him in. Almost immediately he relaxed, burying his face in my neck. "I love you Junmyeon," I whispered. "Please never forget that."

"I love you too Yixing," he replied, every word a little more quiet than the last. "I don't think I'll ever stop. This wasn't supposed to last. But damn it all it has." He grew quiet, and we both simply laid there, drinking in each other's presence once again.

Please Junnie, I prayed in my head. Please remember to be happy. Please don't sacrifice anything. You've already done enough of that.

But so had I, really. I'd given up a loving relationship with a man I adored beyond all measure so I could run the country the way my people would want. He wasn't the only one sacrificing his happiness.

...

I am dead tired tonight but I did it.