It cooled off enough to actually comfortably sit outside heck yeah. Also I now have to wait to post until this one is done. Not for any particular reason. Just because I want to constantly stay ahead of myself.

A double update for the birthday chick woo! (gotta slow down a bit on the updates after this or I'm going to catch up to myself and I really don't want that)

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Junmyeon's POV

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I still love you.

I sat behind my desk in my office, gazing at a map of the world and letting my thoughts run utterly wild. It was three in the morning, yet sleep eluded me this night. I sighed heavily, blinking a few times to bring the world back into focus. Yixing's confession replayed over and over in my mind like a broken record, rendering me incapable of thinking of anything else.

I still love you.

And damn if my heart didn't stop in that instant. Though a part of me was still waiting for the just kidding strung across the end. Or I wake up from this dream and nothing would change. But the longer this went on, the more I doubted he was kidding. The less this seemed like my overactive imagination making up scenarios. And I felt horribly guilty about it.

I still love you.

I groaned and slammed my fists down on the desk, rattling it and nearly spilling papers over the edge. A glass of water wobbled precariously but tipped upright at the last second. I sighed heavily once again, sinking back in my seat. Father warned that being king was taxing, but he never mentioned this. He never mentioned how confused I'd feel. Then again this was my battle to fight. And I was fighting it alone.

"Knock knock." I looked up wearily as a voice called out into the darkness. "Junnie, what are you doing up?" my mother asked, stepping into the circle of light my desk lap provided. "It's the middle of the night."

"I could ask you the same thing," I said instead. "I was just..." I looked down at the map, realizing I hadn't been doing anything at all. "I just can't sleep." There was plenty I could have been doing. In a week I was going to London for a short visit. There was a speech I had to give in a couple of days that I had to even started working on. And yet I didn't feel motivated to do any of it. "What are you doing here?" I asked her at last. "Not that I'm not happy to see you." She sat in a chair opposite me, lacing her fingers together on her lap.

"I guess I just had this feeling," she told me. "This feeling that something was going on. I came to make sure you were doing okay." I sighed quietly, closing my eyes. "A change in power can be scary," she said. "How have you been handling it so far."

"It's much the same as it has been the last couple of months," I responded, opening my eyes and scanning my desk for my laptop. I flicked it open. "Except now people call me king and not prince." There was a lot more I wanted to tell her, but I was still very hesitant. "Is there anything in particular you want to talk about?"

"Yixing." I froze, my gaze rising up to meet hers. "You really like him, huh?" I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. "You look at him the same way you father looked at me when we first met," she continued. "Like the whole world just drops away and there's no one else but the two of you. Like he's the very reason the stars shine in the sky." I gaped at her. "I'm sorry you're unhappy where you are," she added. "It was never our intention to make you miserable. But why did you never say anything to me?"

"I...I was afraid," I admitted. "You said you'd love me no matter what, but this... This was huge. And wrong. So wrong. But I wanted it to work, even for a little while. But even if it lasted, it would have in the end. Because be honest. Would I even have a future if he were a part of it?"

"You could have," she said. "We would've figured something out. Us and the Zhang's. It didn't have to be this way."

"But it did!" I exclaimed, realizing a bit too late I was raising my voice at her. "We were never fated to be together anyway, so there's no sense crying about it now. I'm king; he's getting married in four months. That's that. There's where our stories end. We will always be allies, and friends, but never any more than that." I rose. "It was good talking to you, but I think I'll try and turn in for the night. Goodnight mother."

"Goodnight Junnie," she replied, her voice fading as I left my office. "Sweet dreams." Instead of going to my room, I turned sharply towards the gardens. I shoved the doors open, gazing around. The moon was half hidden behind clouds, so the land was dark. I closed the doors behind me. I glanced down at my body, making sure I had my robe on. I did. And Yixing's shirt. I washed it regularly, and wore it basically every night. It was my last remaining good memory of him. One I treasured.

I sat beside the fountain, tipping my head back and staring at the sky. Life confused me. So much. Mother claimed she would've been alright with everything, but would she really? I didn't think so. I also didn't understand why I went so long without thinking about or talking about Yixing, and now he was all my conversations revolved around and he was the only thing on my mind.

"Why?" I whispered into the darkness. "I was doing just fine without you. Why did you have to ruin it?" Though I wasn't mad at him. I couldn't be. Because it wasn't really his fault that my stupid schoolboy crush never died. And it also wasn't really his fault all of this was happening. Stupid feelings.

I still love you.

...

Yixing's POV

...

"I miss you," I mumbled into my phone. It was three thirty in the morning, but I'll be damned if I could sleep. So I did the only thing I could think of when I didn't want to disturb the other residents of the palace; I called my fiance. I switched my phone to the other ear, gazing across the big bed at a space that felt far too empty.

"I miss you too," Ying Yue said. "What are you doing up Xing? It's the middle of the night." I sighed, raking my free hand through my hair. I didn't even know myself. "You should sleep dear. It's not good for you to be up at such a late hour."

"I know, I know," I replied, sitting up and leaning against the headboard. "I will soon. I promise."

"Are you alright?" she suddenly asked. "You don't sound quite like yourself. You haven't been acting like yourself either. I'm worried." I smiled softly.

"I'm fine," I assured. "Just thinking a lot lately, that's all. There's a lot happening in a short amount of time." That at least wasn't a lie. I was thinking a lot, and there was a great deal of things happening. "It's also weird to be here without everyone again, except Luhan."

"He's good to you," she replied. Then; "Also why did you never tell me you guys had a really close bond?" I tensed, waiting for her to tell me off for it. "Your father mentioned you guys always were 'like the best of friends' growing up. He's been in your life a long time, huh?"

"Since the day I was born," I answered, relaxing a little. "His father serves my father, and when Luhan was born it was decided he would serve the first person born in the royal bloodline. That would be me. So yeah. He's always been there. Likely that when we were young, if you found me somewhere, he wouldn't be far behind."

"Our staff comes and goes all the time," she said. "I don't think I've known any of them to stay longer than a couple of years. That's kind of crazy to me. But cool." I blinked slowly. "Your mother also mentioned how important he is to you."

"Of course," I replied automatically. "He is." I liked the way this conversation was heading. Maybe she could finally understand why I always insisted Luhan be with me. For more than the simple fact he was supposed to. "He's done a lot for me over the years. I'm very thankful."

"I'm glad," she said with a little laugh. "I'm sorry for my behavior towards him. I'm sure it was quite aggravating." I bit my tongue. I wouldn't comment on that one. "I will try to better understand the relationship you guys have."

"Luhan's more than my assistant," was all I said. "He's my friend. An older brother I never got to have." She hummed in response, and it honestly felt like someone took a huge weight off my shoulders. Finally I could treat Luhan the way I'd always treated him. "I should go to bed," I added. "It is late. And I did kind of wake you up for this conversation."

"That's quite alright," she replied. "Goodnight Xing. I'll see you when you get back."

"Goodnight Ying Yue, sweet dreams." I hung up the phone, letting my hand drop and the phone roll to the side. I gazed up at the ceiling. Everything in me felt so worn down and tired, but at the same time it felt like I wouldn't sleep for the next week. I reached over and flipped open the music box. It's soft melody washed over me once again.

This was an unexpected twist. But it also reminded me of why I fell for her in the first place. That under that tough exterior, there was a sweet girl. She may not have understood exactly why Luhan had to be in life, but she was willing to learn. I was extremely grateful for that. No longer would I feel like I was caught in the middle of a tug-of-war, trying to appease both of them. I let out a sigh.

"Knock knock." I turned as a timid voice spoke up. But I smiled wide when the meager light from the hall showed Junmyeon framed in the doorway. "You can't sleep either huh?" he asked, padding over quietly and sitting on the edge of my bed.

"No, not really," I replied, drawing my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. "I'm too busy thinking I guess." He hummed in agreement. "I would ask what you're doing up, but I would say you're also over thinking life."

"Bingo," he said. He scooted back a bit, laying sideways on the bed. "They don't prepare you for all of this in "good, model, little prince school." I don't think anything prepares you for this."

"This?" I asked him, wondering what he was referring to. Any advice he had would be helpful.

"Us." And with that simple word I was rendered speechless. "Mother was up. She talked to me a bit. She claimed that they, along with your parents, would have figured something out for the two of us, but would they really? I don't think she understands exactly. We were never meant to be a permanent thing."

"I know," I said softly. "It sucks Junnie." He turned his gaze to me. "Because what if... What if I had wanted to marry you instead? What if I'd wanted to come back to Korea all the time to see you or go on dates with you rather than everyone back home. There's so many what ifs. There's one that still has me questioning everything some days." I glanced down to him. "What if we'd never broken up in the first place."

"Nothing would have changed," he answered. "Both of us would've still had to go on our planned dates. We'd both still have to be married off. We'd just be extra miserable about the whole thing." He let out a frustrated sigh. "Remind me again why it was a good idea to fall in love with you exactly?"

Fall in love with you.

"Beats me," I replied, attempting to keep my cool. "But let's not think about that tonight. It's late. Want to sleep here?" I saw a momentary flash of white.

"I thought you'd never ask," he replied, crawling up to lay beside me. He slotted against me, sighing contently. I chuckled, already feeling drowsy.

Oh King Junmyeon, what are you doing to me?

...

I have to go to work like now but I wanted to finish this first and I did so woo!