Zaria.

Thalia's mind is plagued with the image of Zaria's lifeless body. She cannot form a coherent thought. Zaria. She does not know what happened. She's not particularly sure that she wants to. All that Thalia knows now is that she cannot feel Zaria's heartbeat, and she cannot bring herself to focus on anything else.

She had learnt the pace of Zaria's heartrate as soon as she was able. She'd been hearing the same thrum, thrum, thrum almost every day since she was eleven. What was she supposed to do without that rhythm to guide her through the dark?

Her feet work of their own accord, stumbling over the blood soaked floor and lifeless bodies scattered by the Volcra who had taken off into the darkness once more. The skiff is moving back toward land, but Thalia cannot bring herself to care about where they are going. She needs Zaria wherever she goes.

"Zaria," Thalia chokes, falling over the girls body and onto her knees. She gives her a rough shake, a sob tearing from her throat when Zaria does not move. "Z, come on. Come on. This isn't funny. Please wake up. Come on!"

Zaria's body is deadweight. Thalia shakes her head, attempting to regulate her thoughts and form a plan. She attempts to locate her rapidly fading, barely traceable heartbeats, speeding them up as fast as she can with her remaining strength.

"Heartrender, stand back."

"No."

She's stuck to the floor, magnetised by Zaria's pull. She couldn't move even if she wanted to. Another desperate cry rips free from her throat as she tries to speed Zaria's heart faster, but she's tired. She just needs a boost. Just a minute to recuperate and then she can bring her back.

She has no choice but to bring her back.

Berezvosky's voice comes now. "Someone get her off and get this casualty to a Medik. Now!"

Before she can protest it, two arms are hooking themselves into Thalia's elbows and pressing her arms to her back, ceasing her ability to channel her magic. She's being dragged away by Saskia before she can fight back.

"She's gone," Saskia insists, hauling her off of the skiff as they reach land. Thalia continues to fight against her hold. "She's gone, okay? You can't do anything about it. She's gone."

Thalia shakes her head, eyes stinging as she attempts to push past, "She's not gone. I can save her. Saskia, I can—" She feels her heartrate slow, and is frozen in place. She raises her head, meeting Saskia's gaze. "Stop it. Let me go."

"You don't wanna do that," Saskia apprises, still keeping Thalia's heart at a slow pace. "I know she's your friend—"

"She's all I have!" Thalia cries, pleading. "She's my sister. I can't let her go, not without trying to save her."

Saskia clenches her fists, her bottom lip trembling. "We have to report to Kirigan. He will want a full run down on what happened."

"Saskia—"

"Now."

With a final glance back at the last place she saw Zaria alive, Thalia follows after Saskia on unsteady feet. She feels as though she's in a strangers body. She has been dealing with loss since she was a child and had found her Grandpa's deceased body in his bed. But this. . . this was another thing entirely.

This was like losing half of her heart. Zaria had been half of Thalia's heart. Half of her being. She had been there since Thalia arrived at the Little Palace, welcoming her with open arms and an open heart. Ready to take in a girl who had done such wrong.

   A life without Zaria Petrova was not a life worth living.

   "It's alright," Saskia whispered, her voice softer now. She tries to reach out a hand in comfort, but Thalia flinches away. "It'll be okay, Thalia. You just need some time."

Time. How ironic. It seems that all Thalia is short of is time. Not enough time to make amends with her family. Not enough time to come up with a cover story as to why she did not immediately jump to defence on the skiff. Not enough time with Zaria.

Thalia Vassilieva is a ticking time bomb, waiting for the right moment to go up in flames.

Saskia leads her to the Grisha tent, where Thalia finds several of her fellow Grisha have gathered already. Each and every one of them look as shocked as she does, and Thalia is willing to bet every penny she has to her name that she is not the only one who looks so haunted.

She finds herself instinctively looking for Zaria in the crowd, but that only leaves her with a pit in her stomach and a metallic taste on her tongue. She feels sick.

"Does anyone care to tell me what happened?" Thalia looks up as General Kirigan speaks, his voice filling the tent. She swallows thickly, gaze trained on her boots. He speaks again. "Help me out, you guys. I need something to work with here."

Sol raises his hand, speaking when Kirigan deems it okay. "While I'm not entirely sure what happened on the skiff, Sir, I do remember a very bright burst of light that kept us from being attacked any further."

General Kirigan nods, a frown etched onto his features, silent for a moment further as he surveys the new information. "A burst of light, you say?" Sol gives a meagre nod in response. Kirigan's frown deepens. "Interesting. . ."

Zoya steps forward, now in the tent, her face contorted in an expression that Thalia recognises as disapproval, "General, you don't seriously think it could be—"

Kirigan raises a single finger, effectively cutting her off. "Silence, Zoya."

Just as he speaks, light filters into the tent via the doorway, and two Grisha march in with a girl between them and Ava, a Healer, following. Thalia recognises her as the person Mal was having an altercation with before disaster struck, and her stomach takes a sturdy swoop from the bottom it had already hit, successfully making Thalia feel as though she has been knocked sideways.

Kirigan beckons her forward with the same finger he used to silence Zoya, and the girl trips over her feet as she attempts to. Kirigan leans forward, his head on a small tilt as he examines her.

   "Well?"

   She splutters, "Well, what, Sir?"

   His words come out fast, practiced. "What are you?"

   "Alina Starkov, Assistant Cartographer, Royal Corps of Surveyors." She pauses there, a look falling over her face. "They're all gone. It's my fault. That's why I'm here, isn't it?"

Calm is still a prominent emotion on Kirigan's face. "Answer the question." He speaks again, taking a step back toward the desk and pointing to her, "What. Are. You."

   "A mapmaker, Sir."

A shared laugh ripples from the group of Grisha, but Thalia can't bring herself to join in. Zaria would have laughed, a high, squeaky sound that Thalia always poked fun at her for. She would give her own life to hear it one last time. Kirigan silences them with a single word.

   "Zoya," Kirigan speaks, Zoya standing to attention, "What actually happened?"

Thalia zones out as Zoya begins to retell the story of what happened on the ship, her mind wandering once more to Zaria. Gone. Never coming back. All your fault. Should have been you. If she had just responded a second quicker. If she hadn't been so incompetent. If she had never turned up at the Little Palace, this mightn't have happened at all.

   "It was her," Andrei accuses Alina, his voice bringing Thalia back to the present.

   "Our mapmaker," Kirigan observes. "Is this true? Can you summon light?" Alina shakes her head. "Where did you grow up?"

   "Keramzin," Alina answers.

Kirigan hums sceptically, "And when where you tested?" When Alina does not answer, he continues. "You. . . don't remember? Well, let us just make certain."

Thalia watches in silence as Kirigan approaches her, taking Alina's arm and lifting her sleeve. On his thumb, Alina can see that the ring he wears religiously has sprouted a small, sharp blade. A familiar shadow takes over the tent before he slices a single gash into her skin. As if on command, a searing light beams from the small cut.

   "Saints," Thalia murmurs, breath lodged in her throat. She can hardly believe what she's seeing, almost convinced she's in a state of maladaptive dreaming.

   They haven't.  .  . They couldn't have possibly. . .

But when Kirigan releases Alina's arm and darkness falls over the tent once more, Thalia is forced to face the truth: they've gone and found themselves a Sun Summoner.

━━━

guys this fic is #1 in the maloretsev tag as of may 1st 2021 i am in TEARS this is so much at once. also EIGHT HUNDRED reads and 200 comments in like four days what in the world???? i don't deserve this???? THANK YOU i am a wreck!!!