Chapter eight - Much gay. Many homosexual. Very not sorry.

Frank’s point of view

OH LOOK. THE THING UPDATED. (THAT'S ME. I'M THE THING. AND I UPDATED.)

TIME FOR GAY.

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 Patrick had been pregnant. Pete and Patrick had a kid.

I’d experienced a whole lot of weird things in my life. I’d seen some freaky shit. But this was by far the most surreal thing that had ever happened.

“How did– how–” Gerard said weakly. “I need to sit down.” He crumpled into a kitchen chair.

“Yeah, it’s a lot to take in,” Julian said. “But you guys have gone through weirder stuff, right?”

“No, I don’t think we have,” I muttered.

“Huh. Well.”

“Jesus Christ, I’m so confused. How is this even possible?”

“None of us are really sure,” Julian mumbled awkwardly. “It just kinda happened… Maybe you’d be better of talking to my dads.”

----

Pete and Patrick looked almost the same as they did fifteen years ago. Pete’s hair was longer. Patrick had more freckles. I wondered how different Gerard and I looked to them.

We were at Pete and Patrick’s house, only a few blocks away from ours. We’d probably been standing in the hallway for about ten minutes. I’ve got to say, it wasn’t like reunions always are on TV. It was fucking awkward.

“So,” I said slowly. “Patrick’s a bottom, huh?”

Julian pulled a horrified face. “Ew. Please. I tried so hard to blank that information out.”

“I’m so sorry,” I said, holding back laughter. Patrick wasn’t exactly the dominant type. It was pretty obvious who did what in the relationship.

“I’m gonna go upstairs before I get traumatised for life,” Julian said, an irritated look on his face. “Rose, you wanna come with?”

Rose perked up. “Sure.”

The two of them disappeared upstairs, and I sighed. “Young love.”

Patrick frowned. “Sorry?”

“Those two,” I said, nodding upstairs in the direction of Rose and Julian.

Patrick raised an eyebrow awkwardly. “Julian’s gay.”

“What?” Gerard spluttered. “But he’s– isn’t he, like, twelve?”

“Fourteen actually,” Pete corrected. “And gay.”

“Surely he can’t know that early.”

“Well, how old were you when you had you first crush?”

Gerard glanced down embarrassedly. “Seventeen.”

I blinked and turned to Gerard. “I was your first crush?”

“First everything,” he mumbled.

“Oh, man, that’s so weird,” I said, starting to smile. “You were mine too.”

Gerard laughed and looked up. “Seriously?”

“Everyone at school was a dick. Everyone was a dick to me!”

Pete and Patrick looked mildly offended. Pete sniffed. Patrick pretended to cough.

“Not you guys!” I insisted. “I mean– I just wasn’t– I didn’t like you that way?”

“Hmph,” Pete said sulkily. “You’ve broken my heart, Frank.”

“Mine too, but I’m less bothered,” Patrick said.

Now it was my turn to be offended. “Excuse me?”

“I don’t need you. I have the cutest soft skulled pumpkin in the whole world right here,” Patrick smiled, wrapping his arms around Pete’s waist.

“Aw,” Pete said. “I choose to take ignore that soft skulled remark and take the rest as a compliment.”

Patrick laughed and kissed Pete on the cheek, and I rolled my eyes. “You’re grown-ups now,” I complained. “You’re not allowed to be that cute.”

Patrick giggled smugly. “I’m going to be this cute till the day I die, thank you very much.”

Gerard snorted. “Whatever,” he laughed.

“Hey, just cos you’re a boring old adult now–”

“Excuse me, but just last week, Frank and I had sex on the floor of the studio for no reason but for fun. Yeah, now tell me I’m boring.”

Pete held back laughter and Patrick raised his eyebrows.

“Did you really have to use that as an example?” I asked, irritation in my voice.

“Sorry,” Gerard said, suddenly rather meek.

I sighed, shaking my head. “I don’t care what anyone says, you’ll be seventeen inside forever.”

Gerard squinted. “I don’t know whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing.”

“That’s probably best, sweetie,” I said, patting him on the shoulder.

There was an awkward silence, and Pete pursed his lips. “Well,” he said slowly. He paused. “You know what? We should talk about parenting.”

“I’m sorry?”

“On TV, parents always talk about their kids to other parents. It’s supposed to be something all parents do. I don’t know. They do it on TV.”

“Right, yeah,” I said. “We should have a parenting talk sometime.”

“Mm,” Gerard said unenthusiastically. “Someday far, far in the future, when I’m not here.”

I elbowed him. “Gee.”

“What? I’d much rather talk about art. Or something more worthwhile.”

“I think our kid is pretty worthwhile, Gerard.”

“No, I know that. Rose is brilliant. So brilliant that she barely even needs us, so I’m sure our time would be better spent doing something else.”

“Hm,” I said unhappily. After about a decade and a half, I was just getting to grips with being a parent, and it was almost all over already.

“Hey, we'd still be happy to talk parenting sometime if you want,” Patrick said. “Gerard doesn’t have to come along.”

“Yeah, that’d be cool,” I smiled. "You can have a whole day just to paint on your own,” I said to Gerard. “You haven’t had the house to yourself in a while, it should be good for you.”

Gerard perked up. “Cool.”

Suddenly, a clattering sound echoed down the hall and within seconds, Rose and Julian came flying down the stairs. “Dad! Dad–” “Papa!” They both spoke at once, frantically and excitedly, their voices clashing.

“What is it?” Patrick asked.

“Dad, dad, dad–” Rose said.

“What, what, what?” Gerard said, laughing a little.

“Go on,” I said.

Rose giggled and Julian shook his head, a smile on his face. “There’s a dog in my room,” he announced.

----

The dog was a pathetic little thing, with a plaintive bark and frizzy, sparse grey fur. She was curled up on Julian’s bed, trembling with fear when we came in. Julian and Pete perched on the edge of the bed either side of the tiny creature, and she stared at Julian with wide eyes. He carefully offered his hand and she snuffled at it tentatively. Satisfied with the fact that Julian wasn’t a predator, she nuzzled at his hand and he scratched behind her ear.

“She’s so tiny,” Gerard said. “I’m surprised one of you didn’t sit on her by mistake.”

“Actually,” Rose said, “that’s how we found her.”

“You sat on her?” I spluttered. “How did she survive?”

“Well, obviously, I stood up again before I properly squished her.”

“Thank god.”

Rose shot me a look.

“Hey, a feather could have taken this little one out,” Julian said, ruffling the fur on the dog’s belly.

“How do you think she got here?” Pete asked, still having trouble processing the situation.

“Maybe she followed Julian home or something and we didn’t see her sneak in,” Patrick said.

“Or maybe she climbed through the window,” Pete said thoughtfully.

“Maybe she flew,” Rose said.

“Jeez, it’s just one preposterous insane event after the next with you guys,” I said. “Pregnant men. Magic dogs. Fuck, what’s gonna be next?”

“One of us is gonna turn out to be an alien.”

Everyone subtly glanced at Gerard.

“Why is everyone looking at me?” he asked carefully.

I scrunched my face up. “I guess you’re just the most alien-like. You’re weird and you don’t like the light.”

“Yeah, that’s cos I’m a vampire,” he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Vampires, pregnant men, flying canines,” Rose said. “We’re one special bunch.”

We all nodded in unanimous agreement. “Hey, so,” Julian said. “Can we keep the dog?”

“She fits with the group,” Rose commented.

“Damn, she really does, doesn’t she?” Patrick said. “Pete, what d’you think?”

Pete gazed into the dog’s giant brown eyes. His lower lip trembled. “She’s so beautiful,” he said in a tiny voice. “I think she’s my soul mate.” He fluffed up the fur behind her ears and cooed at her. “I never want to leave her,” he mumbled.

“So…” Julian said slowly. “Can we keep her?”

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I'm so sorry I haven't been updating! You've waited twenty days for this. I had some stuff going on, then when the stuff was going on less I had to attempt to sort out some relationships, and then I had to just kind of mentally recover, and then I had to remember that OH YEAH, I'M A WRITER, and force myself to type this out.

I love all you guys and I feel so bad. Let's hope this doesn't happen again. Regular updates from now on!

(((love and apology vibes)))

xoxo