Flemish's POV

The phone was in my hand. I debated if I should call him now or just show up at the door of his cabin.

Tiffany snored and Mia's bed was empty. I bet she was having a lovely time with Parker. It only made me want to spend the night with Baker even more.

I rolled over so my chin rested over the pillow and staring at the contact ID. They were just a bunch of random letters numbers and emojis.

'Can't sleep?'

'Oh Ebony. I didn't know you were up!' I whispered to our fourth roommate. She was an activist for #BlackLivesMatter and I always admired her for doing what she believed in.

'You still have your lamp on.' she smiled. I mentally face palmed myself. I quickly shifted to turn the light off so Ebony could sleep.

'I'm so sorry about that,' I whispered.

'Haha no, it's okay. I have insomnia. So it really doesn't make a difference.' she tied her black hair into a tight bun.

Insomnia? That must be tiring.

She studied, worked against the injustice shown to the different races and tackled this inability to get proper rest all at the same time. I suddenly felt sad and unconsciously pitied the girl.

The phone vibrated and I realized I accidentally called Baker. He was calling me back now.

'Hey,' I spoke into the phone softly.

'Hey babe,' his deep voice vibrated. My heart fluttered even though these words rolled out if his tongue carelessly.

'I'm sorry I just don't have the energy tonight, ' he continued with a ravishing voice.

This was the first time he did not answer a booty call. That was strange. I suddenly did not know what to do. I have never had encountered such a situation with him before.

'Oh. I see. Then you wanna just uh...talk?' I did my best to not make things awkward. I also made a move towards an undiscovered territory. I immediately regretted it knowing that he just might turn me down. I could headbutt myself in the wall right now.
'Sure,' We stepped into this territory without any warning.

'You know Ebony is a great student, fights for black people and is an insomniac?' I blurted out.

'Her parents are also very hardworking to give her an education,' he carried on.

'I feel very sad. It makes me very sad.' I voiced my thoughts.

'She doesn't deserve pity Flemish, not everyone is privileged and well off. ' he seemed disappointed in me but at the same time expected nothing more from a spoiled rich girl.

'I'm not pitying her!' I raised my voice for I thought it was equivalent to having a point. If I only knew my lack of self-awareness then.

'I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that she's an inspiration.' I tried making excuses for my ignorance.

'Hmm. She is indeed an inspiration,' he started, 'however, you understand why fighting for basic human rights, especially for different minorities, should not be an inspiration, right?'

His voice was like butter. I think there's something wrong with me today. I have humiliated myself way too much in the last fifteen minutes. I looked around for a deep hole I could crawl into and never come out.

'I want to be someone like her, ' I whispered unconsciously.

Wow. I hadn't realized that until I said that out loud.

'In other words, you're sad not because of her situation but because you do not have the same drive she has?' His words made more sense than mine. Maybe because he was the 'adult' here. It made me feel less about myself for some reason.

'I don't have anything I want to do or have a purpose.' I stated.

'You'll find it soon,' he consoled nonchalantly. 

When the person you like encourages you, one feels calm and happy right? At the time I felt nothing but small. I felt worthless next to Ebony's strong character. Too sucked into my own problems that I refused to see the people around me. Having this conversation just let the thoughts that have been swimming in my head for the last couple of months. I have no passion, no talent, no hobby, no ultimate love for anything. I was just there, existing, breathing, taking up space. I wanted to get rid of the feelings.

'I'm sleepy, ' I pretended to yawn.

'Okay, goodnight. Don't let the bed bugs bite.' he teased.

'Don't remind me. We're in the woods. You never know. They are probably right here waiting to suck all my blood,' I spoke dramatically.

'See you in the morning,' he chuckled.

'Don't be surprised if you see my dead body,' I joked, hanging up.

I did not want to have such conversations ever again.

I hugged my knees letting the phone drop next to me. He told me that I'll find one. I'll find a dream. I'll find something that I want to do. Something worth living for. Something that'll make a difference in the world. Something that'll justify my being.

Thinking like this only made me feel like crying. In all honesty, I did not have anything. I did not know what I wanted to do after high school. I had no idea what was going to happen to me after graduation. I felt helpless and weak at that moment.

The realization of my life hit me hard and sleep abandoned me.

At the same time, I was falling for the man.

It is true that this was the worst conversation I had ever but it was one of the most important ones I have ever had.

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