Draft Number 1: (So, completely unedited/ no revisions yet, so it's a very rough draft)

Prologue

Sirens. Sobs. Screams.

That's all Rowan heard as he sat on the rocky pavement in shock. An officer walked up to him, tapping his shoulder gently. He turned around, his eyes welling up with tears. The red and blue lights flashed all around him, and he could barely make out the officer's face.

"I'm sorry," he said simply. "The medics couldn't do anything."

"No," Rowan retaliated. "There has to be something they can do!" he cried out. He stood up and ran towards the ambulance parked nearby. He was quickly grabbed by one of the paramedics standing by the backdoors of the truck.

"Calm down, kid!" she yelled as calmly as possible. She had a firm grip on his arm, not letting him move. The black bag was zipped up completely, strapped down to a stretcher as if it were just trash.

"You have to do something, please..." he begged. She shook her head, staring at the ground. Her lips were sealed shut as she hugged him as tightly as possible. His eyes were intentionally covered, and his tears began dripping down her uniform as he began sobbing.

"Don't look in there," she advised. "It only makes it worse."

"He's dead... He's dead... He's dead..." he mumbled, unable to say anything else. "I killed him."

"You didn't do anything. I promise."

"If I hadn't," he started, his voice breaking up. "If I hadn't left the house, none of this would have happened. I could have saved him. You could've gotten here faster. He would have been standing here laughing at the whole thing, saying we overreacted."

"Sweetheart, it's not your fault."

"It is," he insisted. "He's dead, and it's all my fault. I killed him."

...

Rowan took a deep breath as Julie finally left the gardens. The sudden memory had left his thoughts, but brought back a sense of guilt.

"I'm not supposed to be here," he thought.

The lights inside had turned a shade of deep blue, which he didn't recognize at first. He walked back in, his mind still processing everything that had happened. Julie was on the other side, talking to Pierre with a displeased expression on her face.

"You actually showed up," someone said. He turned to see Jayden standing behind him, but for once, he didn't seem angry in any sort of way. In fact, he looked happy to see Rowan.

"Of course I came."

"You're fine?" he asked again, pointing to the lights. "I thought you swore to never go to another party."

"Things change," Rowan said, forcing a smile onto his lips. "You aren't going to kick me out?"

"No." He smiled again. "I'm not going to stop you because only I know how difficult it was to come here. You wouldn't have done this unless you actually liked my sister."

"I forgot about that. The incident doesn't really bother me anymore," he said, his eyes wandering to the ground.

"Have you told Micah?" he asked, taking a glass of water from one of the tables. Rowan's expression changed to a completely serious one, his smile vanishing.

"He wouldn't understand," he said simply, head snapping back up. "Why don't we stop talking about this?"

"Julie!" Jayden called out, waving a hand. He was trying to change the conversation by dragging another person into it. She waved back, speed-walking away from her ex to get to her brother.

"You couldn't have called me earlier?" she asked, letting out a long sigh. Her eyes lit up at the sight of Rowan, and she excitedly said, "Did he tell you that I convinced him to join the play?"

"That's new," he stated, eyeing his former friend. "But I would rather it be you than... Alan. I'm getting shivers from saying it."

"He's a bit intense," Julie added.

Rowan's thoughts were in another place as he looked at where he was. The lights, noise, and conversations all around him. It felt all too familiar.

"Rowan?" Julie called, snapping him out of his trance. "Are you ok?"

"I-I'm fine," he said, unable to form words properly. It felt way too familiar. Too much for comfort. He pulled out his phone, texting his parents to ask what they were doing. Julie peered over, confused at why he had randomly gotten distracted in the middle of a conversation.

"What are you doing?" Jayden asked, setting his empty cup down. The realization struck, and he placed a hand on his shoulder, making him flinch heavily. "Do you need to go?"

"Y-yeah. I'm going to go," he said, slowly backing away. He sped up his pace and became increasingly worried when neither of his parents responded. Micah spotted him sprinting out the doors and quickly followed.

"Rowan!" he yelled, not getting a response. Ben saw the whole thing happening and caught up to Micah, who was just staring at the empty parking space.

"Where did he go?" Ben asked, looking around with his friend.

"If this is about Rosaline, he's going to hear from me tomorrow. Leave it," he said, his tone annoyed. Ben gave him a side-eye, suspecting that something had happened to him. Micah turned around, knowing exactly what he was going to ask.

"I blew it. She hates me."

"What did you do this time?"

"I think she overheard me say something weird. I never said it was ugly..." he muttered, lost in thought.

"What is wrong with everyone today?"

Julie walked to the two as fast as she could. Her back was bent slightly to let her catch her breath again. She cleared her throat, standing tall as she spoke, "Do you know where he went?"

"Probably back to his house," Micah mumbled under his breath. "What did Rosaline do to him?"

"Nothing! He was perfectly fine one second, then he looked panicked."

Micah's face changed from irritated to concerned for his friend. He spotted his car in the distance, looking back and forth.

"I'll take you there," he said. Jayden had also shown up, earning a look of disgust from Micah. "Why are you here?"

"One, it's my sister's party. Two, I know what's wrong with him. I'll go with you."

Micah hesitated for a moment before he began running to his car with the two siblings tailing behind. His usually sharp tongue remained silent, trying to process what could have possibly been so important. Why does Jayden know, but not him?

"Does Rowan not trust me?" he thought.

  ...

"Keys," he muttered, digging through his jacket. "Where are they?!" He heard the clink of metal fall to the ground, and he dropped the blazer, scooping the keys into his hands. The ones he brought only opened the backdoor.

Rowan's thoughts began racing as he ran to the fence. He pulled it open, running to the back of the house. The lights were off, which only added to his panic. He shoved the key into the lock and started shaking the knob so that the door would open. He slammed the switches all around him and illuminated the entire house.

Once he got to the stairs, he let out the breath he was holding. It came out shaky as he fell to the ground, clutching the first step for dear life. He laughed in disbelief and relief.

"Nothing happened," he told himself. "It's fine."

He dropped his head onto the wooden step, stumbling over each breath he took. The sound of a car popped up from outside, but he didn't want to see who it was.

"Rowan!" Julie's voice came. She looked around until she saw him curled on top of the stairs, and she kneeled beside him. Micah came right after Julie, shocked as he stared at his friend.

"Wait outside," she said. "I'll talk to him." She sounded worried, which struck Micah as a surprise. Without another word, he walked away and told Jayden to wait with him.

Once the house was silent again, she shook him slightly.

"Rowan?" she called.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice muffled. "I'm sorry for being so obsessed. I just-" He stopped and raised his head up, still not looking Julie in the eye. She sat down on the cold floor and pulled Rowan towards her, wrapping him in a tight embrace.

"I'm not worried about that right now. I couldn't care less."

His breathing became normal as he rested his head on her shoulder.

"What happened?" she asked, careful not to upset him in any way.

"I didn't want to lose her. Not again," he whispered.

"Again?"

"I can't lose anyone else. I can't do it anymore."

"Who are you worried about losing?" she questioned.

"Rosaline, you, Micah, and even your brother," he said, sounding identical to a guilty child. At that moment, Julie felt pity for him, and she knew that Rosaline had lied. He was genuine. Had she simply told him, he would have let her go without all the struggle, knowing he was doing the right thing.

His breathing slowed, and he became more relaxed, pushing away the terrible memories he was facing.

"I'm scared to lose something too," she admitted. He pulled away to look at her, puzzled as to why someone with a seemingly perfect life would be terrified.

"What is it?" he asked, finally calmed down.

"I can't say."

"You've seen me at my worst. I've seen you at your worst, but why? What are you scared of?" Rowan asked, his curiosity taking over. He'd started talking about something else to distract himself.

She paused and stood up, adjusting her dress. She gave one last smile, painfully forced. Julie contemplated saying it, but it had been weighing down on her for years. She had kept it hidden from all of her friends, even Nessa who she'd known for over a decade.

"Do you really want to know? What happened to the Rowan who was about to cry a few moments ago?" He looked away from her gaze as she asked. He picked himself up, making eye contact again.

"I'll tell you my secret if you tell me yours."

"Why are you so interested?" she questioned, crossing her arms unconsciously.

"We can help each other out," he replied instantly. She blinked in response, her mind actually having to think about it. She sighed and pulled her phone out. Within seconds, he heard a notification from the device he'd thrown onto the floor earlier.

"Meet me at that location tomorrow. I might tell you then." She began leaving the house, but turned back one last time to ask Rowan one last thing. "You're fine, right?"

"Yeah. It was just a bit of a jumpscare. I do that a lot."

She nodded and left, yelling at her brother outside. The argument was incomprehensible, but he swore he heard something along the lines of "Don't touch my stuff!", making him laugh. Within moments, he'd forgotten about the whole reason he had been chased down to his house.

"Maybe it is a good idea to tell someone else. Maybe it would actually be easier to handle," he thought.

...

"Rowan," Micah called. He was dozing off while staring at his notebook, nearly falling asleep. He was rehearsing what to say all night, but he couldn't quite find the right words. He was dedicated to telling someone who was probably in a similar situation. Or so he thought.

"What's wrong with him?" Ben asked, leaning back in his chair. Class had ended a few minutes ago, and the teacher had let everyone have their own free time. Even with that, Rowan was falling asleep while staring at his papers.

"Class is over, genius," Micah said, shutting the notebook as loudly as possible. The sound snapped him out of his trance, bringing him back to reality. "You aren't going to ask how the rest of the party went?"

"How did it go?" he asked in the most monotone voice possible.

"Really? You ran away halfway through, and you won't even tell us why?"

"It's not important."

"But Jayden knows. Why don't I?" he interrogated. His feelings had been slightly hurt at the news, knowing he trusted his past friends more.

Rowan groaned, trying to put his stuff away and avoiding the question. The bell had finally rung after what felt like an eternity, and he hurriedly ran out of the room, leaving his friends behind.

"He's probably going through something right now," Ben suggested.

"Whatever. He clearly doesn't trust us enough to say what it is." He grabbed his bag, walking out of the room and leaving Ben alone. "Let's see what happens when you need someone to turn to," he mumbled under his breath.

...

Rowan arrived at the park they both had gone to last time. It looked out of place and unfamiliar, almost as if it had lost its peacefulness. The snow had begun falling, since temperatures had dropped again. The weather was nearly unpredictable.

"Is this the right place?" he asked himself, looking at the map then back outside the window. "It looks different from last time." He opened the door, stepping outside to try and find the broken fence from last time. He walked towards the fence, looking inside to see if he could spot Julie.

"Rowan," Julie said from behind him. He snapped back, relieved to see who it was. "Were you planning to jump the fence if you couldn't find the gate?" she asked, cracking a small smile.

"Maybe?"

"Come on," she said, gesturing for him to follow. She easily found the gate and let him in first, following shortly after.

"Couldn't we have done this somewhere else? Like indoors?"

"I like snow," she replied. He caught a glimmer of sadness in her eyes, but she continued walking forward.

"This was a bad idea," he thought, suddenly regretting his choices. "She's going to think I'm weird. Come on, Rowan! It doesn't hurt to ask."

She plopped herself down on the first bench she saw, waiting for him to sit down next to her.

"Do we do rock, paper, scissors?" she asked.

"Huh?"

"To decide who goes first," she clarified.

Without hesitation, Rowan brought out his fist on top of an open hand, ready to play. Julie did the same, and they moved on the three beats, not saying a word. Rowan had kept his hand as rock, but Julie chose paper.

She enveloped his gesture, grinning as she said, "You first."

"Oh, goodie," he replied, sarcasm heavy in his voice. "Where do I start? I..." Suddenly, all the practicing had gone to ruin. The words he needed were the ones he couldn't find. He stuttered as he tried to speak, but without knowing what to say, how could he tell her?

"You..?"

"My brother," he said, saying the simplest thing possible.

"You have a brother?"

"Had. I had a brother."

Julie drew back, all the gears in her head turning to the right place. She leaned back onto the wooden back, thinking about it for a moment.

"The 'terrified to let go' thing? Is it because of that?" she asked, realizing what had happened.

"I wasn't there. It was my fault," he said, letting out a heavy breath. It was done. It was over. He said it. Surprisingly, he felt relieved to get it off his mind, but when he saw Julie's face he realized she had something to say.

"It wasn't your fault. I don't even know the whole story, but I could tell you that."

"I snuck out." The words were flowing easily. "He fell, and I was the first to find him when I got back. The image isn't clear anymore. I-" His voice had started failing him.

"It's fine," Julie said, stopping him. "It's difficult for you to say, but now... I don't think I should say mine."

"It took a lot for me to say that," he told her, nearly laughing in disbelief. "We made a deal. Besides, I have an offer that might interest you, but I can't tell you until you do."

"What kind of offer? At least tell me that," she said, completely serious.

"Something to make our lives less miserable."

She glared at the ground for a few moments, sorting through her options. Based on what he said, it could be worth it. She wanted- No. She needed something like that. Something to change her life for better or worse.

"Don't tell anyone," she pleaded.

"I won't tell a soul," he swore. Her hesitation was evident in her body language. She kept avoiding eye contact, looking away from him. She mumbled something under her breath, but it wasn't loud enough for him to hear.

"What did you say?" he asked, keeping his tone soft.

"Rowan..." she started, looking directly into his eyes. "I'm dying."

***This chapter felt kind of off. I'll see what I can do to fix it, but I hope the ending wasn't... too much. If you have any suggestions about Rowan's reaction, feel free to tell me! I just based it off of what I found on google and what I experience from panic attacks and stuff. Brace yourselves for the next chapter because it's an even bigger jump than this one lol-***

Leaving votes helps my dying motivation!

-Hershey