Sometimes, when I couldn't sleep at night, I'd go to my shelf and pick out a book to read.

Some nights Loki would find me sitting in the living room, turning the pages. He's give me a kiss on the forehead and silently make a cup of hot chocolate before sitting down next to me.

We silently read together, hands entwined together.

I've loved books as long as I could remember. I was more than happy to escape to a world between the bound pages and ignore everything that was around me. My mother used to give me a book as a gift on my birthday.

When I was ten, she gave me the Harry Potter books. I finished them in three days and became of potterhead for life and learned that the best type of magic came from those who loved us.

On my twelfth birthday, I had gotten a copy of Pride and Prejudice. I learned not to judge so quickly and that pride was useless in the wake of life.

It had remained my favorite before being dethroned by a volume of Emily Dickinson poems.

The last book I had gotten as a present was on my fourteenth birthday. An old copy of The Hobbit that my mother had gotten as a child. I often wondered as a teenager if I would one day be able to go on grand adventures with friends and save the world.

Of course, childish dreams like that we're devious of reality.

It all ended that same year, I was whisked away by my father and the rest was, as they say, history.

The choice was easy, my life for my mother's.

I made it in a heartbeat.

I did the noble thing but there was no reward for my actions. I felt like a character from a fairy tale. Snatched away and never to be seen until a handsome prince comes to rescue me.

Only there was no handsome prince. It was just me, my fucked up siblings and my even more fucked up father.

At sixteen I became I killer. I became a villain, I did horrible things——something that would anyone else nightmares. And I did it because I had to, collateral damage should never be human life.

I truly lost myself. I had nothing other than my powers that I hated with a passion. They said that the darkest tunnels will have the brightest of lights at the end of them but I felt like my life was one long and never ending tunnel.

Light was nowhere to be found. Only blood.

And then I turned seventeen ; I was bitter and furious and in so much pain. Everything was falling apart and I was holding onto my sanity by a fragile string.

I killed my family. I took them out one by one, starting with my father and ending with siblings. Once I was done with them, I torched everything around me.

With what little power I had left, I killed the remainder of my fathers soldiers.

SHIELD found me dying in the dessert, chocking on my own blood. I don't know how I lived but I did.

Eighteen through twenty one were a blur. I don't remember much other then monotone gray walls, the sound of my heartbeat, and the Atlantic Ocean outside my window.

I locked myself away, scared of the world and of myself. I had done too much to go back to my normal life and I had no idea how to atone for such atrocities. Locking myself away, torturing myself with my guilt, and dying a slow death was the only thing that made it better.

If I couldn't punish them, I could punish my self.

Then when I turned twenty two.

And the rest was a blur after that.

I left my cage and ventured out into the world. A little bit unsure of my self and where I stood. I was scared and defensive but over time I learned to let go of my guilt and I made friends whom I considered family. I had a man who loved me despite the fucked up parts of myself.

And most importantly, I had my mother with me.

Now, I could say that was the end of the story but it wasn't.

Life goes on.

Up and downs but that's how it's suppose to be.

On my twenty third birthday, I got a book a present. This time it wasn't a classic novel or volume of poetry, it was a photo album.

"Mom?" I looked up in confusion. The wrapping paper laid around me in tatters but I held onto the album tightly as possible.

The album was made of leather with gold letters spelling out my name brightly.

"Oh, don't look at me like that." She beamed, nodding at the  album in my hands. "Open it up."

I carefully opened it up the the first page.

The first photo was of me.

It was from a newspaper clipping. I had a solemn lookin my face, hands on my hips as I stood in the middle of a wrecked street. My hair was a mess and the sleeve of my suit was torn.

Nat and Clint flanked me, both of them looking tired post battle.

WHO IS THE NEW AVENGER?!

Underneath the title was a news article speculating about me. It must've been written when I had just gotten out of my prison. I looked mean, eyes hard and very angry.

The best series of photos was of me in the news, documenting my heroics. A few press conferences and some statements I had given out.

NEW AVENGER, ROSE RED, JOINS THE RANKS

Mom had included some of the tabloid pictures  of me with hilarious titles and some terrible photos of me scowling at the camera.

NEW AVENGER SECRET DAUGHTER OF TONY STANK?

MAYA CROWLY? GOVERNMENT SPY OR ALIEN CLONE?

TELL ALL BY WIDOW: YES, SHE'S MY GIRLFRIEND

I couldn't help but laugh. It was ridiculous and funny, the wild assumptions about the Avengers and myself were just outright ridiculous.

"Did to it help you pick some of these?" I asked.

Mom smiled, her eyes dancing mischievously. "I have no idea what you mean, dove."

After that was photos of my during training. A picture with Nat and I after practice, me flashing a peace sign at the camera.

Another of my training with Bucky, him standing in the background with a stern look on his face as I sat on a mat looking off into space.

There was another of me and Clint, his arm casually sling over mine as we both smiled.

Sam and I had a photo where we both posed with Cap's shield and Loki's spear, pretending to fight each other. Both of us looked ridiculous.

There was a picture of Stark, Pepper and I. All of us were dressed in formal wear for a fundraiser that I had was guilted into.

Thor was smiling at the camera, hands on his hips. I was in the background trying to lift up his hammer.

Wanda and I on Christmas making cookies. Pierre was just a flash behind us, giving the camera a blurry thumbs up.

I flipped to the next set of photos.

Each of them take during the holidays. One of the entire avengers at the dinner table during thanksgiving. Christmas as we all dressed in ugly sweaters. And New Years, dressed to the nines.

I paused on a photo of Loki and I, dancing together. Both of us were looking at each other and smiling. I think that was the moment where everything truly began for us.

Loki rarely ever smiled like that. I traced his smile with my fingertips, ignoring the way my stomach flipped.

"How did you——"

"Mr. Stark was kind enough to send this to me." She came over and sat down next to me, taking my hand in hers and squeezing gently. "Loki and you are a wonderful couple. I'm so happy for you, dove."

"Oh, mom." I felt tears prick up at the corners of my eyes. It was rare for me to cry out of happiness. "It's lovely."

There more I flipped through the pages, the more I noticed the changes in me. There were no more dark circles underneath my eyes, I smiled brightly, and I was surrounded by the people who made me the happiest.

"I love it," I said, clutching the album close to my chest.

"I hope that you'll be able to capture more moments like this in the future," she said. Mom kissed my forehead, leaning against me. "One day you'll look back on this and you'll be happy that you lived a long, happy life."

I sniffled, taking the handkerchief she offered me. "Dont be so sappy." I chuckled. "You'll make me cry again."

"As long as they're happy tears."

*****

It was quiet when I reached the tower.

And that was already a concern. The morning that I left everyone had been busy, giving me hugs and wishing me a happy birthday. I didn't expect a party or anything grand but still, it would've been nice to celebrate with the Avengers all together.

Now it was just dead silence. I wondered if I had stepped into a parallel universe or something.

The living room was dark when the elevator doors opened up. I looked around in confusion, wondering if someone broke in while I was away.

I lifted my hand up, summoning a blade into my hand as I cautiously stepped into the living room.

"Stark?!" I called out. "Steve? Anyone there?"

No answer.

"Hey, JARVIS? You there, buddy?"

I crept into the living room, my blade lifted up as I——

"SURPRISE!"

The lights turned on, the room illuminated in strand of fairy lights. I lowered my blade in wonder, slowly turning in a circle.

Several of my friends emerged from their hiding spots. All of them wearing brightly colored party hats. I think I nearly jumped out of skin as confetti and silly string rained around me.

Tony and Steve held up a banner while Clint continued to throw confetti all around us.

"I thought you guys were busy!" I said, laughing as I picked silly string out of my hair. "What's this?!"

"Happy birthday!" Clint yelled, throwing up more confetti in the air. "Let's get lit!"

"It's not everyday our favorite avenger gets to celebrate their birthday!" Tony slung his arm around my shoulders. "I have a bottle champagne and Pepper's favorite glasses ready for us. Don't tell her though."

"My lips are sealed, Tony."

Nat held a home made cake in her hand, the icing was lopsided in some places and the lit candles were melting. She held out the cake to me.

"Make a wish, birthday girl." She beamed, holding out the cake.

I blew out the candles, silently making a wish. All around me were my friends, each of them congratulating me and hugging me. But my eyes were searching for someone specifically.

"Where's Loki?" I asked putting on the party hat that Bucky gave me.

"Right here."  He appeared behind me. He held a large bouquet of flowers in his arms tied with a red ribbon. "Miss me?"

"Depends." I eyed the flowers. "Are this for me?"

"Who else would I give them to? Stark?" Loki came up to me, holding out the flowers to me. I took them, holding them to my chest. I was smiling so hard that my cheeks hurt.

He gave me one of those rare smiles that I loved so dearly. "What do you wish for on your birthday?"

"A kiss for good luck." I said.

"Granted," Loki winked. He leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. I leaned up on my toes, wrapped my free arm around his neck and pulled him closer.

When he both pulled away, I could hear our friends wolf whistling at us but I could care less.

His eyes were soft, just for me.

"Happy Birthday, my darling." He whispered, pressing another kiss to my lips. "I hope you have many more wonderful years ahead of you."

"Thank you, dear."

"Do you think it'll be a good year?"

"The best." I nodded, the corner of my eyes prickling with tears. It was the second time I cried today. A third time and it would become a habit. Loki wiped them away with his thumbs as I smiled.

I think I'll enjoy my twenty fourth year. And the plenty of years after that, Surrounded by the one I loved the most.

Life was too short to worry when you had cake and good company.

"Let's take a picture, you guys."