My wrists had felt free but at the same time they felt so empty.

The redness had gone down a significant amount and the pain had gone down as well but there was a lingering bruise present on my wrists.

Dr. Banner was right. Those wrist cuffs had been hurting me but I had ignored it completely.

I had asked for them.

It was partially my fault for being so adamant on them. However, now that they were off, I could see the amount of damage that they had done to me and now I realize how stupid I was.

I felt so tired. Maybe because it was of my minor concussion or the fact that I had actually used my powers to heal someone and then used them to heal me later.

Gods, when were things so complicated?

"If you want to sneak up on me you need to do a better job," I said as I stepped away from the sink. "What do you want, Barnes?"

"Am I not allowed to know what our teammates condition is?" He said crossing his arms. "Especially one who just saved my life." His eyes flickered to my wrists. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I said as I started to wrap the bandages around my wrists. "Just a small side effect."

"About what happened---"

"Don't mention it. I mean it. I can't let anyone know about this," I said. "I'm not exactly someone they trust at the moment and it would only be worse if they knew about it. So I'm telling you this because you seem like someone who can keep a secret."

Sargent Barnes walked up to me and looked down at my wrists. He picked up my hand and turned it over with his metal arm. I couldn't feel anything, it was just metal. No flesh, no nerves and no blood.

It felt dead to me.

Oddly I didn't pull away.

Maybe because I felt no life or maybe because I was too tired to even care if he was too close to me. I was tired of shoving people out of my personal space.

"Why do you wear cuffs?" He asked me. "Why hurt yourself like this?"

"To control my powers. So I don't lose control. So I don't hurt anyone," I said. "Do you.....do you know what that feels like? To feel like you have no control. One wrong move is all it takes to hurt somebody you care about."

"More than anybody will ever know," he said just above a whisper. He suddenly let go of my hand and took a step back.

"Sorry," he murmured. "I forgot you have an issue with people being too close. I'll go tell the team you're okay."

Sargent Barnes then turned around and started to walk away from me. Just before he reached the door he turned around to face me.

"I'll keep your secret. I made a promise, didn't I?"

"Yeah, you did. Thank you, Sargent Barnes."

"You need to stop being formal. Call me Bucky."

"That wouldn't be very unprofessional," I said as I laid back down on the hospital bed.

"Darling, you saved my life," he said as he walked out. "Screw formality. That makes us friends in my books."

--------

After one week of bedrest and iron supplements, I was back in my feet. Dr. Banner protested saying that I should still rest but I told him that I could move fine.

He just told me that if I had any complaints or side effects, I would have to come to him straight away.

"Are you alright?" Natasha asked as she caught me once again wrapping bandages around my wrists.

Training had just finished up for the day and I was really looking forward to a shower.

"Yes, I'm fine. Thank you, Agent Romanoff."

"Stop that!"

"Stop what?"

"That!" She pointed at me.

"What?" I thought she was painting to my bandages but her expression told me otherwise.

"Being so formal," she growled at me. "Treating us as if we're strangers. I know you find it hard to trust people but you are part of the Avengers---you are part of this team. Don't you think that it's high time you trust us a little bit."

Thank the gods that Bucky and Steve decided not to train with us today. I had no idea where Barton was though.

"Understood," I nodded.

"No, you don't."

"And what would that be?"

"Having friends."

"Weakness is a much better synonym, Agent Romanoff." I scoff.

"I disagree," Romanoff placed her hands on her hips as she glared at me. "We had nothing to do with what Tony did. We didn't know so you have no right just assuming that you can stop trusting us because of that."

"Listen---"

"No! You listen!"

I stood there with a blank face, allowing her to continue. I've never seen Agent Romanoff get so flustered or upset, she was always so composed.

"We're tired of giving you space. It's time you act like an Avenger and not like some teenage girl."

"That was you guys giving me space?" I asked a I raised my eyebrow. "I'm twenty two for your information."

"Not the point. We want you to know that you are part of the Avengers. Just because some members---"

"Stark."

"---don't trust you doesn't mean that you can automatically just lose trust in the ones that do."

"So you're asking me to trust you even though my faith and trust for that matter in this team is compromised?"

"Yes."

"But?"

"But nothing. You joined the Avengers of your free will and you have you secrets that we'll respect. Just because some of us made a mistake, doesn't mean that you can just put all of us in that same group."

"I think I finally understand."

"Do you? Really?" She asked skeptically.

"I do."

I grabbed my jacket from the bench and put it on. "My psychologist told me that I should try to introduce myself to urban settings slowly and in areas that aren't so crowded so I can build up my tolerance to people. I was wondering, do you want to go jogging anytime?"

I turned around to see Natasha, mouth slightly agape.

Sure, I might be aloof and standoffish but I'm not gonna act like I have a big ego or pride to get in my way when people are telling me something important.

I can get get mad and that blinds me. I'm human. I can be expected to act logical and cool all the time. I did get mad and I was so pissed I didn't see that by pushing away all the Avengers that I was pushing away the ones that actually cared.

Maybe Natasha, Steve, Barton and (now) Bucky cared And maybe they don't want anything from me.

I'm slow to trust. That won't change. I'll always look behind my back and have a knife or gun hidden on me but that's just me. Asking me to trust is like asking me to jump into a tank of piranhas for you. This isn't Now You See Me.

"Well? You up for it?"

"Sure," she said after getting over the shock. "How early do you wake up?"

--------

So after a well deserved shower, it was just me and my books for the entire afternoon.

"Anything new for me to read?"

Never mind.

Spoke too soon.

It's never just me.

"Loki," I said. "Unfortunately no. You've read all of the books in the history shelf , you already read alchemy, and you've cleared out all my books under fiction so no, I don't have anything new."

"What about these?" He asked.

Loki pulled out Harry Potter from my private collection of books. It was an older version that my mom had given me when it first came out.

"I don't understands why you Midguardian's find this fascinating to read."

"Maybe it's because you lack the imagination."

"Imagination? You're telling the God of Mischief and Lies that I lack imagination?"

"You know, Dasher. I think you'll like the main protagonist," I said as I returned to my new book.

Nat threw it at me, literally. She said she thought that I might like some Russian works and also my Russian needs a lot of work.

It felt nice to call her Natasha. I felt like I could possibly have an ally in here, maybe a friend. I guess I could consider this as a grace period until the next possible disaster.

"What's this?" Loki asked as he picked up something from my desk. "59th international Medical Summit? This looks fancy. Why would someone like you have an invitation like this?"

I grabbed the invitation out of his hand.

"That's none of your business," I said. "And what's that suppose to mean?!"

"Nothing," Loki said. "It doesn't seem like your type of crowd, Midguardian. Why attend such opulent events with such unruly hair?"

"My hair is fine the way it is, thank you very much."

"Forgive me for pointing out the obvious," he sat down on the couch, beginning to read Harry Potter and Philosopher's Stone. "But your hair looks like a rats nest."

"And you wonder why you haven't got laid," I snapped.

"Let me read, women!"

I smirked to myself as I leaned against my headboard. At the moment, I was trying to understand what most of the words on the page meant but to no avail. Arabic and Mandarin were easy to pick up but I never really liked learning Russian.

Instead, the invitation caught my attention.

It would be a social event where I would have to mingle with people as a cover. It would be worth it in my opinion. I could at least get a solid lead on Amid.

The only problem was that I didn't have a dress for such an occasion.

I didn't mind wearing a dress it was just I'm not very good with them. Most of my dresses have been picked out for me.

I mean I am on friendly terms with Natasha but I'm not sure it would be casual to just ask her out if the blue to go dress shopping with me.

I'm not on good terms with Wanda and I don't know Darcy well enough, so they're out of the question. It would be too odd to ask Nat. I didn't want anyone to ask me questions about why I would want to go to this particular meeting and then report it to Fury.

There was Pepper who was really nice and maybe she could keep it a secret. I mean, she did buy a good majority of clothes in my closets and she deals with Stark in a daily basis.

I brought my phone out of my pocket and searched through the contacts that I was given. Virginia "Pepper" Potts was easy to find considering the fact that she was on my speed dial.

"Virginia Potts speaking," she answered.

"Hello. It's me, Maya."

"Maya?" She sounded confused. I don't blame her. I'm not the one for social calls. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes. I have a favor to ask you."

"Depends on the favor."

"I have this event I need to go to and well....it requires a dress. I know your busy as CEO but I need some help and you seem more experienced in this department, also you picked out most of my clothes in my wardrobe so I was wondering if---"

"If I could help you find a dress?"

"I'd appreciate it. Yes."

"I'll be glad to help. When's your event?"

"Saturday. Two days from now."

"That doesn't leave us much time but I suppose I can spare a few hours tomorrow. How does that sound?"

"Perfect, actually. I apologize for taking up your time but I didn't know who to go to regarding these matters."

"Don't sweat it. I'm glad to help. Besides, I need some time off."

"Thank you, Pepper."

"Anytime."

I ended the call and flopped back against my bed.

That was terribly awkward.

I looked up to see Loki invested in the book. You can never go wrong with Harry Potter. It's a classic that will make any cynic fall in love with it.

I think he was because I saw a small smile on his face.

Chuckling to myself, I returned my attention to my books.

---------

The cold hadn't settled into New York yet so that meant that I wasn't freezing to death when I went running.

Natasha ran next to me, keeping up in pace.

"We should take a breather. We're almost to Central Park," I said.

"Just a mile more."

"Ugh. Fine."

Once we reached Central Park, I dragged myself to a bench and fell down on it.

"Why are there so many people? It's five a.m. In the morning!" I took a quick swig or water.

"It's New York City."

"That's true."

"You have any plans today?" Natasha asked as we took a breather. She leaned her head back and enjoyed the first rays of sunlight.

"Yes. Pepper said she would take me shopping today?"

"Shopping?"

"Yes.....? Do you want to come with us?" I invited.

"Sure." She shrugged. "What are we shopping for anyway?"

"Dresses."

"For a date?"

"No," I said. "I have a social event that I need to go to and it requires me to dress formal."

"A mission?"

"Maybe."

"Does this have to do with the whole classified thing that Fury gave you?"

"Yes."

"Are you gonna answer me back with one worded responses?"

"Obviously."

We were silent as we took out break. Natasha looked out into the crowd of New York City.

"It might be boring."

"I'm okay with that."

"Its gonna turn into a chick flick montage, isn't it?"

"Do we look like we do chick flicks?" She laughed.