Tanna Carson

"Earth to Tanna, you still there?" A voice from besides me snaps me out of my thoughts, making me turn my head to the side to see Ella looking at me with confusion embedded into her eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Mmmh?" I didn't really know what more to say without giving away everything that was going through my head at the moment.

"You're thinking about him aren't you?"

"El, I can't help it. It's like the second I let my mind wonder off, it runs to him, as much as I wish it didn't."

It's been just over two weeks since I arrived back in London and as soon as I was ready to speak about the mess that was going on in my head, I messaged Ella to come over.

My mind has just been a whirlwind of confusion, back and forth, constantly trying to figure some things out but with no luck.

"Do you think that everything between Luke and I was just some type of attraction, nothing more?" She sighs as she listens to the question before shaking her head.

"From what you've told me, I wouldn't say that, but Tan, denying what you're feeling isn't going to help you figure out anything." I nod my head tentatively, knowing that she was right. "When you think of him, what comes to mind?"

"It's like, the second I close my eyes, all I can see are his Hazel eyes looking back at me." I groan in frustration, dropping my head into my hands, hiding my face because I know what I'm about to tell her. "I like him El, a lot."

The words come out muffled as my head rests in my hands, but I know she heard every word I said when she shuffles closer.

"It hurts." I say softly, leaning into her embrace. "I- maybe I need to try move on?"

The words come out as more of a question even though I already know the answer to it, no matter how much I disagree on the inside.

I sniffle slightly, feeling my eyes water but I close them tightly, not letting any tears spill over.

"Tan, I can't tell you what's the best for you because only you know, but if you're still hurting so much, maybe you could think about trying." I sit still, listening to every single word she says, trying to make my mind come to a decision.

As I'm about to speak, my phone rings from my desk, making me stand up off the bed before walking over to grab it.

I look down, smiling at the sight of Alex's name flash across the screen on top of the photo of us.

"Alex is calling." I mutter softly, wiping my face incase any tears escaped before accepting the call as I sit back down next to Ella.

"Hey Al." As soon as I see his face pop up on the screen, I can feel my smile grow wider with genuine happiness.

"What's wrong?" His choice of words don't shock me, but as I turn to look at Ella's wide eyes I can't help but laugh.

"How'd he do that?" She asks in utter confusion, only making Alex chuckle on the other side of the phone as well.

"What can I say, I know my best friend backwards." The smile doesn't leave my face as I turn back to face the screen. "But Tan, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I am." I say, my smile faltering slightly, but I lift it up quickly to hide my emotions as he looks at me skeptically. "I promise Al, I'm getting there. Now what's up?"

"Wel-"

"Alex man, have you spoken to Luke yet, I'm kinda worried." Reggie's voice sounds through the phone speaker, making me furrow my eyebrows at his words.

"I- have you guys not fixed things between the three of you yet?" I ask hesitantly, hoping that they have.

"Ooh, who are you talking to? Is it Willie?" I see Alex's cheeks tint slightly before Reggie's head pops into the frame as his eyes widen.
"Roomie and Roomie's friend."

I can't help my smile that widens at the sight of him before Ella and I both start laughing at his choice of words.

"Reg, this is Ella." I say turning to face her, seeing her eyes slightly wide making me laugh under my breath. "Not that I need to say this, because you're clearly a bit star struck, but El, that's Reggie."

"Don't expose me." I hear Alex chuckling when Ella whisper shouts at me while nudging my arm.

"Sorry, she just really likes the band's music." I feel myself smile, genuinely happy for the first time in a while as I look at my friends.

"That's really cool, you should come to one of our gigs!" He says excitedly, his eyes lighting up slightly making my eyebrows furrow.

"She's taken Reg." Alex tried to whisper to Reggie, but it traveled through the phone quite clearly.

"Actually, Adam and I broke up a quite a while ago." I remember Ella calling me when I was still in Los Angeles to tell me.

While Ella planned to stay in London,  Adam got accepted into his exchange program and was moving to Australia for a while, so they decided to end things.

I know Ella was willing to try long distance but he wasn't and that's what made it so hard on her.

"Oh, sorry." Alex says, looking at me quizzically but I just shrug my shoulders.

"Oh no, don't be, like I said, it was a while ago." She says flashing a genuine smile as I look over at her. "Also, I'd love to come, I've been dying to see you guys in person for a long time."

I see Reggie's smile grow as he nods his head hastily. I bite the inside of my cheeks, furrowing my eyebrows again as I just stare at the screen.

"Okay well, before Reggie interrupted.." Alex cuts into the silence, shaking Reggie out of his gaze.

"My bad, I miss you Roomie."

"I miss you too Reg." I say smiling again, my heart tightening at the thought of being away for another four weeks. "I'll be back soon."

"I wouldn't call four weeks soon." Alex mutters and I can't help but feel even worse as I look at his saddened expression.

"Okay bye Roomie, I'll see you soon Ella!" With that, Reggie walks out of the frame after Ella waved back at him, leaving us with Alex.

"As I was trying to say before Reggie cut me off, we sorted things out, I was going to tell you that we have a new gig." I nod excitedly, happy to hear that the three were finally playing together again.

"Okay, I'm running to the bathroom, I'll be back." Ella tells me before pushing off the bed and walking into my bathroom.

"We're actually playing tomorrow night and I get it if you say no, but I wanted to ask if you'd watch on live?" I sigh quietly, watching Alex, knowing how much it'd mean to him.

"Of course I'll watch it Al." His smile widens at my words, making mine only grow bigger.

I can't help but hear Reggie's words linger in my head about Luke. I know I shouldn't care, but maybe I should just ask Alex if he's okay.

"Tan, Luke's alright." Alex snaps me out of the conflict that was going on inside of my head, making me raise my eyebrow.

"You really do know me backwards yeah?" I giggle softly, but it comes out half heartedly.

"Oh I know I do." He says winking at me making me shake my head, laughing again. "Don't worry about him okay? We just ran into Laura after declining the record signing and she said some things."

My eyes widen at what he just told me as I sit there in shock.

"You gave up the record label signing?!"

"It was something Luke wanted to do."

"I-" the sound of my phone ringing and the notification at the top of my phone made me smile slightly. "Al, Jesse is calling me, I'll speak to you later yeah?"

Alex nods reluctantly, confusing me slightly before saying goodbye, leaving me to answer the call as Ella walks back into the room.

"Tan, Hey!"

"Hey Jess, what's up?" Ella furrows her eyebrows at his name before slowly climbing onto the bed next to me, listening to the conversation in silence.

"Well, I was wondering if I could take you up on your offer and take you out tomorrow for dinner?" I feel Ella nudge me, forcing me to turn to look at her as she nods her head furiously. "You know, like a date?"

I watch her intently as she mouths for me to say yes. I can't help but feel conflicted once again, but the idea of moving on, no matter how much I don't like it, stands out amongst everything else in my mind.

"I'd love to Jess."