•Calum

My face went pale just with the mere mention of the incident that had completely wrecked our life-long friendship. I knew it was awful of me the second after I opened my mouth at the lunch table, and I regretted that very moment for the rest of my life. But once I started talking I couldn't stop. It was like something had come over me. I felt like I was in no control over my body.

I lied to Cassidy, and to my friends, and it took me a few years to reflect upon how I never wanted to be even slightly dishonest again. I hated myself for ruining our friendship and for hurting her, but I also never found it as big of a deal as Cassidy did. I expected for me to come over that night with some of her favorite candy and tell her I was lying and that we could laugh it off together. But she didn't let me inside her house and she also didn't tell me goodbye when she moved to America.

I was so happy that Cassidy agreed to letting me be her first time, not because of the fact that I have fantasized about it for ages, but because I truly didn't want her to do it with someone who didn't love her and care about her. It wasn't awful as I had claimed and I also didn't just want to get in her pants. She was my closest friend in the entire world, the last thing I wanted to do was drive her away from me. But I guess I do deserve it for completely going against my words and embarrassing her in front of Joey.

Maybe that's why I did that little stunt. Maybe it was all because of Joey. I can't deny the fact that I was jealous of the way she ogled over him like he was some supermodel. I also can't deny the fact that I've always had a teeney-weeney crush on Cassidy, which is top secret information that I have never disclosed with anyone. Maybe I was just attempting to get rid of Joey, because a part of me was hoping that after we had finished sharing such an unforgettable night together that Cassidy would view me as more than a friend. But she didn't. She just went right back to her stupid crush.

Maybe another reason why I did it was because I knew we were going to be distanced from each other shortly. I was switching schools and I really didn't want our friendship to dwindle since we wouldn't have classes or teachers to talk about. It would have hurt me too much to have awkwardness eat away our friendship. Maybe I did it to have a reason to split the two of us apart before distance did its job.

No matter how many theories I have for the reason why I completely broke all of my promises, I still had no clue why I have never apologized. I apologized for spilling water on her, for my behavior when I was drunk, and yet I could never bring myself to say I was sorry for tearing us apart. I was so scared to do so, mainly because I feared just how quickly the cries would escape my mouth. I hated crying, especially in front of a girl who absolutely despises me and can easily use all of my weaknesses against me.

"Are you going to say something? Anything?" Cassidy hissed, glaring at me sternly.

"No," I replied softly, letting my head hang down and turning my attention onto my fingers.

Cassidy stormed off of the mattress and paced around a bit, as if she was about to explode any second. She always has had problems controlling her anger and I always have found it irritating, but I think most of my annoyance towards Cassidy is simply because I am mad at myself for letting her go.

She ran her hands through her dirty blonde hair, tugging at the ends in utter frustration. "Are you serious? You have nothing to say to me? You don't think I deserve an apology?"

"You do deserve one, but that doesn't mean you are going to receive one," I mumbled, still never glimpsing away from my hands that seem so incredibly fascinating at this moment.

Cassidy snickered, scoffing in a condescending manner as the words echoed throughout our bedroom. She placed her palms on her hips, making her have a sassy statuesque, as she smacked her gloss covered lips. "Well in that case, you do deserve a friend, but that doesn't mean you are ever going to receive one as good to you as I was."

"Cass-" I groaned, flopping back on the mattress so my head was pointed towards the ceiling.

Instantly, she attached her long nails into the collar of my shirt and yanked me up so I was sitting upright and forced to make eye-contact with her. "No, you're going to sit here and freaking listen to me," She growled at me. "Let me make myself clear, Cal, I am never being friends with someone who can't own up to their mistakes. We are all human, we all mess up, but what blows my mind is that you don't have the decency to apologize for what you did to me. Do you even have any idea how badly you hurt me?"

I shrugged. "I lied to you and I embarrassed you in front of Joey. Bad friends suck. I get it. I've been back-stabbed by people before too, that doesn't mean I move across the country to get away from them."

Her jaw dropped slightly, and I knew I had taken that too far, but I was sick of Cassidy acting like I was an imbecile who had no clue that what I did was wrong. She is not the only one to have a conscious.

"This isn't about Joey, I don't give a crap about him. Hell, this is barely even about you lying to me anymore. You have completely ruined my confidence. You made me so incredibly insecure about being with someone. You told me I was bad at sex. Do you understand how insecure I was after that to even kiss a guy? Do you understand that I almost turned Luke down simply because I'm terrified that another boy is going to use me for my body again? Do you understand that if I do accept guys on dates it's hard enough for me to allow them to hug me, let alone kiss me? Do you understand how hard it was for me and my costar, Troy, to become friends while on set because I can't trust any male to not betray me? This is all because of you, Calum. I had to go to freaking therapy for this," Cassidy informed me, shaking her head at me with such disappointment. "And now I'm stuck living with the same person who caused all of this and it's making me want to consult my old therapist again."

My eyes widened as she completely spilled everything to me. I had no idea any of those repercussions were possible. None of those dilemmas had crossed my mind before. Now the guilt in my chest was multiplying even further.

I sucked in a deep breath, preparing to shell out a long apology that still wouldn't be a grand enough gesture to make up for everything. I opened my mouth to speak but quickly closed it again as not even a squeak could travel out of my lips as my lungs felt as if they were being constricted while my throat seemed to be closing up. I was beyond speechless.

"I can't stand living with you any longer. It's just such a painful reminder of everything. I'm going to go stay at Bree's house, hopefully I can persuade Mel into letting me move out," Cassie told me with disappointment etched into her tone. She turned onto her heel to leave but I grasped onto her arm before she could exit the room, clutching onto her thin limb as if my life depended on it.

A loud exhale pushed it's way out of the lips I had previously licked. "I'm sorry," I murmured, finally building up enough courage to speak after I had gulped at a volume loud enough for the two of us to hear.

She wiggled out of my grasp, narrowing her eyes at me with irritation again. Her pouty lips pursed together as if she was preventing herself from saying anything at all while she formulated a response. "I'm having a really hard time believing that is true," Cassidy hissed, taking a few steps back. "Come find me when you learn how to give a real apology."

"Cass, wait!" I screamed after her, sprinting down the hall to try and make her stay, but she had already disappeared out of our temporary home, and I wasn't sure if she was ever going to come back.

My brain immediately came up with a plan, and I needed to get started right away.

*•*•*•*

Each finger was throbbing in pain after I spent about two hours jotting down my thoughts onto a piece of loose-leaf paper, and compiling together an apology into a letter that I have attached onto Cassidy's favorite kind of candy. I almost wrote her a song, but then I realized that I would have been too nervous to perform it and that it was beyond cliche, and I wanted nothing more than to steer clear from those sappy cliche moments.

I picked up my phone shortly after giving my palm a quick massage and called Ashton, who I really missed a lot along with the other boys that were probably partying it up at our LA house, and was thankful when he answered right away. "Ash, hey, I need your help."

"Cal, what did you do now?" Ashton groaned, which only added to my terrible mood.

"Shut up, I didn't do anything. I just need you to take me to Bree's house, it's really important," I pleaded, bouncing on my feet as I waited for his reply.

"How would I know where Bree lives?"

I furred my eyebrows together in confusion. I speculated that the two of them had already hung out but I guess Ashton wasn't as smooth with the ladies as I expected him to be. "What? You haven't seen Bree since the premiere?"

He coughed awkwardly, making me want to chuckle. "No, I haven't. But I have her number. I've just been waiting to call her."

I grumbled complaints under my breath since this was putting a damper on how this evening was supposed to turn out. "Can you just text her and ask her where she lives please?" I snapped. "You and I are going over there once you get the address so get ready."

"What? Oh my God, okay," Ashton began to ramble on, obviously panicking that he was going to encounter that brunette that he had a massive crush on.

It didn't take long for him to retrieve the address, and soon enough Ash had picked me up, letting the GPS direct us right to our house. I gave him a brief explanation about what was going on before we had dived right into our usual dorky conversations that probably didn't make any sense at all to anyone but ourselves, since they mainly just consisted of an excessive amount of inside jokes.

Ashton's car pulled into Bree's driveway, and I was really glad it wasn't some super intimidating mansion that I would feel funny inviting myself into. It looked charming, but not as charming as myself.

"You got this, bro," I encouraged, patting Ashton on the back as he unbuckled his seat belt. I follow his lead, ducking my head out of the car, but instead of strolling up to the front door with him, I was crouched down beneath the green bushes so I wasn't in view.

"Ashton!" Bree greeted excitedly as she opened up the door, pulling him in for a friendly hug. "It's good to see you again. Finally decided to grow some balls and call me, huh?"

My best friend giggled his typical giggle, with his cheeks instantly heating up into a blush. Such a wuss. "Uh, yeah, sorry that took so long," He stammered, scratching behind his neck. Bree laughed and urged him to come inside but he shot a glance over to me. "Wait, do you mind if Calum comes in? I had to drive him somewhere but I still really wanted to stop by."

I stood up, revealing myself to Cass's best friend. Her face altered to an expression of complete uneasiness. "Uh, I don't know if that's the best idea."

"Please Bree, I really need to talk to her," I begged, not even needing to address Cassidy by a name because we both very well knew who I was referring to.

"Fine," Bree finally agreed, opening her door so that Ashton and I could both emerge into her home. "She's in my guest room, second door on the left. Ashton, can I get you anything to drink?"

I left the two of them alone and sauntered over to the second bedroom down her narrow hallway. I didn't knock, simply because I didn't want her to not open it if she found out it was me, and I hoped Cassidy was in a decent state when I barged in. She was thankfully dressed and a gasp left her mouth as I startled her.

"Cass," I called, stepping further inside the room. "Can I please talk to you?"

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Author's Note: ironic how this chapter is titled apologies yet the apology doesn't even happen till the next chapter oops

i loved how in the comments last chapter everyone was all mad at calum but before most people hated cassidy but now you see why she hates him and idk its just so cool how everything makes sense now like if you re-read it knowing what calum did the story is probably completely different omg

can we talk about calum's blonde streaks bc oK WHAT

thank you guys for reading and commenting and voting i love you all so much :-) also someone messaged me saying "hey boy" and i said "im a girl" and she said "doesnt look like it" and i literally laughed for like twenty minutes bc she thought calum in my icon was me omg

dedicated to hemmiingsinthehood for telling me thank you for existing along with some other kind words and it made me so happy you guys are the sweetest ily