Things with Shawn had become tense to say the least. It's not that you were on bad terms, because you really weren't—it was just the whole romance-y thing. It was nonexistent.

As much as you wanted to be with him that way, you knew you couldn't and you were pretty sure he did, too, because he hadn't tried anything on you since the night you put the tree up.

What pained you the most was the way he seemed to go on as if nothing had even happened so effortlessly.

In reality, however, it was killing him.

"I don't know what to do, man," Shawn spoke into his phone, poking his head out into the living room to make sure you weren't home. "Things were good. They're always so good until someone starts feeling shit, then one of us pulls away," he breathed, tossing his head back a bit in frustration.

"Well, you did agree to no feelings," Tyler spoke back, causing Shawn to nod as if he could see him.

"Mm," Shawn bit his lip, "m'sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I didn't want to make it a thing and freak her out, but who the fuck am I kidding?" he snapped, growing frustrated. "It was a thing. A big fucking thing."

"I know," Tyler muttered. There was nothing he could say to make Shawn feel better and both of them knew that; it was more important for him to just listen. Shawn needed to be heard. Heard by you. "Just try to talk to her, man."

"That's the problem."

And that was the problem. Every time Shawn made that face—you knew the one—you ran for the hills. All it took were some sad eyes and his mouth in a firm line to let you know he was dying to bring it up, to talk about it, and you just couldn't.

Because how could you sort things out with him when you hadn't even sorted them out with yourself?

You were so back and forth with it all. Countless nights you found yourself brushing him off, only to later be standing in the hall with your hand hovering over his doorknob, dying to barge into his room and curl up with him. It was like fucking Patience all over again.

And little to your knowledge, Shawn was feeling the same way. Only he was more delicate about it, knowing he had to be gentle with you.

You'd come to what you thought was your final decision, though, when he was away on his final press tour of the year.

While living without him was dreary, it was doable, and you really came to your senses when you turned the television on one night to discover Shawn staring right back at you.

It was an interview for God-knows-what-for, and he was glowing. Fans were lined up outside the glass windows of whatever studio he was in, and he was going on about never refusing selfies and his Rolling Stone article and absolutely everything-else-under-the-sun.

This boy had way too much going on.

And that was why you could never love him.

And he knew it, too. With his luck, you'd just turned the goddamn TV on and missed the whole part about loving being at home and winding down and living a normal life. Of course.

It hurt both of you—knowing you were so close, but really, truly out of reach. And that's why when Shawn arrived home a few days later, you pulled him into the tightest, longest hug he'd ever received before retreating back to your bedroom and shutting the door.

______________________________

"Almost ready?" Shawn popped his head into your room, watching as you zipped up your Longchamp.

"Mhm," you nodded, looking up to meet his chocolate gaze. He was radiating excitement.

"Hey," he furrowed his brows, noticing the solemnness of your features. "S'gonna be good."

He walked over to you and pulled you into his warm chest, one hand settling on your back and the other slipping into your hair.

"It's just," you breathed, overcome by emotion. "I'm worried, Shawn. They think I'm your girlfriend, and you and I both know that's not true, and I just, I-"

"Who cares what they think?" he whispered, trying to calm your nerves. "Just be there with me. They want to see me happy, and I'm happy when you're around."

"Okay," you nodded, pulling away from his grasp. His gaze lingered on your own for a moment before he left the room quietly.

______________________________

"You ready?" Shawn asked as he put the car in park. With a tight chest, you stared at the suburban home in front of you that belonged to his parents.

"I'm really nervous," you muttered, undoing your seatbelt and shifting in place.

"Hey," Shawn spoke softly, "look at me." He placed two fingers under your chin and tilted your face toward his.

His right elbow leaned on the centre console as he met your gaze, his golden eyes pleading with you, "They're gonna love you."

"I-I don't know, Shawn," you said worriedly, eyes flickering down to his lips for a second as his tongue darted out to wet them. "Don't I have to play it up a bit? They think we're dating."

"Don't even worry," he replied, his mouth forming a firm line as if he were contemplating something. His fingers moved from your chin to your cheek as they brushed against it gently, leaning toward you to plant a tender kiss on your forehead. His lips burned into your skin.

His free hand came to your other cheek as he held your face, leaning in once more to place an innocent peck on your lips. It didn't last long, but it didn't need to. It wasn't intended to be romantic. "I've got you, okay?"

You believed him.

You nodded, your own fingers coming to rest on your mouth where his lips had just lingered.

"Good?"

"Good," you nodded, reaching for the handle to free yourself from the Jeep. You retrieved your overnight bag and the bottle of wine for Shawn's parents from the back seat, bringing your hand up to grip Shawn's bicep as he caught up with you.

With a knock on the door and a whole new wave of anxiety, you were faced by the female version of Shawn himself. And she was taller than you.

Your view of Aaliyah was intercepted by Shawn pulling her into a bear hug, stepping into the house and reaching back to pull you along with him.

You tumbled through the front door with a grin, soon to be added to the Mendes-hug-fest.

"Mom was right," Aaliyah breathed as she pulled away from the two of you, Shawn's grin stretching widely across his face as he eyed her expectantly. "She's out of your league."

You giggled with a tilt of your head as you reached out to pat Shawn's arm, his eyes rolling as he brushed off her comment. "I know," he muttered. Your cheeks got warm.

"I'm Aaliyah, by the way," she added, finally turning to face you. "I've heard a lot about you."

"I've heard more about you, believe me," you giggled, your hand snaking around Shawn's hip and pulling him closer to you. What were you doing?

Shawn leaned down to kiss your temple as soon as an older version of him walked into the foyer.

"Look who it is!" Shawn grinned, stepping away from you to pull his father into a bear-hug.

"You brought her!" he spoke, breaking from Shawn's grip to shake your hand. "I'm Manny."

"So nice to meet you," you smiled softly, looking from him to Shawn.

"You'd better go say hi to your mother," Manny spoke, turning to Shawn. "She's cooking up a storm in there, she's been shaking with excitement all day."

You followed Shawn into the kitchen, grabbing his fingers when he put his hand behind him in search of yours.

"Holy shit, mum," Shawn chuckled, hugging his mother as he looked at all the stuff she had going on. "You're gonna kill us."

"Santa's coming tonight, I've got to get you in a food coma," she laughed back, turning to pull you into a warm embrace. She lingered, swaying a bit as she hugged you.

"S'lovely to see you, darling," she said softly, a warm, fuzzy feeling shooting up your chest. You'd never been accepted so quickly by a boyfriend's family.

Wait, what?

"Hey!" Karen snapped, turning toward Shawn to whack his hand away from the bowl of mashed potatoes. He managed to get a glob on his finger and shove it in his mouth before she could get to him, a bashful grin adorning his cheeks.

"Needs butter," he chuckled, pulling your small frame in front of his to shield himself from the wrath of Karen.

______________________________

Dinner was plated and you were finally getting to know Shawn's sister, even having accidentally let the nickname "Aal" spill from your mouth. No one flinched or anything, it was natural. You fit in.

"So," Karen breathed, resting her elbows on the table as you put a massive piece of turkey in your mouth. "It's no nice to see Shawn here with someone."

You grinned, covering your mouth with your right hand as Shawn's left took purchase on your thigh. You tried not to think about the heat rushing to your cheeks as you swallowed the food whole, nodding in the direction of his mother.

"Thank you for having me," you told her, pausing to look over at Shawn. He was beaming.

"When Shawn told us he had a girlfriend I didn't believe him," she smiled, looking over at her husband who smiled back. "We thought it was lovely, and then he asked if he could bring you over for dinner and suggested Christmas! Honestly, it seemed to be a bit bold of him, but we couldn't be happier to have you."

Wait a second.

You looked over at Shawn, who was clearly averting your gaze. He seemed to have lost all colour in his face but was also blushing at the same time, clearly not having calculated that his mother would let that slip.

He had told you that Karen saw photos of you in public with him and asked a million questions, eventually cornering him into bringing you here. But that wasn't true. This was his doing.

"So Shawn told you, then?" you bit your lip, hoping to make him squirm a little longer. It was what he deserved.

"Oh, only a million times!" she gushed, causing Aaliyah to roll her eyes with a grin. Clearly, she had also fallen victim to Shawn's narrative. "Called me to tell me he'd met someone, called a few days later, then again, and again," she paused, looking over at her son who was beet red. "Then he told me you'd moved in together and insisted you come to Christmas."

You chuckled, completely in disbelief. The only reason he would make something like that up was if it's what he longed to be true. "It went a little something like that, yeah."

______________________________

Shawn stood from the table to help Aaliyah with the Apple TV that was acting up, thank God, because you wanted to help Karen clean up the mess.

"Dinner was so good," you spoke as you entered the kitchen with a dirty plate in each hand. "Thank you, again, for having me."

"Oh, sweetie," she smiled, taking the plates from you, "you don't have to help with this."

"Are you kidding?" you asked, "of course I do." Without taking no for an answer, you finished clearing the table and took over drying as Karen washed, chatting about nothing and everything.

Shawn watched through the doorway from the living room, heart swollen at the sight of you getting along with his mom. Yeah, earlier had been embarrassing, but he was positive you already knew how he felt. He could only say it so many times.

"You've got an admirer," Karen spoke, nodding her head in the direction of her son. "Go on, get out of here!"

"We're not done," you smiled, motioning to the remainder of dishes in the sink.

"Yeah, but he misses you."

You nodded, drying your hands on the towel before heading out toward the couch.

"Hey, bub," you grinned, folding your leg beneath your body as you plopped yourself down on the cushion next to his.

"That's a new one," he smiled, wrapping his arm around your side to pull you against him.

"What, your girlfriend can't have nicknames for you?" you raised an eyebrow suggestively, poking his ribs as you teased him.

He sighed. "Yeah, about that," he lowered his voice, carefully avoiding the sharp ears of his sister. "M'sorry, I just, I, ugh," he paused, clearly not having a good explanation.

"Hey, it's okay," you leaned toward him, planting a quick kiss on his nose. "You don't have to explain now, I was just teasing."

"Yeah, no," Aaliyah's frustrated voice pulled you from staring into Shawn's chocolate eyes, "it's not fucking working. Elf it is."

"What'd I miss?" you muttered, leaning back a bit to put some separation between you and Shawn.

"Some error, won't stream, she's mad," he nodded, "Elf is the only Christmas movie we have on DVD that won't make dad fall asleep instantly. So here we are."

______________________________

You were on your third glass of white wine when Aaliyah turned to Shawn, who had both of his gigantic arms wrapped around you.

"How many times have we seen this? Seriously."

"Mm?" Shawn asked. He had the tendency to act as if he hadn't heard someone when he was thinking of an answer. "Too many."

"Right," she nodded, "wanna play a game, maybe? A board game, or like, charades? Literally anythingelse?"

Shawn leaned down to look at you, and you froze up. The pressure was high. "I'm good with anything."

"Alright, charades," Aaliyah stood to turn the overhead light on, earning a groan of protest from Manny who was lightly asleep. "Sorry, dad."

And holy shit, was this ever charades.

You'd never seen Shawn so into something in his life. Not even when he was desperate and needy with his face buried between your thighs.

"Song!" Aaliyah shouted as Shawn began the gestures. "Four words!" He nodded. You fought back laughter, half from watching Shawn stand in front of the people who loved him most and make quick, aggressive gestures in their direction, and the other half probably from all the wine.

And without warning, he just threw himself on the floor.

"W-what?" Aaliyah laughed, speaking for everyone as Shawn made it the most difficult round yet. He stood and took a few steps back, only to walk in your direction and throw himself on the hardwood again.

"Shawn, it's, no," you spoke between giggles, trying to explain that no one was going to get it.

"It's Fallin' All In You! My God," he grinned with a shake of his head, clearly disappointed that no one was considering his songs.

"Oh my god, are you kidding? That was pathetic," Aaliyah quipped, causing Shawn to look in her direction with a false sense of hurt. "Is that song about you?" she asked, turning to you and catching you off guard.

"O-oh, I-"

"Didn't know her yet, Liyah," Shawn spoke with his head down, hoping the question hadn't made you feel insecure. "But it may as well be," he added, looking up to you with a grin. You smiled back, unable to keep your heart from fluttering at the sight of his rosy cheeks and loose curls falling in his eyes.

______________________________

It wasn't until you were finishing up dessert that you realized Shawn, too, was drunk, because a massive thump had come from the kitchen, followed by a muffled "ow."

"You okay?" you called, quickly excusing yourself from the dinner table to find Shawn leaning over the counter with his hand over his eye, face red with embarrassment. "What happened?"

"Opened the cupboard on my face," he spoke, removing his hand to display a minor cut that was bleeding from his forehead.

"Of course you did," you couldn't help but chuckle, "does it hurt?" you asked, setting down your plate of pie to turn him into the light. "Ouch, that looks like it hurts, babe."

"Babe?" he imitated, raising his eyebrows and then quickly regretting it as sharp pain shot through his head.

"Shh," you smiled, batting his hands away as he tried to peel you off of him. "Go get the peroxide, Polysporin and a band-aid."

He turned away from you, heading out of the kitchen and into the bathroom. "You may be pretty, Mendes, but you're not too bright," you laughed, pulling one of the barstools out for him to sit on.

"So much for having a snowball fight later, I guess," he muttered, the angry expression on his face resembling one of a child whose mom keeps saying "no."

"You're not concussed, Shawn," you spoke, patting his thighs as he sat in front of where you stood.

"So?" he asked, hooking his fingers in the belt loops of your light-wash jeans. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Mm?" you asked, your tongue poking out the corner of your mouth in concentration. Shawn grinned at the sight, thanking his lucky stars he accidentally bashed his head on the wooden corner of the cabinet. It gave him a few minutes of not having to share you with his family.

"What I told my mom. You're not mad?"

"Why would I be mad, Shawn?" you replied, holding his head in place as you dabbed the little gash with a peroxide-soaked paper towel. Shawn hissed.

"Because it's not true."

"Eh," you sighed, dabbing the cut. "Shawn, I realize our situation isn't normal. I realize we agreed it would never go beyond friends," he tilted his head suggestively. "Special friends, you perv," you whacked his arm, suddenly a lot closer to his face as he reeled you in by your jeans. "But I get it. We act like it. It's nice to have someone and it's nice to tell your mom. So no, I'm not mad."

"Good," he nodded as you broke free of his hands to place the bloody paper towel in the garbage. "You can be, you know."

"What, mad?" you asked, squeezing out a dab of Polysporin onto the band-aid.

"No, my girlfriend," Shawn spoke, averting his gaze. "You always can. That's never not gonna be an option," he paused, "for you."

"Shawn-" you started, but he cut you off, assuming you'd shoot him down. He had no idea you were ready to give in.

"No, don't say anything," he spoke, leaning into your hand as you flattened the band-aid above his eyebrow. Without thinking, you leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on the covered wound.

"It'll heal faster," you whispered with a grin, failing to resist when Shawn hooked his fingers in your jeans again and tugged you toward him. His lips found yours, gentle and warm, and you melted into him. His hands moved to your waist as he pulled you impossibly closer, mouth parting to welcome your needy tongue. Your nimble fingers found his curls and cradled his head, his grip on you tightening. You could taste the red wine he'd been drinking on his soft lips and he hummed into your mouth, causing you to pull away as you quickly remembered where you were.

"Fuck, I missed this," he whispered against your wet lips, nudging your nose with his own.

But that kiss was impossible to miss because it was unlike any before it. Maybe he loved you. Or maybe you loved him back. You could feel yourself changing your mind, and nothing had ever been more terrifying and exhilarating all at once.

"We should get back out there," you spoke, lightly scratching his head.

Shawn nodded without speaking, finally releasing you as he stood from the chair and led you back out into the living room.

______________________________

It didn't take long for Shawn's family to grow tired, excusing themselves to head upstairs one-by-one. Karen was last.

"So, there are towels in the bathroom if you want to shower in the morning. And Shawn, your nightlight's still up there in case it's too dark," Karen spoke, causing you to chuckle at the thought of Shawn still needing a nightlight. "I'll see you kids tomorrow," she spoke, leaning down to kiss Shawn on the forehead. "And get to bed soon, Santa's coming!"

She made her way upstairs, soon leaving you and Shawn alone and drunk in the dim-light coming from the Christmas tree.

"And then there were two," Shawn muttered, his eyes still managing to twinkle despite the darkness of the living room.

You sat up, reaching for both of your wine glasses. "I think we've had enough," you giggled, having lost count after about five. Or was it six? You didn't know.

'Nooooo," Shawn called, hopping up to pry the glasses from your grip and place them down on the table before tackling you to the couch. "Stay."

"I can't move, Shawn," you giggled, causing him to giggle, and soon the two of you were gasping for air, unable to stop laughing.

"Oh! We need to be quiet," Shawn whispered. Silence washed over you, causing anxiety to bubble in your stomach. Where was this going? Shawn was quick to interrupt your thoughts. "Wanna see my room?"

______________________________

He pushed the white door open to reveal a very normal-looking beige bedroom with a double bed pushed into the corner and childhood trophies lining the chest of drawers. You looked around at the minimal posters and smiled, some fan art that had been sticky-tacked to the wall catching your eye.

Shawn followed you along, pulling your back against his front and resting his face in the crook of your neck as you halted.

"You've come so far," you spoke, your fingers finding his hair once again as you grew unexpectedly emotional.

"Oh, stop," Shawn grinned against your skin, spinning you in his arms. "Tonight isn't about me. Dinner was good, yeah?"

He pulled you to sit on his bed, getting up momentarily to carefully detach the pull-up bar from the doorway so he could shut it properly. You scooted back against the pillows and crossed your legs, happy from the inside-out as he mirrored your actions.

"Dinner was perfect," you grinned.

"They're in love with you, I can tell," he smiled, leaning back on his hands as he faced you. "Seeing you with them, tonight," Shawn paused, sitting up again. His eyes looked glossy. "I just, I don't know." He stopped talking, clearly realizing he was intoxicated and about to say something he'd definitely regret.

"What is it?" you prompted, leaning forward to rest your small hands on his knees. You tilted your head up, your face inches from his. The grin that stretched across his cheeks was painfully wide, and you couldn't resist the urge to lean forward just a bit more and give him a quick kiss. "Tell me."

"Seeing you with them," he started again, carefully sorting his thoughts but having a hard time because his mind was clouded and racing and exploding with thoughts of you, you, you. "It showed me everything."

"Everything?" you asked, tilting your head to litter a few kisses along his stubbly jaw. He liked this tipsy version of you.

"Everything I've ever wanted. Everything I do want. Everything I need to have because if I don't, I might, I don't know, die," he mumbled, his throat against your lips vibrating as he spoke, "You're a part of that. I-," he paused again, causing you to snap back up and look at him. His face was serious as ever, brown eyes piercing into yours as he wanted, needed you to hear every word he was saying.

"You what, Shawn?" you knitted your brows together, desperately longing to hear what he had to say. It was time. You were ready to love him back. He just had to say the word.

"I want you so bad," he choked out, the both of you practically lunging at each other and falling victim to a passionate kiss.

He made quick work of your body against his, making his way on top of you as his lips never broke from your own. Sure, you had chemistry, but holy shit, it was never like that. You weren't sure if it was the rush of getting nasty in his childhood bedroom or knowing his parents were in the next room over, but his lips were fire against your skin.

"Mm," he hummed as you reached for his belt buckle, quickly snapping it undone, "Wait, wait."

"What is it?" you whispered, leaning your head against the pillows as Shawn hovered above you.

"If we're gonna go back to this, I need you to know everything," he leaned down and smooched your swollen lips before speaking again, "I want you, and I've always wanted you. But I didn't know until we started fooling around that I actually need you. Like, as a fucking person. I know I said I'd never do this to you but I'm so tired of waking up in an empty bed and worrying about you dating other guys and coming home to a vacated house because you're not mine. And fuck, I just want you to be mine. I'm sorry. I know we didn't want this and we made a deal. I know," he rambled as you ran your fingers through his hair, a stupid grin on your lips. "You made me fall in love with you. Sorry."

He smiled as he said it. He finally, finally said it.

"Shawn," you started, taking a deep breath as his happy eyes burned into yours. "I've been fighting myself on it forever. It's been so hard, so fucking hard, having to see you every day and suppress my feelings for you and your stupid fucking smile and massive fucking heart. But you make it easy."

He couldn't resist a quick kiss.

"I fell in love with you too. Sorry."

That was all it took. He was a happy, giddy mess of limbs heavily pinning you down and you didn't even care. His lips were everywhere at once and you somehow ended up naked under the covers, trying your best to be quiet as he pushed into you with ease.

"Fuck," he whispered into your ear, pausing to flick the lamp on his bedside table off. Moonlight flooded into the room, his face a blue hue in front of you as he began slowly rocking into you, filling you out perfectly.

You knew you had to be quiet. Knew you couldn't moan his name the way he liked or beg for him to go harder, faster—but you didn't need to. There was no pressure. You had finally, finally admitted yourself and given yourself to him fully, making it clear that you were his to take—to love. And did he ever love you.

His lips were hot on your neck when his fingers found your clit, dancing in circles on the tiny bundle of nerves. You squirmed beneath him, tightening your grip around his waist with your legs to feel him impossibly deeper inside of you.

Your hands pulled his face against yours, needing his kiss to swallow your moans as you teetered over the edge of orgasm.

"Let go, baby," he whispered against your mouth, speeding up his thrusts a little as he applied more pressure to your clit.

"Need you to come, too, Shawn," you replied, "need you to give it to me."

He suppressed a moan at your words, speeding up to the point of hearing his hips coming into contact with your inner thighs through the duvet.

"I'm so close, baby, come for me," he whispered in your ear, "Come for me."

You closed your eyes, clenching around his bare cock as you barrelled toward the edge, finally reaching your high as he muttered, "I love you."

He moaned in your mouth as you exploded around him, walls pulsing around his thick length as he unloaded inside of you, a mess of whispered praise being spoken into your ear.

You were both breathing heavily, not wanting the moment to end as he was hesitant to pull out of you.

The words you lacked were made up for in tears that pooled in your eyes as he collapsed beside you, pulling your naked body against his warm middle. You wrapped your arms around him, what any of this meant not even a worry in your mind. Nothing else mattered.

"I love you. Sorry," you muttered into the fuzz of his chest, feeling his chuckle as his grip tightened.

"Sorry," he replied, and he could have sworn he'd never been happier in his entire fucking life.