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The weight of the comments lingers with me, a constant reminder of the turbulence in my emotions. Each negative remark seems to echo my own insecurities, amplifying the doubts and sadness I've been struggling to keep at bay. I'm caught in a cycle of scrolling through comments and trying to suppress the waves of jealousy and frustration that come with each new post.
After a restless night, I decide to take a walk to clear my head. The early morning air is crisp and cool, and as I roll my wheelchair down the sidewalk, I try to focus on the calming rhythm of my movement. The city is just beginning to stir, and the quiet streets offer a brief reprieve from the chaos in my mind.
I find myself outside a quaint coffee shop that's become a favorite spot of mine. I order a coffee and a muffin, and then settle at a small table by the window. I take a deep breath, trying to embrace the peaceful moment and remind myself that there's more to life than the comments on the videos.
As I sip my coffee, my phone buzzes with a new notification. It's a text from Jake, and my heart skips a beat. I open it hesitantly:
Jake: "Hey, Wren. How are you doing? We're back in Maine and just finished filming the last video. Can we talk later today?"
The message stirs a mix of relief and anxiety within me. I haven't spoken to Jake since the videos started causing these intense feelings, and the thought of addressing everything now feels overwhelming. But it's also an opportunity to clear the air and hopefully reconnect.
I text back, trying to keep my tone light:
Me: "Hey, Jake. I'm doing okay. Sure, we can talk later. Just let me know when you're free."
With that, I finish my coffee and muffin, feeling a bit more grounded. I return to the Trap House, where the atmosphere is quieter than usual. Devyn is out running errands, and the house feels oddly empty without her presence.
I head to my room and find a spot where I can relax and mentally prepare for my conversation with Jake. I try to focus on positive thoughts, but my mind keeps returning to the comments and the growing distance I feel between us.
Later in the day, Jake calls, and I answer with a mix of nervousness and hope. His voice is warm and familiar, and it's comforting to hear him.
Jake: "Hey, Wren. Thanks for getting back to me. I've been thinking a lot about our conversations and the recent videos. How are you holding up?"
Me: "Hey, Jake. I've been... okay, I guess. It's just been hard seeing all the videos and comments. I feel like I'm missing out on so much, and the way Emily's been featured—"
Jake: "I understand. It's been a bit overwhelming for me too. I didn't realize how much the dynamics were affecting you."
Me: "Yeah, it's been tough. I saw a lot of comments about Emily and how close she's gotten with you, and it's just... it's hard to handle. I feel like I'm being pushed aside, and I'm struggling with that."
Jake: "Wren, I'm really sorry if it seemed like I was ignoring you or making you feel left out. That was never my intention. Emily's been a big part of these adventures, but I should have been more aware of how it was impacting you."
Me: "I know you didn't mean to hurt me. It's just been hard to see you getting so close to her while I'm here, feeling left behind. I miss being part of the group and sharing those experiences with you."
Jake: "I get it. I should have been more mindful of how this was affecting you. I want to make things right. Maybe we can find a way to balance things out, so you don't feel excluded."
Me: "That would be great. I want to be part of the adventures again, but I also need to feel like I'm not just a spectator. I need to feel like I'm still a part of your life and the group."
Jake: "We'll work on it, Wren. I promise. We'll find a way to make sure you're included and that we're all moving forward together. I miss having you with us, and I want to make sure we're all okay."
Me: "Thank you, Jake. I appreciate that. I know it's been tough, but I'm hoping we can work through it."
We continue talking, and the conversation helps ease some of the tension. It's a start, and I feel a bit more hopeful about finding a way to reconnect and address the challenges we've been facing.
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