Narrator (Ava):
The morning bustled with exuberance and joy,
For the young Juliet was meant to be married off today;
However, with the mastermind Friar’s ploy,
All her worries were left at bay.
And so, Paris brought along the men of music,
And Papa Capulet was joyous, smiling and blooming,
But in their eyes, the story turned tragic,
For their beloved Juliet lay unmoving.

The Nurse (Chan): (wails) Juliet is dead! Juliet is dead!

Paris: (sobs) We didn’t even fuck!

The Nurse (Chan): She was thirteen, you pedo!

[Enter Friar Lawrence, high on weed]

Friar Lawrence (Jay): Ooh! Is this a birthday party?

[Mommy Capulet bawls]

Friar Lawrence (Jay): Ooh, so no. Who died?

Papa Capulet: Our daughter is dead!

Friar Lawrence (Jay): (poorly pretends) Oh noooooo!

Paris: What did we do now, Father?

Friar Lawrence (Jay): I think we should let the poor, tormented soul sleep away in the tomb. I believe she’s in a better place now, where weed is cheaper and easier to afford.

[The crowd judges him]

Papa Capulet: (wips his tears off) Let’s do the needful.

[The musicians pack their instruments up]

Friar Lawrence: Anyways, where’s the food?