[At the Friar’s cell]
[Enter Friar Lawrence and Paris]

Paris: My future wife has gone unhinged over this Montague boy! Also, she’s still quite despaired over Tybalt’s death. But, no! I shall marry her in any form!

Friar Lawrence (Jay): Um, she’s, like, twelve years younger than you.

Paris: Who cares anyway?

[The Audience gasps at the audacity]
[Enter Juliet]

Paris: Ah, here you are! My precious wife!

Juliet (Jisung): I’m not your wife, oldie.

Paris: Aww, pookie is so cute when she’s mad!

Juliet (Jisung): Stop this ridiculous attempt at flirting. If Romeo is a 10, you’re a minus 10.

[Paris kisses her without her consent]
[The Audience boos]

Paris: See you on Thursday, sweet cakes.

[Exit Paris]

Juliet (Jisung): ‘Sweet cakes’? Who says sweet cakes!

Friar Lawrence (Jay): What are you here for, child?

Juliet (Jisung): Mastermind Lawrence! Please propose a good plan for my escape! I will die but will not marry this Paris or London dude!

Friar Lawrence (Jay): Let me see what I can do.

[Friar Lawrence turns around and sniffs weed]

Juliet (Jisung): Um?

Friar Lawrence (Jay): Okay, so here’s the plan: you agree to marry Paris, and take a sleeping potion from me. On the day of the marriage, consume it and sleep — it will make you appear dead. Once they take you to the Capulet tomb, I will inform Romeo to take you away with him to Mantua, where you two can live together.

Juliet (Jisung): I would kiss you for this but you’re old as heck.

Friar Lawrence (Jay): And I’m not a pedo either, so take this potion and go.

[Friar Lawrence hands her a potion]
[Exit Juliet]