[The Capulets’ house]

Papa Capulet: Hey, listen, I finally have some actual lines.

Paris: Likewise!

[Lord Capulet and Paris high-five]

Paris: I’m truly eager to marry your daughter, sire.

Papa Capulet: Oh, she must be, too!

Mommy Capulet: I’ll get her answer to you by tomorrow!

[Exit Lady Capulet]

Papa Capulet: I’m quite certain that she wishes to marry you, young man.

Paris: Ah, what can I say? I’m quite the heartthrob!

Papa Capulet: So shallow we arrange the wedding for Wednesday?

[Servants choke in the background]

Paris: (hesitantly) Um, sire, it’s Monday today.

Papa Capulet: Oh, that’s quite early, then.

Paris: Exact-

Papa Capulet: How about Thursday?

Paris: (uncertainly) …done?